A Common Need

A Forever Knight/Nick Knight Story

(This is a first season story, which was begun back in 1993. So go back to the innocence of a younger Nick and Nat and imagine that the second and third seasons never happened!)

By Christine Hantzopulos Hunt

Natalie's eyes opened wide as her fingers traced the long scar on his bare back, a grim reminder of the horror he had endured in his lifetime. Her heart was breaking for him so, that she could barely speak.

"So much pain...." she managed, their flight from the Terminator momentarily forgotten in her overwhelming concern for him.

"Pain can be controlled," he replied quietly, still turned away from her.

She reached up to touch the soft blond curls at his neck.

"What about love?" she asked in a broken voice. "Haven't you ever...?"

His head hung as heavy as his heart as he rasped, "Never."

And as he turned slowly towards her, it was no longer Kyle Reese, but Nick, his blue eyes filled with emotion, his smooth brow creased with sorrow. "Until now," he whispered, looking deeply into her eyes. "I came across time for you, Natalie. I love you. I always have."

Natalie took in a deep breath, almost afraid to believe what she was hearing. She reached out to him as he took her into his arms. They kissed hungrily, tasting each other in a joyous fulfillment of a shared, but forbidden,desire. Natalie could feel her body charged with excitement as he gently began to undress her, whispering her name with a love so long denied.

"Natalie..."

"Natalie..."

Nick's cool hand on her cheek pulled her from the dream with a start.

She opened her eyes to see him sitting beside her, a teasing grin on his face.

They were on the couch in his loft, as they had been when she'd drifted off.

"Oh, Nick..." she mumbled, her disappointment at being awakened overshadowed by embarrassment.

"Must have been some dream," he kidded her. "You should have seen the smile on your face.

"Then maybe you should have let me finish it," she replied mirthlessly, her annoyance at his joking more obvious than she would have liked.

Nick sobered, his blue eyes begging forgiveness as he said, "I'm sorry. It's just that you nagged me for months to watch Terminator with you, and then you fell asleep." His hand was playing with hers, the contact recalling the warmth of that lovely dream.

She smiled. "So, what did you think?"

"It was good," he admitted. "Lots of action...a nice science fiction plot. I don't see why it's your favorite, though."

"What?! It's so romantic!"

He looked at her dubiously. "You find watching an invincible machine killing dozens of people romantic?"

She sighed. "And you think you're not a typical human male. Not a romantic bone in your body. It's a love story, Nick. Kyle came across time to be with her--"

"Okay, okay. I give up. So I'm an unromantic swine. Shoot me."

"It wouldn't help," she teased. "You're just as invincible as the Terminator."

She stood up, the memory of her dream pushed aside for now. She would savor it later. Now, she would just enjoy being with him.

The hamburger sizzled in the pan as Natalie watched it slowly turn an edible shade of brown. The aroma of cooking meat was making her mouth water. "This smells great..." she commented.

"I guess that depends on your taste," Nick replied dryly.

Natalie's smile faded as she turned to him, her eyes dropping to the bottle in his hand.

He looked down at the blood, unable to meet her disapproving glare.

"Nat, I'm sorry. I don't like to do this in front of you. But we've been together all night, and I needed--"

"It's okay," she said coolly, turning back to her own dinner. "Look, whether you do it in front of me or not doesn't really matter."

"Yes it does." He placed his hands on her arms as he came up behind her.

She shook her head as she flipped the burger onto a plate. "Not really. You do it. Does it really matter whether I see or not?"

"Yes, it does," he reiterated. "To me." He brought her around gently to face him. "Nat, I know...I let you down when I do this."

"You let yourself down," she corrected. Her voice softened, and he realized at once that her anger was not directed at him, but rather at herself. "Nick, it's just that every time you drink blood--it makes me realize how much I've failed you."

He looked at her in confusion. "Nat--"

"Nick, I've tried to help you for two and a half years. But no matter what I say or do..."

"Hey, you're supposed to be the optimistic one, remember?"

She sighed in frustration. "I don't know. Maybe I should be looking for some other answer, another way to help you--"

"No." He caressed his arms where he held her. "I won't let you blame yourself for my weakness. I'm the one who should be trying harder, fighting to bring myself back over. You've taken on this battle, but it's mine."

"I took it on because I...care about what happens to you," she told him. "But sometimes I feel as if I've done nothing for you."

"No, Nat," he said tenderly, as his hands moved slowly up her shoulders, losing themselves in her light brown curls. "Listen to me. You have done more for me than anyone I have ever known. No one has ever cared for me, or had such faith in my humanity. Natalie, everything I've done--everything I am today--I owe to you."

"No," she said, despite the blue eyes that glowed his sincerity.

"Yes, Nat," he said as he clasped her face in his hands, drawing her closer. "Everything..."

He had known that words alone could not convince her of her importance to him. But he needed her to know, to understand, to feel what he felt for her, even if he couldn't express it verbally. So he told her with his kiss, his embrace, his hands that ran through her hair, tousling it as he opened his emotions to her.

And as Natalie tasted the lips she had craved for so very long, felt his tongue lightly teasing hers, she reveled in the touch that had been hers only in dreams.

The moments seemed eternal and too brief all at once. Reluctantly, Nick separated from her, his tenderness replaced by the anguish of remembering his own limitations.

Natalie could see him struggling to keep the amber light from his eyes, as mortal desires called forth immortal urges. He didn't want to lose control. She released him with a smile of reassurance. "Maybe you should have something," she suggested gently.

He nodded as she turned away discreetly, regarding the food that could never satisfy her hunger as his kiss had. Nick reached for the bottle, then pulled his hand away.

"Nat?" he asked meekly.

She turned to him, warmed by the touch of his cool hand taking hers.

"Is there any chopped meat left?" At her look of surprise, he continued, "I thought maybe I'd try a hamburger."

Her eyes shone as she offered, "Why don't I make you one?"

He kissed her lightly on the cheek. "But make it rare, okay? With--"

"I know. Lots of ketchup."

Awkwardly, Nick chewed the rare meat, the sensation of solid food bringing back memories of centuries long gone, while the taste of blood, a reminder of his curse, made the hamburger almost palatable to his vampiric taste. He knew it would make him sick, that he might not even be able to keep it down. But as he looked at Natalie's expectant face, the hope in her beautiful eyes, he knew he had to try. For her, as much as for himself.

He swallowed, feeling the lump of meat make its way down his throat, his esophagus, to a stomach not prepared for this type of nourishment. He waited a moment, then took another bite. And another.

Suddenly a wave of nausea overtook him. He held his breath, waiting for it to pass, struggling to keep his meal from coming up. After a few moments, he could breathe easily. But better not to push his luck. He set the half-eaten burger on the coffee table. "I think that's about it for now," he told Natalie as she watched him carefully, noting every detail of his reaction.

"I hope you're not trying to say you don't like my cooking," she said in mock hurt.

"Why, I'd say yours is the best I've had in, oh, seven hundred years," he replied with a grin. "Let's just say I don't want to overdo it."

She smiled, pleased with his effort.

Her smile made it all worthwhile. He kissed her on the cheek, drinking in the soft scent of her perfume. "Thanks for dinner," he said in her ear, coming away before the closeness brought desires he couldn't control.

"You're welcome," she said, the touch of his cool lips lingering on her face. She knew him too well not to see that the electricity between them was frightening him. She patted his hand. "So, what's the next movie? I didn't see what you picked out."

He hesitated, and she could tell from his expression that he was reluctant to say.

"Come on," she prodded.

He sighed. "Okay. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but--"

"What is it?" she insisted.

His forehead creased in a sheepish expression as he said, "Bram Stoker's Dracula." At her slap on the arm, he added, "But Nat, at least it's a romance--"

They'd decided on Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Nick's old standby favorite because it reminded him of the Crusades. Natalie had always loved Kevin Costner, but in the wee hours of the morning it was her own Crusader who kept her entranced. As they sat together on the couch, Nick had eventually pulled her into the crook of his arm, and when she dozed this time, it was with her head resting against his chest. Daylight found them safe behind the dark shades of his fortress, safe asleep in each other's arms.

Natalie collapsed into her chair, shoving aside the work that cluttered her desk. A sip of the coffee told her it was too hot. She set it down, waiting for it to cool, but knowing that she'd need more than one to get through the rest of the day.

She smiled to herself as she realized she hadn't pulled an all-nighter since college. Maybe she was getting too old. The thought made her laugh.

Too old to stay up all night with an eight-hundred year old.

But even knowing she'd be working the day shift had not compelled her to cut short her evening with Nick. It had been too important, a night filled with progress not only in his struggle towards mortality, but his relationship with her.

That one kiss had sent her hopes soaring that perhaps his feelings for her went beyond the close friendship they had acknowledged.

And yet, she knew she couldn't allow herself to even fantasize something more with him. Her desires in that direction had only brought frustration, even anger, in the past. Hadn't she been blinded to Roger Jameson's true nature by her disappointment over Nick's failure to live up to her hopes? She'd learned since then to lower her expectations, by acknowledging that her friendship was what Nick needed, not the complications of a romantic involvement. It was the best thing for him, for his quest...for her sanity. She'd vowed not to let anything come in the way of that friendship, and now, she began to curse herself for having indulged herself with thoughts of anything more.

But the kiss....

Had it meant as much to him? He'd held her close all night long, but not one word was spoken of what had transpired between them. And when she'd left in the morning, he'd said good bye with a perfunctory kiss on the cheek, squeezing her hand as he had so many times since they'd been...friends.

Nothing's really changed, she thought to herself, her mood growing dark. The magical night was over. She and Nick were where they always had been. He was still a vampire, and she was still in love with him.

Natalie laid her head on the desk, closing her eyes. A half hour left to her lunch break. Sleep, Nat, she told herself. Maybe it'll bring you back to reality.

But she knew that as always, he would be in her dreams.

She awoke with a start, with a tightening in her stomach that told her something was wrong. Her watch read one p.m., but the moonlight through the windows told her that it was already after dark.

Windows?!

She stood abruptly, moving from the desk as she realized that something, no, everything, was different. The room had shrunken to half its size, with all her instruments and machinery rearranged. The once-green tiled walls were now a light shade of peach, and two large windows let in a breeze that was much too warm for Toronto in the winter.

"Grace?" she called, knowing somehow that her friend was not here to reply.

More confused than afraid, she reached for the phone, dialing Nick's number. A woman's voice on the answering machine announced that the Velez family was unavailable, but that she could leave a message. She slammed the receiver down as fear began to set in.

And as she glanced at the phone, the number caught her eye--area code 213?! "Where the hell..."

With the eye of the scientist she was, Natalie quickly scanned the objects on her desk, looking for some clue. It was then that the nameplate caught her eye. Different from the one her brother had given her, this one read, "Dr. Natalie Lambert, LA County Coroner."

"Los Angeles?" she whispered, incredulous. She rummaged through everything she could find--an LA Times, her business card, stationery—each item confirming the unbelievable.

She was the Coroner for Los Angeles Country in California.

A nervous smile broke out as she said aloud, "Okay, this is some kind of a joke. Whoever's behind this--Grace, Nick, the medical students--it's not funny!" As no response came, she found herself caught up in the old cliché of pinching her arm to make sure she was awake. The pain told her she was.

And as panic was about to set in, the door flew open, and she breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar face.

"Schanke! I never thought I'd be so glad to see you," she said, barely noticing the dark-haired man at his side.

The portly detective eyed her strangely, not quite sure if she'd meant to compliment or insult him. "Why, thanks, Natalie," he said uncertainly. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Schank, where's Nick?" she asked anxiously. "I tried his number, but--"

"Nick who?"

Natalie glared at him, her patience wearing thin. "Look, this isn't funny anymore. Nick Knight. Your partner. Where is he?"

Schanke had begun to regard her with real concern. He jerked a thumb at his companion. "What the hell are you talking about? He's standing right next to me!"

Natalie's lips parted in astonishment. It was only then that she took real note of the man at Schanke's side. Standing over six feet tall, he was slim yet muscular, his dark hair a contrast to his pale white skin. Though probably in his late thirties, his hazel eyes betrayed a soul that had lived lifetimes. In spite of herself, she found herself attracted to something beyond the handsome face and athletic body, dressed in jeans, a light blue T-shirt, and battered black leather jacket.

He was extraordinary.

But he wasn't Nick.

"Schanke, I don't know who this is, but he's not Nick," she said firmly, uneasy at the way the stranger was watching her.

"What do you mean, he's not Nick?" Schanke replied, obviously too weary for the joke he believed this to be. "Then who is he?"

"The question is, who is she?"

The stranger's words brought Schanke spinning around. "What is this, some kind of gag? I've had it with you two trying to pull things over on me." He waved them both off with his hand. "I should have been off an hour ago. Knight, why don't you look over the report, and I'll just see you tomorrow night."

"Yeah, sure, Schank," the stranger told him, his eyes still fixed on Natalie.

The door closed behind him, and they stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the dark-haired man spoke.

"Okay, now who are you, and what have you done to Jack?"

"Who's Jack?"

"Jack, my friend, the guy whose office this was the last time I looked," he said as he took an angry step towards her.

"Look, I don't know what's going on here," Natalie replied, undaunted. "But you're going to tell me what's happened to Nick."

"Nick who?" he responded, exasperated. "Schanke already told you, I'm Nick Knight."

"No, you're not," she nearly cried, an edge of desperation in her voice. "Nick is blond, with blue eyes...and he's a detective on the Metro Police Force in Toronto--"

"Maybe there's someone else with the same name," he suggested, more intrigued now than suspicious.

"With Don Schanke as a partner?" she challenged. "I'd make a bet you even have a friend named Janette who owns a night club." The pure shock on his face told her she was right. "I don't know how you did this--"

"I didn't," he broke in.

"Then who? The Enforcers? How could anyone possibly--"

"Wait. You know about them?" At her nod, he looked into her eyes. "This other Nick. Is he...?" His voice trailed off; centuries of hiding the truth would not permit him to utter it so freely.

She returned his gaze. "Are you?"

He shook his head, more in disbelief than denial. "No, this isn't possible. If the Enforcers, or the Elders, are behind this, it's me they're trying to drive me crazy. And you're part of it."

"Believe whatever you want," she told him, not caring what this stranger who claimed to be Nick thought. "But I'll find Nick. Wherever you've taken him, I'll find him!"

She turned away, not wanting him to see her on the verge of tears, as she grabbed for the phone, her hands shaking as she dialed Nick's number, this time with the Toronto area code.

"I'm sorry. The number you have called is not in service..."

She slammed down the receiver, took a deep breath and picked it up again, trying to contain her panic as she dialed the Metro Police. "Detective Knight, please," she said shakily. Her eyes opened wide. "What do you mean there's no such person?!"

She dropped the receiver to the desk, her entire body trembling uncontrollably. "My God, what's happening?" she whispered, looking up at him with reddened eyes that pled for an answer.

The dark-haired Nick went over to her, replacing the phone on its stand, resting his hands on her arms. "You really are afraid, aren't you?" he asked, his face filled with sudden concern.

"Of course I am," she replied, trying to choke back the tears. "How would you feel if your entire life had been stripped away? If this isn't some kind of twisted nightmare, then I'm going mad. Maybe that's it--a brain tumor..."

His hands went up to her hair, his expression kind as he assured her, "If you're going insane, then so am I."

Natalie backed away from him uncomfortably.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not gonna hurt you," he said, taking his hands away. He drew in a deep breath. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm...a vampire."

"I know," she said softly. She knew it was a difficult admission for him.

"He is too, isn't he?"

She nodded slowly. She'd never revealed Nick's secret to anyone, and she felt guilty doing so even now.

"And you're--his friend." It was a statement, not a question. "Have you been trying to help him become human?"

"For two years," she replied, not sure why she felt she could trust him. "Your friend Jack. Is that what he's doing too?"

Nick looked away. "Yeah, he tried. But the last year or so--" He shrugged it off, turning back to her. "That doesn't matter right now. What we've got to do is figure out why you're here."

"And how I can get back," she added hopefully.

"Right now it looks like you and I are the only ones who realize anything's changed."

"Schanke seems to...remember me being here," she said in bewilderment.

"So will lots of other people, I'll bet. You're just gonna have to play along..."

The swish of the door opening silenced him. They turned as one to see the man who strode confidently in, his smile directed at Natalie.

He stood over six feet tall, with blond hair and blue eyes, a handsome figure in a blue-pin-stripe suit. He smiled as he saw Natalie, and Nick stepped out of the way as the blond stranger came towards her.

Before she knew it, he had taken her into his arms, kissing her passionately. "My God, I missed you so much, Nat," he breathed into her ear as he released her.

Natalie tried to smile, shooting a warning glance at Nick, who seemed utterly amused. "Uh, yeah. This is a real surprise," she managed.

The man turned to Nick, slight embarrassment on his face. "Excuse me. I haven't seen my fiancée for two weeks."

Natalie had to make a conscious effort to breathe. Fiancée? She glanced down at her ring finger, to the huge pear-shaped diamond. She was glad when Nick noticed her falter, and jumped in.

"That's okay. I understand," Nick replied, trying to refrain from laughter. "Nick Knight. I'm a detective in the 91st."

"Peter Hale," the stranger responded, extending his hand. "I'm an assistant DA in Van Nuys."

Nick could sense the arrogance at once in the man who had probably gone through college on a football scholarship. He decided he'd give him a hand shake he wouldn't forget.

Peter looked at the thinner man in surprise as Nick released his grip, then turned to Natalie. "I know I'm early, honey, but I caught the red-eye out of New York, so I thought maybe we could spend the day together."

"Oh, I don't know, uh,"--she looked at Nick, who mouthed his

name,--"Peter. I've had a pretty rough shift. I think I'd just as soon go home and get some sleep."

Peter's disappointment seemed to border on surprise. "Well, I guess, then, I'll just pick you up for dinner. Your brother's expecting us at seven."

Natalie's heart stopped. "Richard?" she asked softly, unable to conceal her astonishment.

Hale looked at her strangely. "You knew we had plans tonight. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, smiling sweetly as the implications hit her. "Look,why don't you pick me up at my...place at six. I need to relax, and get cleaned up and dressed."

"Okay." He shrugged his shoulders, unable to conceal his chagrin. He kissed her again on the lips. "I'll see you soon." With a parting nod at Nick, he left.

Nick grinned broadly, clapping his hands together in mock applause. "You handled that one great. Can I assume you don't have a fiancé back home?"

"No, I don't," she said distractedly, her eyes still focused on the door. She turned to him. "Nick, my brother Richard...is dead."

Nick grew serious, then patted her on the arm. "I guess this is your chance to see him again."

Natalie breathed deeply. "This is all too weird. I'm leaning toward the brain tumor theory again."

"Why don't you just try to relax," he suggested. "I'll talk to some people and try to figure out what's going on."

"I don't even know where I'm supposed to live," she said, then, as a thought struck her, reached for her pocketbook. A smile of satisfaction spread across her lips. "There. My driver's license." She read the address, then handed it over to him. "Do you know where this is?"

"Sure, five minutes from my place. I can take you there if you want."

She nodded. "That might be a good idea, considering I have no idea what kind of car I drive." She closed her purse, then paused, looking up at him. "If I'm here, doesn't that mean that Jack is in my place?"

Nick shrugged. "We have no way of knowing, but it would make sense."

Natalie sighed. "If I know Nick, he's going crazy right now."

Nick nodded. "If I know Jack, he's driving him there."

They had no way of knowing how accurate they both were. When Nick had found the middle-aged man in Natalie's place, he had nearly gone out of his mind with worry and fear. Schanke's insistence that he'd never met anyone named Natalie served only to exacerbate his anger. Alone with Jack, he'd grabbed him by the collar, lifting him into the air. "I want to know what you've done to her!" he'd growled.

Unperturbed, Jack had merely looked at him curiously. "You're a vampire, aren't you?"

Now, as Nick released him, he looked at him in surprise. "How did you know?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "You remind me of a friend. Now, do you have a name?"

Nick eyed him suspiciously. "Nick Knight."

Behind his gold-rimmed glasses, Jack's eyes grew wide. "You're kidding! Boy, do I have a story you're not going to believe."

Nick had driven her to her home, an airy condominium on a street overrun with palm trees. She sat still for a moment, gathering her strength before venturing from the car. The black '59 Caddy was in perfect condition, with a ride as smooth as its sleek body. "Trunk space," she murmured,remembering the times she had chauffeured Nick in the daylight.

Nick looked at her in surprise. "Does your Nick have one like it?"

She smiled slightly at the reference to him as "her Nick". "A '62," she replied. "Green."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Sounds pretty ugly to me."

She shot him an amused glance. "At least it doesn't look like the Batmobile."

He laughed at her joke, watching her as she took a deep breath, then opened the car door. "Hey, will you be okay, Natalie?" he asked, as if not wanting to leave her alone.

She nodded. "Thanks for the ride."

He took out his wallet, handing her a card. "My number and address are on there. Would you call me later, and let me know how you're doing?"

She smiled at his concern, promising she would.

He watched her disappear behind the door before he drove away.

The condo was an enormous split-level, easily three times the size of her own apartment. She looked around expectantly, a pang of loneliness overcoming her as she realized that in this reality, there was no Sidney.

The furnishings were more lavish than her own, and she wondered just what kind of salary had paid for all this. Yet there were still touches she recognized as her own--hanging green plants, a red-orange decor, and a collection of family pictures on a glass coffee table. Shots of her, her parents,and Richard, in places they'd never been; a wedding picture of her brother and

a blond-haired woman who wasn't Sarah; the couple with two children, a niece and nephew she'd never met; and two or three shots of herself with Peter, a Natalie she'd never been with a man she'd never known or loved. She remembered then her dinner plans, and went upstairs in search of the bedroom.

