Hello out there in the world of fan fiction. A group of friends and i wrote this years ago
and i'm finally getting it posted. If you like it, please tell me. I want feedback. Send
comments to a1108@hotmail.com. This is a story in which virtually everyone is used(did
I mention it was a voyager story) except Kes and Seven of Nine( when it was started, Kes
had just bit the dust(and who says there's no God) and Seven was to new for me to have
an opinion on her.) It emphases P/T and J/C, but neither could be helped(you'll see what I
mean). The end is non canon, but if anyone would like to see an alternate, canon ending,
contact me. If you feel I have failed to follow the dictates of Vulcan charactertion, please
let me know. I aim to please.  This was written before scientific method although it uses
the same premise.  It is defintely a tounge and cheek piece.  But it's mostly clean (even
though wendy has a dirty mind.)  As the good poet said, "If these shadows have offended,
think but this and all is mended. You have but slumbered here while these visions did
appear."-William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. All characters are
property of Paramount(if they aren't already created, the basis of them already has been)
and Viacom. I own nothing. Paramount is all powerful. They rich company, me poor
college student, ect. ect. ect......................................
Thanks to emily for editing, laughing, weeding out the corn that sprouted up (such as the
word studdly) and typing when we should have been doing our computer ap homework. 
senoritisis is a wonderful thing.

THE FACTS OF LIFE FROM A TO Q

"Now, the father said to the son, we haven’t much time, so let’s spice things up, shall
we?" Q rubbed his hands together, or he would have, had he been in corporeal form.

*Let’s see what happens when we add external stress, such as a few ‘technical’
problems.* 
B'elanna slammed her fist into her flickering consul. Only the fact that she was still
distracted by her fight with Tom saved her from shattering the optics. She grumbled,
cursing her temper and her now soar hand. The malfunctions that now plagued Voyager
were what had caused their fight in the first place, she muttered to herself. The fact that
she couldn’t find the source of the cascade failures vexed her even more. So when the
Captain appeared in engineering to find our why her comm system no longer functioned,
she was confronted with one very cranky chief engineer.
 “Lieutenant,” Janeway greeted her chief, “Do you have any idea why my comm system
suddenly refuses to work?” 
“The same reason the transporters are stuck in diagnostic mode, half the tourbolifts
refuse to work, and Nelix's morning broadcasts are the only thing the computer in
astrophysics will access,” B’elanna snapped. “As well as about a million other screw
ups.” 
B’elanna crossed main engineering at a brisk pace. Knowing that it was best to let
B’elanna vent, Janeway wisely said nothing as the younger woman began to furiously tap
at the comm consul. Growling with frustration at the lack of results, she gave the
misbehaving consul a swift kick. To her surprise, a burst of static heralded the activation
of the system. 
“Good work, Lt. Although,” Janeway said with a smile, “I suggest you use a different
method when dealing with the other malfunctions.” 
Janeway silently held her breath the whole turbolift fide back to the bridge. She hoped
she was in one of the Non-malfunctioning ones. With a sigh of relief, she exited on to the
bridge exactly when she was supposed to. 
The bridge’s normally buoyant atmosphere had disappeared today as the its crew tried to
deal with computer glitches at every turn. Janeway shook her head as she heard muttered
curses coming form the conn. Apparently, the malfunctions were causing Voyager’s
hotshot pilot some grief too. Even Tuvok at the security station seemed perturbed.
Chakotey, however, was and island of calm in a sea of tension. “So how goes the battle in
the trenches?” the tall Indian asked his Captain. 
Janeway shook her head. “I would hate to be a console right now.” She grinned and then
turned to Harry Kim. “Mr. Kim, perhaps you should go give Lt. Torres a hand.” 
“Aye-aye,” Harry responded, handing his duty station off to a nearby ensign. 
As he headed for the turbolift, the Captain called after him. “And Mr. Kim, be careful.”
As the turbolift doors slid shut, Harry heard a voice from the helm call, “She said it,
Harry!” 
Harry Kim walked through the doors of engineering and was nearly hit by a flying hydro
spanner. Either hydrospanners had spontaneously learned how to fly, or B’elanna was
having a tantrum. Harry shook his head as he bent to pick up the projectile tool. It wasn’t
hard to find his friend. All he had to do was follow the string of Klingon obscenities back
to its source. All that was visible of the fuming engineer were her legs sticking our from
under a consul. Her voice, however, could be heard all through engineering. 
“Carey, where the hell is my hydrospanner?” 
Carey opened his mouth to reply, but the newly arrived opps officer beat him to it. “I
don’t know if I should give it back to you, Maquis. You could hurt someone.” 
“Shut up, Starfleet,” she replied, her tone noticeably softer than it had been a moment
earlier with Carey. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
 “The Captain thought you could use some help.” 
“Grab some tools and some caffeine, Starfleet. It’s going to be a long night.” 
Captain Janeway looked up form her consul as the door to her ready room chimed.
“Enter.”
 Chakotay entered the room and looked at her disapprovingly. He came forward and
leaned against her desk. “Kathryn, have you eaten yet?” 
“Actually, I haven’t.” 
“Then why don’t we adjourn to the mess hall… or if you would prefer something more
private…” 

