Heart and soul, I fell in love with you
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
madly
Because you held me tight
And stole a kiss in the night

Heart and soul, I begged to be adored
Lost control, and tumbled overboard,
gladly
That magic night we kissed
There in the moon mist

Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling
Never before were mine so strangely willing

But now I see, what one embrace can do
Look at me, it's got me loving you
madly
That little kiss you stole
Held all my heart and soul

Smudge sat on his bunk with his head against his knees. He felt terrible. Horrible. He wanted to go and hold her forever, telling her everything would be all right. Tell her that he would take care of everything, take care of her. He rubbed his tired eyes and sighed. After last night, he wondered how Charity could ever go out again, but he clearly knew she would head right back out tonight.

The look in her face stuck in Smudge’s mind all night as he tried to get some sleep. He remembered so clearly when she walked in, her hair a mess, her shirt torn and the faint bruise appearing on her face.

Charity took a shaky, deep breath to keep from crying over the night’s events. “A guy gotta little rough with me. He slapped me around a bit before...” she stopped, not able to go farther.

Smudge looked at her, his heart breaking for her. “Oh god...” he sighed as he looked her over and swallows a bit. “Here, I’ll go get you another shirt,” he said as he hurried upstairs to get a shirt of his. As he returned, he handed the oversized shirt to her and took a look at the bruise on her face. “Did he hurt you anywhere else?” he asked quietly.

“Thanks...” Charity spoke softly as she turned away from him and put his shirt on. As she turned back around, she shows him the bruises on her wrists.

Smudge sighed as he took her small hands in his to look at her wrists. “That bastard...” he muttered mostly to himself.

Charity looked down a bit. “It was my fault.”

He quickly looked up at her, shaking his head. “No it’s not. Please don’t say that Charity. It’s not your fault at all.”

“Yes it is. It’s always my fault,” she told him as she moved away from him and sits on the couch, feeling sore and exhausted. “This is what I get.”

Smudge watched her. “It’s not your fault when a guy does that. He shouldn’t do that, it’s his fault. You don’t deserve that, so it can’t be your fault,” he told her.

“It was always my fault before. That’s what he’d always tell me, that guys can’t help it and that I made him do it to me...”

“It’s never your fault. He’s lying to you Charity. You’re not making anyone do that to you. You can’t believe that...” he told her, wishing she would believe him.

“For as long as I can remember that’s what he’d say and then when I got on the streets it was the same thing... What am I supposed to believe?” she asked him as she looked up at him.

Looking at her, Smudge swallowed a bit, thinking for a moment. “That…that guys aren’t suppose to hurt you and do that. And that it’s not your fault when he does, he’s a jerk who deserves to die or something. It’s never your fault. Never. He was wrong...”

Charity looked at him, not being able to hold in the tears anymore. She broke down and started crying. Smudge looked at her and wrapped his arms around her, bring her close to him for a hug. She cried into his chest, unable to stop herself from crying. He sighed as he rubbed her back gently. “This is why I don’t like you doing that. Scum like that are out there...” he told her softly.

Smudge sighed as he remembered the conversation they had had the night before. He loved her and he hated seeing her hurt. He hated not being able to help her. Not being able to do anything about it. Not being able to hold her while she cries. He ran his hand through his hair and shut his eyes, only to find the image of Charity last night waiting behind his eyelids. He opened his eyes and got off his bunk. He decided to go check to see how she was feeling. He slowly walked out of the boys bunkroom and to the girls room, thinking to himself.

As Smudge peeked in slowly, he noticed Charity sitting on her bunk, still in his shirt. He noticed she was drinking. “Charity? I wanted to check on you.”

Charity immediately stopped crying and looked up at him. “I’m doing fine.”

Smudge walked in more and sat on the bunk next to hers. “Are you sure?”

Smudge heard Charity sniffle a little. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Do you need anything?” he asked her.

Charity forced a laugh and looked at her empty flask. “More liquor,” she told him, jokingly.

Smudge smiled at her, chuckling slightly. “I’m sure that’s just what you need.”

“I could have used some last night, maybe then I wouldn’t have protested so much and he wouldn’t of hurt me as bad,” Charity told him, giving a small smile. “Of all the nights not to have a drink...”

Smudge sighed. “Charity…don’t think that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth isn’t it?”

“No it’s not that truth. People... scum like that don’t care. Either way, he hurt you. No matter how much you drink.”

“But if I hadn’t tried to stop him I wouldn’t have gotten this,” she told him as she motioned towards the bruise on her face. “And if I had been drink maybe I wouldn’t be able to remember what he did.”

Smudge sighed, seeing that she had a point. “I wish you didn’t have to remember what he did. He might of hurt you more though if you didn’t try... he might of figured you didn’t care.”

Charity nodded slightly. “Yeah. He might have... he seemed to have liked seeing me struggle,” she told him as she looked down at her hands.

“I’m sorry...” Smudge told her quietly.

“It’s not your fault Smudge.”

Smudge looked at her. “It might not be my fault, but I’m still sorry. No lady should go through that, and you did. I just don’t like you upset or hurt.

“A lady huh? Usually I’m just a whore,” she smiled a little. “Thanks though. I’m not use to having a guy care about me.”

“You’re not just a whore.” Smudge let himself smile slightly. “Never will be. And I do care about you and what happens to you.”

Charity let out a quiet sigh, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why? Why waste your time caring about me? I mean God, look at me.”

“Why?” Smudge looked at his hands. “Well, it’s not wasting my time first off. I can’t help but care about you. I worry about you because you mean a lot to me...” Smudge trailed off, not going on anymore. He had no intention to say that out loud, especially to her.

Charity’s green eyes glanced up at him, not expecting to hear that from him, and also not use to having anyone say that to her. “What?”