The king-sized bed seemed infinite, adorned, to her surprise, in red satin sheets that reminded her at once of Nick. How often had she imagined what it would be like to lie with him between those soft sheets...She tried to push those thoughts from her mind right now. It hurt too much to even begin thinking of him.

She looked through her huge walk-in closet, rummaged through the chest of drawers, finding little that she would have bought before. The suits and dresses for work had the same professional air, but there was an odd absence of the casual sweats and T-shirts she found most comfortable. In their place were drawers filled with lingerie, the daring, revealing type she'd never bought herself. In fact, the black teddy that Grace had gotten her on her last birthday seemed tame in comparison. She wondered what had happened to shape her tastes, or if perhaps they were gifts from Peter. The thought frightened her, as she realized that that relationship probably reached a level of intimacy she definitely was not prepared for.

At least, not with this stranger.

She chose a cream-colored teddy with matching robe, and took them into the bathroom. A nice hot shower would help to make this whole world go away. For a while, at least.

Nick hadn't wanted to believe Jack's story, but could find no other explanation for how his world had suddenly, and drastically, changed. He'd come home to a loft very different from the one where he and Natalie had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Gone were the small touches that were hers--the movies she always brought over, the coffee and snacks for herself, the protein drinks and raw meat for him. Even the painting she'd chosen a spot

for after his experience with the twelve-step program had changed, the bright swirls of yellow replaced by dark clouds that cascaded into a black and infinite vortex. Indeed, most of his artwork had changed, losing its sense of optimism, as if without Natalie's influence, his hope had also fallen by the wayside.

He searched through the pictures on his desk, looking for the one shot that Myra had taken of him and Nat at Schanke's last birthday party. He could feel the anxiety rising in his chest as he realized that every photo of Natalie was gone. The only image of her he could summon was the one in his mind, the vision that would be indelibly imprinted on his memory.

In anger, he pulled open the refrigerator door, grabbing one of the bottles, pulling the cork out with his teeth, spitting it onto the floor. But as the aroma of the blood reached his nostrils, he set it down quickly, making a conscious effort to control the hunger that had begun to well inside him.

It was human.

He closed his eyes, trying to suppress the urges that had begun to surface, the yellow glow in his eyes, the fangs suddenly extending at the thought of the forbidden delicacy before him. It occurred to him that it didn't really matter now. Natalie was gone. And his grief was so overwhelming, that drinking human blood seemed at once insignificant and the only escape from

his pain.

But as he raised it to his lips, he thought of her, of her head against his chest, her hair in his hands, her lips tasting his. He had wanted to kiss her like that for so long--yet fear had held him back. Fear for her life, if he should let his emotions run free. He'd held out on her, hiding his feelings, his desires, torturing himself with the frustrating but exquisite closeness of their friendship, pretending there was nothing more. He'd ignored the signs of her own feelings for him, not wanting to let go of the distance he felt he must maintain.

And he knew he had hurt her. His obsessive attraction to Ann Foley, his closeness with Monica Howard, even his brief flirtation with Alyse Hunter, had sparked her jealousy. He'd known it, but had pointedly pretended not to notice. Just as he'd known it was always Natalie he'd longed to be with, not Ann, not

Monica, not Alyse. Yet he knew that to love her would be to destroy her. He could toy with mere sexual attraction, test his limits, hold back his beast. But the real love he felt for Natalie went beyond what he could consciously control. Therein lay the danger.

But it was not something he could ever tell her, explain to her. So instead, he had gone on hurting her, not daring even the kind of passionate kiss he had allowed himself with others who had meant nothing to him.

Until last night. What had possessed him to belie his emotions to her? He didn't really know what had overcome him all at once, except an overpowering need to comfort her, hold her, let her know how important she was to him. He'd learned that he was only fooling himself if he thought that by keeping his feelings from her, he was setting her free to be with someone else.

She didn't want to be with anyone else.

And neither did he. And the thought of her with another man filled him with a jealousy more intense than he had ever imagined possible. The extent of this jealousy had become clear to him, and, he supposed, to her, when he had seen her kiss Roger Jameson. The pain, and fury, had almost consumed him. Yet he had tried even then to obscure it from her, wrapping it in an innocuous

guise of "protectiveness". Had she noticed the crack in his voice as he'd told her he was glad she was seeing someone else? The words had almost choked him, but he'd thought he'd done it for her own good.

Now, with Natalie gone, he regretted that decision bitterly. For it had robbed him of the opportunity to be with her, to love her, to give himself to her as fully as he possibly could.

Now, she would never know that he loved her.

With a sudden fury that seemed to possess him, he grabbed the bottle, smashing it against the wall. Blood and glass splattered everywhere, as he roared, "No!"

He wouldn't let her go. He would call upon every resource, search an eternity if he must, to find her. And once she was with him again, he would make things right between them--the way they were meant to be.

Collecting himself in his new resolve, he felt no regret as he emptied the last of his blood supply. He grabbed his wallet and car keys, and set out for the grocery store. He'd find strength in his quest for Natalie, and sustenance in the mortal nourishment which would help him to become what he must if they were to truly be together.

Natalie let the hot stream of water pound against her back, loosening the muscles that stress had tightened. She fantasized that perhaps if she stayed here long enough, she'd step out of the shower and back into her old life, with Sidney waiting to lick the water from her legs, and Nick as close as the other end of her phone. But as she dried herself off and slipped into the cream colored teddy and robe, she knew that neither Sidney, nor Nick were within her reach.

Once again, panic began to set in, as she realized that she was utterly alone, in a strange world where everyone would find insane her insistence that she didn't belong.

Except for this dark-haired Nick.

Who was he, really? Surely, he must be the focal point between this reality and her own. Nick Knight, and not Nick Knight, all at once. A vampire striving to be human, with a partner named Schanke and a friend named Janette who ran a discotheque. Why had she trusted him so easily? It wasn't like her. Yet in this insane perversion of her world, he was her only friend, the only proof of her sanity.

It occurred to her for a brief moment that if this were some cruel joke or test perpetrated by some vampiric force, that perhaps this Nick was part of it. And yet something in his demeanor seemed so sincere, that she couldn't help but trust him. Was it his similarities to her Nick? She could only wonder at this point just how like Nick he really was.

Nick.

What was he doing right now? Did he have any idea what was happening? Was he trying to find a way to rescue her? Was it within his ability to even do so? As fear gripped her, she remembered the last time she had felt so afraid, as Roger had chased her through the Nursery, murder in his psychotic eyes. As she'd fallen unconscious, she'd been sure that she would die. But when she'd awakened, Nick had been there, holding her, soothing her, hugging her to him as she'd cried freely against his chest. What she wouldn't give to feel his arms around her now...

She slipped between the satin sheets, wanting desperately to lose herself in the sanctuary of sleep. But her heart was thumping as if it would explode, as the reality of her plight refused to loosen its grip on her. ‘Calm down, Nat,’ she told herself. ‘You're going to lose it if you don't relax. Think of something nice...’

And she focused on her image of Nick, the last evening they had spent together. She imagined him beside her, his cool skin against hers, holding her closer than he ever had...

She fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

They were back in the loft, snuggling together on his couch as Robin Hood catapulted into the Sheriff's castle, determined to rescue Maid Marion. The romance of the moment had enveloped her, and as she looked up at her own great Crusader, she realized that, this time, the meaning had not escaped him. He looked into her eyes, and a smile crossed his lips as he whispered the film's most romantic phrase; "Worth dying for..."

A burning heat rushed through her body as his lips met hers. Before she could recover, he was carrying her up the stairs, laying her down on the soft satin sheets...

She could barely breathe as his cool hands gently pulled down the straps of her teddy. His mouth was devouring her with kisses, and she responded hungrily, anxiously. His lips moved down to nuzzle her cheek, her neck, his breath suddenly and strangely warm against her skin. And as he met her breast, the touch of his tongue sent a wave of excitement through her entire being...

This is too real. This can't be a dream, she thought as his hands moved down her trembling body. And in her mind she willed herself to wake up, to open her eyes...

She awoke with a start to feel the greater part of his body weight upon her. She looked down in amazement to see the blond hair buried in her chest, still tasting her...Inaudibly she whispered his name. "Nick?"

He didn't hear her. And as she became fully awake, she found her voice, and asked, "How did you get here?"

"I couldn't stay away," he said softly. But before it could even fully register that the voice was not Nick's at all, the blond hair lifted to expose the smiling face of Peter Hale.

Natalie gasped, her eyes wide, as she pulled the sheet up to her neck at light speed. A startled Peter jumped up from the bed and looked down at her strangely, not quite sure what had happened.

"How did you get here?!" she repeated in a much louder voice.

"I used my key. I always use my key. What the hell is the matter with you, Nat?"

At once, Natalie made two important realizations. The first was that Peter evidently had free access to her condo. The second was that Peter was stark naked.

More awake than she wanted to be, she tried quickly to compose herself, reminding herself that she worked with naked bodies all day. The fact that they were all dead also occurred to her. She tried to concentrate on his face as she said, "I'm, sorry, it's just that I was out cold, and you scared me."

Peter sat beside her, obviously satisfied with her response. I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to frighten you." His hand went to her hair, and she fought her reflex to pull away as he said, "I missed you. I needed to be with you..."

He reached down as if to kiss her, but she held him back, gently but firmly. "Look, Peter, I really don't feel well. I need to sleep--"

"Then let me just hold you," he said, picking up the covers to join her.

She snatched them from him, not particularly concerned at the moment about maintaining a facade.

His expression betrayed his hurt, and she forced a smile as she said, "I'm sorry, I really just want to rest by myself for a while."

Finally, Peter relented, dressing silently while Natalie closed her eyes, pretending to sleep. Only when she heard the door slam downstairs did she jump from the bed, peeling off the tainted lingerie and hurrying into the shower. There, under the steaming water, she scrubbed the touch of Peter Hale from her body, as she finally let loose the flow of tears that she'd been holding back for hours. "Oh, Nick," she sobbed. "Why did I have to wake up? Why did I have to wake up?"

In Nick's dreams, Natalie was calling to him from some faraway place that he couldn't even see, much less reach. Her voice haunted him, her sobs tore at his heartstrings, and he awoke to a pillow drenched in blood sweat.

There would be no rest in sleep. There would be no reprieve at all from the tightening in his chest until he found Natalie.

A glance at his watch told him that it was still five hours to sunset. He found his way to the kitchen, made a shake of raw eggs, and carried it to the easel he always left ready for inspiration. Only one image haunted him, and though human faces had never been his forte, he knew that he could reproduce every line, every shadow of hers.

He set to work on the portrait. He would have her face to comfort him until they were together again.

She'd composed herself and slept, setting the alarm for five. When she awoke, a message from Peter told her that he'd be by at six to pick her up. His voice was strained, as his anger over her rejection showed through. But dealing with him wasn't important now. He would take her to Richard, and seeing her dead brother alive again was all that mattered right now.

As she waited for him, she picked up the picture of Richard and his family, hoping that she still maintained the same habit of writing names and dates on the back of all her photos. She slid it out of the frame, and to her satisfaction, the other Natalie shared her custom. "Richard and Dawn, with William and Deborah at her first birthday, June 1992. Okay, now at least I can fake knowing them."

The bell rang, and she paused a moment, taking a deep breath. She knew she'd have to play along, pretend to be that other Natalie. After all, she didn't want to totally screw up her counterpart's life--if there were another Natalie who would replace her if she ever found her way back home... The possibilities were mind-boggling, and ludicrous at the same time. God, why hadn't she paid more attention to the science fiction movies her brother had watched when they were kids....?

She opened the door, forcing her sweetest smile. "Hi. I'm really sorry about before. Will you forgive me?"

He hesitated a moment, studying her face, then smiled as he took her into his arms. Natalie let him kiss her, responding briefly. Peter seemed satisfied as he led her to his car, a spanking new BMW. "How do you like it?" he asked excitedly. "I got blue, just like you wanted."

"It's gorgeous," she said truthfully, wondering just how rich Peter must be. But as they rode along the highway, she couldn't help but think that she'd rather be in a Green '62 Caddy. Nick could afford ten of these, but such an affectation wasn't his style. Besides, there were more important factors. "Trunk space," she mumbled.

"Oh, it's pretty big," Peter replied.

She didn't even hear him.

The door flew open and Richard stood smiling to greet her, suntanned and healthy as ever. Alive. It was all she could do to hold back the tears as she threw her arms around his neck, whispering, "Hi, little brother," as she kissed him on the cheek. Richard hugged her tightly, the familiar scent of his cologne bringing back memories of him. If the earlier part of today had been a nightmare, this was a fantasy come true.

"Hi, Sis," he said warmly, kissing her on the cheek. "I was afraid you'd still be mad at me for missing your engagement party. It was work, you know. Otherwise--"

"It's okay, Richie," she said with emotion. "Life's too short to be angry at the people you love."

She let Richard lead her by the hand inside, completely unaware that Peter found anything peculiar in her behavior.

Did it really matter? She had her little brother back, and in this insane world, this was the first thing that seemed perfectly as it should be.

He'd painted her with her hair down, flowing, the way he liked it best, light brown and curly with just the slightest auburn highlight. Her blue eyes smiled at him, and her lips were parted as if anticipating his kiss. He nodded satisfaction. He'd captured her beauty, her warmth. And though it was merely a painting, it meant the world to him. For it was the only tangible evidence that she had ever existed. He would no longer have to rely on his memory, flawless as it was. And yet, how to reproduce her humor, her laugh, her comforting touch, her voice? He reached out to touch her face, imagining the warmth that emanated from her. "I'll find you, Natalie," he vowed. "I swear it."

A presence suddenly filled his senses, and he turned in his reverie almost expecting to see her. But his heart fell as he saw the woman before him.

"Janette," he said in a low voice. "What are you doing here?"

She glided towards him, a bemused expression on her face. "And since when do I need an invitation, Nicolas?" She laced her fingers around his neck, bringing her lips to his for a passionate kiss. Only when he pulled away from her did her smile fade. "In a bad mood today, aren't we, darling?" she sniffed. She glanced at the painting, a tinge of jealousy in her eyes. "Is this someone I should know about?"

Nick studied her for a moment as realization hit him. "You don't remember Natalie, do you?"

"Should I?" she asked curiously.

Nick sighed. He had hoped that perhaps Janette, as one of his kind, would be immune to whatever had erased the mortal world's collective perception of reality. "No, I suppose not."

Janette reached up to touch his face. "You look so weak, Nicolas. Haven't you fed?"

"No," he replied simply, without explanation.

"No wonder you're so unpleasant," she said, nuzzling at his neck. "I know just what you need..."

"No," he said, gently separating from her. From the hurt on her face, he knew at once that in this world, he had probably not refused her before. "Look, Janette, I have a lot of things on my mind."

"Things...or people?" she asked suspiciously, looking disdainfully at the portrait. She turned away from him haughtily, going towards his refrigerator. Her eyes opened wide at its contents. She swung around to face him. "What's going on, Nicolas? Food? And not a drop of--"

"Janette," he said firmly, taking her by the shoulders. "I can't explain what's going on right now. If I tried, you'd probably think I'd gone mad."

"It's a little too late to worry about that," she responded dryly. "Nick, listen to me. We've been very close since LaCroix's death. We've shared everything...our blood, our lives, our thoughts. If something's wrong, I think I deserve to know."

He drew in a deep, troubled breath. He had always been connected to Janette, as a former lover, as a sister. But obviously in this world where there was no Natalie, his connection to Janette, and the vampire world, had become stronger than he wanted to imagine. Could she possibly comprehend the person he was? Could she accept, at his word, that everything was not as it should be?

Perhaps. But until he was sure what to expect of her, he could not trust her. "I'm sorry," he said regretfully. "I can't."

But as Janette angrily flew from him, Nick realized for the first time that he was truly alone. He had sworn to set things right. Yet he didn't even know where to begin.

Natalie had a little smile on her face as she helped Dawn clear the dessert dishes. She'd spent the evening listening raptly to her brother, learning all she could about his life, and what he had become in this other time line. He'd met Dawn in college, when the Lamberts had moved to California. And as Natalie had headed to Medical School, Richard had taken up law, his high accolades in Berkeley winning him a position as an Assistant District Attorney in Van Nuys. It was there that he had met Peter Hale, now his best friend, and through Richard, Peter had met Natalie. Richard seemed thrilled by his sister's engagement, and it had been difficult for Natalie to steer the conversation away from her, and back to Richard. She asked about his cases, his most prominent trials, hoping that in this world, Sol Craven and her brother had never met. To her relief, Richard seemed perfectly safe and secure in his life now, and she prayed that he would stay that way.

"You seem in a great mood, Nat," her sister-in-law commented as she washed the coffee cups and saucers.

"Oh, it's just good to see you and Richie and the kids," she replied honestly, although she felt as if she were betraying Sarah and Amy to say so.

"You must be so excited about the wedding. It's only five months away."

Natalie grew noticeably quiet.

"Nat, is something wrong between you and Peter? Usually the two of you are all over each other."

Natalie tried not to think of how sickly-sweet that must look, as she said, "Well, maybe it's just pre-wedding jitters."

Dawn shut off the faucet, and turned to her as she wiped off her hands. "Nat, there's no reason to be nervous. You and Peter have been in love for four years. It's about time something like this happened. And he is everything you've ever wanted in a man. He's handsome, and sweet, intelligent, with a great future ahead of him." She winked. "Not to mention loaded. Believe me, money causes so many problems in a marriage. It's something you'll never have to worry about."

Natalie tried to smile. "Oh, I know. You're right, Dawn," she said. "Like I told you, it's just a case of cold feet."

Dawn gave her a hug, letting the conversation drop just there. Natalie followed her into the living room, contemplating what she had said. Peter certainly was everything her mother had ever wanted for her, hell, everything she'd imagined would make a perfect husband.

Perhaps Nick had just changed her concept of what she wanted.

Perhaps it was simply Nick that she wanted.

She was thinking of this as she bid goodbye to Richard, promising to meet him for lunch that week. She'd cleverly memorized the phone number she'd seen on the kitchen extension, and would make sure that no matter what happened, she would spend as much time with Richard as possible.

It was Peter who would be the problem. And as they neared her condo, her stomach filled with anxiety. She'd tried to hide her preoccupation from him, but he clearly knew her too well not to notice that something was amiss. He'd questioned her repeatedly on the way home, not believing her protestations that everything was fine.

Now, as he walked her to the front door, she turned to kiss him good night. He looked at her as if she had three heads.

"What do you mean, 'good night'? Natalie, when was the last time I spent the night at my own house?"

Natalie grew cold. "I don't feel well," she stammered.

"You were fine all night," he replied. "Except towards me. You haven't held my hand, or let me put my arm around you, since I got back. Hell, you've been acting strangely towards me for the last two months! Sweetheart, what is wrong?"

"I have a lot on my mind, Peter," she told him. Though she was quickly realizing that Natalie's problems with Peter had started long before her arrival.

"I won't accept that."

"You're going to have to," she said firmly. She turned away from him to open the door, but he pushed past her inside, slamming it behind them. For a moment Natalie thought of Roger, and the possibility that Peter might become violent crept ever-so-slowly into her mind. But she dismissed it as his face softened and she realized that he was more frustrated than angry. She sat on the couch, and he plopped down next to her, taking her hand in his. For a long moment he looked into her eyes, as if searching for the woman who had loved him. Natalie looked down, unable to meet his gaze. She was causing him pain, and she knew it. But she'd never been a good liar, and she simply could not give him what he wanted.

"Is there someone else?" he asked finally.

She knew she hesitated a moment too long before saying, "No. Of course not."

"Is it something I've done?"

She shook her head. "No, Peter. I just...need some time by myself."

She began to shake as he took her face into his hands. "Please, baby. Let me stay with you. I need you. We'll both feel better." He brought his lips to hers, trying to wrap his arms around her just a bit too tightly for her taste. She pulled away abruptly.

"Stop it. Please. I want you to leave." She stood before he could reach out to her again.

Angry now, he faced her. "I don't know what the hell is going on here, but you'd better think about what you're doing." He headed towards the door,turning one last time to look at her. "I'll leave you alone. But when I come back--if I come back--you owe me an explanation."

The door slammed shut with a loud thud.

Natalie heard the screech of wheels as he sped away, and breathed a sigh of relief. She realized that she was shaking. She didn't know how to deal with Peter. Only one thing was for certain. If he wanted to he could come back. She wouldn't wait around for him to surprise her again.

She went through her bag, finding the business card that the dark-haired Nick had given her. She dialed his number, jarred when she heard his machine pick up with the same message as Nick's. "Uh, Nick? This is Natalie--"

He'd been screening his calls, and picked up immediately. "Natalie, where are you? I've been worried."

"I'm okay. I'm at my house. But I can't stay here--"

The desperation in her voice must have been evident, for he immediately broke in. "I'll be right there. Just hang on tight. Everything will be okay."

Something in his voice soothed her. She gathered some clothes, and as an afterthought grabbed the picture of Richard and his family. If she could help it, she wouldn't be coming back to this house. Or this life.

Nick's face was filled with concern as she met him at the door. "Are you okay?" he asked, seeing her distress.

"I can't stay here. Peter's got a key, and I'm afraid he'll come back."

"Wait--what happened?"

She drew in a breath. "I'm his fiancée, and he expects me to act like it. " She paused, almost embarrassed to relate what had happened, but needing to talk to someone. "I was in bed asleep, and he decided to surprise me."

