To Kenji,

As your father, I have seen you going through various life's experiences. Some, you may not remember. So, I thought of capturing memorable events here with my comments. If I leave this note here, you may discover this some day to find it amusing. This may give you some insight on your personality. Also, in writing this, I could reflect on my own life. Thank you, and I am most happy to have you as my son.

- Dad.

Contents (ages are my guess)

Smell the flowers (age 0) *

Upon your return from the hospital, not even a few days old in this world, I sat next to the front door of the house where azeria was blooming. Then, I talked to you, "Here are flowers, smell them. Also, look at the blue sky above, the first experience in your life. Smell the air. There are wonders all around you that you are absorbing. Enjoy your life!" Few days later, we took you to Zuma beach in Malibu. You had a quiet and puzzled look as you saw the bright waves of the ocean the first time. Seeing the picture of your young age, my mother, Cha-cha, said you had a look of a Zen monk.

You slept well from early days. So, this helped us to have a good night sleep. On one occasion, however, you woke us up in the middle of the night and nothing helped you from crying out loud. Perhaps, you had a stomachache. Sorry to say this, but after holding and swinging you for a long while but to no avail, I felt like throwing you against the wall at one moment. Of course, I managed from acting on this impetus. Eventually, you stopped crying and went to a sound sleep. Other than that moment, you slept very well, about 12 hours every night. You still maintain that happy relaxed personality.

You came with a happy relaxed character. While you were about six months old, I took you to Japan. When I got a bit tired of taking care of you in the plane (incl. changing a diaper), I noticed people behind us showing interest in you. So, I lifted you up in the air and passed you over my head to the people (strangers) sitting behind. They all liked to have a smiling/care-free baby coming their way to play with. You seemed to have had a good time to meet with them with a big smile. I thought meeting with strangers this way may be a good introduction to this "friendly" world.

When you were about two, we were in the family room. Then, you were scolded for some reason and was told to go to your room. I do not recall the specific reason, but one thing I remember was your face. You were almost shedding tears in that instance. But by shutting your lips tight, you withheld your emotion to cry and walked down to your room. Seeing this, Barbara and I looked at each other and were proud of you being courageous not to cry, and take the consequence. Now you are 13 as I write this note. Yet, I still feel that you have that same strong stance in facing the difficulties in life. I wish you maintain this quality.

You remember this story as we talked about it every now and then. When you were little, you put two of our kitties, Simon and Romeo, into an orange plastic box. Poor kitties, when we noticed, they were almost fainted because of the heat and the lack of air in this small container. Of course, you did this for some good reason like keeping them in a secure place, I recall. We know Simon and Romeo are very gentle compared to any other cats. I wonder if this is related to this traumatic experience.

Much later when you were perhaps four or five, we went fishing at the Kern river. When I caught a trout about 12 inches long, I killed it by hitting its head on the rock and left it on the beach. Later, you picked up this fish, played with it and started to hit it on the sands over and over. I told you not to do so. But, my logic did not persuade you. Of course, you had no idea of death, or paying respect to anything. You were simply playful. Living or dead, I hope that you show respect to all beings.

When we were in the hotel in Sydney, Australia, you were left with a baby sitter we hired from the hotel so that we can go out for watching the opera. The person who came to our room looked very stern and we felt that you might not have a good time with her. But, it was too late to cancel. We left you in the room with this person. As we closed the door, I listened to the sound from inside. It appeared that you initiated conversation with her. After we went down to the lobby, I went back to the room again to listen to the sound coming through the door. It appeared that you were doing OK, so we went out to the opera. All occasions that I can remember, you seemed to have managed the foreign or difficult situation very well.

This theme of you managing in the foreign situation is repeated frequently. Once you attended a kindergarten in Japan for about two weeks although you could not speak Japanese well. It was an experience for you to this unique culture. I felt little uncomfortable when I left you there. So, I stayed a little while but left few minutes later hoping you the best. I remember kids there appeared to be kind to you. Somehow, you found the way to mingle with them in this foreign situation.

When we lived in Ireland for a while, you attended the elementary school there for about seven months. You were at the third grade, I believe. You had to deal with bullies there. You also learned Irish way of expression like, "topping the pencil," which means, "sharpening the pencil." Although you may not have learned much on the academic subject, I am sure you learned to relate with people, and be flexible in various situations, without you knowing it. After all, one thing we can do for you is to provide the setting for you to explore the world.

