She didn't even want to think of what Smudge would think of her if he found out what she was doing. She didn't want to see that hurt expression on his face again like she did whenever she did something that he didn't approve of. That look between disappointment and pain; it killed her. Yet here she was, laying practically naked on the floor of a basement while the man above her had his way with her. And for what? Another hit of some so-called miracle drug he had promised her. The past week and a half seemed to be a nonstop high for her and no matter how much she wanted otherwise, she was hooked.

It had started out innocent enough. The twenty-four-year-old man had approached her on the streets after watching her cry and handed her a small package, telling her it would help her with her pain. She had asked what it was but he refused to tell her. She took it anyway. After all, he had said he was a friend of Conspiracy's.

He knew that it would get her addicted though and he knew she wouldn't have enough money to pay him with. So over the past ten days she had been having sex with him in exchange for the drug and it made her every being ache with pain and she was more disgusted with herself when she was with that man than she had been the years spent selling herself on the streets.

Her mind raced as she thought of ways to avoid the seventeen-year-old who she—as much as she tried—just couldn't stop herself from falling in love with. She couldn't bear to see that look on his face again if he somehow found out what she was doing. As much as she tried she couldn't stop herself from caring about him. She wanted to though, more than anything she wanted to stop loving him. After everything she had done in the course of her life she didn't deserve a guy like Smudge McDoyal to waste his time caring about her. She then thought it best if he did find out and get the pain of losing him over with. It would happen sooner or later.

The man soon finished with her and after a moment stood up, redoing his trousers. Charity reached over and grabbed her undergarments and pants and put them back on. Her full lips were formed into a pout and she tried her hardest not to cry as she buttoned her shirt back up. She somehow managed to keep back her tears and watched as Bryan moved across the room to a table at the other end. This was it. This is what she had sold her body for.

"This outta last you for tonight... you can come back either later tonight or tomorrow if you want more," he told her, tossing a small package to her. She caught it and looked at it then placed it in her pocket. "I'll be looking forward to doing business with you again."

"This the same stuff as last time?" The blonde girl stood up off the floor and slipped her shoes back on.

Bryan nodded lightly, a piece of his damp blonde hair falling into his blue eyes. "Of course. Wouldn't give ya nothing else unless you at least had some money to give me. That junk I gave you's cheap. Came up with it myself," he lied. "Take it with some liquor, then you'll really feel great."

She soon found herself back at the Bay Ridge lodging house where she lived nearly five minutes after she left Bryan's place. When she walked in she saw Gears McNatt lightly napping on the couch, her dirty blonde hair covering most of her face. She walked as quietly as she could to the kitchen at the other end of the room then closed the door separating the two rooms.

Taking a small knife out of one of the cabinets Charity then went to the table and dumped a small amount of the drug from the packet onto it. With the knife she cut the drug then moved it into a line. It would help her feel better. Like it had before it would get her mind off of her current troubles.

In seconds the drug she had put out on the table was gone and the sixteen-year-old girl put her head back then rubbed her nose. After putting the remaining contents back in the small bag the girl then took her flask out of the cabinet and drank some of the alcohol down. She dropped back into a chair then just continued to drink from the flask, waiting the drug to take it's toll on her.

The kitchen door opened moments later and a blonde-haired, blue-eyed seventeen-year-old stepped in, a cigarette resting between his middle and index finger. He looked at Charity who simply smiled at him then looked back down at her drink.

Angel of Death looked around the room then brought his eyes back to her. "How are ya?" He asked, taking a drag from his cigarette.

She shrugged a little. "Been better," she glanced up at him. "You?"

"Same here," he responded taking another drag, holding in the smoke for a moment before releasing it.

Charity rubbed her eyes and took another drink, "Something bad happen?" The effects of the drug were starting to show and her pupils soon began to dilate.

He sighed heavily, "I take it Leapfrog didn't come and be all lovey dovey suck up then bitch and moan about his problems!"

She looked at him then shook her head. "No," quickly she drank again. "Well then, if you don't like Frog complaining about his problems I won't bother you with mine but you can tell me yours...if you want..."

He looked at her with those captivating blue eyes of his. "That's the majority of my problems, him complaining about his...what are yours?" He paused for second before adding. "If you want to share?"

She didn't seem to hear that last part and instead went on to say, "Um, why—what's so wrong with Frog—" she stumbled over her words then, forgetting what she was even trying to say, just took another drink from her flak.

Angel of Death watched her, blinking a few times and taking a couple hungry drags off his cigarette. "Do you think maybe you've had just a little bit too much to drink?" She stared blankly at him and he looked at her carefully then put his cigarette out and went over to her, taking her flask away from her. "You okay?"

Charity nodded slowly then moved her green eyes around to the room as if seeing it differently than she always had before. Angel quickly poured the drink out into the sink then handed her the empty flask which she then tried to drink out of.