Anger flared in Nick's eyes. He rested his hands on her shoulders. "Did he...hurt you?"

She shook her head. "I made him leave. Then later, he took me to my brother's, and when he came back, he wanted to stay. We got into a fight, and he left." She looked into his eyes with a pleading expression. "I don't want to be around when he gets back. Please, help me find a place to stay, a hotel, somewhere where I can think this thing out without having to deal with--"

"Come on," he said, putting an arm around her shoulder and leading her to the car.

He drove up to an old movie theater, whose marquee still sported the name of its last feature: "It's a Wonderful Life." It wasn't until he pulled in beside it, that she realized where he'd brought her. "This is your place?" she asked. At his nod, she motioned to the marquee. "You've got a good sense of irony."

He smiled at her. "Oh, I don't know. I guess it can be wonderful--sometimes."

At the door, he was about to punch in the security code when she stopped him. "Let me try." She entered Nick's code, not in the least surprised when the door slid open. Dark Nick looked at her in astonishment.

Natalie just shrugged as she stepped into the renovated theater, expecting to find a duplicate of the apartment she knew so well.

She could not have been more mistaken.

Oh, there were some similarities. The table filled with paint cans, the easel standing with a half-finished work, the kitchen area filled with appliances that gave an appearance of use...But there the resemblance ended. This Nick Knight lived in a dark, crowded studio. An old couch sat in the middle of the room, facing a pyramid of six television screens that reminded her of a department store display. To the left, by the heavily shuttered windows, an un-made bed stood conspicuously. To the right, a bathroom basin cluttered with shaving accessories sat beneath a mirror that desperately needed cleaning. A small counter separated the living area from the makeshift kitchen, the telltale empty wine bottles by the sink collecting dust on their dried-blood surfaces.

"It's not much," Nick began almost apologetically.

"Oh, it's...nice," she said, realizing that he'd read the surprise on her face as disapproval. "A typical bachelor vampire pad."

He smiled. "I guess it needs a woman's touch."

"I'm sorry, I was just surprised because it looked so different from Nick's."

"Oh, yeah? How?" he asked curiously.

She began to describe the huge loft, replete with its many souvenirs of Nick's long life.

"I don't believe in living in the past," he told her blandly. "I live for the present...and the future." He thought a moment, then moved to the table, picking up a picture frame. "But you know, there were some differences around here when I came in after dropping you off." He handed her the picture.

"This was one."

Natalie's eyes opened wide to see a photo of herself standing next to him, his arm around her, at what looked like a party.

"I know, it kind of freaked me out too. I don't remember taking that one. Do you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Not at all. It could be the Department Christmas Party."

He made a face. "I never go to those."

"Maybe you do," she said with meaning. "Did you find any more?"

"No, I got a little sidetracked." He walked to the refrigerator, and held out a bottle. "I took a swig of this, and nearly threw my guts up." He made a disgusted face. "It's--"

"Cow's blood," she guessed.

He looked at her in surprise. "How did you know?"

She looked down. "It's what Nick drinks."

He considered that, then said, "So it looks like here you've been doing the same thing for me as you are for him. Trying to keep me off human blood to bring me back across."

"I don't know," she said distractedly. "It doesn't really make sense. Nick was drinking cow's blood before he met me. I've been trying to stop him completely."

Nick shrugged, then picked up the picture. "Well, I don't know, but one thing's for sure. We must be friends."

She smiled. For some reason the thought of that appealed to her. "It looks like it." Then she suggested, "You should look around to see if you find anything else that might give us some idea of what your life is like here."

She stood as if to help him search for more clues, but he put his hands gently on her arms to stop her. "Later. First, why don't you just relax." He motioned to the couch. "I haven't got any food for you, but I can order something in. What do you like? Pizza? Chinese?"

"Pizza's fine," she said, then added with a twinkle in her eye, "You can tell them to hold the garlic."

He smiled, called in the order, then sat beside her.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, his eyes filled with concern.

She nodded. "I just didn't want to wait around for Peter to come back.

I've got enough to deal with trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing here, and how to get home."

He paused, as if not sure how to proceed. "Look, Natalie, I know that this isn't exactly the Hilton, but you're more than welcome to stay here."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her.

"You can take the bed. I'll stay on the couch. I usually fall asleep here anyway."

"I don't know, Nick--"

His face clouded over. "If you're afraid, please don't be. I wouldn't hurt you..."

"Oh, no, it's not that, really," she said quickly, trying to reassure him.

He breathed deeply. "Natalie, I can't help but think it's my fault you're here. I'd feel a lot better if I could watch over you until we figure this all out."

There was something in his voice, in his hazel eyes, that she couldn't help but trust. But more than that, she knew that she herself would feel safer with him. She smiled. "Okay."

"Good," Nick said, relief washing over his face. "I feel a lot better."

And somewhere, deep inside, Natalie knew that she did too.

She ate the pizza hungrily, not having realized how famished she'd been until her first bite. Nick had watched her in fascination, as if remembering the days when he, too, had enjoyed food. His nose twitched suddenly as he got a whiff of her pizza. "I don't think they listened to me when I said to hold the

garlic."

"Does it really bother you that much?" she asked, her medical curiosity taking over.

"I can't go near it," he told her. "Why? Doesn't the other Nick have the same reaction?"

"He used to," she replied, taking a sip of her diet Coke. "But ever since I put him on garlic pills, he's built up a tolerance."

He looked at her, incredulous. "Garlic pills?"

"Doesn't Jack give them to you?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't have taken them if he did."

"Another difficult patient," she said dryly. "So, just what has he tried to bring you back across?"

He sighed. "Well, a couple of years ago he had me trying to choke down some meat here and there...tea...I even went to the tanning salons to try to get used to the sun. But lately..."

His voice trailed off.

"What happened?" she prodded gently.

"There was a woman...Alyce Hunter."

Natalie raised her eyebrows. "The director of the Museum?"

Nick looked at her in surprise, but realized that her knowing might make what he wanted to tell her much easier. "I was in love with her."

Natalie shifted uncomfortably.

Nick couldn't help but notice. "Was the other Nick too?"

"I...don't know. He did say that he kissed her, and--"

"Nearly killed her," Nick finished for her.

Natalie nodded gravely.

"Don't you see, Natalie?", he said, desperation in his voice and his eyes. "I wanted to become human to live, and love again. Alyce was the first woman that made me even consider the possibility. When she died, I blamed myself. And it didn't seem worth it to try anymore."

"But your love didn't kill her, Nick," she told him with a passion equal to his own. "LaCroix did."

"Because of me," he countered. "Because she became involved in my life."

"Nick felt guilty for a long time," she told him. "But he realized he wasn't to blame."

His eyes met hers. "It was easier for him. He had someone else in his life."

Natalie could feel her face turn crimson as she denied, "No, he and I are just friends--"

"Maybe he's afraid to be more than that," he replied knowingly.

Natalie knew her silence was telling, but wasn't quite sure what to say. She steered the conversation back to him. "So that's when you stopped trying?"

"Yes." He stood, suddenly uncomfortable. She watched as he opened the refrigerator door, grabbing the first bottle within reach. He held it up to her. "What does it matter, Natalie? I do this to survive. I don't kill--I haven't killed in a hundred years. And if I spend the rest of eternity catching killers then maybe--just maybe--someday I can save as many lives as I've taken." He pulled the cork from the bottle with his teeth, so like Nick. But unlike Nick, his eyes began to burn with relish as he poured the thick red liquid into a mug.

Natalie watched in wonder as he set the cup in the microwave, warming it for ten seconds. He lifted it to his lips, heedless now of her presence, as the life-giving liquid fed the hunger in his condemned soul. And as he lowered the cup, he threw back his head in an ecstasy that jarred her.

"You enjoy it," she whispered, disbelieving.

His eyes had turned a brilliant blue, and he looked at her with the countenance of an animal that had been caught in some guilty act. "I need it," he nearly growled at her.

"No you don't," she told him boldly. "I see what's going on here now. You don't really care about becoming human. You like being what you are."

"What do you know?" he responded angrily.

"More than you think," she replied evenly. "Nick drinks blood because he can't break his addiction. But he hates it. He suffers for it. You enjoy it--"

"I need it to live," he rasped in a voice filled with emotion, as he reached for the bottle, refilling his cup. "Just as you need food. It's from a hospital, Natalie. No one dies for it--"

"And you're not living with it," she said cruelly. "You act as if you're content to live as a vampire, that it's okay as long as you don't kill. But you can't fool me no matter how much you try to convince yourself. You're using Alyce's death as an excuse to stop trying. Because you don't think you can do it--"

He pretended not to hear her, bringing the cup to his lips once more, this time without bothering to bring it to a delectable temperature. But as he looked at her, her angry but compassionate gaze unwavering, he felt something brewing within him that he hadn't allowed himself to feel in ages.

Shame.

He threw the cup away in anger, its crash to the floor a thunderous prelude to the silence that followed. He wouldn't look her in the face. He stepped over the broken porcelain, his boots leaving a trail of bloody footsteps to the bed. He sat down, his head hanging low, his face betraying his anguish as a blood tear filled the corner of his eye. He wanted to scream. But it was suddenly very important to him that she not see him break down. He looked up as he felt her sit beside him.

"You can do it," she said softly as he met her eyes. Her hand reached instinctively for his, warming him. "Let me help you."

He nodded, squeezing her hand, glad for the smile she gave in return.

Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise as he glanced about Nick's loft. "Impressive place," he commented as Nick motioned for him to sit down.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Nick forced himself to sound pleasant despite his severe sleep deprivation.

"Anything that's not red?" Jack asked curiously.

Nick gave a tired smile as he opened the refrigerator door. "Milk, orange juice...and V-8. I couldn't resist," he added with the first touch of amusement Jack had seen in him.

"I'll take the O.J.," Jack replied, with a confused look on his face. "Do you mean you actually eat and drink human food?"

Nick sighed. "It's a recent development," he replied. "Natalie's had me on protein drinks for a while, and I had just managed a hamburger the night before--" He stopped himself, not wanting to voice it. He poured a glass of juice for Jack, and one for himself. "Suffice to say I've been motivated to try a little

harder the last two days."

"Thanks," Jack said, taking the drink from him, eyeing Nick keenly as he sipped his own unlikely beverage.

"It's really not as hard as I thought," he said wistfully after downing the yellow liquid. "It's too bad I couldn't have realized it before--"

Again, he let his voice trail off.

"Hey, did you do all these?" Jack asked, sensing a change of subject might be a good idea.

At Nick's nod, he stood to inspect the portrait of a woman that sat on the easel. "She's beautiful," he commented appreciatively.

"Yes," Nick said almost inaudibly.

"Is this Natalie?" Somehow, he knew.

Nick nodded once more, moving towards the painting, his fingers lightly touching the image of her flowing hair. "Every picture, every sign of her, was gone. I needed something...physical."

"You love her, don't you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Nick looked into his eyes. His anguish was his silent answer.

"Did she know?" Jack asked gently.

Nick shook his head. "I never told her. I was afraid to. I was afraid of hurting her, if I tried to---"

"Nick had the same problem," Jack told him, with understanding. "But there wasn't really anyone after Alyce Hunter."

Nick looked at him strangely. "Was he in love with Alyce?" At Jack's nod, he continued, "I cared for her, but it was nothing like what I feel for Nat."

Jack shrugged. "Nick didn't have anyone else. After LaCroix killed Alyce, he just gave up."

"Nat has kept me going," he said with a bittersweet smile. "She's the only one who ever had faith in me. Without her--" His expression turned to one of anger. "Without her, I don't think I can go on."

Jack patted him on the back. "You'll get her back, Nick. After all, I can't stay here forever. I've got a wife and two kids waiting for me."

Nick took a deep breath. "Okay, then, Doctor. Where do we start?"

Jack took out a notebook. "I've already gone over all the cases current at the ME's office. Only one or two are remotely like anything I've got back home. I thought maybe that was the connection. The only other thing I can think of, is that it has something to do with you and Nick. You seem to be the focal points. You're the only ones who notice that anything's changed. Either I'm here to help you in some way--"

"Or Natalie's there to help the other Nick," he finished for him.

Jack glanced again at the painting. "Knowing Nick, he'll have the same reaction to her that you have."

Nick shot a glance at him. There was something about the sound of that that he definitely did not like.

"In the morning I'll go out and get you some garlic pills, and maybe even start you on Vitamins--"

"Isn't this going a little fast?" Nick asked, although she could see the enthusiasm behind his veneer of apprehension.

"Not if you want to see another sunrise anytime soon," Natalie told him.

"That reminds me--" He glanced at his watch, then got up to find the remote control to his televisions. He sat on the couch, beckoning her to join him. "It's hooked up to a camera on the roof..."

In amazement, Natalie watched as the morning sun rose in all its splendor, shades of red, orange and yellow filling the six screens...Nick's face had taken on an almost religious glow as he beheld the beauty that he could never see first hand. Natalie couldn't help but be touched by the deep longing that had driven him to devise this technological substitute. "Soon, Nick," she told him softly, "Soon it will be the real thing."

And he squeezed her hand, glad to share the sunrise with her.

They talked for a long while after sunrise; Natalie found him fascinating. The similarities to Nick were uncanny, yet the differences were just as appealing. He hadn't lived as long as Nick--only 400 years or so--and like Nick,his personality was very much a product of his times. He'd be born into the Scientific Revolution, so there was no mysticism or religion entwined with his beliefs about his nature. It was purely an addiction, he believed, just as Nat had tried to tell her Nick all along. There was nothing evil about it, with the obvious exception of the deaths that his needs had brought about. His struggle was different than Nick's. He sought not redemption, but renewal. In a way, he was not burdened with the spiritual aspects that had plagued Nick; but the moral issues were there, and Natalie suspected that his lack of faith had played a role in his inability to motivate himself. Would it make him easier or more difficult to help? The possibilities swam before her even as she began to yawn from sheer exhaustion.

"I'm sorry, you must be beat. I should really let you get some rest," he said as she found it difficult to stifle yet another yawn.

She wanted to hear more--it was the only thing that kept her from thinking of her own plight. But the last day had taken its toll on her, physically as well as emotionally. "You're right," she agreed reluctantly. "I should get some sleep. But the couch is fine..." She could easily fall asleep right here.

"No, I insist," he said, rising. "I told you, I usually fall asleep on the couch anyway." He went towards the makeshift bedroom. "Let me just straighten this up for you, get some clean sheets--" He stopped abruptly, and she rose to meet him, wondering what was wrong.

"Now this is weird," he said. He was holding a near-empty bottle of blood in his hand. "Remember I told you that I found all cow's blood when I came home? Well, I threw it out and went to get some of the regular stuff. I didn't notice this bottle in here--"

"Cow?" she asked. Maybe he'd just forgotten to throw it out. She was too tired to see the problem.

He raised his eyebrows."No. Human."

She shook her head. "I don't understand. If you were supposedly drinking animal blood, then why one bottle of human blood right by your bed?"

He thought a moment. "Well, considering that the cow's blood doesn't really do the trick, I'd say I had some kind of relapse. And judging from the smell of this, it isn't more than a day or so old." He set the bottle on the nightstand. "Something may have really thrown me off track, or got me so pissed off that I didn't care." He hesitated as if discovering something else.

"What is it?" she asked, her curiosity having given her a second wind.

He handed it to her. "Another picture. Of us."

But it was more than a picture. They were dressed up, as if they had gone out somewhere. His arm was around her, and their cheeks were touching.

"Well, you said it. It looks like were--friends."

He gave her a look tinged with amusement. "I'm friends with Schanke, but I never took a picture like this with him."

Somehow she didn't like what direction this was heading in. "It still doesn't explain--" she began, as he pulled the sheets from the bed to change it.

He stopped in his tracks. This time a sly grin found its way to his lips. "This wouldn't be yours, would it?"

A black bra. Her face turned crimson as she recognized it as the exact twin of the one she was wearing. Her lips parted in shock.

"I know it's not Schanke's," he said in a low voice. He was about to laugh and she wanted to hit him.

"That doesn't mean...I mean maybe I was just--" she began, flustered. "Give me that!" she said finally, ripping it from his hands.

Now he did laugh.

"What's so funny?" she snapped at him.

"Oh, come on, Nat, where's your sense of humor?"

"It's not funny--"

"But it didn't happen! You're sitting here getting mortified over something you think we did, but couldn't have, and if we did, it wasn't us anyway. I mean it *was* us, but it wasn't *us*." He stopped himself, trying to figure out what he had just said. "Did that make sense?"

"I understood that perfectly," she replied mirthlessly. "That's what worries me." She sat on the bed, ignoring the fact that he still had to make it.

He came to sit next to her, taking her hand, and looking into her eyes. She should have felt uncomfortable, but she didn't. His face was serious now as he said, "Natalie, you are a beautiful woman, and I wish it *had* happened. But it couldn't have. I haven't been able to kiss a woman in four hundred years

without the vampire coming out."

Part of her blushed at what he had said. Had Nick ever told her that in the two and a half years she'd known him? But her overwhelming emotion right now was sadness for the loneliness he must have endured. She could read the anguish in his hazel eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry. " She smiled at him shyly. "I'm just not in the habit of leaving my bras in strange men's beds."

He smiled at her. "No, I didn't think you were that type of girl at all." He pulled her to her feet. "Come on, let me fix this bed up for you so you can get your sleep, and we'll figure this all out tonight." He reached for the pillow, slipping it out of its case...

..and then he saw it.

"What is it?" she asked, following his gaze.

Under the pillow was an envelope, on the front of which was written simply, "Nick".

He picked it up to examine it. "It's been opened. I must have read it in bed. Maybe this is what got me upset enough to start drinking blood again." He held it out to her. "Is this your--"

"--my handwriting. Yeah, it is."

They looked at each other, with very little amusement now.

"You read it," the both said in unison.

"It's addressed to you," Natalie pointed out, not wanting to see the contents.

"But you wrote it," he argued.

They sat down as one on the bed, and he opened it, as they read it together.

Dear Nick,

I'm sorry to have to leave you like this. I know I should wait until you wake up, and tell you what I have to say. But after last night, I don't think I can face you. Because you'll ask me again if I love you--and I can't deny what's in my heart. But last night should never have happened. I made a commitment to Peter. I have to go through with that.

Don't blame yourself for this. I knew what I was doing. When I spent all those nights with you, while Peter was away.... We fooled ourselves into thinking it was all about my helping you with your problem. But that was only the beginning. We both know better. We called ourselves friends, but it's been more than that for a long time. And it shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have let it happen.

I'm so sorry, Nick! I know you love me, and hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do. Please believe me that this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. But I know it's the right one. Just as I know that you will find someone else. And now that you know that you can live, and love, as a man....

I've kept my promise to you. But I have other promises to keep. I hope that someday you'll understand.

I wish things could be different. I will always love you.

Natalie

Natalie just stared at the page when she was done reading. It was her handwriting. And that awful sense of responsibility and self-sacrifice was her all over. The other Natalie, the one who had written this, had fallen in love with this Nick, just as she had hers. The only difference was that she had already committed herself to another man. Would she have betrayed a fiancé to be

with Nick? Would she have gone through with the marriage knowing she loved someone else? Would she have followed her common sense and married the man who was everything she'd dreamed of? Or would she have thrown it away for an uncertain future with a vampire...?

But even as these questions swirled through her mind, one undeniable realization struck her like a lightning bolt.

In this reality, Nick had found enough mortality, enough control, to make love to her.

It could be done.

Dark Nick's voice brought her from her reverie. "So, I guess you really broke my heart," he commented.

She turned to him, about to berate him for joking. But as she looked into his eyes, she saw that he was completely serious. And suddenly she knew that her cheeks were flushed. No wonder Natalie couldn't face him. She was having trouble facing him just at the thought of it. "Well, like you said, that's not us. I'm not that Natalie, and you're not that Nick."

"And you're not engaged to Peter," he said with meaning.

The warmth in her cheeks was rapidly spreading throughout her body. He must have realized how uncomfortable she was, because he quickly said, "You're right. Well, at least we know what was going on here before. Maybe after a few hours sleep, it'll make more sense."

But she doubted it. And as she slipped into the clean sheets, wearing the T-shirt he'd given her, she knew that sleep would be very elusive to her today. All she could think of was the vampire sleeping just feet from her, who had in another reality turned her life upside down. And the scary part was, she could easily imagine how he could do it.

She hadn't been able to sleep. There was too much to think about. She wanted to see Richard again. And she didn't want to see Peter. She was certain that she would stay here at Nick's until they'd figured out a way to get her back. If there was a way. So while Nick slept, Natalie went shopping, stocking his shelves and refrigerator with real food, spilling the bottles of blood down into the sink. She hadn't taken such a drastic step with her Nick. But something told her that her return to her own time would depend on how quickly she could set this Nick on the right track. It wasn't a cure he needed, for certainly she couldn't give him that any more than she had given one to his counterpart. But his hope had been lost, and she would have to help him to regain it. Besides, for purely selfish reasons, she needed to help him. For while she concentrated on his plight, she could forget her own.

Or try to forget. What was her Nick doing now? Was he eating? Did he miss her as desperately as she did him? Was he right now trying to find a way to bring her back? Was it even within his power? The anxiety began to set in once more, and she willed it aside. She couldn't dwell on it all, on him--it would drive her insane.

"Are you okay?"

She nearly jumped as Nick's voice broke her reverie.

"I'm sorry, Natalie, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, it's all right. Yeah, I'm fine," she said, trying to obscure her anxiety from him.