*Notice the shocked look on poor Kathy’s face. Oh, this is too good. Humans try to be
too professional.*

 Kathryn looked at her first officer in puzzlement. The innuendo left her speechless.
However, years of thinking on her feet allowed her to respond. “It’s not that I don’t…”
“But you gave a lot of work to do,” Chakotay replied. “I understand, Kathryn. I’ll just
have to take a rain check.” 
Chakotay stood and left. Janeway watched him leave. Now that was damned
uncomfortable, not to mention odd. She shook her head and went back to her work. 
"So what besides the fused circuits is bothering you?" Harry asked as he read the consul
in front of him 
"What are your talking about?" B'elanna crawled out from under the consul she'd been
working on to peer at her friend.

 *Now I will introduce the second factor. Watch what happens when one male feels
something for a female that only wants to be ‘friends.’*

 'God she's beautiful,' Harry thought to himself. Shocked at his own thoughts and the path
they would soon be traveling, Harry recovered by saying, "You seem a little more upset
than usual, I mean besides the malfunctions." Great one, a voice in his head said. You
should have just asked her to hit you. But, on the other hand, at least she would come in
contact with you that way..... Harry Kim, what are you thinking, another voice
interjected. She's one of your best friends and involved with another one of your best
friends. Harry shook his head in confusion. It was getting crowded up there. 
B'elanna watch the emotions play over Harry's face, first embarrassment and then shock.
She was getting a strange feeling about this, like something .... unusual.... was about to
happen. 
She was about to ask Harry what was wrong when Tom Paris walked into engineering.
B'elanna, still angry but having no idea why she was angry, shot the new arrival a glare
that rivaled the fierceness of an anti matter explosion. She turned a hostile back to Tom
as he strode toward her.
 "The Captain wanted me to bring this list of glitches to you and tell Harry that he's
reassigned to your engineering staff until the problem's solved." 

*Notice the hostility between the two most involved. There’s a reason, but its none of
my doing. Pay attention if you’re to learn anything.* 