"What's wrong, Charity?" He asked but she didn't reply, only again tried to drink from the empty flask. He shook his head and sighed. "Well, you know where to find me if you need me." With that he walked into the lobby, leaving Charity alone in the kitchen.

The drug was working, she felt as though she didn't have a care in the world and no one could touch her. Then Hummer walked in and suddenly she started to hallucinate. It wasn't the thirteen-year-old boy in front of her walking to the stove but something else. Someone else.

"Hi..." the black haired boy said to her in a friendly tone but Charity screamed in fear. Almost as if on instinct the boy ran from the kitchen and back upstairs to the boys' bunk room.

She started to calm but just sat there staring at the space where Hummer Cage had been standing moments before. The room began to spin and everything she looked at seemed to come out of some hellish nightmare.

"Charity?" She knew that voice but her eyes stayed focused on that one spot in the room. Smudge walked over to her and sat down. "Charity? You all right?" Her eyes slowly moved over to him but she said nothing. "What's wrong?" He took the flask away from her and she quickly stole it back and again tried to drink from it.

Gears, who had since woken up from her nap, stood at the doorway and watched them, hoping to stay out of their way. Charity didn't notice her and Smudge only glanced at her before bringing his attention back to Charity.

"Charity...will you answer me? What is wrong with you?"

As if triggered by those last words she suddenly looked at him, her eyes going wide with fright. "Get away from me!"

It was no longer Smudge near her and as the room began to go black and started to spin even faster she saw Victor, the man she had grown up to fear and the man who she had seen the day Bryan found her crying, sitting next to her. She practically fell out of her chair to get away then scrambled to the wall, pushing herself as close to it as she could get. Her eyes then darted around the room as she tried to find the illusion of that man again.

Smudge jumped up confused now more than ever and Gears muttered something in Irish. He looked at her then back at Charity on the floor then again back at Gears. "Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"I think she's on something." Gears told him, glancing at Charity and shaking her head. "A lot of something." She shook her head then went back out into the lobby.

Charity then started to rock, afraid for her life and scared out of her mind. Smudge rubbed his face then moved his green eyes back to Charity. Slowly, he walked over to her and knelt down a little ways away from her.

"Charity, listen to me... you can tell me anything," he paused to moisten his lips. "What have you been doing?"

She slid herself further away from him, rather, she slid herself away from who she thought was there. "Get away from me!" She yelled again.

Smudge looked at her, hurt, then backed up slightly. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Don't block me out." The girl merely pulled her knees up to her chest then started to rock again. He kept his eyes on her, wishing he could help then moved a little close. "Please..."

She looked over at him terrified then moved back even more. "Get away from me! Leave me alone!" She hollered hysterically then she closed her eyes tightly, put her hands to her ears and rocked back and forth quickly. "Get away from me!"

Smudge ran his hand through his dark hair. "I'm not going to do anything to you Charity! Ever!" He let out a breath then shook his head. "I don't understand!"

After a minute or so Charity slowly stopped rocking and shook her head, mumbling incoherently as she quickly came down off her high then she just cried. Smudge watched her and moved closer to her.

"Oh... Charity... don't cry. I'm sorry..." he told her as he rested down beside her.

She looked at him, no longer afraid, just a bit confused, the tears streaming down her face. Hesitantly, he put his arm around her, unaware of how she would react. She let him though, taking shaky breathes and staring down at the floor as the room suddenly stopped spinning and again became light. She didn't even bother to stop herself from crying and then Smudge simply hugged her.

"It's all right... shh..." The tears wouldn't stop and when she tried to speak she couldn't even get the words out so she gave up and cried some more. Smudge rubbed her back gently and watched her. "Sh... you can tell me later."

The next day went pretty much the same way; she went to Bryan's in the morning to get more of the drug he had given her even though she still had some left then after that she went back to the lodging house to use it. After she came down off of her high and after drinking for a while she fell asleep only to be woken up hours later when Jumper noisily entered the lobby.

Charity groaned a little in pain then put her hand over her aching head. Jumper Brush watched her, concerned then walked over to the other girl.

"You okay?" The fifteen-year-old asked. Charity nodded but made no effort to either look up at her or get up. "Why lie?" She rolled her brown eyes, "Why do I even ask? It's obvious you're not okay."

Charity slowly looked up at her. "What would you know?"

She moved her hands to gesture around her. "I am not be the smartest person Charity but I know when somebody's layin' down with their hand on their head and an expression of pain on their face they can't be okay...." she looked at her more closely. "Have you been drinkin'?"

She sighed a little. "Yeah. Sure. I've been drinking." She looked at her. "Big deal."

"Well I don't exactly like the idea of my lodging house being runned by a drunk, pathetic fool who can't even stay sober for a day."