Smudge looked at her, fearing that he messed up by saying that, even if he didn’t mean to. “Um, yeah. You mean a lot to me...” he told her, playing with his fingers.

Charity looked at him, not sure of how to respond to that. She started to say something, but stops. She quickly got up and left the room, going down to the guest room.

Smudge watched her. “Charity?” He got up to follow her, but stopped and sighed. “Can’t do anything right can you Smudge...” he told himself and rubbed his face.

Smudge walked quietly back to the boys bunkroom. He had messed up. He had told her she meant a lot to him and she had ran. He sighed silently to himself. Quit trying Smudge. It’s getting you no where. He dropped down on his bunk, laying on his stomach. He didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t she want someone to care about her? Why would she want to keep going to a bar nearly everyday and sleep with guys who don’t care about her at all? Guys who could care less about her, her dreams, her feelings. Smudge exhaled and closed his eyes for a moment.

A few nights later, Smudge was returning home after selling his papers. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, thinking about Charity. He was a lovesick puppy. Even worse, he was in love with a girl he figured he had no chance with. He was the one guy that thought the world of her and there was no chance for him. Every morning, he woke up wanting to see her. Every night, he went to sleep wishing she was there with him. During the day, he thought about her constantly, wondering if she was selling well or who she was with. He was willing to do anything for her. He sighed silently to himself when he saw her sitting on the lodging house steps with a flask in her hands. He smiled a bit when he walked up to her. “Hey. Aren’t you cold?”

Charity looked up at him as she put the cap back on her flask. She smiled. “Yeah, a little.”

“Then don't you think sitting out here would make you even colder?” Smudge asked, smiling.

She let out a small laugh. “Yeah... but it's nice out here,” she told him as she got up. “Probably should go in though.”

He grinned a bit and nodded “It's nice... I guess.”

Charity opened the door and grinned a bit. “You guess?”

“Well, it’s too cold to enjoy it.” Smudge told her, laughing lightly.

“Guess you’re right,” she said, nodding, as she walked into the lobby.

Smudge followed her inside. “But if you enjoy it, that’s good.”

“No, I can't think when it's that cold,” she told him as she dropped onto the couch and grinned, opening up her flask again. “So how ya been?” she asked.

The sixteen year old grinned a bit, messing with his hair. “Pretty good actually. I almost sold everything. What about you?”

“Sold more than the other day so I guess okay,” she answered, taking a drink.

“Good.” he smiled a bit, watching her drink. Most of the time he saw her, she was either drinking or drunk. He wondered why she drank so much when she knew in the morning it would only result in a hangover.

She took another drink and handed the flask out to him. “Want some?”

He shook his head. “No thanks. Same one from the kitchen or did you stop by the bar?”

“Stopped by the bar. You sure you don’t want any?

“I see...” He shook his head once more. “I’m sure...”

Charity took another drink. “Don’t you love Christmas? This will only be like the second year I’ve really celebrated it,” she told him, smiling some.

Smudge looked at her and smiled. “I love Christmas. Only the second year? Well... I hope it’s the best one.”

“Before I came here Christmas was just like any other day of the year.” She grinned at him. “And I'm sure it will be,” she told him before taking another drink. “After all you're gonna be here,” she grinned playfully. “and Mel's making cookies.” She took another drink, shaking the flask slightly to see how much is left.

Smudge watched her and smiled some to himself. He wanted her to have a good Christmas. The best Christmas ever. And he was going to make sure of that. Charity deserved a nice holiday. He cared so much about her. If he couldn’t be with her, he would at least make her day go well. He stuck his hands in his pockets, thinking about what would be a nice gift for her.

A week later, Smudge found himself in a bar. Having a drink with Charity. It wasn’t a place he expected to find himself, but he had told Charity he would meet her there.

“Well, I’m a man of my word,” he smiled at her. “So, uh, what do you think is the best drink?”

Charity shrugged a little and smiled. “Don’t have a favorite. Everything’s pretty good.” She told him as she ordered another drink after finishing her first.

Smudge ordered the same. He smiled and nodded a bit at her. He watched her closely as they talked into the night. This was what he wanted. To be with her alone, just talking and joking around. To get to know her even more. Being with her though was making him love her more than he already did. It crushed him that he knew that chance would never come that he could be with her. So when Christmas came, he was the one keeping her warm next to the fire. He enjoyed this though, even if she didn’t understand how much. It was the only reason he had come tonight.

Smudge sipped his drink and set it on the table. It was strong, whatever it was. He blinked a little. As he opened his eyes, he felt Charity kiss him. Was it a dream? He saw her there in front of him and it felt real, but it couldn’t be. It was too perfect. She’s drunk Smudge. She wouldn’t do it she was sober. He mentally kicked the thought from his mind. She knew what she was doing. She had to. He kissed her back.

He felt her move closer towards him as she continued to kiss him. She pulled back and smiled. Smudge looked her, slightly surprised, and smiled a bit. She kisses him again and Smudge knew this was what heaven was like. He knew he could die today a happy guy. He also knew this was the one chance he’ll get. He carefully wrapped his arms around her, unsure slightly.

“You wanna get out of here?” she asked him as he kissed her shoulder.

He looked at her a moment, hesitating. Smudge nodded. “Yeah, come on...”

Smudge sat on his bunk later in the night. He couldn’t sleep. How could he? Something amazing between him and Charity had happened. A link between them. It might have meant nothing to Charity, who had been too drunk, but it meant something to him. He loved her now more than he had ever thought. He wanted to be with her for ever. Through everything. He smiled at the thought, knowing now he could never get over her. However, he knew the next day Charity would just go out again, finding another guy. But as Smudge thought about that, it didn’t bother him. He liked her too much for that to be a conflict. She had him and Smudge knew she would have him forever.