In the park next to the ocean in Sydney, I picked up a stick and imitated to fish with it as a fishing pole at the paddle water on the road. Of course, there was no fish there. But, I played this game anyway. Then, I caught an enormous fish. As I fought with this big fish, you were amused to join in this play. We had a fun time. Later, when we were in Ireland, at Johnston castle near Wexford, we did this trick again. I like the picture of you fishing with a stick with serious face. So, have fun, be imaginative…. In a way, life is a game to be enjoyed whenever we can.

Barbara and I confirmed from your early age that we should not force our expectation on you, e.g., you should go to this university, achieve this profession, sports, etc. The main point, however, was for you to be happy in whatever you do - and in whatever situation you may be in. While we had disagreement in other areas, this point remained unchanged. As we often confirmed, "If you become a house painter and you are happy with what you do, we would be most happy for you."

As you are our only child, you had to develop skill to meet with other kids. This required you to develop some skills. When we were in Seattle area, we stayed in a hotel and went to the swimming pool. There, you found few kids playing among themselves. I thought you wanted to play with them. As we watched, you were playing by yourself first. But gradually, you did something to catch these kids attention, inducing these kids to play with you. To be able to find a wavelength to connect with other people is an important skill. To be able to come up with some game creatively is another skill that may bring fun in your life as well.

In your preschool days, we often walked down the street to the preschool at Lutheran church together. I remember me wanting to stay and play with you and other kids with toys and some interesting games I found there. There was an atmosphere of creativity and love. In any case, on one occasion, you broke the latch mechanism of your lunch box by swinging it and hitting onto something. Barbara was not happy about it such that she did not buy a new box as replacement. So, you had to carry this box with one finger on the lid all the time so that the contents do not jump out of the box.

This is an example of the way she disciplined you. You may have learned the patience. But, you may have developed some rebellious sense toward disciplines and authority. Here is a fine line. We all need to develop a well-balanced nature. I am hopeful that you take the positive and disregard the negative. By the way, somewhere in my youth, I found myself very much against the abuse of the power. My management consulting job and my writing are often connected to this point.

While we were in Indonesia, perhaps your second time, you stayed at the home of Kristanto, my friend from business. I was always in favor of you having varieties of experience, but in Indonesia where unfamiliar diseases are common, I would not have done it. In any case, this was what Barbara arranged while I was engaged in business. The next day, you came back with big insect bite on your cheek. Nothing happened, but I worried for a while. It may be OK to take a chance at times, but we need to have a good sense. (This case was obviously out of your control.)

When you were about seven, you also stayed at Yoshida-san's house in Tokyo for several days while I was doing business elsewhere in Japan. Mrs. Yoshida took care of you very well. We saw you playing with her son and daughter in the video some time later. When you were about ten, we had a time together with Funabashi-san's family in the cruise to the islands and had a ski vacation later. Ji-sama (Mr. Funabashi's father) so you called was looking at you carrying the snow man on the lift down from his vacation house. He was seeing us off until his shadow looked like a small dot on the snow.

By age 10, you have traveled to more than 20 countries including China, Malaysia, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Tahiti, Brazil, Czech republic, Hungary, Ireland, U.K., Egypt, Spain, France, Portugal, Indonesia, Japan, etc. Some of them, you may not remember. Even if that is the case, the memories are in your unconsciousness. You may feel lucky to have gained such experiences at your early age. Alternatively, you may become arrogant as if you have something special that other people do not have.

In my view, these experiences are learning opportunities so that you can process them in such a way that you can somehow contribute back to the society. As we travel, we see hospitality, different way of life, different scenery, ways of thinking, etc. Fame, title, moneys in the bank, or the places you have visited does not mean much by themselves. Knowing who you are and what you do with what you have is much more important. Do not be fooled by the forms and mistake them for substance.

You remember this story. You were about seven years old when your soccer team lost the last important game for the championship. All kids from your team were sobbing. But you were not. Mom asked, "Why are you not crying, are you not sad?" Your answer was, "Mom, it is just a game." You enjoy playing soccer - period. Well, I hope that you do not lose this stance as you grow up - and throughout your life. So, far, it appears that you have not lost it. Do not be controlled by external situation. Do whatever you can and enjoy life.

I have asked you many times, "Why?" "What is the point?" or "So what?" I am not sure how such questioning has had an impact to your personality. But, reflecting the point mentioned on "It is just a game," and finding you are stress-resilient, I had another incident today (4/26/02). That is: I found that you did not turn in the project to the teacher on time again. As in the past, were you forgetful, goofy, or uninterested???