Pain shot through her body as she stood up off the couch but she was so angry she didn't even care. That's all she ever was to everyone. A drunk pathetic fool. Jumper was right but she just didn't want to admit it.

"Shut up! Just shut up! You don't know a damn thing!"

"Just tell me what's wrong!"

"I'm not gonna tell you anything! You wouldn't understand."

She hurried up the white painted stairs and into the bunk room, slamming the door shut behind her. She sighed frustrated then reached into her pocket for the packet of drugs she had in there but she quickly shoved them back in there when she heard a knock on the door. It opened and Smudge poked his head in the room, smiling slightly at her. Charity sat down on the bed and looked over at him, he came over and sat down on the bed across from her.

"You feeling better today?" He asked her. He had to of heard her and Jumper yelling on it but must not have wanted to bring that up. Charity nodded then looked down at her hands. "Great, I'm glad. Yesterday wasn't the Charity I knew..."

She tried to forget all about her talk with Jumper and instead forced herself to smile at him. Smudge would never call her a drunk pathetic fool even if he thought it. She could talk to him. She liked talking to him, actually. He was one of the few people she allowed herself to open up to.

"It was exciting... then just got scary." She confessed, she didn't think this was the way he wanted the conversation to go but she felt the need to tell him what it was like. She wanted him to understand.

"Exciting...I uh..wouldn't exactly put it that way. But, yeah, all right..."

She glanced up at him, "Before I started seeing things it was... not after."

"Seeing things?" He looked at her and she dropped her gaze. "What sort of things?"

Her eyes stayed focused on her hands and she took a deep breath. "A man. He use to watch after the girls where I lived."

He thought for a moment then nodded, "Oh... that's why." He rubbed his face some. "It sounds terrible Charity. I really think you should lay off that stuff... it can't be good if it's making you see things."

"I know... it's just... it helps, ya know? He said it would... that I should take it whenever I'm feeling down. He said it would help lift me back up."

"Who said? Charity... who are you getting this stuff from?" When he saw she wasn't going to answer he spoke again. "You know you can always come to me if you're feeling bad about something, you don't have to use drugs."

"Yes! I do... you weren't here Smudge," she shook her head. "You weren't here..."

He sighed then moved to sit next to her on her bunk. "Well, maybe you could just... lay off them... I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing will... please, they help. I can't stop Smudge..." she tried to explain but knew he couldn't understand the pain she was going through.

"Yes, you can. You can stop Charity. Do you have anymore? Just give it to me and I'll get rid of it. Easy."

She shook her head, she couldn't give him them, not after what she did to get them. "I—I can't... please," she took the drugs out of her pocket to show him. "This is all I have left... it isn't a lot... please let me just finish the rest."

"No Charity... I don't want you finishing it. Just... give it to me all right?" He held out his hand. "Come on." She looked down at his hand then at the drugs. Reluctantly she handed them over to him. "Thank you." He looked at the drugs then back at her, placing them in his pocket. "Sorry..."

"Just leave please," she kept her eyes on her hands.

He sighed but did as she asked, leaving the bunk room and closing the door behind him. Charity watched him go then fell down on her bed and started to cry.

It was already dark by the time she came back downstairs, she didn't see Smudge anywhere. Angel was in the lobby though as well as Jumper. The two were standing face to face and arguing over the small package in Angel's hand. Charity recognized what it was instantly.

"Where'd you get that from?" She asked him, interrupting his argument with Jumper.

Angel looked over at her. "A guy named Courage. Three dollars worth. Half of it's Conspiracy's."

"Where does he live? Do you think he'd mind if I stop by?" She was tired of getting her drugs from Bryan. Maybe with this new guy she'd actually know what she was taking.

He looked at her again. "He ain't home. Last I saw he left with Conspiracy somewhere."

She sighed but then the lobby door open and Conspiracy walked in, his icy blue eyes blazing. Charity smiled some to herself and after the boy said his hello's to everyone she went over to him.

"Angel says he knows this guy... Courage... do you know where he is?" She asked him.

He quickly glanced at Angel then brought his attention back to her and nodded. "He went to the tracks to get some stuff from the guys who work there. They owe him like ten bucks."

"You think he'll mind if I go see him?" She asked hopefully, the pain of not having the drug in her system starting to become worse. She hadn't used anything since the morning and Smudge had taken what drugs she had left.

"Since when do you use this stuff?" He asked.

"Since when is it your business?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

He glared at her. "Since when you don't know what happens when you miss payment." Then he just sighed. "He probably will mind since he's working. He'd get pissed. Want me to pick something up for you?"

She shook her head and let her arms drop to her sides. "No. I need to be there... work a deal kind of a thing out with him. I don't have a lot of money but I can give him something else." After all, he was a guy and in her experience men would give anything for sex.