He came to stand beside her, looking at the empty bottle in her hand. "I hope that went down the drain and that you're not picking up my bad habits," he told her with a grin.

She laughed. "No, I'm just trying to cut out some of the temptation. So, I didn't realize it was so late. Are you ready for some dinner?"

"I guess," he replied, dubiously.

"Oh, come on, I'm a terrific cook," she said, punching him in the arm. "You've got to start somewhere--"

"As long as it's not one of those protein drinks," he replied, wrinkling his nose.

"No." She opened the fridge. "You've got a choice--hamburger, chicken, London broil…"

"I'll take the London Broil," he told her, "but rare. With lots of ketchup."

He didn't even notice as Natalie shot him a glance.

"So, what do you think, Jack?" Nick asked as he poured him another glass of wine. The two men had finished off their second bottle long ago, and were working on a third. Nick had found that a tolerance for food had also given him somewhat of a tolerance for alcohol. And he hadn't drowned his sorrows in drink for over seven hundred years! Jack wasn't exactly a fellow knight on the Crusades, but as a drinking buddy he was working out just fine.

"About what?" Jack responded, clearly too buzzed to think straight. "About life, vampires, or alternate realities?"

"All three, I suppose," Nick replied, refilling his own glass. "Tell me who you think is responsible for all of this--because I assure you, Jack, that in eight hundred years I've never known of anyone or anything powerful enough to pull reality out from under my feet."

Jack looked at him with the philosophical glaze of someone who's had too much to drink. "What about God?"

Nick let out a deep breath. "God," he repeated bitterly. "And what kind of God would bring Natalie to me, let me fall in love with her, let her make such an impact on my life, and then take her away as if she'd never existed?"

Jack shook his head. "I don't know, Nick. I'm not that religious. You're the ex-Crusader. I just can't imagine any other force capable of doing this."

"And if it is God, then what's his purpose?"

"I can't tell you that."

"I can." His face grew dark. "This is my punishment. For succumbing to LaCroix's evil--for all the pain and death I've inflicted on innocent beings in my lifetime."

"No, it's not," Jack told him. "Then what am I doing here? No, Nick, the alcohol is just making you more depressed. If God is doing this, it's for a reason..."

And so went their discussion for hours. Yet after Jack had left, Nick could not shake the feeling that this was all God's way of punishing him. He had sought redemption, it was true. He'd tried to repay his debt to society. But could his debt to God ever be repaid? He'd rejected God, challenged him, disobeyed his laws, his commandments. Was there any redemption for him now, any salvation, no matter how many lives he saved, no matter how much good he tried to do?

Nick didn't have the answers. And with each passing day, his obsession to find them , grew stronger, just as his belief that only his spiritual redemption would bring him closer to finding Natalie.

There was only one person who might have the answers he sought. He picked up the phone, asking information for the number of St. John's Roman Catholic Church. He dialed quickly, before he could change his mind, relieved when the young priest answered.

"Father Pierre? This is Detective Knight, Nicholas Knight. Yes. I'm calling to take you up on your offer to come to confession..."

Natalie watched expectantly as Nick took his first bite. Then another. He closed his eyes as if willing to keep it down, so much like her Nick had with the hamburger... A few moments later, he smiled. "Great. Now what's for dessert?"

She laughed. "I don't think you should get dessert until you finish all your meat," she teased.

"Okay, Mom," he responded in kind, then took another mouthful. He chewed it slowly, almost painfully, then swallowed. His face grew serious. "I think that's it for now. Maybe I'll skip dessert."

She brought her face close to his as she took his plate. "It's a good start," she reassured him. "You can't expect to come back across in a day."

His gaze was sincere as he said, "I don't think I really believed I could at all until I met you."

And as their eyes locked, Natalie saw so much there-- the glimmer of hope springing forth from the centuries of anguish, his pain, his longing...his renewed enthusiasm for life, and appreciation for what she was doing. His hand came up to her cheek, and he caressed it, taking in her warmth. Natalie trembled at his cool touch, not from fear of him, but of the feelings he was stirring within her. He sensed her uneasiness, and took his hand away. "I...just wanted to say thanks," he said awkwardly, tearing his eyes from hers.

"It's okay," she said uncertainly, not sure if she was responding to his words, or his actions.

He moved away from her, distancing himself a bit as he said, "You know, I think we're both expected to be on duty tonight."

A wave of panic ran through her. "What if Peter decides to stop by? Nick, I don't think I'm ready to face him--"

"Relax," he told her, making her sit down on the couch, placing her own plate of food in front of her. "Why are you so afraid of this guy?"

"I...don't really know," she admitted. "I guess it just hits a raw nerve in me." She paused, not knowing why she felt she could confide in him something that she'd found so difficult to talk about. But he was her only friend here, wasn't he? "There was someone I dated...a while ago. He seemed nice enough, but he turned out to be the killer they were looking for. I was almost

victim number five. If Nick hadn't saved me...." A shiver went through her. She looked up as she felt Nick's hand on her arm.

"Don't worry," he said looking into her eyes. "I don't think this guy Peter is a psycho--but I promise, I won't let him, or anyone else, hurt you."

There was such sincerity in his demeanor, such warmth in his voice. She knew she would be safe with him. "Okay," she said, relaxing a bit. "I guess I have to face him some time." Somehow, she knew that Nick wouldn't let her face him alone, and she took comfort in that. Yet knowing how much she had come to depend on a virtual stranger was unnerving in itself. What was it about him...?

"I'll tell you what," he proposed. "I've got some time coming to me. I'm sure you must, too. What if we both call in for the rest of the week? This way I can concentrate on my...recovery...and keep an eye on you." He grinned.

"You might as well have a good time while you're here..."

"A kind of vacation in an alternate universe?" she asked with a weak smile.

He laughed. "Sure. Why not? Maybe I can even take you to Disneyland."

He was playing with her hair, and she hated herself for liking it so much. But something kept her from pulling away. He was looking at her now as if trying to read her expression, and she shuddered to think that he could feel her heartbeat quickening.

"Natalie, I was wondering...."

"What?" she asked, although she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Tell me about you...and the other Nick."

She told him. How they'd met, what they'd done to try to bring him back across. The friendship they'd developed. The late nights. The videos. He listened intently, though she knew he was waiting for something more.

Finally, he interrupted her with a blunt question. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

She wanted to deny it. But what was the point? She had nothing to lose in telling him. "Yeah," she admitted. "How did you know?"

"The way you talk about him," he said with a warm smile. "The way your eyes light up when you do."

"I didn't know I was that obvious," she said, looking away uncomfortably.

"Hey, you're not," he assured her, taking her hand and squeezing it. "I can just imagine...I mean, it's only natural..." He seemed suddenly at a loss for words. Finally he asked, "Is he...I mean, has he ever told you that he loves you?"

She looked back at him, and shook her head slowly. "No." She felt foolish admitting it, embarrassed by the obvious disappointment in her voice.

But his gaze made her feel anything but foolish.

"Natalie, I'm sure Nick is in love with you. But like I told you before, he's probably afraid. I know I would be..." His voice trailed off, and then he quickly added, "uh, afraid, that is."

She pointedly ignored the subtext of what he had almost said. It wasn't something she wanted to deal with right now. "The night before I...found myself here...we were in his apartment. He kissed me..." she intimated. "It was the first time."

"I'm sure it won't be the last," he told her. "Not if he's got half a brain."

She could feel her face flush, and she felt suddenly warm. His eyes were boring into hers, threatening to see what she wanted to keep obscured even from herself. "We'd better make those phone calls," she said in an all-too-obvious attempt to cut short a conversation she was unprepared to have.

Nick nodded silently, knowing that he had made her uncomfortable. He stood to distance himself from her, and said, "Yeah, the last thing I need is Schanke coming to look for me." He fumbled for his phone, making a short call to a man named Brunetti, who was probably his captain. Food poisoning had totally incapacitated him, he explained. He'd need a few days to recuperate.

He hung up the phone and looked at her sheepishly. "A really lousy excuse considering they've never seen me eat so much as a donut."

She smiled as he handed her the phone, at ease now that their discourse had crossed back into neutral territory. "Well, not far from the truth. You didn't look so great after that hamburger."

"Very funny. Just remember, it's your cooking."

Natalie was about to dial when a realization hit her. "I don't even know who to call. Who's my boss?"

"You don't have any. You're the Chief Medical Examiner. You know, like Quincy?"

Natalie laughed. "Yeah, but he had to report to that other guy--what was his name--?"

"Astin," Nick told her.

She shook her head in amazement. Her Nick would have never even seen the Seventies television show, much less known that little bit of trivia. "I used to love that show when I was a kid," she said. "I think he inspired me."

"Me, too, although, I wasn't exactly a kid," he reminded her. "But I liked the cop stuff. All those old cop shows made me think it would be a great way to help people..." He paused thoughtfully, as his face grew somber. "And to repay my debt."

Natalie put a hand on his arm. She was having too much fun with him to let him fall into a depression over his situation. After all, she was here to change all that, wasn't she? "Come on," she prodded him, handing him the phone. "Just dial, and let me know who I'm talking to. I'll wing the rest."

The family emergency excuse worked just fine, and as she plopped down on Nick's couch, she realized that she liked the idea of spending the next few days with him...

That alone added guilt to the list of mixed emotions that were brewing inside her.

"Detective Knight--I'm really glad to see you here."

Father Pierre Roquefort's smile was genuine as he shook his hand, motioning for him to take a seat. Two comfortable armchairs faced each other, so that not even the young priest's desk would separate him from those who came to confess their sins. The thought of this all was too new and terrifying for Nick. When Father Pierre had told him over the phone that the private confessionals were a thing of the past, Nick had regretted not doing this a few months, or years, earlier. But as the Millennium approached, Nick realized that many things had changed in his long lifetime, not the least of which was the Church that he had fought for so many centuries ago. If he was going to turn to God once more, he would have to adjust to how things were done today.

No matter how much he wanted to run from the room.

But he knew that the fear was for what he would have to confess. He could stare at the cross on the wall, and the statue of the Holy Mother, without the discomfort normally engendered by the evil that had dwelt within him for over seven hundred years. That alone gave him the strength to know that change was possible. And if he could change, then atonement was within his reach.

"You can call me Nick," he said slowly as looked into the eyes of the young man who had no clue what he was about to hear.

"Okay, Nick. I sense you feel a little uncomfortable with this."

"I'm not used to...the face to face approach. When I was a kid, you were totally hidden from the priest. I think the anonymity suits me." How better to face the shame of his sins?

"There's nothing to be ashamed of. You know I've heard confessions from thousands, including murderers--"

Nick shifted uncomfortably. He knew the priest was referring to the killer he had helped them to catch, but even that psychopath's sins were child's play compared to what he had done.

"There's nothing you could say that would surprise me--"

"You'd be surprised, Father," Nick said softly.

"Then why don't we begin? And remember, this is all confidential. I'm here to listen, not to judge. Only God can do that."

'And he has,' Nick thought dully to himself. He took a deep breath, then began. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." He looked into Father Pierre's eyes to make sure he believed him, as he said, "It's been over 700 years since my last confession."

The priest's eyes widened slightly. His only response was, "Well, we don't usually use that terminology anymore, but if you haven't done this is over 700 years you wouldn't know that."

Nick paused. "You don't believe me."

"Well, it's just that you look pretty good to be seven centuries old, so you might want to explain your secret of eternal youth..." The priest was trying to veil his doubts in a joke, yet Nick's face remained unchanged, telling him that he was dead serious.

"Please, Father, just let me tell you my story."

Father Pierre nodded for him to go ahead.

"My name is Nicholas de Brabant," he said slowly. "I was born in what is now Belgium in 1191. I went off to the Crusades at the tail end, in 1221. In 1228, I was seduced by a young woman who turned out to be a vampire. Her master, whose name I must omit for your own protection, brought me across."

He paused to see that Father Pierre was listening with interest. "He drained me of blood and gave me the choice to die as a mortal, or condemn my soul in exchange for eternal life." He sighed. "To my great shame, and the misfortune of the hundreds of thousands whom I have killed to feed my hunger for human blood, I chose to become a vampire." He looked down, unable to face the man to whom he had just confessed his greatest sin. He wasn't even sure if the priest believed all that he had just blurted, as well thought out as it was. But there was only one way to dispel any doubts, and Nick would have to do that before he could go on. He closed his eyes, letting the beast come forth. When he looked up again into Father Pierre's face, his eyes burned amber, and his fangs protruded from his mouth. "This...is what I sold my soul to become," he said in a voice much lower than his own.

There was no fear in Father Pierre's eyes. Amazement. Curiosity. But compassion outweighed all else. "Go on, Nick. Tell me why you think you've lost your soul."

Nick closed his eyes as he prepared himself for the moment he'd thought would only come when he faced God for his Final Judgment. When he looked into Father Pierre's kind eyes once more, his own were a clear blue.

Would confessing his crimes against humanity bring him the peace that had eluded him all these years? He wasn't sure. But he had to try. For only in God's forgiveness would he find that peace.

"It may...take a while..." he said, his voice dry.

"That's all right," Father Pierre assured him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Nick took a deep breath and began. "When I awoke, they told me what I was...I was so thirsty...yet not for water...they brought in a young woman, and led me to her...I could hear her heart beating...I could smell her blood..." He closed his eyes as the scene replayed in his mind. "I drank from her...and even as I did, her blood told me everything about her...it was...exhilarating..."

He looked into the priest’s eyes once more, shame overcoming him.

"I...enjoyed it. And I drank until I'd had my fill...until…her heart stopped beating...But God help me, it was like nothing I had ever felt...I just wanted to do it again and again...And I did. Over and over." He paused, then whispered,"There have been hundreds of thousands..."

For the barest moment, the young priest seemed too shocked to speak, but he recovered with the aplomb of someone trained to do just that. "And all those other times, Nick...Was it always the same? The exhilaration? The pleasure?"

Nick was startled by the question, so bold, so matter-of-fact. But he answered honestly. "At first, there was nothing but the newness of it--the thrill of the hunt, the power, the ecstasy of knowing someone's entire life by drinking their blood...." He hesitated, ashamed to even express the feelings that were so taboo. "But little by little, I came to abhor what I had become...But I couldn't stop. It wasn't until a hundred years ago that I stopped killing..."

"Then you value human life," the priest commented. It was a statement, more than a question, but Nick nodded.

"Now I do," he responded. "I suppose a part of me always did. That's why the killing became so difficult. But in the beginning, it was too easy. The second night, I went out to the nearest town--"

"Nick," Father Pierre interrupted gently. "You don't have to relive it all. You've explained your feelings about what you've done, and given me an idea of the scope of your sins. You don't need to go into the details of every life you've taken--"

"But I have to," Nick broke in. "Every death that I have caused weighs upon my soul--"

"The soul you claim to have lost?" Father Pierre cut in, with meaning.

Nick hesitated a moment. "How can you think I still have a soul after--?”

"You have a conscience, Nick. You regret what you've done. You want to atone for it. It seems to me that you've already regained your soul."

Nick considered his words. "In my day, they wanted you to enumerate your sins."

"It's not like that anymore. But if it would be a catharsis for you--if you would feel better--"

"I need to remember them all. I owe it to them--for taking their lives..."

The priest nodded his understanding. "Then go on. Tell me whatever you want to."

So he began, recounting in all the grisly detail that had been imbedded in his vampiric memory throughout the ages. Those he had betrayed, those he had murdered in cold blood. Those whose lives he had taken by accident. Those he had brought across. Those whose names he had never known, those whose names he could never forget. Throughout it all, Father Pierre listened intently, careful not to betray the horror that he must have felt as he bore witness to the atrocities of many lifetimes. Only to hear of the temptation of St. Joan, did he open his eyes wide in wonder. And still, Nick went on, until he had confessed all there was to confess.

"Are you truly sorry for all the lives you've taken, Nick?" It was a pointless question, but one that had to be asked.

"Of course I do," he replied, tears in his voice. "That's why I became a cop. To try to repay society for my sins."

Father Pierre took a deep breath. "Nick, that's a noble gesture. But do you really think that it's all as mathematical as that? Save as many lives as you've taken?"

Nick shrugged. He'd never thought of it as so cut and dry. "I...I don't know..."

"You don't earn forgiveness, Nick. You have to ask for it. Good works may please God...but only through faith in Him, and in our Lord Jesus Christ, can you truly attain forgiveness. If you can accept Christ as your Savior, and ask his forgiveness for what you've done..."

"That's...all?" he asked in amazement.

"Simple, isn't it? But not as easy as it seems. You have to have that faith, Nick. St. Joan was right. The faith you lost has always been there for you to regain. But you have to feel it within you. God isn't keeping a scorecard of your sins and good deeds. But he does know what's in your heart."

"My heart...." Nick repeated. "What's in my heart? Pain. Shame. And love for a woman that God has taken away from me to punish me for what I've done." At Father Pierre's confused look, he decided to elaborate. If the young priest believed him thus far, perhaps nothing would be too incredible. "Would you think I was insane if I told you that until three days ago, a woman named Natalie Lambert was Coroner...but that now, no one even remembers that she ever existed?"

"But you already told me about Natalie...how she's been trying to help you become mortal... what happened to her brother Richard...."

"And it all happened, Father. But two days ago, I walked into her office and found a man named Jack sitting there. Everyone except me believes that he's always been there. It's as if reality has been changed, and no one notices except me." At the priest's dubious expression, he added, "Oh, and Jack. He knows he's not supposed to be here. He says that until two days ago he was the Los Angeles Chief Medical Examiner...and that he was helping a vampire named Nick Knight to become mortal..."

“Another Nick Knight?" Father Pierre asked in disbelief. "Another version...of you...?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know, he says he looks nothing like me, that he's only four hundred years old...." He stopped as he realized how ludicrous this all sounded. "You must think I'm mad. But if you spoke to Jack, he could tell you that it's all true...."

"No, no, I do believe you. It's not more incredible than anything else you've told me." He smiled. "Actually, you're lucky I grew up watching a lot of science fiction. It gave me a more open mind than most. Things like this happened all the time on Star Trek, and the Twilight Zone." He grew serious. "You think God is doing this to punish you?"

He nodded solemnly. "I love her, Father. More than I've ever loved another woman. She is all the goodness that I am not. She's been the light at the end of my tunnel, and without her, I'm completely lost."

“Then why would God take her away from you?" the priest pointed out.

He thought a moment. "Because I don't deserve her. I'm being punished for all that I've done--"

"No, Nick," Father Pierre broke in. "God doesn't punish us."

"Who else but God would have the power to do this?"

"If God has done this, He has His own reasons. You may not understand what they are, but you may not be meant to yet."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" he asked helplessly.

"Trust in God. Follow the path he's set for you. It's what you've been doing, isn't it? You're here, aren't you? Deep inside, you knew that only God could set things right."

"Then why won't he?" Nick asked desperately.

"Look at yourself, Nick. You may still be a vampire. But you've said yourself you're eating food now. You came to this Church, and are sitting here amongst all these holy symbols without feeling the dread you once did."

It was true. He reached out to touch the cross that Father Pierre wore, took it in his hand, held it...

It didn't burn. He released it, looking at his unblemished palm in wonder.

"You see?" Father Pierre said in satisfaction, obviously having seen enough vampire movies to know what should have happened.

"So what now?" he asked, with hope in his heart for the first time in days.

"Continue on this path. Trust in the Lord to guide you. But remember," he warned, "You have no way of knowing where the path will lead. Or what He's chosen for you. All you can do is pray, and have faith in Him."

The priest had gently reminded him of the obvious. That no matter what he did--it might not bring Natalie back. But in his heart, Nick knew that being here, doing this, was right. Even as he'd confessed to each and every murder of his long lifetime, he had felt a burden slowly lifted from his soul.

His soul. It was there, wasn't it? Perhaps the young priest was right.

Perhaps St. Joan had been right too. The faith in God, and in his own ability to find righteousness once more, had always been within him, waiting to be rediscovered. That faith was growing in him even now, as he realized in wonder what changes had come over him. For as much as his abstinence from blood may have brought physiological changes, he knew in his heart that something greater had given him the strength. Natalie was a part of it. But a force greater than mere destiny had brought Natalie into his life. He knew that now with all his being, just as he believed that that same force would bring them together again.

"Do you think you're ready for the next step?" Father Pierre was asking him.

"Yes," he said with determination.

"You know that this is Holy Week. On Saturday night, we celebrate the Resurrection of Christ..."

How long had it been since he had attended a mass! Yet even now he could remember fondly sitting with Fleur, fidgeting in his seat on their family pew as his mother and father gave them stern looks to be quiet. Once he had almost lit Fleur's hair on fire with a Paschal candle. He almost smiled at the thought now. What he would give to experience that all with a family of his own.

With Natalie, and their children...

"Are you ready to receive the Body and Blood of Christ?"

The question shook him back to reality. "Surely it would burn in my throat," he said dismally. "I...I don't think I'm worthy..."

Father Pierre smiled at him. "Nick, you've confessed your sins and repented for them. The next step is receiving Holy Communion. What better time to do it than during a celebration of rebirth, of renewal?"

Nick took a deep breath. He could almost feel his heart beating with his own excitement. "You're right. I'll do it." What better way to prove his faith?

That day, Nicholas de Brabant left St. John's a new man. Or rather, on the path to being the man he once was.

Natalie watched in expectation as the dark Nick Knight swallowed the tablet with a glass of water...

Glass crashed onto the floor in dozens of pieces, water dousing her feet.

