I nodded slightly. "I tried," I told her. "Do you want me to come visit or, just…" I paused a moment, "want me to, leave you alone?" I looked at her.
Charity looked away from me. "Leave me alone…"
I loved her. What was she doing? I kept trying to convince myself that she wasn’t thinking straight. I looked at her, pleading with her to change her mind and to wrap her arms around me. But that’s not what happened. She was standing here, telling me to leave her alone. I looked at her a moment and looked away. I stopped myself from saying something I might regret or from being upset.
"Okay…"

She didn’t want to be with me. She wasn’t happy here at the lodging house, and I couldn’t help but think it was because of myself. I felt horrible. And I missed her. I missed seeing her every night. I hated not having her in my arms. I missed kissing her good night and seeing her off to bed. I really didn’t understand what I had done. I tried to be understanding for everything she did. Some evenings, she would come home, her hair a mess, drunk. And I knew she had not sold well and she had sold herself instead. While most guys would break off the relationship right that moment, I stuck with her. I forgave her for sleeping with some stranger. Sometimes it was hard, but I still did it. I loved her and I didn’t want to lose her. She was my life. No matter how many nights she came in drunk, I still stayed with her. Through thick and thin. Through everything.

She did something, that she was very upset about. It was why she wanted me to leave her alone I think. She had told me she couldn’t even look at herself after it had happened. She was pregnant. It was my child. She was going to be a mother, and myself, a father. I did not find out she had been pregnant until it had already happened. She had talked to Empire, who told her he knew someone who could perform an abortion.

You cannot even begin to think about what was going through my mind when she told me that she had had the baby killed. Hurt, confusion, along with other things. She had thought I would have left her. I have never given her one reason to think that. I was upset with her, but I didn’t get mad at her. I didn’t yell at her, no. I stayed calm, for the both of us. I told her it would be all right and we’d work through it together. And then she came back and told me she didn’t want to go through it with me. It hurt, a lot. I didn’t really understand. Here I was being the most understanding person ever, and she was saying these things to me. A slap in the face would have been less harsh.

I will admit, when she told me she had been pregnant, I was scared slightly. I never imagined being a father, especially at seventeen. But even though I was scared, I still loved the thought. My step father had always told me that I would be nothing. Accomplish nothing. And for some reason, I had taken that to heart. But here I was with the girl of my dreams, the one girl I want to be with for the rest of my life, and she didn’t want my help. It hurt, it really did. But I would never tell her that.

Now all I can do is sit back and watch her. Watch her leave at night, knowing she’s going to a bar to get drunk and find a guy. Telling myself I can’t stop her, no matter how much I want to. I still love her and I think I always will. She told me I should find another girlfriend, but I can’t. When I look at other girls, that’s all I see. A girl. When I look at Charity, even at her worse, I still see this beautiful girl who I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I have no idea how to explain that to her. Perhaps one day I’ll know, but it doesn’t seem to be coming anytime soon. But, I know for a fact, she’ll always hold a big part of my heart, always.