She heard Angel snicker and she glanced at him. Conspiracy sighed and rubbed his head a bit. "He isn't easy to talk to... especially with girls."

"Why?" She asked.

Then Angel piped him. "He just isn't. Look, I'll bring him by tomorrow," Charity nodded.

She paced around the room late into the next night, her arms folded over her chest as she waited impatiently for Angel to return home with his friend. She needed the drugs and she needed them soon. She was already starting to go through withdraw. She had been nauseous all day and her muscles were starting to cramp up.

"Charity?" The blonde turned quickly at Angel's voice and she watched as he, Conspiracy and another boy of about the same age stepping into the lodging house. She could tell Angel had already used something by the way his eyes were glazed over. "This is Courage," he pointed to the boy with the sandy blonde hair and gray eyes standing beside Conspiracy. "Courage this is Charity, the one I told you about."

"Evening." She tried to smile at him but found it rather hard.

Courage looked her over for a moment then nodded his head. "Hey."

She bite her lip, not knowing how much more small talk she could take without having any drugs in her. "Um, do you..." she didn't like being so forward. "Have any drugs?"

"Yeah, I do," he replied. "What'd you want?"

"Anything."

"Something hard or something not so hard? You gotta be specific."

"Something hard."

"Yeah, well, how do you expect to pay for it? You don't wanna know what happened to the last guy who didn't pay."

Charity forced smiled a little, "I don't really have much money... I didn't have to pay with my last guy..."

Courage looked her over again, "How...?" He began preparing a heroin laced cigarette.

"I slept with him," he nodded. "I have some money..." she moved closer to him. "Maybe I can make up the rest somehow." She started smiling flirtatiously, playing with the top button on her shirt.

He smirked then glanced over at Angel who sat on the couch. "You were right."

Charity glanced at him, wondering what he meant and what he had actually told him about her. She cleared that from her mind however and again moved closer to Courage, unbuttoning her shirt.

"Would that be okay with you?"

The boy grinned and nodded. "Of course. Here. Try this first," he handed her the cigarette he had been making and she quickly took at it, not bothering to ask what it was before bringing it to her lips and inhaling slowly. He watched her carefully before taking the cigarette away. "That was for free."

"Thanks," she tucked a lock of her chin length hair behind her ear.

"You even know what this is?" She shook her head and he smiled, taking a drag off of it. "Something that will mess you up, so I think with you I'll start you off less strong."

"I can handle it."

"You can handle this stuff? You don't even know what it is."

"Just 'cause I don't know what it is don't mean anything."

He nodded, "Yeah, it does." He shot a look at Conspiracy who then brought his cigarette over to her. "It's the same stuff... only less."

She looked at it for a moment before taking a drag then handing it back to Conspiracy. He shook his head. "You can have it." He watched her for a while thinking. "Won't Smudge get mad?"

This quickly got Courage's attention. "You gotta guy?" She looked over at him and nodded. "Then you have to pay in money."

"What? Why?" She asked. "Please..."

"Well... how big is he? Does he know how to use a knife?"

She shook her head, knowing Smudge would never do anything to him. "He wouldn't hurt you... he isn't like that. Even if he knew how to use a knife he'd never use it on anyone... please..."

He looked at Conspiracy for approval then with a nod from him he looked back to the sixteen-year-old before him. "Okay." Reaching into his pocket he took out some more drugs then tossed them to Charity. "Heroin." He let his eyes scan over her again. "You can pay me for it after you're finished with that smoke." She glanced up at him and nodded.

"Charity!" Ransom yelled stepping onto the roof where the girl was walking along the edge. She looked at him then looked down at the streets below her. "Don't move."

The heroin Courage gave her the other day she had already used up. The drug she was on now was something Bryan had given her that morning. She looked back at Ransom Cane and stared at him blankly before again bringing her green eyes to the streets. She stepped even closer to the edge, the toes of her feet completely off the roof.

"You think if I jumped I could fly?" Charity asked him with a smile.

"No! Charity don't!" The strawberry blonde boy pleaded. "Please. Just come back inside before you kill yourself."

"Wouldn't it be great to fly? Just leave all your troubles behind and fly away..."

She held her arms out at her sides and started leaning over the edge. Ransom heart raced and he quickly rushed out to grab her before she fell. He carried her back inside the bunk room and she scream and tried to get away from him. Succeeding after a small struggle, she ran downstairs; Ransom ran after her.

"Charity! Charity stop!" He roughly grabbed her arm and spun her towards him. She stared at him wide-eyed, her mouth opened slightly. "What did you take?" She didn't answer him, only kept on staring. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly. "Charity!"

"Get off of me!" She finally yelled, trying to pull herself from him. He didn't know what she was going through. He had no right to stop her from doing what she wanted to do.