Nick keeled over, then fell on his hands and knees, gasping. His eyes had turned a brilliant blue, as his features began to harden. Natalie sank to her knees, reaching out to him.

"It's okay, Nick. You're gonna be okay," she said firmly, putting her hands on his arms.

In a few moments he'd regained control, and sat on the floor heaving a great sigh of relief. "Whoa. That was intense."

"It'll take a little getting used to," she told him. "Nick had the same reaction when he first started the garlic pills." Just mentioning his name brought the anxiety and longing back to her heart. But she tried to push it aside. This Nick needed her support right now, and she would concentrate on that.

"So what's the point, Natalie?" he asked, frustrated. "All this for what, so I can eat a pizza?"

"Come on, don't get discouraged," she said, placing her hand over his. He'd been having a difficult time as his body had begun to weaken from lack of blood. In three days, his protein intake had been nothing more than raw meat and the shakes that he liked no more than her own Nick did. But she could see the color coming to his face even in his weakened state, and she knew that going cold turkey had made the difference. She couldn't let him falter now. "It's all part of coming back across. Learning to live without the blood, and tolerate all the things you couldn't before--"

He smiled weakly at her as he said, "Like the tanning bed? I suppose you might want me to start that torture again..."

"Gee, I hadn't even thought of that one," she admitted, then said, "Well, if it increases your tolerance to sunlight--"

He looked at her dubiously. "What's next? Crosses?"

She smiled mischievously. " Well, next Sunday is Easter..."

"Oh, no," he said, standing up. "The last person who forced me to go to church was my mother--"

She stood to face him. "Well, then, I guess you've waited long enough. Time to try it again."

He shook his head in disgust. "And if I do all this, Natalie...The garlic, the crosses, giving up the blood---do you really believe this is gonna bring me back across? I mean, it hasn't worked for your Nick, yet, what makes you think-

--?"

He stopped mid-sentence and she was sure that her face had clouded over at his words. Natalie realized suddenly that perhaps she had been pushing him too hard, as if her own future depended on his ability to come back across. In her heart, she was certain it did. But it wasn't fair to him.

"Look, I can't promise you a cure. I haven't found that yet. All I know is that it's the blood that keeps you from coming across. The rest is just...I don't know, maybe just an attempt to help you live a normal life. Maybe if you feel more human--"

"Hey, I'm sorry," he apologized, putting his hands on her shoulders. "This has just been a pretty intense couple of days--"

"No," she said guiltily. "It's my fault. I don't mean to push you. It's just--"

"You want to get back home," he told her, as if reading her thoughts. "I know. And it's okay. I know this has got to be harder on you than on me."

She sighed. Which was harder? Having reality ripped from under your feet or trying to make the transformation from vampire to human? "I know it's not easy, Nick. But you can do it."

He was looking at her now so strangely, but with an expression that suddenly became unmistakable as his hand moved up from her shoulder to her cheek, his cool flesh giving off heat with his touch. "And if you help me to do this, Natalie---if I get back on track--then you'll...go back where you came from."

It was what she wanted. And yet the sadness in his hazel eyes as he said it so matter-of-factly stirred something within her that she couldn't deny. "I ...suppose..." she faltered.

"If that's the case," he said softly, "then I don't know if I want to come back across."

Natalie's lips parted in surprise at his words, though she knew she should have seen this coming. The attraction between them had been unequivocal. But she couldn't acknowledge it, much less give in to it. Not while her heart still longed for that other Nick Knight...

"Look, Nick, maybe we should take this a little more slowly--I mean, trying to bring you across," she corrected herself all too obviously.

He nodded silently, his hand dropping from her face to take her hand. "Sorry, I--"

"Didn't you say something about Disneyland?" she asked, breaking the awkwardness between them.

He laughed, relieved to be let off the hook for his actions. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?"

She smiled at him, the immediate tension broken. "Come on. It's almost night. Let's get out of here and just forget about everything for a while."

Natalie did want to forget.

Forget the three days of constant anxiety and fear that had plagued her, as control of reality itself had slipped beyond her reach.

Forget how much she wanted to see Nick, and the fearful realization of how consumed with love she was for him. She'd never allowed herself to feel it before, always imagining that they had all the time in the world to let their relationship take its inevitable course. But now, the thought that she might never see him again filled her with a greater anguish than she had ever known.

Forgetting him would be impossible. But she wanted to forget that pain. For if she didn't, it would drive her mad.

Forget about what was happening between her and this other Nick.

What had started out as a mutual attraction had become an emotionally charged sexual tension that she just couldn't deal with right now. Even admitting those feelings to herself made her feel as if she were betraying Nick. Yet the cold reality was that this Nick had showed more interest in her than her Nick Knight had done in over two years. With each day she spent here, she found it harder to convince herself that she wasn't clinging to some hopeless fantasy at the expense of the attentions and affections of someone who wasn't afraid to show his feelings...

So Natalie lost herself in the magic of Disneyland. She rode rides she'd always been afraid to, sought out Winnie the Pooh just to give him a hug, watched Mickey and his friends in a festive parade, then held Nick's hand as they watched the most brilliant fire works show she had ever seen. Then of course, there was her old stand-by favorite--shopping. She did need clothes, didn't she? Nick was only too happy to foot the bill as she picked out the nice supply of T-shirts, shorts and night shirts, sporting Mickey, Goofy, Pooh, and, since she was still feeling a little gloomy, Eeyore. By the time the park was ready to close, they were laughing and joking their way to the car with bundles

of souvenirs.

"Okay, where to now?" Nick asked as he slid comfortably into the driver's seat. The anguish that had seemed to pervade his being, had been lost in his easy smile and incredibly youthful spirit. Natalie couldn't remember the last time she had allowed herself to simply have fun. The thought of returning to reality, as it were, was just too depressing. She could tell Nick wanted this evening to last just as much as she did.

"Well, I'm kind of hungry," she said, hoping it wouldn't seem as if she were trying to get him to eat. The truth was, she was famished, but had kept from mentioning it to prevent him from feeling awkward.

"Hmmm." He seemed to think about it for a moment before admitting, "You know, I sort of feel like I could eat something too." He smiled. "What do you feel like having? You're my guest."

"But you're kind of new at this," she reminded him. "Why don't you decide?"

He chose a quiet Italian restaurant not far from his house. "I've always wished I could try this place out," he said wistfully as they stepped inside.

Soon, they had a full meal before them--stuffed artichokes, Veal Parmagiana, Linguine with thick red sauce, and a bottle of wine. Nick found he was able to have a good helping of everything, and was absolutely delighted.

Natalie enjoyed his reactions almost as much as the food, and for two hours they sat together by the candle light, talking of anything and everything that had nothing to do with vampires and alternate realities.

"God, I can't remember the last time I ate so much," Natalie said as she put down the last half of her canoli, too stuffed to finish it.

"Me neither," Nick laughed, his hazel eyes sparkling with his joy. "But then again, I can't remember the last time I was on a date," he added, putting his hand over hers.

Natalie flushed, from the wine as much as his words and his touch. Was that what this was? A date? With his other hand he was refilling her empty wine glass, and she took another drink. How much had she had to feel this tipsy after all that food? But she was feeling too good to stop. Too good to go back to all those depressing thoughts...

His arm was around her as he walked with her back to the apartment.

He hesitated for a moment, looking up at the moon.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I just wish...we could watch the sun rise," he said with a sudden quiet as reality hit them once more.

"Soon," she promised him.

He nodded, leading her inside.

As they stepped into his apartment, Natalie’s stomach fluttered with the nervous anticipation she hadn’t felt in years, at once excited and terrified by what she knew was to come. Could Nick hear her heart quicken as he turned to face her, putting his hands on her shoulders, caressing her bare arms? His skin no longer chilled her, and yet she shivered at his touch. Did he notice? No, his eyes were boring deeply into hers, his gaze serene as he said, “Natalie, I don’t know how to tell you… Tonight was…incredible…”

“They say that… about Disneyland—“ she began, knowing it was a feeble attempt to avert his real meaning.

“No,” he told her softly, a slight smile on his lips. “You know what I’m talking about…” His own words were cut off as his lips crushed against hers.

The world seemed to disappear as she lost herself in his arms, weakened by the exquisite passion of his kiss. With a hunger that had been dormant within them both, they reveled in the sensations of a moment which had been preordained from their first meeting. Natalie knew that it wasn’t the wine. They’d wanted each other from the start, and each day together had only intensified their desire, leading finally to this…

His lips had roved downward, tasting her skin, lingering at the hollow of her neck. “Nick…” she breathed…

Like a sledge hammer it hit her, her own voice reminding her of what her heart had not forgotten.

Nick. Her Nick. The one reality that called her back to her old life, the one man that she truly loved…

“Nick, please, stop…” she said a bit more forcefully.

Had she lost herself in him, or in the passion? It was all so fuzzy, and yet she knew in her heart that this wasn’t right…

He looked up at her sadly, and she realized at once that he’d misunderstood.

“Natalie, I would never hurt you,” he said, bringing his hand up to caress her cheek. “The vampire…it’s not gone, but I’m controlling it…don’t be afraid, please…”

“I’m not afraid,” she told him truthfully, stepping away. “But I can’t do this, not while there’s still a chance—“

“That you’ll go back to him?” he asked, his bitterness poorly veiled.

“Yeah,” she told him simply. There was no need for more explanation. She’d already told him how she felt about Nick.

“I’m sorry,” he said, as if suddenly embarrassed for having over-stepped his bounds with her. “I just couldn’t help—“

“It’s okay,” she assured him, not wanting this turn of events to come between them and what she was trying to do for him. “Look, I could really use some coffee. It’s almost morning and I wanted to try to see my brother today…”

He nodded as she put on a pot to brew, aware that he was watching her silently. She didn’t want things to be awkward between them, and yet she had known that their attraction would become an issue. When she finally poured her coffee, she turned to see that he had activated his television monitors, prepared to await the dawn. Music was part of his ritual, and as she sat on the couch he fumbled with some Compact Discs, making this morning’s selection. “Any requests?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as he had the last couple of nights. “I’m in the mood for some rock, but you can pick the decade.”

“How about eighties?” she said without hesitation. “They remind me of college…”

“I can’t say the same,” he said with a weak smile, selecting a disc. “But I do remember some clubs in Chicago…”

Despite the coffee, she was still dead tired. She closed her eyes as Sting’s sexy tones filled her ears…

“Ever breath you take…”

She remembered once playing the Synchronicity CD with Nick. The song had taken on new meaning as he had said it reminded him of LaCroix’s obsession with him. Oh can‘t you see…you belong to me…

“The King of Pain” had moved Nick almost to tears. And as it played now, Dark Nick looked thoughtful. “What is it?” she asked.

“Story of my life,” he said wistfully. Was her memory playing tricks on her, or hadn’t her Nick said the very same thing?

A Duran Duran song changed the mood as dawn quickly approached. Nick had been silent, but she knew that like herself, he could not leave things unsaid. Suddenly Simon LeBon was speaking to them…

Please please tell me now, is there something I should know…?

“Natalie, we have to talk,” he began finally.

But even as his hazel eyes gazed into hers, she knew what he would say. Her face flushed as one of the steamiest songs of her college days began to play, as if on cue…

Heart in my mouth, pulse in my head

Mercury rising into the red

The smell of your skin

Can light up all the fires in me

Why were those lyrics suddenly so appropriate? Was he listening? His hand went to her hair.

Hungry to touch, I’m eager to please

Out of control and I hand you the keys

“Nick, look, so much is changing in your life now—“

“That’s not it, Natalie,” he insisted, his face filled with emotion. “It’s not the changes… the food… the control…” He paused, adoring her with the smile in his eyes. “It’s you.”

Every night I am burning to make love to you…

“You’re just reacting to—“ she stammered.

“To you.” He repeated, taking her face in his hands. “Nat, I’m falling in love with you…”

So don’t try to tell me you think it’s all physical

It goes much deeper than that

You oughta know

It’s an affair of the heart

It’s an affair of the heart

Again, he kissed her hungrily. And once more she responded, unable to refute what was so utterly clear to them both. For no rationalization could explain away what was happening between them.

He was falling in love with her.

And, despite the part of her that would deny it all, another part of her was falling irredeemably in love with him.

It’s an affair of the heart.

Have a little blind faith

Believe it’s an affair of the heart…

‘When we make love it’s a passionate thing…’

Was that what was happening? Was he going to make love to her? The thought both frightened and excited her… Her heart was pounding, and the room seemed to spin around them…

‘You shudder and shake, sink your teeth in my skin…’

The erotic lyrics seemed to take on new meaning with the men who had found their way into her life. Yet she knew that it was the man in Nick who was responding to her; the vampire was well under control. His kisses teased at the soft skin of her neck, but continued downward as he unbuttoned her blouse. She gasped suddenly as his cool hand reached into her bra, cupping her breast, freeing it to his exploration. The heat of his mouth as he tasted her sent a wave of arousal through her body. How long had it been since she had let anyone touch her this way? How long since she had given in to her own desires? And yet even in the stupor of incredible pleasure that Dark Nick was giving her, the reason she had denied herself and her needs came crashing to her mind.

Nick. For two and a half years she had wanted him, and repressed those desires, obscuring them from him, and even from herself. She had, in essence, given up on that aspect of her life, entertaining no thoughts of letting anyone else in her life—until Roger. And even then, images of Nick had intruded upon her intimacy, even as they were now…

Dark Nick had sensed her pulling back emotionally from him, and brought his face back up to hers, looking at her with concern. “Are you okay? I mean, do you feel okay?” he asked hesitantly.

She smiled at him warmly. “I can’t remember the last time I felt so good,” she intimated, glad to see his smile in return.

“That what is it?” he asked, caressing her cheek. But it was a rhetorical question. He knew. Sighing, he said, “Natalie, I know you… have feelings… for him. But you can’t tell me that you don’t feel something for me.”

“You know I do,” she admitted softly.

“Then don’t deny what’s in your heart,” he pleaded her.

She breathed deeply, the conflict evident on her face as she said, “I can’t. And that’s what makes this so hard.”

He nodded his understanding, though she could see on his face the need for more, emotionally, than she could give him right now. He kissed her on the forehead, looking into her eyes. “I do love you, Natalie. And I won’t push you. But do you think it would be okay if I just… held you close?”

Such an innocent request, but something she knew he needed as much as she did. In answer she snuggled against him on the couch, letting him wrap his arms around her. Only as she began to drift off in his embrace did it occur to her that they had missed the sunrise…

Nick’s kisses were tender against her face, his voice soft as he whispered words of love to her again and again. The sincerity in his hazel eyes left her with no doubts--she had never been loved so completely before. She ran her fingers through his dark hair, kissing him desperately as they made love with an urgency borne out of a common need…

But even as she held onto him in the blissful afterglow of their union, a voice reverberated through her mind with such clarity and emotion that she felt as if she would die of despair…

“Nat…please come back to me…I love you…”

She stood as his spirit walked towards hers, reaching out, even as Dark Nick held her back. His blue eyes were filled with anguish, his handsome face wet with blood tears. She looked from one to the other, each reaching out to her, calling her… Nick collapsed into her arms, and her eyes clouded with tears as she ran her fingers through the soft blond curls. “Why, Nat, why?” he cried to her in a grief that clouded her soul.

“I’m sorry, Nick, I’m so sorry…” She tried to speak the words but they were caught on her lips…

The phone jarred her back to reality, as it were. Still holding her in his arms on the couch, Dark Nick began to stir. She heaved a deep sigh of relief as the dream slid back into the recesses of her subconscious. Where it belonged. What had she almost done?

Yet as Nick awoke and smiled sleepily at her, she knew that her feelings for him could not so easily be dismissed as her nightmare. Even though she was glad that things had not progressed any further between them physically, she knew that their emotional bond could not be denied. He loved her. And in her heart she knew that if it weren’t for that other Nick, she could easily love this man enough to spend the rest of her life with him.

If it hadn’t been for Nick, she would have given herself to him last night.

They listened as the recording of Nick’s voice declared him incommunicado, and Schanke’s voice followed the beep.

“Hey partner, I don’t want to, uh, intrude, but the whole world is looking for Natalie, and I had a hunch that she might be with you—“

“Not as dumb as I thought,” Nick whispered with a grin, although she wasn’t sure he was completely kidding. The thought that people were looking for her was what concerned her.

“A call came in to Brunetti this morning from the DA’s office in Van Nuys. Seems both her brother and her fiancé--” Schanke stressed the word, “—were looking for her. If she’s there, I’d tell her to get in touch at least with her brother before things get out of hand. I mean, it does look kind of suspicious that the both of you take off and disappear at the same time. Anyway, call me if I can do anything to cover for you. Oh, and, uh, have fun…”

Natalie had stood before Schanke even hung up, and Nick came over to her, taking her hands. “Hey, don’t worry,” he said, sensing her sudden preoccupation. “I told you I won’t let that guy near you—“

“Nick, I have to call Richie,” she told him. “I have to see him—“ She went to find her bag, rummaging for the phone number she had written down when she’d been at his house.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked cautiously.

She looked at him, not understanding his concern. “He’s my brother. And he’s been dead for the last year. This may be my only chance to spend time with him—“

“If you go back,” Nick put in.

She hesitated a moment, realizing that her own words had made it sound as if she trusted her return was inevitable. It wasn’t something he wanted to hear, and she knew it. “Neither of us can control that one way or the other,” she said delicately. “Nick, I just want to see him.” Her voice was quiet, but determined. “I have to.”

“Of course you do,” he said, relenting, as if not wanting to personalize the discussion. “Look, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to go to his office. I don’t want you to run into that Peter guy—at least not alone.”

She smiled at his protectiveness. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I have no intention of letting that happen.”

“Can you trust your brother not to tell him where you are?” Nick asked.

“Hey, this is my little brother you’re talking about. If you knew all the times I covered for him—“

She turned her attention back to the phone as her sister-in-law answered. “Dawn, hi, it’s Nat.”

“Oh my God, Nat, we’ve been going out of our minds with worry! Peter must have called here every hour on the hour for the last three days—“

“Dawn, listen to me: I don’t want Peter to even know that I called. Just let me talk to Richie, and I’ll explain it all to him—“

For a moment the woman seemed surprised by her request, but agreed not to mention that she’d called. Natalie took in a deep breath as she waited to hear Richard’s voice. It was still so incredible just to be able to talk to him…

“Nat, where the hell have you been?!”

She winced as his voice boomed loudly at her, a mixture of anger and relief. So much like their Dad…

“We’ve been worried to death—“

“Richie, I’m sorry, but I had to get away. I’ll explain everything to you… if I could just meet you somewhere—“

“Where are you staying?” he asked, his worry now the predominant emotion. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “I’m staying with a friend—“

“Who?”

Natalie hesitated. She wasn’t ready to give that information away just yet. “I’ll explain everything when I see you. But Richie, you have to be alone. You can’t tell Peter you’ve heard from me—“

“Nat, what’s going on? If he’s not treating you right, I want to know…”

She smiled. Her little brother had always looked out for her, even though she was the older child. “Don’t worry. I’ll explain everything. Just tell me where to meet you—“

Nick was mouthing ‘here’, but she shook her head. She wasn’t quite sure what she was going to tell her brother, but she knew that it had to be alone. Richard chose a spot on the boardwalk, and she promised to meet him there in an hour.

Nick looked at her dubiously. “I don’t like this—how do you know he won’t bring Peter with him?”

“He won’t. I can trust him.”

“Even with the truth?” he asked.

Natalie was silent. She knew she would have to tell her brother something. But how much of the truth could she reveal? Who she really was? Where she was from?

What had happened to him in another life? What she had convinced Nick to do to him?

How she had watched him be destroyed, knowing that it had all been her fault?

“I’m not sure,” she said evenly. “I guess it all depends on how much this Richie is like the one I knew.”

The sun was way too bright, and Natalie was sure she was spending too much time living on the night shift. She couldn’t help wondering if indeed this Richie was like the one she had known. But any doubt was erased as he walked up to her, giving her a tight hug.

“Thank God you’re all right,” he said, taking off his sunglasses to look at her. “Nat, I have to know. Did Peter do anything to hurt you? Because if he did—“
“No,” she assured him. “I just had to get away from him. We’re not really getting along—“ she began.

But as she looked into her brother’s eyes, she saw the same soul that had been her friend and confidant for her entire life, and she knew that telling the truth would be less difficult than fabricating some story to fool him. “Richie, there’s something I have to tell you. It’s gonna sound really crazy—but it’s true. You have to trust me.”

“You know I do, Sis,” he said tenderly, leading her over to a bench, and motioning for her to sit beside him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

She took a deep breath and began. “Richie, a few days ago, I was living a completely different life. A life where our family never left Canada. Where you became a Crown Prosecutor and I was Coroner of Toronto.”

“What?” he asked dubiously. “What is this, some kind of Twilight Zone?”

“Exactly,” she said with a nervous laugh, not sure if he thought she was mad, but depending on him to have an open mind; after all hadn’t they grown up together on Twilight Zone and Star Trek? “I found myself here, in a life that I knew nothing about. When I came to your house that night, it was the first time I’d seen you—in a while.” She hesitated, still finding that part difficult. “I’d never met Dawn or the kids—“

“You mean, I didn’t marry Dawn in this other life?” he asked, intrigued.

“No, you married Sarah—“

“My old girl friend from the neighborhood?” he asked in disbelief. “But we broke up—“ He paused.

“When we moved to California?” she guessed.