"Fine." Ice was in the air. 
Tom looked at Harry for sympathy, but the younger man avoid his gaze. Tom shook his
head and left. Now, if he didn't know better, he would say that Harry looked guilty. That
was ridiculous. What did Harry have to be guilty about? 
B'elanna still fumed in silence. That man could make her loses her temper faster... She
gave up, she couldn't think of anything that made her lose her temper even remotely the
way that Tom did. She glanced over at Harry. 
"Hey, Starfleet, hand me that tool kit, will you? I'm venturing into the wilds of the jeffries
tube." 
Harry handed her the kit. "Are you sure you shouldn't take a break? How long has it been
since you've slept?" Do not let your mind run with that last word, Harry told himself. The
less than pure thoughts were banished from the young ensign's mind as soon as he found
himself on the receiving end of a genuine 'do you really want me to break your nose (in
three places)/dislocate your jaw or are you just stupid' look that was generally reserved
for either Lt. Carey or Ensign Vorik. 
Harry threw up his hands in defeat. "All right, all right. I know.... my fault for asking."
"You catch on quick, Starfleet." B'elanna smiled sweetly and headed for the nearest
jefferies tube. 
"Just you wait, Maquis. One of these days, I'm going to be right and you're going to be
wrong." 
"That'll be the day." B'elanna chuckled to herself as she entered the jeffries tube. 
That Harry, always good for a laugh. But, she realized, he was right. She was tired. Tired
and cranky. And hungry. Really hungry. That, and her feet hurt. Maybe her shoes were to
tight. B'elanna shrugged. It really didn't matter. That was the last thought she had before
the world started to spin and crash into darkness. 
Harry saw his friend's knees buckle. He managed to her to her just in time to keep her
head from striking the deck. Five seconds after she was down, she was up, shaky, but up. 

*The sudden incapacitation of the female has provoked a protective reaction in the
male, one that she would not tolerate, on a normal basis.*

 "Come on, Maquis. You're making a trip to sickbay." Harry took her by the hand and
headed for the door. 
"Harry, let me go! I have work to do!"
 "What good will you be to anyone if you brain yourself on a consul or an access panel?"
B'elanna reluctantly agreed and let Harry help her to Sick Bay. She was still a little dizzy,
even though she would never admit it. And nauseated. Definitely nauseated. Please let it
be Tom's night off, she prayed.
 Unfortunately for everyone, it wasn't Tom's night off. And the usually unflappable Lt.
Paris was definitely flapped (not to mention a trifle worried) when Harry Kim dragged a
protesting B'elanna Torres into Sick Bay. 

*Notice how the female’s mate, even though they are behaving in a hostile manner, is
concerned for her welfare.*