"Stop it Charity! Just stop!"

"No!" She screamed. "Get off me!"

The seventeen-year-old tried his hardest to keep hold of her but it was proving to be a challenge. Finally he just tossed her onto the couch. She fell onto it then just laid there, starting to cry as she started coming off from her high.

Ransom watched her, not sure as to weather he should try to comfort her or not. He knew she would have pushed him away anyway if he tried. He waited until she passed out before going over to her and sitting in a chair beside her, watching her.

By the time she woke up it was dark outside and she looked around the room slowly, no one was around, not even Ransom who she had thought would be there. She rubbed her face then stood and rushed into the guest room to throw up. After a couple minutes hovering over the toilet she washed her mouth out and stared at herself in the mirror above the sink.

What was wrong with her? She couldn't understand why she was doing this. No. That wasn't true, she knew perfectly well why she was doing this. Her whole life she had used sex and alcohol to rid of her inner pains but after meeting Bryan all she wanted now were drugs. They got rid of the memories that had been flooding back into her mind ever since that day she saw Victor on the streets, the man who had raped and humiliated her all through her childhood. It wasn't like she was hurting anybody but herself and she couldn't care less about that.

She fumbled around in her pocket until she grasped the small packet of drugs Bryan gave her. Her hands were starting to shake and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach again. She laid the drugs out as fast as she could then snorted it up. With a quick smile and a sigh, she placed the packet of drugs back into her pocket and slouched down against the bathroom wall.

She sat there for hours, listening as people walked in and out of the lobby. She wondered if they even noticed she wasn't back yet or if they knew she was in the bathroom but just didn't care to see how she was. Eventually she grew tired of just sitting there so stood and walked out into the lobby where she saw Smudge sitting alone in the room on a nearby chair. He glanced at her and smiled a little though he was obviously worried.

"Charity, evening..." she simply smiled then sat down on the couch. "Feeling all right?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, much better then earlier."

"So what was wrong earlier," he watched her and having talked to Ransom knew what had went on. "You passed out..."

"Oh... I...." she quickly thought up a lie. "I was tired I guess. I had been drinking a little earlier. Guess it just knocked me out."

He looked at her, "Drinking doesn't usually make you pass out. Had something a little stronger today?"

She suddenly realized that Ransom must have told him so she ceased all lies and just looked at him. "It wasn't a lot.

Smudge sighed, nodding and rubbing his hair a bit. "Yeah... not a lot."

"I needed it."

"No, you didn't."

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. He would never understand why she needed the drugs so bad. He made it out like it was the easiest thing in the word to stop using them. "How would you know? It hurts when I don't have anything."

"Charity, if it hurts not having it, then something is wrong. You're addicted to that stuff and..." he stopped himself and shook his head. "Why do you need it so bad?"

She looked down and shrugged. "I—I don't know," quickly she glanced up at him. "It makes me feel better."

Smudge sighed and rubbed his face, not being able to comprehend how taking drugs would make anyone feel better. "How can it make you feel better? It makes you crazy. Throwing fits, yelling and then passing out? How can that be better?" "That only happens when I take too much. Otherwise it's great. If you've ever tried it you'd know what I mean."

"It's not great and I have no idea how to get you to understand that. Some people actually care about you and we don't want to see you doing this to yourself."

"I'm not doing anything," Charity said, trying to defend herself. "Nothing'll happen to me..."

He looked at her almost in disbelief. "Nothing will happen to you? Do you just not want to believe that you're are. You are wrong Charity. You're hurting yourself and not only you, but you're hurting the people around you."

"I don't want to. I don't mean to.... I can't help it."

"You can help it. Just stop...at least try to..." he looked at her. "Where are you getting it from?"

"Why does that matter?" She didn't want Bryan to be upset with her but she didn't want Smudge to be either.

"It matters because, well, just because I want to know. Where are you going to get it?"

She sighed a bit and decided to tell him. "A guy named Bryan, couple minutes down the road... and Angel's friend started giving some."

"Angel let his friend give that stuff?" She nodded slowly and he sighed. "Well...thanks for at least telling me." He watched her a bit while she looked down and started fidgeting with her hands. "I really don't like seeing you doing this Charity. I care a lot about you. I just want to help."

"I don't need help," she kept her eyes averted.

"Yes, you do need help Charity, whether you want it or not."

She sighed, shaking her head. "And how do you plan to help me, huh?" No one could help her she didn't think Smudge would either.

"I don't know how I would help, but I would at least try. Try to keep your mind off of it somehow."

"I don't wanna stop," she confessed. "It hurts... please don't make me."

"You're killing yourself Charity... "

"I'm not trying to.... I can't stop..." she put her elbows on her knees then rested her head in her hands, trying to hold back tears.