He nodded, giving a slight shiver as if he were totally spooked by what she was saying. At least it meant that maybe he believed her…

“We never moved from Toronto. You and Sarah got married right after college and had a daughter named Amy—“

Richard’s eyes opened wide, and somehow Natalie knew she must have hit upon something convincing. “Sarah and I talked about getting married…and said that if we ever had a daughter, we would name her Amy…” he explained.

“After her little sister who died of leukemia,” Natalie said knowingly.

Richard’s looked at her, incredulous. “But how could you know that? I never told you…and Sarah never talked about Amy…it was very painful…”

“I know,” she said, ”But Sarah told me the day after your daughter was born.”

His jaw dropped, as he took in everything she was telling him. Finally he said, “My God, Natalie, what you’re saying then…it’s true. But how-?”

“I have no idea how it happened, or how I can get back—or even if I can get back—“she added. “But that’s why I had to get away from Peter. I never met him, Richie. He expected to sleep with me—“

“Don’t worry, Nat, I won’t tell him anything. But you can’t just stay in hiding—“

“I had to get away, and try to figure things out—“

“And have you?” he asked with interest. “Do you have any idea how you were brought here…or why?”

“I think it has something to do with a man named Nick Knight.” The secret of Nick’s vampirism was not hers to reveal, even to her brother.

“Your friend at the precinct—the detective?”

Natalie nodded. “In my world, there was another detective Nicholas Knight. Someone I was…close to. He had a medical problem I was trying to help him with. This Nick—he isn’t the same as mine, yet he has a similar…problem…and he was the only one who knew I didn’t belong here.”

“So you think these two men are the focal point?” he asked with the ease of someone who had seen an episode similar to this on some show. “And he’s the friend you’re staying with?”

Natalie paused, thinking that Nick would warn her against it, but she felt she could trust this Richard. He was still her brother. “Yes.” She took out the card that Nick had given her and handed it to him. “This is his number. You can find me there.”

Richard put the card in his pocket. “I wish you would stay with us. I could take care of Peter, and make sure he didn’t come by—“

Part of her wanted to accept his invitation. After all, what better way to spend time with Richie again? And yet, she knew that her place was with Nick. To help him. To find her way back.

To work through her feelings for him.

“I’ll be fine,” she promised him, kissing him on the cheek. “I just wanted to see you…and let you know that I’m okay.”

“I’m glad you did,” he told her, giving her a hug. “Remember Nat, in any universe—I’m still your brother. And I’ll always be here for you.”

She held on to him for a long moment, not wanting him to see the tears that had threatened to burst forth. If only he knew how his simple words had wrenched at her heart. Just being able to talk to him again, to touch him, was a miracle she could never have imagined possible.

But even as she bid Richie good bye, she knew that there were some things that would definitely be better left unsaid.

Nick stood to meet her as she walked back into the apartment, his face filled with expectation and concern. “Well, how did it go?” were his first words.

“It went fine,” she assured him, smiling lightly.

He heaved a sigh of relief as he came to her, putting his hands on her arms. “It took so long, I was starting to worry. If you weren’t back by sundown I was going to go out looking for you.” He hugged her to him, and she relished his warmth, taking in the scent of his freshly-showered skin, his cologne…

He kissed her lightly on the hair before releasing her. “Okay, so let’s hear it. What did you tell him?”

She plopped down on the couch. “Well, as much as I could without telling him about what you and Nick are.”

“And he believed you?” he asked, incredulous.

“Yeah. I knew he would. And it’s better this way. He’ll keep Peter off my back.”

She had become suddenly distracted and he couldn’t help but notice. He sat next to her. “Did you tell him about…how he died?”

She shook her head sadly. “No. What would be the point? I told him about Sarah and Amy so that he would believe me. If I know Richard he’ll spend enough time wondering now about the ‘road not taken’. There’s no need to burden him with the rest.”

Nick squeezed her hand. “I know it must have been hard for you not to talk to him about it. It sounded to me like you could have used some closure on what happened.”

She sighed deeply. “If I had told him, it would have just been to assuage my own guilt. I couldn’t do that to him.” She looked at him. “He’s happy here. That’s all that matters now.”

“And what about you?” he asked with meaning.

“What about me?” she countered, deliberately avoiding where he was going.

He looked deeply into her eyes. “Could you be happy here? With your brother…” He paused, then added softly, “With me?”

His gaze was captivating. But the same heart that begged her to say yes pleaded her into hesitation. “Nick, I still don’t know if I’ve even considered the fact that I might stay here permanently,” she said carefully. “As far as I know, I’m only here to help you become human—“

“But what if it’s not about me, Natalie?” he broke in.

“I don’t understand—“ she began. But as if her mind were suddenly attuned to his, she did.

“What if it’s about you?” he proposed. “From what you’ve told me, there was a lot missing from your life. What if whoever, or whatever, did this was giving you another chance… to be with your brother…and to be with someone who could love you the way you deserve to be loved…”

“Nick…” she began, knowing that her face had flushed at his words.

“I do love you, Natalie,” he vowed passionately. “I know you may find that hard to believe after so short a time, but I’ve lived long enough to know my own heart. I’m not gonna let you go—“

His confession left her weak with emotion, as her conflicting desires made her heart feel as if it would burst. “Even if it were my choice to make,” she said slowly, not wanting to fathom that it might be, “Nick needs me—“

“Then he and I have a common need,” he told her, taking her face in his hands. “The only difference between us is that I’m not afraid to tell you how I feel… to show you…”

His lips crushed against hers, stepping in where words would no longer suffice. And as her heart and body responded to him, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. When, since Richard’s death, had she felt so at peace? When had she ever felt so loved, so needed, as Nick made her feel now?

Her mind flashed back to that last night in Nick’s loft, to the words, the kiss that had spun her head around. But in retrospect, she wondered if her own love for him hadn’t made her read more into his feelings. Gratitude, affection, attraction…she’d felt those clearly enough from him. But had Nick, in three years, even come close to expressing the kind of love and desire for her that so freely flowed from the man who held her now?

No, she admitted to herself finally. No. He never had.

No one ever had.

“Think of yourself for once, Nat,” he whispered in her ear as his kisses showered her.

And as she lost herself in him, she couldn’t help but think that maybe it was about time she did just that.

Hungrily she met his kisses with her own, knowing that this time, she would not stop him. She had waited too long, wanted him for too long…

But even as he whispered the words of love she had needed to hear, she knew in one agonizing moment of clarity that it was not this Nick, but her own, who had engendered the frustration that she needed so desperately to release. In despair she struggled to put him out of her mind, to remember that her love for him had been totally unrequited.

Hadn’t it?

In her mind she flashed back to that day in the morgue when he’d infuriated her so, telling her that he thought it was good she was starting to see someone. She’d hated him for that, for his deliberate attempts to define their relationship as nothing more than friends…

Yet now, as she relived it, she heard him as she hadn’t that day. Without the filter of her own anger she could hear his voice crack with emotion, as he’d nearly choked on his own words. It had hurt him to say those things to her, just as it had to see her kissing Roger. He’d denied his own feelings to do what he thought was best for her. Why hadn’t she seen it at the time? Hadn’t his jealousy been obvious when he’d deliberately slipped his arm around her to discourage the man he’d seen her kiss?

Guilt overwhelmed her as she thought of him now, even as Dark Nick explored her with his gentle caresses. There was no denying what this man was doing to her, both physically and emotionally. She did love him. And yet the unspoken love and promises never made between her and Nick made what was so pure and beautiful seem like an ultimate betrayal…

“Nick,” she breathed, not sure for whom her whisper was meant. She opened her eyes, wanting the reality of this Nick to wash away the memory of the other. He was, after all, everything she wanted, everything she needed. She was here now, possibly never to go back. With him. With Richard. Was this what was meant to be?

“I love you,” he said in a hushed whisper, as if knowing how much she needed to hear it. He lifted his face to look into her eyes…

Without meaning to, she gasped as he gazed down at her with glowing blue eyes, fangs descended, his face beginning to contort in the anguish of his realization. He pulled away from her, turning in shame, his back to her. “Oh God, I’m so sorry…” he said in a broken voice.

“It’s okay, Nick,” she assured him, jumping to stand behind him. His arm stiffened at her touch, and she knew how important it was that he know she wasn’t afraid. “It’s okay,” she soothed him again, wrapping her arms around him from behind and resting her head against his back.

Slowly, she could feel his tension fade as his control returned. His features normal, he turned finally to face her. “I don’t know why that happened,” he began. “But I swear, Nat, I wouldn’t have hurt you…I caught it in time…”

“I know,” she promised him, looking him in the eyes so he could read her sincerity. “And that alone should make you realize how far you’ve come…”

It was a far cry from when he had kissed Alyse Hunter and nearly killed her, and he knew it. He nodded slowly, then took her in his arms, hugging her to him almost as a security blanket. “I guess I just thought…finding that letter…”

“I know,” she said, sparing him the embarrassment of saying it. The letter that the other Natalie had written to him was quite explicit. They had made love. She thought about it a moment, then said, “You know, it’s probably because you went cold turkey on the blood. He…or you…you know what I mean…was drinking cow’s blood. Maybe you should try to take it slower—“

It was the first time she had suggested that, and she knew that it clearly put his needs ahead of her desire to help him as a means to achieve her own return home. The implications of that were not lost on him, but he said, “Or I should try harder.” He looked into her eyes. “I want to be with you, Natalie. Whatever I have to do to get there, I’ll do.”

His gaze spoke volumes, and she melted in it. Instinctively, she laced her hands around his neck, drawing him into a kiss. The ponderings of what was and what might have been were momentarily lost in the reality of the moment. She loved and needed him. And there was no doubt in her mind that for this Nick, the feeling was mutual. Was that something she would walk away from even if she could?

She’d made him a meal of overly raw steak, the blood serving to assuage his beast even as the meat continued to fill his stomach. He’d insisted they go ahead with his treatments, even taking an extra garlic pill. The satisfaction on his face when it only barely jarred him was priceless, and she knew that that small success helped alleviate his depression over what had happened earlier.

Secretly, Natalie was relieved that the vampire had emerged when it did. Physically and emotionally, things had moved much too quickly between them. While part of her reveled in a happiness with him she’d never known before, another part of her spirit was still mired in the life that had begun to seem like nothing more than a phantom of the past. It was the uncertainty of her future that held her back. Making love to him would be a beautiful dream turned nightmare if fate were to whisk her away from him now. If only she could know which life were her destiny; until then, her love and her loyalty would be forever divided.

“So, what’s next?” Nick asked, coming up behind her.

“Huh?” She looked down and realized that she’d finished the dishes while deep in thought. She shut the faucet and turned to him.

“I asked what’s next,” he said with a smile of enthusiasm, and she realized he was talking about his treatment, not her life.

“Hmmmm.” She thought a moment and then reached to release the clasp on the gold chain around her neck. He watched with sudden aversion as she handed him the cross she wore, the one Magda had given Nick in appreciation for saving her life. Satisfied that it burned less than before, he’d given it to her, and she’d worn it ever since, in part to test his tolerance, in part because it reminded her of him.

“I can’t hold that,” Nick said, pulling back his hand. “Not unless you’ve got some heavy-duty burn ointment on hand—“

“Have you tried lately?” she challenged him.

She stared at him steadily until finally he relented. Wincing, he held out his hand. “Okay, go ahead,” he said dubiously.

“Do you believe in God?” she asked quietly.

“I used to,” he admitted, taken aback by the question. There was a faraway look in his eyes, as he added with a touch of bitterness, “A long time ago. Before I began to defy ‘Thou shalt not kill’.”

“Maybe if you forgive yourself, He can forgive you too,” she said gently.

He looked at her, then nodded, solemn as he took the crucifix into his hand. His eyes opened wide as it failed to burn his skin on contact. He closed his palm around it, grasping it tightly in a mixture of disbelief and belief revived. When he returned it to her, he looked at a light mark it had left on his palm. “It still burns, but not as badly,” he told her incredulously. His face was filled with emotion as he said, “Maybe this means I’m getting closer…”

Natalie’s lips parted as he spoke the same words Nick had that day when he’d held the same cross for the first time. “To being human, or to God?” she asked softly, remembering her response.

This Nick just shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said quietly, almost too moved to speak. He reached up to touch her cheek. “I just know that this wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for you.”

He kissed her lightly and hugged her to him, and Natalie felt tears come to her eyes. But she wasn’t sure if the joy in her heart or the sadness in her soul had brought them forth.

Perhaps it was a little of both.

Another adage had proven true:

Confession was good for the soul.

Nick looked at himself in the mirror without contempt for perhaps the first time in years. The peace that had washed over him since his visit to St. John’s must be apparent to the whole world. He could see it himself, in the calm blue of his eyes, where the amber light no longer threatened to emerge. Physiologically, the beast might still be dormant; but spiritually the curse had been lifted from his soul. Yes, his soul. It was there, and always had been. St. Joan had known it. Natalie had been certain of it. And now, he knew it, too. The light was no longer an unattainable dream. It was within his grasp…

Only one thing remained. He had done his part. The rest was up to God.

Perhaps that was what troubled him most. He’d truly believed his redemption and Natalie’s return to be inextricably intertwined. But hours after the burden on his soul had been lifted, reality had still not changed. Natalie was still but a memory that he alone held in his mind and his heart. The final step would be tomorrow night, when he received the body and blood of Christ on the Eve of the Resurrection. Yet would the miracle he needed more than the redemption of his soul be fulfilled? Would she be returned to him?

It was Good Friday. He abstained from the meat that had become his normal fare, astonished that he had remembered the customs of his childhood. How easily it all came back! For a moment he indulged himself in the fantasy of holidays to come, when he and Natalie and their children would carry out the perfectly normal traditions and activities as all families did. He drifted to sleep with a smile on his lips, imagining what their son might look like, and wondering if their daughter would have her mother’s beautiful eyes…

He saw her in his dreams. Beautiful, happy, she was alive and well in some other place, just out of his reach. He called to her, expecting her to run to him, imagining the warmth of holding her in his arms again…

But then, she turned away, oblivious to his presence, deaf to his entreaties. She called out his name, but rather than turn to him, she was walking away from him, no, towards someone else…

The pale skin against dark hair told him it was an Other. The vampire was reaching out to her, and she to him, even as Nick lost his voice in his panic…

He was kissing her, fondling her, as Nick had never dared, undressing her as Nick only had in his wildest fantasies. Then, as his heart sank into the depths of anguish and jealousy, he watched as the stranger made love to her…

He found his voice only after she lay spent in the stranger’s arms, and with all his force he sobbed, “Why, Nat, why?”

For the first time she looked at him, sorrow in her eyes, reaching to him even as the stranger held her back…

“Natalie!”

His own voice awoke him, and the sharp pain in his chest made him gasp for air. His heart struggled to pound even as it fell to the deepest pit of his stomach. “No!” he cried, looking for her in the darkness as the boundary between reality and his subconscious seemed to blur.

She wasn’t there. But as he lay back on the pillow, drenched in his own cold sweat, he knew that she had been. It had been more than a dream. Of that he was certain. And suddenly, the urgency of his struggle to recover her had intensified.

He picked up the phone, dialing the number Jack had left him. The man answered sleepily.

“Jack, it’s Nick,” he said, his voice still betraying the emotional drain. “If you could stop by here…I’d really appreciate it. There’s something we need to talk about.”

He was staring at her portrait, willing her to sense him as he had her in his dream. If only he could communicate with her, let her know his feelings, and all he had done to be with her…

He hardly noticed Jack enter the loft, until the doctor walked up behind him. “Are you all right?”

Nick turned to him, his face emotionless as he said, “I want you to tell me about the other Nick.”

Jack looked at him curiously. “What happened?”

Nick breathed deeply, not sure if he could even voice aloud what he had seen. “I saw Natalie…in my dream. She was with another man. A vampire.”

“What did he look like?” Jack asked, intrigued.

Nick forced himself to see it again, his vampiric memory enabling him the vivid detail a human would never achieve. “Dark hair…tall…thin…light eyes…he looked about my age…he was wearing jeans, and a T-shirt…”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “That sure sounds like him. But how do you know it wasn’t just a dream?”

“You never told me what he looked like,” Nick reminded him. “Besides, it’s just a feeling I have.”

“Look, at least if she’s with Nick, she’s safe—“

“Is she?” Nick spat at him suddenly. “They were together,” he said, emphasizing the last word. “He was kissing her, touching her…” He felt the amber rising to his eyes and consciously kept it back as he said, ”He made love to her!”

“Oh,” Jack said simply, the reason for Nick’s ire now apparent.

“How the hell is that even possible?” he demanded, his jealousy no longer hidden.

“It’s not,” Jack assured him. “As far as Nick’s told me, he hasn’t been able to have a relationship with a woman in centuries. When he kissed Alyce Hunter he nearly killed her…”

“Oh, that’s very reassuring,” Nick replied sarcastically. “So I shouldn’t worry that he’s sleeping with her because he’d probably end up killing her instead?”

“He’s not going to kill her,” Jack promised him. “Even when he was staying off the blood, he could control himself—“

“Really? And if somehow Natalie has brought him closer to a cure--because that’s what we assumed she’s there to do—do you think he could control himself enough to—“ He refused to finish the sentence. It infuriated him too much to even voice it again.

He waited for Jack to reassure him again, but to his utter dismay the doctor merely shook his head. “I don’t know. He’s very lonely…”

“That’s just perfect,” he said angrily. He looked away, gazing again at Natalie’s portrait to chase the images of his dream from his mind. “You told me once that if you knew Nick, he would have the same reaction to her as I did. What did you mean precisely?”

It was almost a rhetorical question, and Nick wasn’t sure why he was torturing himself discussing it. But he had to. If he held this inside he would go mad.

“She’s a beautiful woman. Nick can’t help but notice that. And…”

“And what?” he asked, not wanting to let the doctor off the hook.

“And, I’m sure that if she does help him in some way, if they spend a lot of time together—“

“What, he’ll try to seduce her?”

“No,” Jack told him adamantly. “He’s not going to take advantage of her in any way. He wouldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t—“ He cut himself off as he saw the fury rising in Nick’s eyes. “I…guess he wasn’t forcing her in your dream,” he concluded, wincing at how he had put his foot in his mouth and effectively made matters seem worse.

Nick shook his head. He couldn’t even speak. He sat on the couch, staring ahead, wondering what ironic twist of fate would bring them to this point. But he knew in his heart that ultimately, he was to blame. Just as he had been when he had pushed her inadvertently into Roger’s arms. “It’s my fault,” he said slowly. “She doesn’t know I love her. I always assumed she felt the same way, but…maybe I was reading her wrong…”

Jack sat down next to him. “Nick, listen to me. Even if some of the images you saw had some basis in reality, it was still a dream. Even if there were some kind of mutual attraction between them, is Natalie the type to just sleep with someone after knowing them for a week?”

Nick glared at him for the implication. “No.”

“Has she even seen anyone in the time she’s known you?” Jack continued.

Nick sighed. “Once. There was a man she dated a couple of times—but he turned out to be some psychotic killer. I saved her before he—“

“And did she sleep with him?” Jack put in, trying to prove a point.

“No. I really don’t think so. But,” he added with meaning, “I did see her kiss him good night on the first date.”

Jack couldn’t help but chuckle. “And you think that means something? You really are from the thirteenth century…”

Nick almost smiled in spite of himself. “I did overreact a bit—“

“And you didn’t tell her even then how you felt?” Jack admonished him.

“No,” he said, embarrassed now and cursing himself silently for his stupidity. “I told her I was glad she was seeing someone…”

“Don’t tell me—she got really pissed off at you,” Jack guessed.

Nick looked at him. “How did you know?”

“Because if she’s in love with you, and it sounds to me from everything you’ve told me that she is, then that’s the last thing she wanted to hear! If I’d have been here I would have knocked some sense into you right then and there—“

Nick nodded, realizing now more than ever that his lack of any real friend in whom he could confide about his relationship with Natalie had often left him winging things and making positively wrong choices.

“Was that it? In all the time you’ve known her? What is it, almost three years? She never went out with any other men?”

“No,” he responded, knowing it for certain.

“And she spent all her free time with you?”

“Just about,” he acknowledged.

Jack smiled at him. “Do you really need to wonder how she feels about you?”

Nick sighed, his expression softening as he thought of the magic between them that last night she had been here. ”No,” he said softly.

“Then don’t torture yourself wondering about whether she’s being faithful to you,” Jack told him. “And remember one thing, Nick: on the remote chance that anything at all did happen between her and Nick…you can’t hold it against her. She’s been thrown into an extraordinary situation. And she’s all alone. She’s vulnerable. And she probably does love you, but you’ve really never given her any substantial indication of how you feel about her. Technically, she wouldn’t really be betraying you.”

“You’re right,” he admitted dismally. “But it doesn’t do anything to change this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.”

“When she comes back, no matter what has happened…it’s your second chance. Don’t blow it,” he warned.

` “If she comes back,” he said bleakly.

“No. When,” Jack corrected him, a touch of irritation in his eyes. “Don’t forget, I’ve got a wife, a son and a daughter that I miss every bit as much as you miss Natalie.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick told him sincerely, realizing that this was just as difficult for Jack as it was for him. “I don’t know how you can bear it.”

“Because I know I’m going back to them,” he said adamantly. “Whatever it is that any of us has to do to set things right, we’ll do it.”

“You’re right,” Nick said, smiling lightly, Jack’s optimism having helped to restore some of his own. “Don’t worry, my friend. If my recovery will help you get back--then I’ll do everything in my power to send you back home to them.”

The light returned to Jack’s eyes as he realized that he had gotten through to Nick, and everything would be back on track. “Well, I was hoping to get back home in time for Passover. It’s a special time for us…”

“That gives us a few days,” Nick said. “This Sunday is Easter—“

“Hey, how did the confession go?” he asked, suddenly remembering.

