Experts predict impending disaster come January 1, 2000. These same experts are attempting to sell you expensive and cumbersome solutions for the impending doom. Stuff and nonsense. The five simple, cheap and effective strategies below are all you need to be prepared for the worst.
     One, food is going to be a problem. If you haven't already started to stockpile food, it's probably already too late. You can't wait until November because the grocery shelves will be empty by then as people begin to hoard food in ernest. And anyway, who wants to survive on a diet of Pork&Beans and Spam^®. There's a simpler method: go on a high-fat diet in 1999. If you eat properly -- a Big Mac^® every noon, a large pizza every night washed down with whole milk -- by the end of the year you should have accumulated a two to three month food cache which can't be stolen from you by those with less foresight, and after a years' junk-food diet, you won't mind going without for a few months.
     Two, the electrical power grid will most likely shut down. Purchase a stationary cycle and at least a half dozen of those little bicycle generator light kits. With a little creative wiring you should be able to generate enough power to run your portable TV and/or radio. This has the added benefit helping you correct for the effects of step number one above in the unlikely event that Y2K turns out to be a non-problem. You may want to make a couple practice runs while you still have light in order to get the wiring set up right, but don't peddle too often in 1999 or you'll diminish your food hoard.
     Three, in most parts of the country you will need heat to survive. Here there are several methods you can pursue to guard against catastrophe. Buy a large dog, a St. Bernard would be ideal. You get companionship throughout 1999 and when the heat goes out, you can snuggle up against the cuddly furry beast to share warmth.
     In addition to the dog, save everything combustible that enters your house in 1999: newspapers, junk mail, cardboard boxes, frozen pizza cartons, junk food wrappers. On recycling day, make an early hours run through the neighborhood snatching up any combustibles put out by your less attentive neighbors. You can't have enough combustibles when facing the prospect of a cold winter without natural gas or fuel oil, so store up as much as you can.
     If your house doesn't have a fireplace, put one in this year. If you can't afford a fireplace, then you can make do with a large charcoal grill -- apartment dwellers will likely have to settle for this. Don't attempt to use charcoal to heat your home as there is considerable danger from carbon monoxide fumes. Instead, roll your newspapers up into tight logs and keep two or more of them burning in the charcoal grill at all times.
     Four, you can't live without water, but in many parts of the country this shouldn't be a problem. All you need to do is grab a bucket of snow and melt it. You can save the one gallon containers of ice cream that you consume in 1999 as part of your food hoarding strategy to use for snow collection. You will need heat, of course, to melt the snow so whatever you do, don't neglect to accumulate combustibles. A single daily paper will barely provide enough heat to melt a bucket of snow so heep every square foot of floor space with newsprint and other combustables.
     Finally, forget about hoarding gasoline for your car. Attempting to store a two or three month supply of fuel in five gallon cans represents a terrible fire hazard. Since the highway department won't be able to get fuel, they won't be able to plow the roads and you'll have to wait for spring to be able to drive. This won't be a problem as your employer won't remain in business without electricity, nor will stores or restaurants have anything to sell you so you really don't have any place to go. Just stay home and keep warm, content with the knowledge that you're saving a great deal of wear and tear on the family automobile, while adding to qaulity time with your family and loved ones.