Harry shoved his unwilling friend onto a biobed (after almost bodily lifting her unto it)
and turned to Tom. "She's dizzy, tired, sick to her stomach, and doesn't believe me when I
tell her to rest." Harry purposely avoided the word sleep. 
Tom ran the tricorder over the pouting Lt. Torres. "He's right. Congratulations, Harry, on
your first medical diagnosis. The prescribed treatment....at least six hours sleep." 
"Well, excuse me if I want a second opinion. Computer, activate EMH."
 B'elanna request was a good one, however, it was for the wrong reasons. Instead of
trying to avoid sleep, she should have been more concerned with the tiny bleep that went
with a reason Tom had overlooked. 
In Sick Bay, no sarcastic hologram appeared. "Computer, activate EMH." 
"Unable to comply." 
"What do you mean, 'Unable to comply.'?" 
"Restate the question." 
B’elanna nearly screamed in frustration. “Computer, is the EMH program active?”
“Negative.”
 “Then activate it!” 
“Unable to comply.” 
B’elanna was nearly speechless with rage. “Specify reasons.” 
“Unable to access the requested program.  No such program on file.” 
B’elanna rolled her eyes and slid off the biobed. “Come on, Starfleet, we have more work
to do.” She pulled Harry toward the door. 
"B'elanna,” Tom began to protest. 
“Look, Tom,” she said as she glared at him, “write me up, call the Captain whatever. I
have more to worry about now than being tired.” With that she stormed out of sickbay,
towing a sheepish Harry Kim with her. 
“Chokatey to Janeway.”
 “Yes, commander,” she said as she sat down with her ritual cup of tea. “What is it?”
 “I have a gut feeling that the recent malfunctions may have affected the shuttlebay. It’s
odd that you and I are the only ones I can contact over the comm. Can you come down
and give me a hand? Everything is going to hell in a hand basket down here.” 
Noting the strained sound of her second in command’s voice, Janeway decided to go and
give him the proverbial helping hand. “Chokatey, I’ll come down and give you a hand,
but first I’ll check and see what’s gone wrong with the comm. I swore B’elanna fixed it.
Janeway out.” 
With that she strode out of her ready room and onto the bridge. There, to no one in
particular, she announced that she was going down to the shuttlebay to help the
commander. On her way to the turbolift, she paused and asked the on-duty opps officer,
“Ensign, is there something wrong with the comm? I know Lt. Torres repaired it once,
but has it broken down again?” 
The Ensign examined his consul and ran some quick diagnostics. “Captain, unless my
station is malfunctioning the comm is fine.” 
Janeway shot a puzzled look at the young officer. Then, she thought, way did Chokatey
say the only person he could get a hold of was me? She experienced the familiar feeling
of deja- vous; the scene was remarkable similar to the one that took place earlier in her
ready room. 
“Is there something wrong, ma’am?” asked the puzzled young officer. 
“Nothing, nothing. I’ll be down in the shuttlebay helping Commander Chokatey” 
What is going on, she wondered. She had a strange feeling that things were about to get a
whole lot more interesting.Janeway walked down the corridor to the shuttlebay. She had
made a stop in engineering to pick up some supplies, explaining her errand and the
mysterious incident with the comm to the frazzled chief (who had added them to her list
of things to check on/repair with a roll of her eyes). 
Janeway had chosen the multi-purpose repair kit, since she had no idea what Chokatey
had with him. When she arrived, the door to one of Voyager’s battered, much used-
shuttles was opening and closing for no apparent reason.This is going to be a long day,
she thought to her self.
By the time she had made her way across the bay to the malfunctioning shuttle, Chokatey
had already fixed the misbehaving door. 
“Ah, good, you brought some more supplies,” he said as mopped the sweat from his
tattooed brow with the back of his hand. “I was running a diagnostic on the shields when
the door started to go haywire. I’ve fixed the door, but the shields still need work.”
“Chokatey, I had a diagnostic run on the comm. It was fine, but Engineering is a mad
house. Someone must have bumped something or hit the wrong consul. As I recall,
B’elanna’s repair of the consul consisted of a viscous punch and a few colorful Klingon
terms.” 
“Must have. If I know B’elanna, she’s in such a bad mood by now, I doubt that any junior
engineer has the courage to approach her now.” 
“Have you checked for any other glitches?” 
“Well, when I got here, there was a problem with the lights. They were almost all out and
the conn was dim.” He slid under the aforesaid consul. “Care to join me?” 
Janeway took up a position to his left. There was just enough room that they barely
touched. While they were searching for the source of the problem, their hands brushed. A
feeling of electricity went through her arm. His hands are so soft, she thought, a little
dizzily.
 “Sorry,” Chokatey said with a bashful smile. 
“It’s O.K.” she said while smiling herself. They continued to work side by side until they
found the source of the malfunction.
 They worked in concert with one another, nearly reading each other’s mind. Together,
they managed to repair the damage in nearly half the time it would have taken one of
B’elanna’s junior engineers (if they weren’t fearing the termination of their lives due to
her now-legendary temper). 
“That’s the last of it, Kathryn,” Chokatey said as he placed the hydrospanner back into
the toolkit next to the self-sealing stembolts. “Can you run a diagnostic, please?”
 “Where did we put the tricordor?”
 “It’s over by my left leg.” Janeway reached down to retrieve the tricordor when her hand
came in contact with a soft, muscular, warm mass. Janeway cringed inwardly. Please
don’t let that be what I think it is, she thought to herself. 
“Umm, Kathryn, that’s not the tricordor,” Chokatey said in a soft, kind voice. He did not
move his leg as he stared at her. Janeway moved her hand, mortified. She couldn’t
believe she’d made that mistake, let alone become embarrassed about it. 
“Sorry, I’ll just get up and….Damn!”
 In her haste to rise, Janeway had sat straight up, smacking her forehead into the consul
she sat under and immediately fell back down. She started to rub her head and pieces of
her wheat-gold hair fell into her eyes.
 “Here, let me take a look.”Chokatey rolled on his side and rested his head on his hand.
He used his other hand to brush her hair from around her forehead. 
“I can’t believe this” Janeway said. 
Chakotey put a gentile finger to her lips. 
Janeway looked into Chokatey’s eyes, not knowing what was about happen. Chokatey
smiled at her and leaned closer. He kissed her on the forehead. She put her hand on his
cheek and they kissed again only this time it was more passionate. The held each other
close, and kissed as if they were the last people in the universe and they had to start
making plans for the future. 
Four hours later, B’elanna hit her comm badge with a heavy hand. “Torres to sickbay.”
“Sickbay here.” 
Tom’s voice wasn’t as perky as it could have been B’elanna noticed, somewhat gleefully.
“I think I’ve got it. Stand by.” She tapped her consul. “Anything?” 
“Negative.” 
“Damn it!” In a fit of temper she kicked her consul once again. And succeed in injuring
her foot. 
“Sickbay to Torres.” Tom’s voice was shaking slightly. He sounded……….nervous.
Actually, he sounded like he had when she’d cornered him in the caves on the galicite
mission.
 “Torres here. What?”
 “What did you do?!” 
“Is the Doc back on line?” 
“Not exactly….” 
“Tom….Tom?!” Torres rolled her eyes in frustration. She supposed that now she’d have
to drag herself to sickbay to find out what was going on. She might as well go herself,
she’d sent Harry to get something to eat about ten minutes ago. Besides, her foot hurt.
Tom was perched on the edge of a biobed in sickbay waiting for B’elanna to work her
magic. That woman is impossible, he thought, and infuriating. He heard her swear and
then a thump. Suddenly a shimmer of light appeared in the middle of sickbay. Finally, he
thought. But what appeared was defiantly not the doctor, unless the doctor had turned
into a tall blonde who was nearly busting out of her too tight uniform. 
“Sickbay to Torres.” 
“Torres here, what?” 
The holographic apparition advanced on him. She was within touching distance.
Definitely within touching distance.
 “Is the Doc back on line?” 
“Not exactly….” At this point Tom was silenced as this new “doc” launched herself at
him. 
“Tom, Tom?!” Oh, for the love....., Tom thought, please don’t let her decide to come up
here! Then he tried to untangle himself from the holographic vixen that could led to his
undoing and if B’elanna caught him, his demise. 