As I was typing this, I got another phone call. This time, Spanish teacher told me that you did not turned in six assignments and missed points in the recent two quiz. This will bring your grade to "F." So, Mrs. Lara said to me. She said that you were not focused in the class even after she changed your seating. However, she said that you should be able to do well if you pay attention in the class and take notes. She offered a make up quiz and partial credit if you turn in the assignments next week. I wonder if you take these things lightly. Many of us may take the "Game" too seriously. On the other hand, I am not sure if the balance is to be made here carefully.

One day, we were watching the Discovery channel on TV, where certain type of insects were the featured. In one section of the program, an insect in Malaysia was shown on the screen. It showed that this insect sits quietly on top of the orchid flower until some small insects show up attracted to the scent of the orchid. Thereupon, he quickly catches this prey, eats, and sits again to wait for another one to appear. Seeing this, you said, "Why can't I live like that insect?"

Hearing this, I felt that it represented your honest feeling, perhaps reflecting the life you want to live. I do not remember how I responded to your comment. Most likely, I might have offered some reference points so that you can think wisely in choosing the way you live your life. Sensing people stressed, or vigorously compete in school or in business, you might have felt that there must be a different way of living. However, your comment may be seen as escape from the hard fact of life (but what is that anyway). It may sounds like showing your laziness. Or, it may be that you listened to your inner voice to live a peaceful life.

Whatever the reason is, my suggestion to you is: Do not dismiss the voice coming from inside of you. Do not compromise easily, but strive to find a path that suits you the most. Life may be seen as a passage taken by resolving the conflicting situations. However, use the brain wisely and not to become the burden of others. Rather, be helpful to others as you were helped by others anyway.

One year, you had a soccer coach named Mike, Barbara would never forget him. Because of his authoritative and arrogant attitude, many parents detested him - even pulling their sons out of the team. He even had a morning with smell of alcohol. Mike put you in the bench more often than called for. Barbara felt that was too insulting. In spite of such a situation you faced, you never complained. You genuinely liked to play soccer. Determined to do things you like and being patient, you have taught us an important quality that many of us tend to overlook. Wish we all let the uncontrollable situation pass by without us caught up in it.

In many occasions, Barbara and I try to share with you the idea of being sensitive to other people's feeling. There are many people, who do not own houses. We are fortunate to have what we have. We talked about the homeless people, or people in the third world. In many ways, we have been also lucky to have many experiences in various situations. In the world where status and fame may be a concern to many, we need to be careful so that we do not lose the perspectives and caught up in the middle of the illusion. Of cause, we should not pass our illusion to others as well. This means that we need to have wisdom and compassion.

You mentioned to me once that when I was giving a lecture to you, you were not listening, but singing a song of "Jingle bells" in your mind. I realize that I cannot demand respect. Yet, your comment was at the borderline of making some message but testing the limit of my patience. I have a sense that you may practice this kind of idea at school as well. Just be careful. While I believe that we should be the master of any situation, it does not mean we could be close minded/self-centered or not showing the respect to others.

On the similar note, on one occasion, you mentioned to me at the lunch table, looking straight into my eyes, "Dad, you are a sad case." I do not recall the context of this conversation, but it could have been about my lack of command in English, or my forgetful nature. In any case, I found that you are open and confident with your point. It only brought me and Barbara a laughter.

Perhaps, this could be tied to the emotional intelligence (remember the "Clue" game?). You need to look at people, assess their readiness and act accordingly. Of course, I may not tolerate certain issues, but on this occasion, I guess you made a point. Just a reminder is that you need to be respectful to others. Otherwise, it may backfire at you.

This brings a memory when you broke your leg in Ireland when you were competing with other kid in jumping off from the cliff. While I was not there, I could picture that you became over-confident in this case. As it turned out, the risk was too much. OK, growing up may be a continuous process of finding the boundary of your capability by trying out something new and different. Yes, we need to be wise in listening to the voice from the heart. Also, a word of caution is that you should not cause trouble to others.

Because of the broken leg, you had a cast on your leg for about six months. In the mean time, you had to stay quiet. It was interesting to see that many people felt sympathy for you not being able to play soccer, etc., but you never complained the situation nor showed any distress. Seeing this, I thought that you know how to handle the hardship. Many other events I mentioned above also connect to this point. While I can not look inside your mind and know what is going on, I feel that you should keep this attitude no matter what difficulty you face in life.

I like your essay on freedom. You said, "To me freedom means that you have rights and you can speak for yourself. Slaves are not free in the sense that they cannot do what they want. But, they can still think freely so in a way they are still free. I think you can be free when being held captive because they cannot control your thoughts and what you think. When the Devil takes over your life, you are truly imprisoned because he will control your thoughts and actions. That is I think is the only way to surrender your freedom." If I am not mistaken, you have captured an essence of life. If so, do not let this slip away.

