DUFFER NEWS
Visit the Duffer Web Page at:
http://www.oocities.org/Colosseum/Gym/2175/dufferhome.html
December 10, 1999 Reporters Cammi Granato
*** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 40
Duffer Advisor
There were several request for a return of the Duffer Advisor, so
here it is.
Dear Duffer Advisor,
I have had trouble getting away
for a Duffer Road trip.
Can you help? Tripless
Dear Tripless,
Trade Offs! That’s the key. You
need to give your lady something of equal value. Some of you went
home and told her how much fun you had in San Jose, instead of telling
her how miserable you were without her. Big mistake! You know
your lady hates to see you have fun. (Ever wonder why she closes her eyes
when you are making love to her?)
Now you have to pay. Offer her a trip
somewhere or tell her you voted to pass up the Duffer Y2K party because
it would have been too much fun per dollar. Promise to take her someplace
and spend $500 in exchange for a trip to Peoria on December 18th or January
27. Show her the expense graph below and remind her you will only
be away from home for one night and you will spend less than $100, unless
you go to the Casino and get lucky like UB, then you might make a
profit. (Which will go unreported so that you will have a slush fund to
go to Hayward)
Friday 12/10/99
The Ghost is on suicide watch! He may never recover
from the humiliating experience he suffered on Friday. With the help
of his defensemen, Stump, he suffered shame that no other Duffer goalie
has suffered in 29 years. He gave up 4 meaningful goals. Fruit
cake scored three and Harvey scored 1. If that wasn’t bad enough,
Koss also added a meaningless hat trick. Meanwhile, Eddie “The Anvil”
was having the game of his life, until Magoo spoiled his shut out and Brinks
added another to make the final 4-2 in favor of the Blues.
Nick Names
Our Peoria Duffers have been enjoying the Duffer News
on the internet, but they would like to know a little about our names and
how they were derived. Some names have a story behind them, like
Wheezer. He got his name after his first shift when Beak asked him
his name and he was wheezing so much, he couldn’t answer. Some names
are derived from their given name like Jerry “Beer Nuts’ Biernat, Bob “Dill”
Deau, Vidas “Formica” Cermarka, Gary “Ghost” Kasper, Arvydas “Harvey” Dikinis,
John “Hit man” Heitman, Glen “Par 3” Oakes, Frank “Knarf” (Frank spelled
backwards)Presecky, Rich “Muzzie“ Masiulewicz, Dan “Maz” Mazanec,
Rick “Dizzy” Dzingel and Jerry “Scrotum” Oskroba. Walter “Waju” Kraft
and Fred “Fruit Cake” Bobka got their tags from the Polish translation
of their names.
Some Duffers get their names from what they do.
Mike “Capt Hook’ Spillman owns Split Second Towing, (630-969-2579)Ron “Doc”
Dubreuil is a professor at the University of Chicago, Keith “Doc” Suchy
is a Dentist, Tim “Drano” Staats is a plumber with a teaching degree.
Jim “The King” Miceli owns the Duffers while Paul “Marsha” Novak is a lawyer
and he got his name during the OJ trial. Bob “Orion” Morgan is a
hunter and Mike “The Nailer” DeVivo was a roofer. Dan “Tweedy” Lopatka
got his name when he was a 10 years old referee for the Duffers.
Chris “Woody” Mazurk works with wood, although some say he was tagged in
the shower as was Stump. Nick “The Hammer” Brescia brought a hammer
into the locker room and gave us some inexpensive clothes hangers.
(16 penny nails.)
Association
The following Duffers get their names from who they
associate with: Tom “Butt Head” Morgan hangs with Jim “Beavis” Coughenour.
Joe “Cuzin Joe” Gotfryd got his name when his cousin Tom “Slime Dog” Kowalkowski
brought him to the Duffers. Other family oriented names are Jerry
“Prince” Miceli (Son of The King), Mike “Son of Frank” Presecky, Bob “Uncle
Bob” Oskroba, Ken “Beak Jr.” Lopatka, Rob “Piggy Bank” Granato is the son
of Don “Brinks” Granato who got his name from his kids. Whenever
they asked for money, Don would say, “What do you think I am? Brinks!”
Physiology
Greg “Beak” Lopatka got tagged for his nose. Ken “Stump”
Barczynski was as high as he was wide when he joined the Duffers as a 16
year old goalie. Jim “Titz” Michaelsen could fill out a DDD Bro-zier.
John “King Kong” Zagorski had his picture taken with ex-Black Hawk, King
Kong Korab, and was a head taller. John’s brother, Tom “Ahb” Zagorski
got his name by stuttering every time his parents asked an accusing question,
he would say, “Ahb, Ahb, Ahb. John “Magoo” Landry is as blind as
Mr. Magoo. Bill “Klinger” Giffune would have been named Beak but
that name was taken, so he was tagged Klinger since he looked like the
MASH star.
Behavior
Bruce “Disco Bear” Schmitz danced his way to a name
at a Duffer New Year’s Eve party years ago. Boris “Hacksaw” Pavichevich
exposed a 20 inch scratch on his back when he removed his shirt.
He got that when he scratched his back with a hacksaw blade.
John “Cry Baby” Koss gets his name when he cries for more ice time.
He was called “Anti-Koss” last week when he complained about too much ice
time. Bill “Alien” Allen is out there, he has problems adjusting
to planet earth. Larry “Slot Machine” Hansen is a one armed bandit
on the ice. Ed “Anvil” Hawrysio. Bob “Geek” Friedlander, Joe
“Papa Joe” Mazzarella and Gene “Thor” Miller got their names for obvious
reasons!
Who OOWNNNS the Chiefs?
The Next Peoria Road Trip
Saturday December 18 is
the next window of opprotunity. Maybe we should wait until January
15 or maybe even the 28 and 29. That week end, the Rivermen have
a Friday and Saturday home game. Maybe we could get 20 guys for a 2 night
trip.
Papa "The Judge" Mazzarrella" is pictured here with
the winning Randolph school science fair contestant.
San Jose trip is dead!
Our clout in San Jose has
dried up. Stay tuned.
Let's go to Hayward in March!
Visit
Brian Kraft's web page at:
and e-mail him at: fish@alaskasportsmanslodge.com
Possible Peoria Road Trips
12/18-19, 1/15-18
or 1-27-29
-
Dec. 31
Y2K Party is cancelled
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