*Now, let’s invoke the jealous/protective instinct in the female.*

 B’elanna walked into sickbay… to find a rather flushed Tom Paris in the arms of
someone who was definitely not the doctor. 
Tom, noticing her arrival attempted to detach himself from the over eager hologram.
“B’elanna, I can explain…” 
“Don’t bother.” B’elanna feeling as if someone had punched her in the stomach, turned
and fled, the pain in her now swollen ankle nonexistent compared to her now aching
heart. 
Tom watched B’elanna leave with a heavy heart. He had to go after her and explain.
After he detangled himself, that is. Tom detached himself from his holographic “friend”
and raced down the hall. 
“Computer, locate Lt. Torres.” 
“Lt. Torres is in the Mess Hall.” I hope I can explain, he thought. I hope she lets me.
B’elanna stormed into the Mess hall. She was furious. In her anger, she scanned the
room. To her relief, it was almost empty. She walked swiftly to a window and gazed out
at the passing stars, her mind still racing through what had just happened. She realized
she was looking for a shoulder to cry on, or rant on, which ever came first. And she
happened to find Harry Kim. Or rather, Harry found her. 
Her thoughts consumed her as she leaned against the window. She was so involved with
her thoughts that she did not hear him come up behind her. His light touch jerked her
from her intense thoughts. She spun around quickly. Her eyes flashed in to the boyish
face of Harry Kim. 
“Hey, Starfleet.”
 “B’elanna, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Harry apologized. 
“That’s o.k., Harry,” B’elanna said as she turned to look back at the stars. 
“What’s up Maquis? Did you get the Doc back on line?” Harry sat down at a near by
table.
B’elanna bit her lip and sank down into the chair next to Harry. “Not exactly.” 
B’elanna finished pouring her troubles out to Harry’s sympathetic ear. By the time she
was finished, Harry’s arm was around her and her head was on his shoulder.