Smudge moved to sit next to her and watched her, rubbing her back some. "It's probably hard, I know. But that's why you have all of us here to help you out."

"You don't understand how much better it feels when you're on a rush... You're mind... is cleared, and you don't worry about a thing in the world." She bit her lip and looked up at him. She didn't want him to be upset with her. She really did love him. "Are you mad at me?"

He looked at her, shaking his head, "No...I'm not mad at you. But you're right, I don't understand." He sat there watching her for a while, never letting his green eyes leave her for a moment. "How much more of the stuff do you have?"

"Not a lot..." she responded, looking down at her feet. "I used most of it earlier," then added in a soft voice. "I need more..."

He started playing with her short blonde locks and Charity felt surprisingly comforted by this. "At least there isn't much left.... You're not going to see him tomorrow are you?"

She nodded though she knew that wasn't the answer he had hoped to get. "I only have enough for one more hit... I have to."

He ran his hand through his brown hair. "Please, you don't..."

"What'd you want me to do? I can't just stop."

"Well I know that... " he sighed a little. "Just...lower the amount you take. It might help..."

"I'll try," she said honestly.

He smiled a little then kissed her head, "Thank you. It means a lot me."

She sat at the table, laying out her precious drugs. She didn't know what time it was nor what day it was and she didn't care. She cut the drug slowly then pushed pieces away and pulled others closer, making a couple lines of the drug on the table top. Angel slowly walked in, Charity didn't even notice him. She just went on doing what she started, snorting the drug up then rubbing her nose.

"What did you just snort?" He asked her.

She smiled a bit as the drug over took her then leaned back in her chair. "Heroin."

"I see... why?"

"Why not?" She wondered why it always seemed all right for him to use drugs but not her.

"Because, have you ever heard of overdosing?" Angel asked, taking a seat near her. She shook her head, having never heard of the term before and smiled some more. "Fine. But I do not and will not explain to Smudge what happened when he finds you dead on the floor because you were snorting too much Heroin."

"You do it. Conspiracy does it. Why does it matter if I do it or not?"

"Because we now when to stop."

He sighed then got up and left her there as she again brought her face down to the drugs, held one nostril closed and snorted it up. Conspiracy walked in then just as Angel left, watching Charity.

"Why are you doing that in the lodging house?" He sat down in the chair Angel had been sitting in earlier.

"Where else should I go? I don't like being at Bryan's when I do this."

"Bryan? You get your stuff from him?" Conspiracy asked and Charity nodded.

Tiptoe quietly stepped into the kitchen then stopped when he saw the two sitting there and the drugs on the table. "Oh sorry," the young girl said, stepping out a little.

"No, Tiptoe. Come back."

Conspiracy looked at her then looked back at Charity who was snorting up another line of the drug. Tiptoe slowly stepped back into the room, glancing at them and feeling somewhat uneasy being around them. Conspiracy looked back at the other girl, suddenly feeling guilty.

"Hey." Charity nodded to the drugs, her eyes closed and her head back. "You can have some if you want."

"Who are you talking to?" Conspiracy asked her, stealing a quick glance at Tiptoe who had gotten herself a glass of water.

"You," she replied, her breathing starting to slow considerably.

He nodded a bit then went over to the table and snorted up some of it, not as much as he would have normally, just a little. "What is it?"

"Heroin. Least that's what he said it was... he never tells me." She told him then started going off in an almost uncomprehendible babble about Bryan and the drugs he gives her.

Tiptoe looked over at Conspiracy, concerned. "Um... is she all right?"

The boy nodded with a sigh, glancing at Charity. "It's the drugs. She shouldn't do this much. I don't even do that much and I'm bigger then her." Tiptoe nodded slightly and Conspiracy looked back over at Charity who was staring back at him. "Come on. Maybe you should go to bed, huh?"

She shook her head and looked back at the drugs on the table, taking the blade she used to cut them up with and starting to put it back in the small packet it came in. She licked her finger and brought it down to the Heroin, grabbing some of the drug and putting it in her mouth.

Conspiracy watched her then grabbed her hands away from the drug. "Charity you're going to overdose. You need to stop, now." He told her in as calm a voice as he could manage.

"Stop." She jerked her hands away from him and continued what she had been doing before.

"Charity, I'm serious! You're taking too much stuff."

"No, I'm not..." she shook her head.

"Yes you will! You already are!" He moved his gaze over to Tiptoe. "Please, find someone, anyone who can help me."

The girl nodded and hurried out of the kitchen. Charity went back to the drugs again, grabbing up as much as she could and putting it in her mouth. Conspiracy grabbed her hands away again, knowing if she took too much more she could die.

"Charity... no... please.. stop."

"What for?" She pulled away from him and went to the counter, laying out the drugs again. "It's helping..."