Nick paused, letting the peace wash over him again as he thought of it. “It was great. I really believe God has forgiven me. I suppose the real test will be tomorrow night.”

“What are you going to do tomorrow night?” Jack asked.

“Receive Holy Communion. At Midnight Mass.”

Jack’s eyes opened wide. “You think you’re ready for that?”

Nick nodded confidently. “Yeah. I know I am.” He thought for a moment, then said, “Do you think you’d mind coming with me? It’d be good to have…a friend there,” he admitted, then added with a mischievous grin, “Besides, someone will have to clean up the mess if I burn up from the inside at the Altar…”

Jack laughed. “Sure. I’d be glad to go with you.”

“Good. Thanks.”

Only then did Nick begin to realize that he would miss Jack when he did eventually go back. He truly had turned out to be a friend.

Natalie had been sure that the best way to avoid letting things become too intense would be to go out somewhere. Perhaps afraid of losing control again if they spent too much time alone, Nick agreed, and they soon found themselves drinking cappuccino in a small café. Nick was still amazed at his ability to consume small amounts of food and liquid, and the more he did so, the further away the memories of the close call drifted, until he seemed totally at ease. Natalie was relieved. The last thing she wanted was for him to become discouraged, especially when he had come so far…

Once more, their conversation ranged from anything and everything that had nothing to do with vampires or alternate realities. A concert in a nearby park provided a background to their discussion, and once more Natalie began to feel so totally comfortable with him that she felt as if she had known him for years. He spoke little of his past, and yet new and interesting facets of his personality seemed to emerge as each hour passed. She learned that he was indeed an artist, but unlike her Nick, had focused his talents on composing music.

“I was wondering about that synthesizer,” she commented.

“Yeah, I haven’t done anything in a while, but it’s always been a good outlet.” He gave her that charming smile. “Maybe I’ll even write a song for you.”

“I’d really like to hear some of your stuff,” she replied, though she knew her blush told more than her words.

“What about you, Nat?” he asked, taking her hand and playing with it. “What do you do to escape from the world?”

The question caught her off guard, mostly because she wasn’t quite sure what to answer. “Uhm, I guess I work,” she said finally.

He made a face. “Dissecting dead bodies is your way of getting away from it all?”

“Well, it does kind of take your mind off things,” she answered awkwardly. “And it is, uh, quiet.”

“But what do you do for fun?” he pressed, caressing her hand in a way that made it very difficult to concentrate on the conversation.

“I guess…just hang out…watch videos with—“ She stopped as if feeling it was inappropriate to say it.

“With Nick?” he finished for her, his face turning grim.

“Yeah,” she said, not sure why she felt guilty to admit it.

“You spend a lot of time with him?” he questioned.

She nodded, not wanting to say that it was most of her free time.

“And nothing ever happened…until that last night?”

Natalie shifted uncomfortably. “Do we have to talk about this?” she whispered, as if begging him to stop.

“I just don’t understand it,” he replied. “I mean, you and I were barely together a week and I couldn’t—“

“Look, I really don’t want to talk about this,” she said more firmly.

“Why?” he asked, looking into her eyes. “Natalie, you’re holding on to your feelings for him, but the more we talk about it, and the more I think about it, I wonder if you’re really looking at it realistically.”

“I don’t want to hear this,” she said, rising from the table.

“Come on,” he said, throwing some money on the table.

They walked along the edge of the park, his arm around her shoulders. But a sudden silence had fallen over them. Natalie knew where the discussion had been going, and tried to steer it elsewhere. But finally, he stopped, and turned to face her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Nat, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I just can’t help but feel that this guy can’t possibly feel the way I do about you. If he did, wouldn’t he have said or done something sooner?”

“You don’t know him,” she stated defensively.

“No, but I do know what he is. I know what kind of conflict that can cause. It’s something that I’ve struggled with myself, and yet nothing could keep me from telling you that I love you…”

“Can’t we just drop this discussion? I don’t want to talk about Nick—“

“But we have to,” he insisted. “Your feelings for him are getting in the way of us.”

“Nick, there can’t be an us,” she blurted, regretting it almost at once as her words seemed to hit him like a slap in the face. “Not as long as there’s a chance I could go back—“

“To what? To him?! Nat, he’s never even said he loves you! You can’t know for sure how he feels—“

“But I know how I feel,” she said, tears coming to her eyes.

“About him. But what about me?” He looked deeply into her eyes, as if desperate to read the answer. “How do you feel about me?”

She had to tell him the truth. “Nick,” she said softly. “There is a part of me that loves you, and wishes I could stay here with you…”

“Then give in to that part of you,” he begged, bringing his hands up to her cheeks. “Please…”

“I wish I could,” she whispered as the tears fell down her cheeks.

Nick sighed deeply, his face filled with anguish as he wiped her tears and kissed her on the forehead. She fell against him, crying softly, wishing to God that she could release the bonds of her other life. He held her for a long time until she stopped.

“I’m sorry,” he said tenderly, holding her close. “I know how hard this must be on you. I just wish…” He left it at that.

“So do I,” she intimated, looking up at him.

He kissed her lightly. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

For hours Natalie lay awake in Nick’s bed, wishing sleep would come to ease her of her internal struggle. Yet she knew that even in dreams her conflicting emotions would emerge as they had before.

She didn’t like what she was doing to Nick. Was she leading him on? If so, it was only out of her own indecision. She had spoken the truth. She did love him. Even now, as he sat in the living room at his synthesizer, the volume turned low as he composed his music, she missed him. She’d grown accustomed to sleeping in his arms, and spending her waking moments with him.

He was so good to her, so good for her. He made her feel wanted and loved as Nick had never done in all the time she’d known him. Was this Nick right? Had she spent so much time loving the other Nick that she’d convinced herself that he must love her too? Was she throwing away a chance at happiness to go back to the frustration and uncertainty of a dubious relationship with Nick?

On the other hand, she reminded herself that going back or not was no more her choice than being sent here had been. There was a plan, and only God could decide the outcome. No matter what she did here, no matter what she chose, she felt that her destiny had already been chosen for her.

Therein lie the crux of the matter—she was afraid to choose to stay. What would happen if she committed herself emotionally to staying with this Nick—only to be ripped away from him just as unexpectedly as she had been seized from her other life? Could she bear the pain of losing him?

No. And she knew now that that fear had held her back just as much as her love for the other Nick had. She couldn’t love and lose—twice.

The soft sounds of his music relaxed her, and she tried to sleep. But it called to her as unconsciously as he himself did. She rose from the bed and went to stand behind him, lightly caressing his hair.

He looked up and smiled tiredly. “Hi,” he said simply. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” he replied. “I thought I’d do some of that escaping we talked about.” He motioned to her to sit beside him on the bench.

“Did you write anything new?” she asked.

“Yeah. You want to hear it?”

“Sure,” she said, smiling lightly.

The synthesizer was an expensive one, capable, she could see now, of imitating several instruments as if a whole band were playing. Nick’s song began with a slow mournful saxophone solo that seemed only too appropriate for her mood. She closed her eyes as he began to sing,

“I know just what you’re doing

“You don’t want to put the hurt on someone

“You’ve been trying to convince yourself

“You’re better off if you just turn and run

“But I’m gonna hold on tight

“I’ve got a feeling

“You’ll only happen once to me

“And no one, not even you

“Is ever gonna make you wrong for me…

“Don’t walk away

“Or are you lookin’ for a price to pay

“Is that your master plan

“Don’t walk away

“I’ll do everything to make you stay

“I’ve got to make a stand

“Don’t walk away

“I’m not afraid

“Don’t walk away…”

She turned to face him, in awe of the raw emotion in his lyrics, and the soulful beauty of his voice. He didn’t have to tell her that he had written this for her. She knew by the words, by the anguish on his face as he sang for her.

“I don’t know where you’re going

“but I know what you’ve got on your mind

“I think your fear is showing

“You don’t leave things like fear behind

“I hate to be the one to break it to you that

“We’re only human after all

“I can mend a broken wing

“I’ll give you everything I have

“Don’t walk away

“Or are you lookin’ for a price to pay

“Is that your master plan

“Don’t walk away

“I’ll do everything to make you stay

“I’ve got to make a stand

“Don’t walk away

“I’m not afraid

“Don’t walk away…”

The pain and desperation in his voice mirrored her own, bringing tears to her eyes. She could feel the heat in her face, and the pounding of her heart, as he went on.

“You used to be the one

“Who used to be so strong

“What happened to your rationale

“Your heart is on the line

“It happens all the time

“Don’t walk away

“Don’t walk away

His voice was beginning to crack with his own emotions. With her fingertips, she gently caressed his hair…

“Don’t walk away

“Or are you lookin’ for a price to pay

“Is that your master plan

“Don’t walk away

“I’ll do everything to make you stay

“I’ve got to make a stand

“Don’t walk away

“Or are you lookin’ for a price to pay

“Is that your master plan

“Don’t walk away

“I’ll do everything to make you stay

“I’ve got to make a stand

“Don’t walk away

“I’m not afraid

“Don’t walk away…”

“Don’t walk away.”

She was too moved to speak. She knew that if she did, she would break down with her first words. Nick, too, had tears in his eyes as he turned to face her with a weak smile. “I told you I’d write you a song,” he whispered.

Natalie laced her fingers around his neck, as their lips came together. Nick pulled her towards him, holding her tightly as his kiss deepened. For a long moment they clung to each other in a desperate embrace, both knowing that the moment they separated their future would still be as uncertain as it had been before.

“You’re right, Nick,” she admitted finally, looking into his eyes. “I am afraid. I’m afraid to love you and then lose you. I can’t go through that again. If I were to make love to you, and then be taken away…I couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t…”

“Shhhh,” he whispered, stroking her hair and holding her head against his chest. “It’s okay. We don’t have to make love. Just promise me you won’t shut the door on us…”

She looked up at him, gazing into his eyes through her tears. “I promise,” she said tenderly. She kissed him again, envisioning that life here could be wonderful after all…

She’d snuggled on the couch to listen as he played her some more of his music, ballads and rock tunes, all with a similar theme—the love he so desperately craved. The human touch he’d been deprived of since the fateful day four centuries ago when he’d traded his humanity for immortality.

“I’m very impressed,” she said seriously as they lay down together later on the bed.

“Is that why you can’t stop yawning?” he teased, playing with her hair.

“Sorry, I’m just exhausted,” she told him, stifling another yawn. “But seriously, I don’t know why you haven’t recorded any of those professionally. They’re great, and you’ve got an amazing voice.”

“Oh yeah, me a rock star,” he scoffed, covering his apparent embarrassment. “Not in this reality.”

“Why not? You could be the teen idol who never grows old—“

He laughed, then gave her a kiss. “Nice idea, but those songs are just for me. In fact, you’re the only one I’ve ever played them for…”

She blushed at the sentiment, but said, “Okay, well I guess that makes me your number one fan.”

“That’s fine with me,” he said softly, bringing his lips back to hers for a slow kiss.

She’d fallen asleep in his arms, hearing his music in her dreams, the sensual tones of his voice crooning the lyrics that exposed his very soul. He was standing on a stage, the crowd enraptured by a slow love song that she knew was for her. His hazel eyes smiled down at her, filled with his love…

“Natalie…”

The voice jarred her from her dream, and she turned in the crowd to see where it had come from.

“Natalie, please, come back to me…”

The emotion in his voice tore into her heart even as it pounded with her realization.

“Nick?” she called, looking around wildly.

“Nat, please…” he begged in a hushed whisper.

“Nick, where are you?!” she cried in desperation.

In a mist he seemed to flow towards her, his blond hair shining in the sunlight, his blue eyes filled with anguish. “Please, Nat…come back to me…” He reached out to her, and she tried to run towards him, only to find in panic that she could not move…

“I’m dreaming,” she said, her voice choked with her own disappointment.

“So am I,” he told her. “Maybe that’s the only way I can reach you…”

Was it possible? Was it real? Suddenly he was standing before her, reaching out with warm hands to cup her face. “Please, Nat. Please come back to me.” His eyes were filled with tears, real salt tears, as he whispered, “I love you. I need you. Please….”

His lips crushed against hers, and she met his kiss hungrily, her heart pounding at the words she’d waited so long to hear. ”Why, Nick?” she breathed between kisses. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid,” he admitted, gazing into her eyes with a love she’d seen only…in dreams? “I was a fool. Just let me make it up to you now…”

“Is this really happening?” she murmured as his lips kissed their way down her neck.

“It can,” he said softly. “Just give me a chance, Nat. Let me show you how much I love you…”

She took in a breath as his hands found their way to her breasts, kneading them, fondling them just as he had in her most secret fantasies. Only when his warmth against her bare skin sent a flush of arousal through her did she realize that her clothes were gone. She shivered as he took her nipple into the heat of his mouth, suckling at her even as his hands continued the wondrous exploration. “Oh, Nick,” she moaned as his fingers rubbed against her nub of pleasure, then plunged into her. Breathlessly she moved in time with his hand, reaching up to meet his caresses even as she reached wantonly into his silk pajama bottoms to free him. She looked at him in disappointment as he withdrew his fingers, only to find him gazing down at her with a tender smile.

“I love you, Nat,” he breathed as his arousal teased her.

“I love you,” she sighed, almost crying in relief to hear and speak the words that had been unspoken for too long. His lips came down on hers as he gently spread her legs and lifted her up to meet him…

Natalie gasped as he filled her completely, the fire within her out of control as his urgent movements within her grew in intensity. Three years of longing fueled their passion now, as their bodies moved together in a desperate attempt to fulfill what had always been their destiny. In her mind, the lyrics of another song began to play…

“He held her tighter and tighter

“as he danced inside her

“She knew from the moment that she let him in

“That they were two souls searching for each other

“One spirit looking for the other…”

Natalie clutched at him as his passion erupted within her, just as her own fire reached an unbearable pitch, then exploded, dissipating into the lovely calm of fulfillment. “Oh, Nick…” she sighed, tears of joy in her eyes…

“I love you. I love you…” he whispered over and over, in a moment of bliss she wished would never end…

The ringing of the phone jarred her awake, and she involuntarily began to cry with the realization that it had all been a dream. Even so, she could still feel the soft pulse of her climax, but now her body ached for him with a greater intensity than she had ever known.

She looked over at Dark Nick, just beginning to stir, and wiped the tears from her eyes before he could see. There would be no explaining that dream to him. She wasn’t even sure herself if it had been a dream, or if somehow the universal divide had been crossed as the conscious mind that connected her to this reality had been closed down…

Nick’s machine picked up, and the voice that spoke into the phone brought her from her reverie.

“This is Richard Lambert, Natalie’s brother. She gave me this number—“

She jumped up to get the phone, sitting back down on the bed as Nick turned to look at her tiredly. “Richie? I’m here,” she said anxiously.

“Nat. Hi. I’m glad I got you. How are you?”

“Okay,” she said, trying not to sound as shaky as she felt. Hearing her brother’s voice brought home the reality of where she was. “I was hoping you’d call. I’d really like to see you again, Richie.”

In all the turmoil that her life had become, the one thing she knew for certain was that she wanted to spend as much time with her brother as possible. For if she did go back, she knew she would never have this chance again.

“Me too, Nat. That’s why I was hoping you’d come over the house for Easter—“

It was something she hadn’t done since Richard’s death. Holidays had nearly lost their meaning without him to share them. “I’d love to,” she said, smiling.

Nick had snuggled closer to her and then put his head in her lap. He looked at her now curiously. She put up a finger as if to say she would tell him in a minute, and he pulled her hand down to his face to kiss it.

“Nat, are you still there?” Richie asked as Nick distracted her. This wasn’t a good idea. Her body still felt the touch of the other Nick, and she wouldn’t want to react to this Nick out of her desire for the other.

“Yeah, I’m here. Just let me know what time—“

“Well, I was thinking you might like to come with us tonight to midnight mass. You usually do—“

“That would be great,” she said, an idea hitting her as she looked down at Nick.

“Would you like us to pick you up, or do you think you can find St. Brendan’s?”

“St. Brendan’s?” she repeated. “Sure, I’ll find it.” She couldn’t help but notice the concern on Nick’s face.

“Great. We’ll meet you outside at 11.”

“Oh, and Richie. I hope you don’t mind if I bring a friend—“

Nick’s eyes opened wide now and she nearly laughed at him as she hung up the phone.

“I hope you’re not thinking what I think you are,” he began.

“Wouldn’t you like to spend Easter with me and my family?” she asked innocently.

“A church? Are you insane? I can’t even touch a cross without—“

He stopped midsentence as he remembered that they had indeed made progress in that area. But he was still dubious. “Are you sure?”

“Come on. It’s worth a try. And if you really can’t handle it, we’ll leave.”

“If I don’t go up in smoke first,” he said dryly. He breathed deeply. “Okay,” he said, sitting up and facing her. “But just for you.” He kissed her lightly on the lips, and she responded as she had before. But this time, the taste of Nicholas de Brabant’s lips lingered, as she wondered again if it all had been real, or just a product of her own desires.

She wasn’t sure. But she was certain that going to church tonight would do more than just provide another hurdle for Nick to overcome. It would give her a chance to reach into her heart, and pray for an answer that she knew only God could give. He had done this to her after all.

Hadn’t He?

Nick awoke with a start to find himself alone in his satin sheets. His eyes opened wide as the images of his dream settled into his conscious mind, even as his body still tensed in an almost painful desire for her. Had it been merely a dream? No. Of that he was sure. He had been with her, touched her, made love to her with his spirit, even as the scent of her skin still lingered in his nostrils, and the sensation of her moist warmth begged him to return to her. He breathed deeply, savoring the memory though it made his body ache for her. “I love you, Nat,” he whispered, closing his eyes and seeing her again. “Please, come back to me…”

But this time he knew that she had heard his pleas. He’d gotten through to her. She knew finally that he loved her.

And she loved him. She’d said it, with her words, her kiss,

with the tears of joy and fulfillment in her eyes as she’d loved him completely.

She knew he loved her. And she would return to him. He knew it now as surely as he knew that the end of his long struggle was coming to an end.

He drifted back into the peace of sleep, willing her to be there again…

They’d been lucky enough to find a mall open after sundown on the night before Easter Sunday, and Natalie had dragged Nick there to find them both something suitable to wear to Church that night. Although he hadn’t stepped foot inside a church in four hundred years, Nick was savvy enough to realize that jeans, a T-shirt and leather jacket just wouldn’t do. Natalie had been shocked at the skimpiness of his closet, but he’d explained that he hardly ever went anywhere. She couldn’t help but compare him to her Nick, who was probably one of the best-dressed men she knew.

She’d tried for the rest of the day not to dwell on her dream of Nick. Yet the images of him haunted her with such intensity that her body tingled and trembled at the memory of his touch. Had it been real? No dream had ever seemed so vivid to her. And if she dared believe what she had experienced, then there was no doubt that he had loved her all along. The possibilities made her weak, the mixture of joy and anguish overwhelming her. For her wildest dreams had come true, yet remained excruciatingly out of tangible reach…

“Hey, Nat, what do you think?” The other Nick stepped from the dressing room, looking at her expectantly.

She smiled as she took in his new look. He’d been sexy in the tight jeans and T-shirts that showed off his perfect physique. But in the sporty black suit and tie, he was a god. “Uh, yeah, that should get the attention of every woman in the room,” she said admiringly.

He smiled brightly, then took her hand. “Thanks, but there’s only one I care about.”

His words and touch warmed her, as she blushed and said nothing. But within her a conflict of guilt raged, as she knew suddenly that she was betraying the love of two men with every passing thought and moment.

Something was going to happen tonight.

She could feel it in her bones, or, more precisely, in the pit of her stomach, as she put on the finishing touches of her makeup. She looked over at Nick, stunning in his new suit, despite the look of apprehension on his face. If her gut instinct was right, tonight would be the key to his transformation. But while the thought of Nick’s recovery thrilled and excited her, the uncertainty of what would happen once he came back across was making her a nervous wreck.

Would she still be here?

Did she want to be?

Her own indecision was maddening. On the one hand, she would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of her life here with Nick. And yet on the other hand, the thought of never seeing her own Nick again still tore at her heartstrings. Whether the dream had been real or not, there was something unresolved that she could not leave behind…

“Ready?” Nick asked, breaking her reverie.

“Uh-huh. What about you?” she asked as he stepped towards her.

His face betrayed his reservations. “I don’t know, you think we ought to bring along a fire extinguisher just in case?”

“Come on,” she said, trying not to show her own concerns in that regard, then teased, “If I see smoke, I promise I’ll pull you out of there.”

He smiled. “Okay, but just in case I don’t make it through the rest of the night—“ He paused as he pulled a delicately wrapped package from his inside jacket pocket. He held it out to her. “I just wanted to give you a little something to remember me by.”

She looked at the box in her hand in utter surprise. “Nick, when did you--?”

“While you were in the shoe store,” he explained. “Come on,” he prodded. “Open it.”

Natalie gasped as she opened the black velvet case to reveal the most beautiful diamond pendant she had ever seen. Set on a gold heart, were eight brilliant white diamonds that looked to be at least a karat each.

“Do you like it?” he asked when she simply stared at it, speechless.

When she looked into his eyes she knew that her own were filled with the tears that his sentiment had brought forth. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “Thank you…but you didn’t have to do this…”

“I wanted to,” he said, taking the pendant out of the box and opening the clasp. He moved behind her to place it on her, and she shivered as he brought his lips to her neck for a soft kiss. “You changed my life, Natalie,” he whispered in her ear.