 *See how much their emotions dominate their behavior. Normally, not even extreme
physical pain invokes tears in this specimen, but emotional pain is a different story.*

 “B’elanna…” Harry couldn’t think of anything to say, at least nothing that wouldn’t
reveal his newfound feelings for her. 
She looked up at him, her face streaked with tears. “What, Harry?”
 “We should, uh, we should…”
 “Get back to work, I know…” 
“No. I need to talk to you, to tell you how sorry I am for what happened earlier. I was
completely out of place.  I had no rite to drag you to sickbay.” Harry said. 
“Please, Harry. Just forget about it. I really don’t want to talk about it, or anything else
that involves sickbay, pilots, or holograms.” 
“No, I just can’t….” frustrated with his inability to express his feelings in words, Harry
resorted to action. He gently turned her head to face him and before she could react, he
kissed her on the lips. A real kiss, not a friendly ‘hi, hello, how are you’ kiss. 
“Harry…” Her statement was cut short when Harry Kim leaned over and kissed her, once
again. 

*Now, see the subordinate male act out his feelings as the dominant male
approaches.* 

Tom Paris, still wondering how he was going to explain himself, walked into the mess
hall, only to find that he might not have to. Tom arrived just in time to see his best friend
lean over and kiss the one woman he’d come to love. Something snapped. 
An astonished B’elanna looked up just in time to see the raging face of Tom Paris
towering above them. 
“Tom, this isn’t what it looks like,” B’elanna said quickly as she jumped to her feet. 
“It is too what it looks like!” Harry blurted in. 
“B’elanna, I can’t believe you’d do this to me!”
 “Do this to YOU! Who was the one kissing the medical stripper in sickbay?”  (Author's
note:  Who would have thought sickbay was so well stocked. Before the doctor created
his family, he must have created a strip joint.  So that's what's sandrine's really is.) 
“I would have explained if you would have given me a chance instead of running into the
arms of Beaver Cleaver here!” 
Harry and B'elanna exchanged puzzled looks before the agruement continued.
“Hey! I’m more of a man than your are, that’s why she ran to me. She needs a real man.”
“Is that right, you ran to him?!”
 “I didn’t run to anyone! I….”
 But before she could finish, Tom swung a punch, hitting Harry square in the jaw. Harry
stumbled backward and landed on the floor. 
“Tom, how could you pick on Harry like that? He’s just a kid!” 
“Then if he’s a kid, why did you kiss him?” 
“For one thing, he kissed me!” 
Then Harry, enraged at B’elanna’s last comment, jumped up and tackled Tom, pushing
him into some chairs. Tom pushed Harry off him and jumped to his feet. Then he leaned
over and jerked Harry up by his collar. Harry pulled away.
 “Harry, settle down,” B’elanna pleaded.
 “Don’t think I won’t fight for her, Tom.” Harry threw a punch at Tom, hitting him
square in the jaw. Tom staggered, but he stayed standing. B’elanna, outraged by Harry,
took a swing at him.

