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by: Smudge McDoyal All I am, all I'll beI have never been so nervous in my entire eighteen years on this earth. It is a week before Valentine’s Day and here I am standing inside of this building, looking at rings. I really never thought I would be in this situation, but I am. I love her. I have been saving up since last year. Don’t ask me how I knew I would even be with her a year from then, but I just knew. After all that we have been through, I realize that they have only pushed us closer together. Nothing can come between us, nothing. It was last March when I first started saving up. Since then I have gotten a job, which pays fifteen cents an hour for full time. In January I started full time. I have saved up enough to by her a ring. My mother always told me that if you are going to ask a girl to marry you, it is proper to have a ring. My father had waited two years before asking my mother to marry him because he did not have enough money for a diamond ring. I’m sure if she expects a diamond ring. I just want her to promise me that she would marry me one day. Any ring will do. I’m looking at the diamond rings though. The sun is shining through the windows and it’s making the jewel sparkle. I want to get her one, but I don’t have enough money, by far. They are pretty though and I imagine how it would look on her finger. Beautiful. “May I help you, son?” I raised my head to see the plump man behind the counter. “Oh, no. I was only looking.” I placed my hands on the case and leaned closer to the glass to get a better look. He cleared his throat. I looked up at him and noticed the look he was giving me. “Sorry,” I told him and removed my dirty hand from the glass. I glanced around a little before leaving. The man did not want me in his store. He knew I couldn’t afford any of his jewelry and most likely never would. Michael works with me at the bookstore. He helps me with the shelving of new books and the inventory. He’s a good guy and I like him. He’s married and has a five year old daughter. I haven’t met his wife or child, but he talks about them like they are the world. I don’t mind, since he listens to me carry on about Charity so much. He was the first person I told that I was going to ask her to be my wife and he supported me on it the whole way. He thought it was great and he also told me where to find a good ring for the money I had. Michael knew I did not make a lot and that I had a child to take care of. He told me to go to a small store on the corner of Narrows Avenue and 79th Street. I was walking towards the store after I got off of work. I had five days to find a ring or this would not work out as planned. I prayed that I would not run into Charity on the way there or anyone else from the house. I did not feel like explaining. When you live in a lodging house with thirty-two other people and eighteen of those being girls, things get around pretty quickly. Faster than you would like. I didn’t need Charity already knowing I was going to propose. It would defeat the purpose of doing so. I walked into the empty store and noticed the aging man behind the counter. I smiled politely to him and looked around some. “Are you looking for anything in particular?” “A ring, actually. I was told to come here.” “Ah, a ring. Yes.” He smiled, seeming to know why I wanted it. “What kind?” “I was thinking silver.” Silver would match the locket I had given to her. “I have a few here.” The man pulled out a black case and opened it. Inside I could see many silver rings lined up in their respective spots. “They’re pretty.” I was telling the truth. Some were plain, the more cheaper ones and some were more elegant. They also cost a pretty penny too. I saw a plain silver band. It was still shining in the light from the window. It might have been plain, but it was perfect in its own way. “How much is that one?” I pointed it out to him and glanced up to see his reaction. He simply smiled and nodded. “That one is a nice one.” I repeated the question of how much it was. The man looked at me for a moment. “Twenty one dollars and thirty seven cents.” I took a deep breath. It was expensive, even for a cheap ring. It was for Charity though. I had saved up thirty dollars for Valentine’s Day. I planned to take her to a nice restaurant and then to the park to propose. The restaurant plan was slowing becoming a dream instead of reality. I needed to buy more food for Mellie and a new dress as well, since she was growing so quickly. This ring though was going to unite us for the rest of our lives. I nodded. “I’ll take it.” I had the ring. Now was the actual thought of how I would propose. I wanted to be sweet about it. I wanted her to say yes. My father proposed simply and traditionally, as my mother put it. He got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. I wanted to do it in the park, near the lake if possible. I couldn’t wait.
I could not be more nervous. It just was not possible. I am sitting here watching her eat her dinner, knowing that in just a few minutes will determine the whole fate of the evening and our relationship. I couldn’t eat a lot, for I thought I would be sick. My stomach was turning as I felt the small ring in my pocket. I looked at her. Was she already finished? We just got here. She ate fast. It was now or never though. I fixed my shirt a little and took a deep breath. “I want to tell you something, but you have to wait until I’m finished to say anything.” She eyed me, but nodded. “All right…” I swallowed and looked at my hands. I rubbed the back of my neck. “You know I love you. More than anything in this world. I would do anything for you Charity, anything. I mean, I wake up everyday hoping I will be able to see you. And I go to sleep every night wondering how in the world you get more and more beautiful everyday.” I tapped my foot a little against the ground. “We've been through a lot together. Hard times and sad times, but also the good times and the happy. And I love every minute of it. Even the bad things because I think it pulls us closer together.” I paused a moment to collect my thoughts of what I wanted to tell her. “When I was little, I had always wanted to find a beautiful girl who amazed me like nothing else. I never really thought it would happen until I came here. When you first kissed me. And when you kissed me under the mistletoe last Christmas. It just shows me how much I love you and how much I would be missing out on if I weren't with you. I'd be missing out on the joy of life and how wonderful you are. I've never wanted anyone but you.” I put my hand in my pocket and felt for the ring. I pulled it out and held it in my lap. “I mean, I've thought about us plenty of times. About us in the future, together and happy. Sometimes we're sitting at a table eating dinner together and sometimes we're just cuddled up in front of a fire or something. And I realize that those are my dreams. To be happy with you.” I realized I was just babbling on and on about things I loved about her. I took a deep breath, trying to get back on track. “I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say, to ask is... I mean, you can say no if you really want to. It doesn't have to be soon. We can wait a while. Whenever we're ready.” I opened my hand and showed her the ring I had bought. “It's like a promise that one day…it will happen. And..” I stopped and took her hand. I looked her in the eyes. “Will...will you marry me Charity?” I looked at her and bit the inside of my lip, waiting for her response. Charity grinned at me. She was beaming. She nodded. “Yes.”
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