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HUMOR Digest - 12 Jan 1997 to 13 Jan 1997
Date: Sun, 12 Jan 1997 02:52:50 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Snow Skiing (2 of 2)
It's winter ! Time to go skiing !
Part 2 of 2
Inertia:
Tendency of a skier's body to resist changes in direction or speed due to
the action of Newton's First Law of Motion. Goes along with these other physical
laws:
1) Two objects of different mass falling side by side
will have the same rate
of descent, but the lighter one will
have larger hospital and home care bills.
2) Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but if
it drops out of a parka
pocket, don't expect to encounter it again
in our universe.
3) When an irresistible force meets an immovable object
(see "Tree")
Prejump:
Maneuver in which an expert skier makes a controlled jump just ahead of a
bump. Beginners can execute a controlled pre-fall just before losing their
balance and, if they wish, may precede it with either a pre-scream and a
few pre-groans or simple profanity.
Shin:
The bruised area on the front of the leg that runs from the point where the
ache from the wrenched knee ends to where the soreness from the strained
ankle begins.
Ski!:
A shout to alert people ahead that a loose ski is coming down the hill. Another
warning skiers should be familiar with is "Avalanche!" (which tells everyone
that a hill is coming down the hill).
Skier:
One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.
Stance:
Your knees should be flexed, but shaking slightly; your arms straight and
covered with a good layer of goose flesh; your hands forward, palms clammy,
knuckles white and fingers icy, your eyes a little crossed and darting in
all directions. Your lips should be quivering, and you should be mumbling,
"Am I nuts or what?"
Thor:
The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.
Traverse:
To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple methods of
reducing speed.
Tree:
Alternate method of either Traverse or Stopping.
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