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Despite my best effort to explain to myself and others that life is linear and not a series of starts and stops and that you can’t really ‘ go back and start over”, I still see my successes and failures as singular events and not as they really are, a continuous event. All successes are built some what at least upon the existence of some other event, be it a success or a failure. You can succeed from failure. It happens everyday. I keep asking myself. ‘What did I do wrong this time, that made it not turn out they way I had planned ?’ Instead of think of it as a continues flow of a single event. The existence/realization, ( we don’t need to go into the difference right now) of a problem is the beginning. If the problem isn’t resolved completely then it still in flow that is to say it not resolved, finished etc. So when I think this time I’ll solve it this way... what I am really saying is … ‘In my continuing effort to bring this event to a resolution I will attempt through thought, research and physical/mental/emotional effort to resolve it in this way.’ If the event is not resolved then it will continue, not end and I’ll retry .. retry ? No it continues. Sometimes it’s years between attempts .. but it’s linear. You keep trying. Not end and start again. I ask myself two questions often, maybe to often: The second question is: This time isn’t any different because it’s the same time. It’s all one attempt. Maybe sectioned off by set backs … weeks when I thought the problem was solved and/or time when I just didn’t give a shit if it ever gets solved. But it’s always been one consistent problem to solve. Not a ‘that time’ and ‘this time’. Today my work .. my being here will make a difference for more people then any of us will ever know.
I am not afraid … and neither should you be.
'Equilibre,pour l'amour de trilogie L  Chapters of Dreams StoryTime Mercy ~ Faith ~ The grace of it all ... ~ |
I Looked in the mirror and the reflection wasn't me. I am Daughl ... pronounced 'doll' ... just like the child's toy. I am a reluctant member of the human race ... and a parent to three childen. I live, in the present, under to shadows of the Rockies in Colorado. I did live in the rainforest of Washington under the snow cover peaks of the Cascades. Many years of my life have been spent in the deserts of the Southwest. These are places that my memories are of. Further back in my life I lived along the New England coast. Memories are of my childhood there. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. I have friends in the world. Some are close, although not close enough, others are far away. From time to time, they rearrange their locations or their positions in my life. Kind of like a micro-chaotic evolution. I have friends left out in the world, that I would dearly love to hear from, but I don't know where they are. Through this connection with the cyberUniverse, there may be some recognition ... familiarity ... memories that will reunite my friends and I once again. Some people march to the beat of a different drummer ... I dance to the rhythm of an orchestra the rest of the world can't even hear. I should tell you of my fantastic voyages ... and my exceptional friends ... or the dreams I have of the future ... but instead I will tell you of the spaces in time ... the intricate details ... the moments ... that make up my life. 
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