Conspiracy looked around desperately for help, knowing he was weak from his own drug use and not sure how much longer he could keep her from the drugs. "Charity stop! No, you need to stop! Charity, please..." He grabbed her from behind, picking her up and pulling her away from the drugs. She screamed.

"What's going on?" Smudge asked walking in, Tiptoe following behind him. He quickly went over to try and help the other boy.

Conspiracy was practically crying at this point. He couldn't loose another person to an overdose. "She's doing way too much. She needs to get to a hospital. I've done a lot before but she's so small, she—her body can't handle this. She needs a doctor."

The blonde girl quickly pried herself from the boy's grasps, not having listened to anything he had just said. She went back to the counter and snorted up as much as she could, as quickly as she could.

"Charity! Quit it!" Smudge yelled as Conspiracy yanked her away from the counter and poured water on the drugs, ruining them.

Then suddenly she fell to the ground, her heart slowing to almost a stop. The three teenagers looked down at her, Conspiracy dropping down beside her to see if she was still alive or not.

"Charity...Charity. Come on... you have to get up." Smudge said, kneeling down next to her.

"We have to get her to a hospital. Now." Conspiracy told him, picking the girl up into his arms. Smudge nodded and they both hurried to the closest hospital.

Charity awoke the next morning feeling as though she were about to die... but not knowing that she almost had. Her head was aching, along with her stomach and all the muscles in her body were sore. She couldn't remember what had happened and had no idea of where she was. It looked like a hospital room and she desperately tried to remember how she had gotten there.

"Ah, I see you're awake again. Though not looking much better." Her green eyes went wide and she looked over at the door where a white haired man in a white coat stood, frowning at her. "You're face is still just as pale..." he sighed a bit and went over to her, taking her chin in his fingers and looking her over. "Pupils aren't dilated anymore."

She moved her face away from him and narrowed her eyes slightly. Slowly, she glanced around the room then looked at the open door. For a moment she thought of making a run for it and would have if knew she could get away. The way she felt, however, she'd be surprised if she'd even be able to stand.

"What am I doing here?"

"I didn't think you'd remember... a couple of teenagers brought you here last night. You had taken too many drugs. Do you remember that much?" Charity shook her head. "Well... we got it out of your system and now all you have to do is rest. And stay away from those things. I'm being very lenient here. I have every right to report you to the authorities but I think--or at least I hope that you've learned your lesson."

"I have," she nodded. "When can I leave?"

The doctor sighed and rubbed his face. "Whenever someone comes to sign you out. Someone I'm sure will watch out for you."

"I can watch out for myself."

"I don't think you can."

She looked away, "I don't feel so good."

"I didn't imagine you would. Try to get some rest, Ms. Adams. Please. You need it and you'll feel better once you do." He stepped back to the door. "I'll be back to check on you tonight, if you need anything before then just ask one of the nurses."

She nodded a little and soon enough fell back to sleep. The next time she woke up it was dark out and she felt even worse then she did before. She had chills all up and down her body and she couldn't help but think her skin was about to crawl off.

The blonde whimpered slightly and got out of the bed, grabbing the new pair of clothes on the chair near her and putting them on. They hadn't been the clothes she went there in. Those had been thrown away already. After changing she went to the door, knowing what her body needed to feel normal again and willing to sneak out of the hospital to get it.

"Get back in there." The doctor pushed her back into the room the moment she took a step out. "You're not leaving until someone comes to get you."

"I can do whatever the hell I want."

"No. You can't. And you won't be leaving here until someone comes for you. It's that simple. I don't want to have to see you back here again so soon like I know I will if I let you leave now."

"Fine... can I at least have some painkillers or anything."

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry. No. You can't have any drugs at all. Legal or otherwise."

"Please? You don't know what it's like..." she smiled a bit flirtatiously at him. "Come on.. I won't tell anyone you did."

He shook his head again. "No."

"Fine!" She sat back down on the bed and bit down on her lip.

"Just stay in bed, Ms. Adams..." he sighed and left the room.

Charity watched him and started to shake a little. She couldn't take this. She needed some kind of drug in her system and soon, she felt like she would die otherwise. Rocking back and forth on the bed she glanced around the room, looking for anything that might help her ease the pain she was feeling.

The door opened again and Conspiracy stepped into the room, with Smudge following behind him. Both looked at her, worried. They were her ticket out. She jumped off the bed and ran into Smudge's arms, hugging him tightly and rambling on about how much she wanted to leave.

"Please take me out of here. He won't give me anything and he won't let me leave without one of you. Please he won't give me anything..."

"Charity..." Smudge wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back. "You don't need anything. And are you sure you're all right?"

She nodded quickly. "Yes! Now come on... let's go home."

The seventeen year old glanced over at Conspiracy a moment then looked back at Charity. "And the doctor said it was all right?"

