DUFFER NEWS

DUFFER NEWS Visit the Duffer Web Page at:http://www.oocities.org/glopatka/dufferhome.html

March 17, 2000 Reporters Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume VI, Issue 12
March 10, 2000
Hitman Wins it!

Beer nuts fired a low shot into the right corner that eluded Tweedy's lightning leather to give the Whites an early lead. Papa Joe claims he tied it up a little later with a stealth goal that neither this reporter nor the Ghost saw. Papa went to the bar to pour a beer for the reporters to insure that his goal was reported in the Duffer News. Hitman won it for the Blues when he dribbled an "excuse-me" goal past the Ghost. Gary had problems seeing the puck Friday night so he is going to sign up for the Stump-Slime Dog Braille Goaltending clinic later this year. See the details following the cartoon page. There were very few meaningless goals that stuck in my memory. Duffer GOD, Mike Lopatka, scored a couple. He is quickly leaving the narrow window of time when a youngster goes from being good enough to play for the Duffers, to the point where he is too good and he has to slow down and play fair. Stump made the call of the game when he disallowed a goal for excessive celebrating.

Look Familiar?

Thanks to Papa Joe for this GIF
Braille Goal tending

Did you ever hit Stump with a screen shot and hear his reply when you yell, “You never saw it!” He laughs and says, “I didn't have to, you hit me!”
Here is a reprint from a pre computer, 1978 Duffer News, when Stump was a twig.

Dear Duffer Advisor,
I hear rumors that Stump and Slime Dog are going to open up a goalie school using the Braille Method of goaltending. Please tell me, what in the world is Braille Goaltending?
Dilated Duffer

Dear Dilated,
The Braille method of goaltending was named after Louis Braille (1852) teacher of the blind. Braille goaltending was developed exclusively by Slime Dog and Stump under very controlled conditions. Normally, vision is a very important part of goaltending. Duffer goalies have had to adapt, because Duffer defensemen always back their 4 foot high rear ends into the 4 foot high goalies. thus removing all of the advantages of vision. Their nasal passages are also rendered inoperative, so all they have left is hearing, touch and taste. They listen for the slap of wood against rubber, flinch and wait for the feel or taste of the puck. Once this happens, they must react quickly to try to grab the rebound before one of those lecherous forwards bangs it in. Braille goaltending usually fails after 3 rebounds.

Injury Report
Wheezer wrecked his shoulder at work. Should be OK for Hayward
Uncle Bob did not break his wrist, the Doctor said it was a sprain
Harvey is recovering from the Pepsi that he downed in Peoria

(Above) Duffers relax in the Peoria locker room before the game. We received some e-mail requesting that we publish the Bob Plager joke that was phoned in last week, so here it is.
Why did the Siamese twins go to England?
So the other one could drive.
This is the first Plager story that we can print in this family publication.

Hayward trip is March 31!
All Peoria Duffers are welcome!

I have the long awaited answer that some of you have been hounding me about. I just talked to His Honor da Mayor. He is the Hayward goalie, Zamboni driver, tournament director and bar tender in chief of the Beer drinking contest. He will have Ice for us on Friday March 31 and Saturday April 1.
Please check your calendar and let Beak know if you can make it. lopatka@ix.netcom.com We would like to get a bus full of Strohs and food that would leave Saints Spectrum, Friday 3/31 after the Duffer game and return sometime Sunday evening. There is some incentive for participating this year. Muzzy will go only if we have a bus. We need 15 to make a bus cost effective. We have a half a bus load now and I have invited the Peoria players to help us make the quota. Calling all Peoria Duffers! We need a few skaters (no Limit) and a Goalie that would like to go to Hayward Wis., on Friday 3/31/00 return Sunday 4/2. There is a great no-check tournament that we watch. Tweedy plays with his old college team mates. The Mayor of the town gives us Ice time, a reff and whatever players that we need to have a game. We will leave Saints Spectrum in Bridgeview IL around 10:00 PM on Friday Night, you are welcome to skate with us, or we can pick you up along the way. (maybe Rockford or where ever it is good for you.) We return after Tweedy's team plays on Sunday. Our cost in the past has been about $200 The More we have, The less it cost. That includes Transportation, double occupancy hotel, food and beer on the bus and several meals in Hayward. You are on your own at the casino. Let me know as soon as you know something.

If you don't go to Hayward, see Papa Joe for tickets to his play.

It has been a few years since we won the beer trophy.

Wheezer's Big Choice

Wheezer went out in the lobby for a smoke between the 2nd & 3rd periods of the Rivermen game. His big decision was whether to walk back up the stairs to his seat in row 20 of the second level or walk back to the Holiday Inn, take the elevator, go to bed, and miss the entire 3rd period.
Report by
Rich Storm

Jimmi Buffett Concerts are July 27 and 29, Tickets go on sale Saturday3/18 at 10:00 AM

WJKL 94.3 FM
Listen and call in to Christi Granato’s "The Other Side of Hockey", every Tuesday at 11:00PM.
(847-742-9494)

Visit Brian Kraft's web page at:

Http://alaskasportsmanslodge.com

and e-mail him at:fish@alaskasportsmanslodge.com

E-mail Web master Beak
lopatka@ix.netcom.com