*"Note the protective reaction in the female.*

 In her enthusiasm, she missed her unwanted suitor and belted Nelix, who had come from
the kitchen to stop the fight. She made contact right in the nose. His eyes reeled back in
his head, and he fell flat on his back. 
“Tuvok to Janeway. There has been a fight in the mess hall. Ensign Kim, Lt. Paris, Lt.
Torres, and Nelix have been sent to sickbay. Please meet me there."
"I'm on my way.”
 As soon as Tuvok's transmission ended Janeway and Chokatey exchanged looks like
they had been caught, but them realized that Tuvok had no idea what they had been
doing. Chokatey and Janeway quickly picked up their gear and headed to sickbay. 
Meanwhile, back in sickbay, Nelix was still out cold on the biobed. Tom, B’elanna, and
Harry were lined up against the wall by a perturbed Tuvok. 
Order was established until B’elanna caught sight of the new “doc”. Enraged, she and
Tom picked up their argument where they had left off. 
Janeway and Chokatey entered sickbay only to be met by a tidal wave of sound.
Janeway’s ears were assaulted by several screaming voices. 
Tuvok was physically restraining both Torres and Paris by holding them an arms length
apart with himself between them, therefore endangering his person. Nelix, who
apparently had just regain consciousness was sitting on a bio bed looking dazed. Next to
his bed stood a sheepish Harry Kim. 
From the cuts, scrapes, and bruises all her officers exhibited, Janeway assumed (rightly
so) that Tom had not yet begun to treat anyone and had instead been busy shouting at
B’elanna, who was screaming back at the top of her lungs. 
“What the hell did you think you we’re doing?”
 “Oh, like you’re one to talk, you and your blonde bimbo holograms!” B’elanna broke
free of Tuvok's grip and started pacing.
 It was then that Janeway noticed the new “doc”. She raised and eyebrow. “Mr. Tuvok,
report. I want some answers. What happened in the mess hall, and why were you fighting.
Who started it?” 
The group of officers snapped their attention toward the Captain. A indecipherable stare
crossed between the three guilty parties. 

*Now with the authority figure present, they appear subdued.*

"It appears................" 
“If you want to know who really started talk to Helmboy and blondie there,” B’elanna
said as she crossed her arms infront of her. 
“Lt.! I did not ask you for your report!” 
Tuvok continued. “It seems that Lts Torres and Paris along with the addition of Ensign
Kim were involved in a physical altercation. Mr. Nelix, in an attempt to alleviate the
violence, got, I believe the phrase is, ‘cold cocked’."
 Captain Janeway fixed her officers in a grueling stare. “What do you have to say for
yourselves?”
 “Captain, I don’t….” Tom attempted to explain, but his holographic ‘friend’ silenced
him. And the way she silenced him produced a violent reaction from B’elanna.
 “Son of a…..” She slammed her fist into a consul, splitting her knuckles in the process.
Suddenly, the Doctor shimmered into existence. 
“Please state the nature of the…” then the Doc saw the holographic occupant of sickbay.
“Who are you and what the hell and are you doing in my sickbay?!” 