Again she nodded, "Yes, please, Smudge, let's just leave. I don't feel good. I need to get home."

"I'll ask the doctor..." Conspiracy said, walking out of the room.

Smudge nodded to the other boy then looked at blonde before him and moved a piece of her hair back. "I was worried about so much."

"I'm sorry..." feeling weak she sat back down on the bed. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right.."

She looked up at him, "Can we go now? I need to get out of here."

Conspiracy poked his head back into the room. "We can go now."

Charity bit her lip a bit. She was going home, everything would be better as soon as she got home. No more suffering.

"Let's go then," Smudge said with a small smile, taking Charity's hand.

He helped her up and headed out of the room, the walked with her out of the hospital, with Conspiracy following behind, watching them. Just walking was starting to make her nauseous but she knew it was all worth it. Just as long as she got home.

The walk seemed to take forever.

Her eyes stared straight ahead all the time they walked, though she could feel the two boys watching her. Smudge squeezed her hand lightly and opened the lodging house door for her.

Dropping his hand she ran inside and darted up the steps to the bunk room. She knew that she had hidden some drugs in her bunk, she just hoped no one had found them. And if they hadn't, she hoped she'd be able to use them before someone downstairs realized what she was after.

With her hands shaking she ripped at the sheets on her bunk, finally stripping them off the bed. She looked at the mattress frantically for the small packet of drugs that had been there.

"Shit..."

She glanced around a bit then looked at the sheets. Seeing that she must have thrown the packet off with the sheets she quickly searched through them and found what she had been looking for just as Smudge entered the room.

"Charity?" She took a moment to glance at him before taking off into the washroom. "No! Charity stop!" He followed her but that didn't stop her from trying to lay out and cut the drugs. "Charity!" He grabbed her hands away from them.

"I--I need them. Please."

"No, you don't."

She fought to get out of his grasps. "Yes I do!" She tried pulling away again. "How would you know?! Please... just a little bit."

"Please don't struggle, Charity," his grip on her hands tightened. "I'm trying to help you."

"No you're not! Just a little. Why won't you just let me have some!?" She yelled, fighting more to get away.

"Because you're going to overdose again and kill yourself and I won't let that happen!"

"Just a little bit to make the pain stop... please..."

She couldn't take much more; she was crying now. The pain was just too much for her and having Smudge not being able to understand what she was going through was simply upsetting her more.

"No Charity," she looked away as the tears ran down her face and Smudge pulled her into a hug. She simply stood there. "I won't let you do this. I love you too much. Don't struggle with me, please."

If she had hear what he had just told her--that he loved her--she would have ran. She had been hurt too many times and had been lied to too much to ever have believed him. What was more, was that she felt the same way and the last thing she deserved was a guy like Smudge to love her back.

Instead she simply cried more and begged for him to allow her to take some of the Heroin. He looked at her in arm's length as she started to calm down and her words became more coherent.

"It hurts...please."

"Listen to me. You can't keep doing this and do not think I'm going to let you." He placed the drugs in his pocket and Charity bit down on her lip, watching him. "You aren't getting them."

"Conspiracy..." she didn't know why she hadn't thought of him before. "He'll understand. He has to." She took a step away from him. "Where is he?"

"Downstairs, I think," he looked at her. "He's not going to give you anything."

"He will," she said, going downstairs and to the lobby.

He was pacing the lobby and Promise Kept sat on the couch, looking down at her pregnant self, rubbing her stomach. Both were talking to each other softly. She saw him and quickly ran over to him, crying again.

"Con, please, you have to help me. He took it away. Please... you have to have something I can have."

"No..." he shook his head. "I can't. You'll die... no..."

She had been sure of all people Conspiracy would have helped her out. He had helped her get drugs before. She didn't know why he wouldn't help her now. All she need was a little. Just a small amount to stop herself from feeling how she was.

"You do it all the time! I had too much once. I won't take that much again. I promise!"

He backed away from her some, "No. I can't. I won't."

"Why's it all right for you to do it but not me?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. "I just need a little. I won't take a lot!"

"I know when to stop, Charity. You don't. I can't give you anything," he told her.

"I can stop. Just give me some and I'll stop. I'll do anything! I'll--I'll pay you back. I'll sleep with you. Anything!"

"No."

It was all just so frustrating. Her body began to shake again and she screamed a little, crying. And then she collapsed onto the floor and threw up.

Smudge and Promise both went to her; Promise holding her hair back while she became sick again and Smudge rubbing her back lightly. Conspiracy watched a moment then went into the kitchen to get some rags and some water.

She held onto her stomach, sobbing and when she finished throwing up she pulled herself onto the couch, ignoring the others. She had worn herself out and after only a minute or two she fell asleep.

more to come...