Chapter Forty Alternate B -- The Answer

I heard the sparrows. Flapping and chirping. I was tired, so tired from finding my way on the path. "You are walking through a garden, a beautiful garden... one... two... three... steps you take.."

I could swear my my eyelids had barbells attached to them. I walked toward Sid's voice. 

"Wes? Wes?" I heard through a fog. 

"Come back to me, Wes."

My eyes slowly opened. Sid frowned at me, touching my brow. 

I was flat on my back. I had on my red Converses, ripped, worn jeans and my orange Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt. He was alive. He was fine. I tried jumping up but my body was like lead.

"What did the card say again?" Sid asked, writing on the yellow note pad. 

I stared up then over. There was Peter Deal. Dockers, lab coat, red tie. The robin's egg blue walls, reprint of Dali's The Great Masturbator on the wall parallel to the bay windows. Sun was too fucking bright.

I managed to sit up. 

"Welcome back," Deal said. "You were under for hours."

I rubbed my temples. Then it all came to me. Sid on the ground. Shackleton. The garden. But I wasn't there anymore. It had worked. She was gone. I didn't feel her. Mica's call was gone. Sid was safe. I was in here, in Deal's office at Hidden Hills-- home of  SPF sunscreen 30, polarized sunglasses and loads of naked white people. At first I thought I was in another universe, but no. This was before. I smiled up at Sid, expecting a look of relief. Instead I saw confusion. 

"That was some story," Sid said, kind of bashful. His eyes avoided mine, and he turned to Deal to speak. "Sure you don't believe in past life experiences?" 

"Nah, but the guy has a vivid imagination-- kinky too." He winked at Sid. "I think you might want to test the waters further with this one. I don't think you'll come out dry, if you get my meaning..."

I watched Sid blush. I closed my eyes. He was different, but he was my Sid. My wish was true-- except not as I'd expected. He was not the Sid that went through all that I did. Not the Sid who  suffered, not the Sid who gave up his soul to be with me forever. We hadn't wished together. This was before-- before all that pain had happened.

I went to stand, and my legs were Jell-O. I melted into Sid's solid comforting arms. He tried to hold me up straight. Well, not that straight. I fell against him, my chest turning into his. A dopey smile plastered across my face as my own arm slipped around his waist.

"Ah-h,  Wes," Sid stuttered, more confused than before. "You're out of it. Better take you home."

"Home," I said. " Now that's a good idea." Sid blushed darker as I leaned into him and realized just how happy certain parts of me welcomed going home.

As he helped me out to his car, he kept stealing bashful glimpses at my face while I just stared lustfully at him. His confusion became a kind of aphrodisiac. 

Sid turned on the radio. 

The ride home began quiet. I was thinking on what had happened, where I was now and how. I'm sure Sid was thinking that hypnosis had addled my brain. 

I closed my eye and reflected. How many people would trade eternal life for true love? I sighed. My fingers brushed my wrist where the thorn had once been. Nothing. I opened my eyes. No scar or thorn. Nothing. 

"That was some story you told," Sid finally said. "Alternate universes and roses-- even had an evil villain."

"What?"

"Don't you remember? You told Peter too. That's strange."

"I remember, just..."

"Just what?"

"Just-- it was real." Fuck! Why'd I go and tell him that for? Now he'd think my brain was addled.

"Real? No, Peter told you to believe it was real. I was pissed at him for that. He told you later it wasn't. Damn, I hope he didn't fuck you up?"

"Fuck me up?" I said. "Nah, he didn't. Besides, I thought you said it was harmless?"

"Yeah, well maybe not, considering you just told me you think it all happened. You still think that?"

I looked at him. "No," I lied. "Actually, I don't recall much of anything. Why don't you tell me?"

"I guess it wouldn't hurt." He went on to tell me the rest. I noticed he'd blush every once-in-a-while at the parts he omitted. When he got to the beach he stopped, searching for words.

Finally,  I said it for him. 

"We made love on the beach," I said. "You think it was just some convoluted imaginings or wishful thinking on my part?"

"You tell me."

"Wishful thinking."

He smiled and nodded then turned the radio back on. 

We listened and sang the rest of the way home. I sang, he sang (well, if you want to call it singing). Then he pulled up in his driveway. I got out of the car, and as I went up the steps Babe greeted me by rubbing her head against my leg.

Part of me became one of those sad songs that played on our way home. I began to think that maybe it was all a fantasy. It was all so fantastic. The Sid I knew who shared all the pain with me won't be there to comfort and understand. 

As we got in the house, I kissed him. He pulled me against him. I guess I was technically twice a virgin-- reliving our first time. Then again, maybe this was the first if Sid was right. Hard to believe, he felt so much a part of me. 

"I want you to take me to bed," I whispered in his ear.

"You sure?" 

I nodded. Silly question. 

As we went into the bedroom, I panicked. I began to think, what if what I believed happened never really happened? what if this is my first time?

"I don't know Wes. You don't look like you're ready for this to me."

"I'm ready. It's just I need to relax. I'll breathe like you taught me, in through the nose, out through the mouth, right?" 

He looked at me confused. "I don't remember teaching you that."

I was really getting off seeing confused. He was cute with his brow all scrunched, his eyes misty with doubt and lips pursed. Made me want to kiss the doubt right off those lips. Thought I'd try it. 

It worked.

His fingered curled around my head, and he began to take off my shirt.

I had major butterflies in my stomach, and I relished them. He looked at me with such longing. Those eyes of his became golden. 

I was so afraid. I began to think, to believe, that everything before was some wild fantasy. This was real. We were real.

When he touched me through my jeans, I groaned. I helped undo them. As he slipped them over my hips he said, "What's this?" holding up a bag of sand.

I closed my eyes and laughed quietly.

Now he looked at me, wondering. He shook his head. "No, couldn't be..." he said.

"Infinity in the palm of your hand," I smiled. "Only one infinity exists. Took me too long to know the answer, and it was there all the time. Know what it is?"

"What?"

"Love."

He kissed me this time. Sucking my tongue and making me so hard I'd thought I'd explode. Sure this was different. No roses. No psychic sex with nerve endings exploding. But you know what? I still saw into his soul, and he saw into mine. No different. I was his Wes-- and he was my Sid. We were one complete. After all, he had experienced all that I had. Didn't matter that he didn't recall. Just knowing that he'd made that sacrifice for me was what mattered in my heart. As he made love to me slow and soft, I told him what he meant to me.

We were home. We were together, safe. Maybe we didn't have eternity, but we had time.