*I believe that is my ‘que.’*

 Janeway rubbed her temples. This was going to be a long and messy explanation.
Suddenly, Janeway was saved from any such fate.
 A searing flash of light pierced the room. As Janeway blinked the spots out of her vision,
a familiar “face” assaulted her. 
“Q!” she nearly growled.
 “You were expecting maybe Picard?”
 “What….”
 “Am I doing on you fine ship? Nothing, merely performing a controlled experiment. You
see, if I’m to teach my son anything about humans and their social interactions, I need
examples, don’t I?” 
“YOU!” growled B’elanna as she launched herself at the insufferable alien only to be
caught mid-lunge by the Doctor.
 “So, all the….incidents…we’ve been experiencing recently have been the results of you
lessons?” Janeway queried.
 “Oh, some. Really, Kathy, you give me too much credit. Mostly amplified feelings,
introduction of stress and unexpected, how shall we say, variables,” Q smirked as he
stared at Lt. Paris and his ‘friend’, “to test the stability of relationships.”
 “I think we’ve had quite enough,” Janeway’s voice took on the tone her crew knew
meant business.
 “Rather,” Q replied and then snapped his fingers. In a flash of light, the holographic
‘friend’ disappeared, and tension left several pairs of shoulders.
 A baffled Harry Kim then asked, “So everything we’ve been feeling is because of you?”
“Not all, but relax, Mr. Kim. In your case I merely, oh, mutated a relationship you had
before. Cheer up. You and your enamored compatriots will once again be fast friends.”
B’elanna broke the Doctor’s hold and attempted to charge Q once more but this time was
halted by the restraining arms of her favorite pilot. 
“I thought you said you’d stop playing lab rats with us,” Tom accused. 
“I did. Lt. Torres’s aggression, not that that’s unusual for her species, isn’t my fault.”
“Then whose fault is it?”
 “Yours, my dear boy.”
 “Mine?”
 “Have your sarcastic doctor give the unhappy Lt. a check up.” 
The Doctor, concerned about not only the aggression B’elanna was exhibiting, but about
the ramifications of Q’s little ‘experiment’ on the crew’s health, cajoled B’elanna onto a
biobed. His eyes did not miss the small blip on the tricoroder that the now anxious Tom
had missed before. 
Looking at Lt. Torres’s pouting face and then glancing at Lt. Paris’s questioning eyes, the
Doctor cleared his throat. “Q, such as he is, is correct. Lt. Torres’s behavior is not his
fault.”
 “Then what is causing it?” asked a concerned Janeway. 
“Hormones.”
 “What!” B’elanna turned a shade of pink her Klingon heritage dispised. 
“The imbalance will correct itself, Lt. There’s no need for you to worry.”
 “What’s the cause?” Tom asked. 
“Perhaps, both you and Lt. Torres would like to discuss this privately.” 
“Spit it out, Doc.” B’elanna’s temper had reached the point of fusion. 
“Well, Lts., the only thing I can say is congratulations. You’re pregnant.”
 “What?” was the collective outcry from sickbay.
 “So,” smirked Q, “then baby makes three. I assure you, Kathy, this consequence is
certainly not my fault.” 
Then with a flick of his wrist, Q disappeared in a flash of light.

 Captain's Log: Our recent malfunctions have been repaired. The crew shows no ill
effects from Q’s little ‘game’. Personal relationships have returned to normal….for the
most part. 
A tone at the door interupted Katheryn's log.
"Enter"
She had been trying to forget about what happened in the shuttlebay with a certian
hansome, tattooed commander.
"Katheryn, are you ok?"  Chakotey brought her gentlly back to reality.
"Oh, yes, yes i'm fine.  tired but fine."  She smiled at him gently.  I wonder if he has been
thinking about what happened in the shuttle bay, she thought.
"Kathryn, you're under more stress than you let on, aren't you?"  Chakoety asked as he
came around the desk to rub her shoulders.
His fingers slowely brushed her hair off the back of her neck, and attempted to work five
years worth of tension out of her should.
*Oh, isn't that sweet, gag reflex* Q's voice tripped through her mind.
She stood up with a jerk, almost knocking Chacoktey over.
"Q, where the hell are you?"
"There's no need to shout Kathy. I'm sorry to interupt your roundvous, but I needed sto
speak with the two of you alone.  I realize that you think the shuttle bay was all my doing,
but that was me either.  As a married Q, it wouldn't have been right for me to, play with
your feelings, like a jeoulous lover."  With that he dissapeared in a flash of blue light.
"You, know, I really don't like him,"  Janeway sighed.

 Lt. Torres slammed an angry fist into the deck. Mistake. Big mistake. Her stomach
heaved again and relived itself of Neelix’s leela root casoural, although the ill Lt. had no
clue how there could be any left. She started as a pair of cool hands smoothed her hair
away from her face.
 “So, what do you think of Tom Jr.?”
 “Shut up, helmboy.” 
“So hostile this morning, aren’t we?” 
She caught his eye. Fully intending to shoot a withering glare in his direction, she
dissolved into a laughing smile at his sly expression.
 “Seriously, B’elanna, are you happy?”
 She put her hand on his cheek. “I’ve never been happier.” 
Tom leaned into kiss her but was thwarted when her eyes grew wide, and she lunged for
the basin. He held her hair and rubbed her back. Just when he thought things couldn’t get
more interesting. He shook his head. He wouldn’t trade it for anything. Voyager
continued its journey silently among the stars.