Being stress free (age 13)

At about age 13, you started to characterize you as stress resistant. (Stress-free may be a better word.) Also, you commented that your friend worry too much about grade, etc. even if he is a top student in your class. Although I think it is OK to feel like it, if this becomes a fixed mind habit, it may cause trouble to you. It may bring a taste of arrogance to your personality. Or, other people may see you that way. Seeing some of the troubles you had at school, this trait of fighting against the authority, can become a hurdle for you to achieve/express what you are capable of. While we do not encourage you to play a political game, a wise man should be able to find a path that is good for all - a wholesome one. More than stress free, it is about mastery and absolute freedom as well as helping others.

We cannot describe the principle way of life with words. Children were born with this nature's way, yet over time, we learn the wrong use of our consciousness, logic, words, etc. We should use these tools but not become the slave of the tools. I feel that you have a quality now not to be blown away by nonsense of modern day world. But it can happen at any moment. So, be aware of developing a negatively conditioned mind habit that can overwhelm you. As I put in my recent book, use the brain, listen to the heart, and live with the mission.

As you know, and feel embarrassed at times at school when I pick you up, I have been driving a 1987 Honda for about 15 years. Although many people change cars every three to four years, I do not see anything unusual about me driving this car. In a way, this may be a reminder for me to be humble and not depend on the fame and status. Of course, you can call me "cheap" but I think there is more to this. (I think, it is about appreciating what we have, and not throwing away things easily.) Perhaps, it is in my blood - from my parents. Also, it is to remember that there are those people who are less fortunate. I cannot articulate this, but there is something here anyway…

In our trip to the East Coast, we saw the grand view of Atlantic at St. George's school. Seeing this, I said, "We came a long way from the Pacific side. Now, look at this Atlantic Ocean." I was reflecting on my life's passage and in the meantime trying to impress you, thinking that you may keep this in your memory as a page of your life. Then, you replied, "So?"

Well, you got the point of my "So what?" that I often use. But, if I may still ask, "Can you picture all the history of me, my parents, mankind, et. al. that made this event to happen?" In my view, we cannot argue that we are living here based on whatever happened in the past, which includes all of our ancestors' efforts. Although you may still say, "So what?," my point is that there is something that cannot be overlooked as we conduct our life. If you feel the energy in us tied to these people and all our history behind, I think we may act in the most prudent manner. In my view, this "So what?" question needs to reach to the core, which is the basis of our life.

This is the story I heard from you recently. At Santa Monica mall, Barbara left you alone for a while. You felt there was nothing to do. So, when you saw a lady walking by, you asked if this stranger would give you a dollar. I thought this was funny as I like the playful, and carefree nature. If we tell this story to Barbara, she may freak out. It may be seen as too goofy, yet in my view there is that self-forgetful nature we may not want to lose. Perhaps, this may represent you having a thick skin. Or, this was to test your ability to "read" people. (As in the "Clue" game.) Since I also did something similar to test and hone my ability here and there, I felt that you had similar sense like me. Well, there are times to be playful. But, there are times to be very sincere, honest, serious, etc. Hope, you do not misjudge this.

Although subtle, in various situations, I noticed you being thoughtful and kind to other people. If we learn to know people, their behavior, psychology, preference, etc., we may find compassionate sense always functioning in us. If we are not deluded, such sense may help us identify with whomever out there as if we are connected by invisible force (This is like finding a certain wavelength of resonance.). If we can do this, we may not fight, but find wisdom to communicate better with each other. Related to this, I remember my Zen monk friend, Martin once said "Be kind." in capturing his posture in life at one occasion. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we capture our ability to connect with many others and do something good as our life work?

Looking outside of the window this morning, I noticed brown shells stuck on top of each white new bud in the azeria tree. For the new buds to expand and bloom, these brown shells, having protected the growth of the new coming flowers inside, are eventually to be thrown away. Similarly, I hope that I was a brown shell to protect my son and nurture for his growth. As our parents and others who provided such protection and caring to us, we are to do this to each other as well. To die for the cause is to live with the mission. The nature is but full of such process. As I see these brown shells, it appears that they are about to end their mission while saying to the new coming buds, "Good luck on your journey!"

Oh brown shells,

Protecting the buds inside

Live in mission

* To end this file, it actually turned out that explaining things is also to know myself again. I realize that you have been my mirror to reflect myself upon. Thank you.

-- Your Dad (4/15/02)