She turned to face him, lacing her fingers around his neck and kissing him, her heart aching with the realization of how much he meant to her. Could she ever leave him behind without regrets?

Finally, he released her, then took her hand. “Come on. Your brother is waiting---“ He winked. “And so is the guy upstairs.”

Jack looked at Nick curiously as they drove toward St. John’s. “You seem awfully—“ he fumbled for the right word.

“Happy?” Nick offered cheerfully. “Confident?”

“I was thinking more of giddy, but that’ll work,” Jack commented. “What happened? The last time I saw you, you were bummed out by that dream—“

“Well, I had another, and let’s say this one was a lot better,” he said, not wanting to even think about it lest it engender sensations that were definitely inappropriate for church. But at Jack’s questioning look he said, “I saw Natalie again. I know it was real. Somehow, we reached each other, in our dreams.” He paused, not knowing if it sounded too outlandish. “Does that seem crazy to you?” he asked hesitantly.

“Not more than anything else that’s going on,” Jack replied dryly.

“True,” Nick agreed, his momentary doubt erased. “Anyway, I told her I love her—“

“And?” Jack asked, intrigued now.

Nick turned to him as he stopped at a red light. “She said she loves me too. And we…” He paused. “You know.”

“Oh, one of those kind of dreams,” Jack said knowingly.

Nick smiled lightly, but an air of seriousness broke through as he shook his head. “No. Not just a dream. A vision of what will happen. I know it.”

“I hope so,” Jack told him, as Nick parked outside the church. He smiled. “Maybe I’ll get home in time for Passover after all.”

Richard and his family were waiting outside St. Brendan’s when Natalie and Nick arrived. Natalie couldn’t help but smile as she saw her sister-in-law’s eyes open wide as she looked over Natalie’s escort. She was holding Nick’s hand, mainly to make sure he didn’t chicken out and run off, but clearly, introducing him as a very close friend seemed a thinly veiled cover.

“Glad you could make it, Nat,” her brother said, giving her a hug, then shook Nick’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

As Natalie kissed her sister-in-law on the cheek, Dawn whispered, “This explains a lot!” Natalie just smiled sweetly, then hugged her niece and nephew.

The crowd was making its way into the Cathedral, and Natalie gave Nick and extra tug as he seemed to hesitate. He was staring at the cross on the top of the church, as if in wonder that he could do so without blinking. “Are you okay?” she whispered as they approached the door.

“So far, so good,” he said, though his expression reflected his doubts.

His eyes opened wide as she dipped her fingers in the Holy Water, crossed herself, then looked at him expectantly.

“Go ahead,” she prodded.

Gingerly he brought his fingers to the water. As one they seemed to wince as they waited to see if his hand would begin to steam. But they smiled together as Nick was able to wet his fingers, then cross himself.

“What do you know…” he murmured.

She squeezed his hand for encouragement as they went to find their seats.

With only the slightest trepidation, Nick reached to dip his fingers into the Holy Water, as Jack watched with a clinical eye to see what, if anything, would happen.

Nick closed his eyes in relief as nothing did. It was cool, refreshing, and no longer burned his skin as it had when the Inquisitors in Spain had thrown it into his face. A peace seemed to settle over him as the first step was taken. Solemnly he crossed himself, then took a candle and went to find a seat, as Jack watched in utter astonishment.

With Richard to one side of her, and Nick to the other, Natalie relaxed finally as she let the words of the priest bathe her in their spiritual peace. Nick was staring in wonder at the statues that no longer repulsed him with their beauty, listening to the words that he’d been denied for hundreds of years. It was good to see him like this, for she knew that it meant that he was well on the way to becoming the man he once was. Her work here was…

done?

She bowed her head, closing her eyes and praying that God would hear her prayers. It had been months since she had been to Church. But she believed with all her heart that He had brought her here for his own purposes, and only He knew where her destiny lay. Was it here, with this man who loved her so deeply? Or was it with Nick, who had held her heart captive since the moment she’d met him? In her mind she whispered the “Our Father”. She’d been taught that God knew what was in her heart. If that was so, then she prayed he would help her to find that herself…

Nick stared in awe at the beauty of St. John’s, at the statues of the Holy Mother that had made him nearly pass out in fear just a year ago. So much had happened since then. He knew that God had given him the strength to do this. But just as surely he knew that Natalie had given him the faith and desire to turn to the God whom he had rejected and defied with centuries of evil. The words of St. Joan came back to him now—that his faith was always there for him to regain. But it had taken Natalie to make him believe in himself, in his own humanity, and his ability to find God’s grace once more. He held the Paschal candle in his hand, gazing into the flame, repeating the words to the Our Father in his mind. This prayer, as all the others, came back to him as he took part in the celebration he had not been worthy of in eight hundred years. Once again he was in that tiny church with Fleur, and his parents. But the little boy who had sat impatiently waiting for the mass to end, now reveled in the spiritual peace that washed over his soul…

Nick squeezed her hand and she looked into his eyes, as a peace seemed to descend over the centuries of anguish. With a wistful smile he told her that he was all right. She wondered what was going through his mind, then thought of her Nick, and his belief that his soul had been lost. If only he could find the faith to come to this point. She remembered the stories he’d told her, of his childhood home, his parents, his sister, and the little Church at the center of their Manor. If only she could go back to him and show him what was possible, help him recapture the humanity and heal the tortured soul that she knew dwelt within him…

The moment had come. Father Pierre had baptized and confirmed those who became Christian on this most important of nights, and now called them forward to be the first to receive the body and blood of Christ. Nick tensed as he waited for the call for all others to come forward, and Jack put a hand on his arm. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked.

Nick nodded. He had been ready for a long time. If only Natalie could be here to share the transformation that she herself had inspired in him…

Richard and Dawn were rising to bring their children forward to receive Holy Communion. Natalie hesitated. She hadn’t gone to confession in months. But had she really committed any mortal sins since then? She thought of Father Fitzpatrick, the young priest whom she’d known in her teens. He would urge her to go forth right now. She did need the Lord’s guidance right now…

She turned to Nick. “Will you be okay for a couple of minutes?” she whispered.

“Go ahead. I’ll be fine,” he assured her, then added, “I’d join you, but I think I have a little too much to confess first…”

Nick could feel his heart beating faster and faster as he approached Father Pierre. The young priest nearly broke his solemnity with a slight smile of encouragement as Nick held out his left hand. “Nicholas, Body of Christ.”

The delicate wafer seemed weightless in his palm, and Nick closed his eyes as he took it with his right hand and placed it on his tongue…

It did not burn. Tears came to his eyes as he crossed himself solemnly and let the wafer melt in his mouth. When he opened his eyes, Father Pierre was giving him a slight nod of approval.

Slowly, Nick walked towards the Eucharistic Minister who held the goblet that represented his final test of faith. As the young man said, “Blood of Christ”, Nick remembered his first communion at the age of seven, and all that it had meant to him. Once more, he faced a right of passage, and he brought the goblet to his lips with the same reverence as he had that day. And as he sipped the blood of Christ, he could feel the wine invigorating his soul, breathing life back into his ancient form…

Jack was looking at him strangely as he sat once more on the pew. “You look…”

“…human?” Nick supplied knowingly with a countenance that reflected his inner peace. His heart quickened as he spoke the words he had waited centuries to speak. “I am human.”

Natalie accepted the host, placed it on her tongue, remembering her mother admonishing her not to chew it but to let it melt in her mouth. Was Mom watching her now, like a guardian angel? Could she somehow intervene on her behalf, and ask God for the guidance she so desperately needed?

She sipped the wine, the Blood of Christ, praying for it to cleanse her of the anguish and indecision that raged within her…

She followed Richard’s family to their pew, at peace to see him so alive and happy here. She needed him so in her life! And yet as she watched him carry his little daughter in his arms, her heart saddened to think of Amy, so sad and withdrawn since her Daddy had gone away. Amy needed her to help her through this. Wouldn’t Richard want Natalie to watch over his family as he no longer could?

She sat beside Nick, who took her hand and smiled at her with love in his eyes. She did feel love for him too. Yet she couldn’t deny the love in her heart that still burned for her own Nick. In a moment of enlightenment, the meaning of her dream became clear to her. It didn’t matter whether it had been real or not. Her own love and desire to be with him were undeniably real, no matter what Nick’s feelings. But she would never know if Nick truly loved her until she found her way back to him. And she would never be free to love anyone else until she did.

The answer seemed clear. She had to go back. Now, the decision made, only two questions remained.

How would she do it?

And how would ever tell Nick that she had resolved to leave him?

Richard gave her a hug, and she held him tightly for a long moment before releasing him. “It was so good to see you, Richie,” she whispered in his ear.

For a moment he looked at her in puzzlement. “You’re coming tomorrow afternoon for dinner, aren’t you?” At her hesitance it dawned on him. He glanced to make sure his wife wasn’t in earshot as he said, “You’re not planning on still being here tomorrow, are you?”

“I don’t know,” she said truthfully. But her gut instinct told her that this would be the last time she would see her brother, and knowing that, without being able to tell him why, made it hard to hold back the tears.

“Then I guess you’ve accomplished what you came here to do,” he said.

She glanced at Nick, waiting patiently a few steps away, still incredulous over all that had happened tonight. “I think so, Richie,” she told him.

Richard hugged her again, this time in farewell. “Take care of yourself, Sis,” he said tenderly. “And if I haven’t told you lately, I love you.”

“I love you too, Richie,” she managed, still wishing she could say so much to him, but knowing that it was better for him that she didn’t. “I hope you have a long and happy life here…”

It was the most she could say without conspicuously breaking down. She was silent as Nick drove her back to his apartment, struggling to compose herself for his sake. It had been a wonderful evening for him, filled with more progress than he’d ever imagined possible. He was in such high spirits, and she didn’t want to ruin that for him. It was his night. She wouldn’t do anything to set him back…

“Your brother seems like a good guy,” Nick commented as they neared his place.

“He was,” she replied without thinking.

Nick shot a glance at her, noticing her despondency for the first time. “He is,” he corrected her. “You’ve got your brother back, Nat. You’ve got a second chance with him…”

“You’re right,” she agreed, forcing as much cheer as she could muster.

“Are you okay?” he asked with concern as the Caddy pulled up in front of his place.

“I’m just tired,” she said. It was half-true.

“You’d better not be,” he said with a mischievous grin. “We’re gonna watch the sun rise today—and I don’t mean on TV monitors.”

“Uh, don’t you think you’re taking this a little fast?” she asked, suddenly afraid that she’d instilled in him a bit too much optimism.

“Are you kidding? After the last couple of days, I feel like I can do anything.” He jumped from the Caddy, coming around to open the door for her, then taking her into his arms as she stood to face him. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Nat,” he said softly, hugging her tightly.

His lips came to hers and once again she knew how good it felt to be in his embrace. The thought of hurting him was tearing her apart inside.

When they had separated, she looked into his eyes. “Just promise me you’ll take it slow. And not try anything too dangerous—“

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he scoffed at her caution. “So my skin smokes a little, it wouldn’t be the first time—“

“Nick—“ she warned, not finding the prospect in the least amusing.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be careful,” he promised her. “But please stay up and watch the sun rise with me. I’m too wired to sleep.”

She wanted to do that. Somehow she feared that if she went to sleep she would wake up somewhere else. And she wasn’t ready to say good bye to him just yet. “All right, but I think I’m going to need a lot of coffee…not to mention some heavy duty sugar…”

“Great. I wanted to try that ice cream you were telling me about…what’s it called?”

“Haagen Dazs,” she told him, smiling. His enthusiasm was infectious.

“Think they have any over there?” he asked, motioning to the candy store at the corner.

“Sure, I saw it in the freezer last time we stopped by.”

“Okay,” he said, squeezing her hand. “This is the plan: you go upstairs, get the coffee started, see if there are any good movies on, and I’ll go pick up some ice cream and other munchies.”

For a long moment she stood motionless, watching him as he crossed the street, savoring the memory of all the time they had spent together. Sudden doubts overwhelmed her as she wondered if in going back she weren’t giving up the best thing that had ever happened to her, in order to chase a fantasy. She’d prayed to God to set things right, and yet her heart still seemed divided…

Suddenly, a man’s voice jarred her from her reverie.

“Hello, Natalie.”

In shock she turned to see the blond man who had come up behind her. And any deliberations about her dilemma flew to the wayside as her heart stopped…

“So that’s the little piece of shit you left me for? Some two-bit cop?”

Peter Hale’s voice was filled with venom as he nearly spit the words at her. His once-handsome face was distorted with his rage, and she stepped back, suddenly afraid.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” she managed, certain that her brother couldn’t possibly have betrayed her secret.

“I followed you, you stupid bitch,” he said, getting in her face again. “Richard wouldn’t tell me where you were. But I knew you’d meet his family to go to Church like we always do. So like an idiot I go there thinking maybe we can work things out. I didn’t think you’d actually have your boyfriend there!”

“He’s not—he’s just a friend—“ she attempted feebly as she tried backing further away, only to find in sudden panic that she’d backed herself into the wall of the building.

“Bullshit, you slut!” he cried, grabbing her by the chin so hard that her head knocked painfully into the wall. “What I want to know is, how long have you been fucking him?!”

Again he jerked her chin so that her head scraped against the wall, and in sudden terror she tried to break free of him as the trauma of Roger Jameson flooded her mind…

But in a flash, Peter was being pulled off of her and thrown to the ground. She breathed a sigh of relief to see Nick standing above Peter’s stunned form. But as she caught her breath and saw the fury in Nick’s eyes, a new fear overtook her…

“Nick, don’t!” she cried, sensing that he might lose control at any moment. Should he attack Peter as a vampire, his life here would be over as surely as if he had broadcast his secret on the news.

He turned to her, knowing precisely what she was thinking, and gave her a nod to show that he did indeed have things under control. “Are you all right?” he asked, his concern over her overpowering his desire to rip Peter Hale to shreds.

She nodded as he rubbed her head where it had slammed against the wall. “Oh God, you’re bleeding—“

“Nick, watch out!”

Before she could even worry what the smell of her blood might do to him, Peter Hale had gathered his strength and lunged at him from behind. The enraged man grabbed Nick by the shirt collar and punched him square in the face. For a moment Nick seemed stunned, as if he hadn’t expected it to hurt, and as he reached up to touch the sore area on his jaw he exclaimed in surprise, “Oh shit, I’m bleeding…”

Hale could not possibly understand the implications of Nick’s statement, thinking it instead a sign of weakness. He landed a punch in Nick’s stomach, a twisted grin of satisfaction on his face as Nick seemed to have the wind knocked out of him.

Natalie ran to Nick, knowing that whatever progress they had made in his transformation had left him much weaker than he was accustomed to being. She reached out to steady him, so enraged now at Peter that she might likely belt him herself. But Nick waved her off as he seemed suddenly to recover, adjusting for the new limits on his strength and prepared to take Peter on as a human…

With renewed vigor he rushed at Peter, driving him into the wall and squeezing his neck so tightly that he couldn’t breath. “You touch her again and I’ll kill you!” he spat at him. With force driven by his very human rage, he threw the man to the floor, stunned and gasping for air.

“Are you okay?” he asked her again as she ran to him.

She nodded, watching out of the corner of her eye as Peter brought himself to his feet, then hopped into his car to drive off. She sighed. “I thought he was going to kill me. If you hadn’t—“

She looked into his eyes, so filled with his love and concern for her. His fingers brushed gently against the sore spot where Peter had grabbed her chin. “I told you I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you,” he said softly, bringing his lips to hers for a tender kiss.

He hugged her tightly, holding her protectively. “Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”

Still shaken, Natalie sat in a chair while Nick examined the wound on the back of her head.

“This is so weird,” he murmured as he cleaned it off for her.

“What is? Don’t tell me I need stitches,” she said tiredly.

“Oh, uh, no, it’ll be okay,” he told her, coming around and bending down to face her. “It’s just…you were bleeding, and…I couldn’t even smell the blood.”

She smiled brightly at him, a sharp contrast to the perplexed expression on his face. “Nick, don’t you see? You’re changing…”

“I am, aren’t I?” he said in sudden realization.

“You fought Peter as a human—“

“I started out thinking I was just controlling it,” he recalled, “but even so, I wanted to kill him. Usually my anger alone would have brought it out. Then when I tried to pick him up and throw him, I realized I was weaker than I normally am. I thought it was just because I hadn’t had blood—“ He looked into her eyes. “But even when I saw your blood, I wasn’t drawn to it the same way as I would have been.” He shook his head lightly in disbelief, his gaze still steady on her. “I don’t even want to take your blood, as much as I love you. All I want is to do this…”

He kissed her deeply, as if with the freedom of knowing that he could. Natalie eagerly returned his kiss, her relief at his having come to her rescue now transforming into the joy of what was happening to him.

He was smiling as he separated from her, his eyes now filled with the excitement of all the possibilities. “So getting back to that sun rise—“

“It would be the final test,” she said with a gleam in her eye.

“Only one problem,” he said, his smile suddenly fading.

“What?” she asked, worriedly.

He gave her a sheepish expression of guilt. “I dropped your ice cream when I ran back across the street. It’s probably melted or been run over by now.”

She laughed as he brought her up to stand facing him. “I think that’s okay,” she reassured him teasingly.

He took her face in his hands as he brought her lips to his. “We’ll have to make do without it,” he whispered, tasting her instead.

Nick laughed as Jack just stared at him in disbelief, shaking his head. They’d gone back to the loft, and Nick had let the doctor carry out a perfunctory medical exam that only confirmed what he had already known.

He was human.

“This is incredible. I’m not sure if it was the abstaining from blood, or the confession, or communion…” Jack was truly astounded.

“God forgave me,” Nick said simply, with the certainty that his inner peace had brought him.

“The power of God and sheer human will,” Jack murmured. “Well, so what’s next?”

“I just wait,” Nick told him. He didn’t need to elaborate. Jack knew very well that Natalie’s return was Nick’s ultimate goal. Attaining his mortality, and God’s forgiveness, were monumental in and of themselves. But without Natalie to share his mortal life, that life would hold no joy for him.

“Well, Nick, I don’t think there’s anything else I can do for you—“ He paused. “Not that I did anything to bring this about. You did it all on your own—“

“No, Jack, you’re wrong,” Nick interjected, knowing that he needed to say some things before Jack took his leave. “You’ve been a good friend. Aside from Natalie, I haven’t really had a friend to talk to in longer than I can remember. Maybe that’s why I made so many mistakes with Nat, because I never had another guy to talk to about it, to knock some sense into me like you have.”

“You mean you and Schanke never had any good male bonding?” Jack asked with a poker face.

Nick smiled. “He’s a good guy, but I could never confide in him about Natalie. There’s too much he couldn’t understand—“

“I know,” Jack told him, appreciating the sentiment. “Look, I just hope you take my advice. Don’t worry about what might have gone on between her and Nick. Remember that she never knew how you felt about her…”

“I know,” Nick told him, sighing. “If anything did happen, it’s my fault for being such a fool—“

“Don’t waste time on regrets, Nick,” Jack warned him. “Life’s gonna go by quickly now. This is your second chance with Natalie. Just remember that, and you’ll be fine.”

“I wish I could make a recording of that to keep playing back—“

“You’ve got exactly two minutes,” Jack told him.

“What?” he asked, not following.

“From the moment you see Natalie you’ve got exactly two minutes to tell her you love her. Just keep that in mind, and the rest will fall into place.”

Nick smiled. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll even be able to wait that long…”

Jack stood to leave. “I’ve gotta get some sleep. Hopefully, when I wake up it’ll be next to my wife.”

Somehow Nick knew that that was precisely what would happen. “Thank you, Jack. For everything.”

The older man shook his hand. “Good luck, my friend.”

Alone, Nick sat on the couch, knowing he too was exhausted. But before he closed his eyes, he remembered to open the blinds so that the morning sun would warm his face…

They’d spent the night talking, cuddling on the couch, and sharing tender kisses that held the promise of more. Natalie had forgotten, or rather pointedly ignored, her conscious decision that she wanted to go back to Toronto. Though in her heart she knew that that was what would eventually be, this was Nick’s night, and, if he saw the sunrise, possibly the last night they would be together. They’d worked hard for this, and the changes in him had been almost magical. She wouldn’t destroy that magic. This was their time together, and no matter what happened now, they had indelibly made their mark on each other’s spirits. Losing him would be difficult, and it wasn’t something she was prepared to deal with right now.

“It’s almost time,” he said, looking at the clock on the wall. “What do you say we go outside?”

Natalie hesitated. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, what if—“

“If I start smoking, just pull me back inside,” he said with such a foolhardy lack of concern that it made her worry.

“Nick, that’s not the way to test it out—“

“It’ll be okay,” he promised her. He yawned. “Come on, you promised me the sunrise. Besides, if I don’t get outside and get some fresh air, I’m going to fall asleep.”

Reluctantly, she let him take her hand and lead her to the elevator.

He’d led her to the roof, where all of Los Angeles lay spread out before them. In the east, the sky had begun to turn crimson as the brilliance of Venus heralded the coming sunrise. She watched Nick’s face, nervous with anticipation yet fearless, as he looked boldly at the bright orb that had been his adversary for four centuries. He gripped her hand as he squinted at the brightness that slowly shed its light on his sun-starved face…

Natalie held her breath and waited.

The sun rose, and Nick stood unharmed.

She gasped as the realization hit them both. She turned to Nick, who stood in solemn disbelief, tears filling his eyes at the wonder of it all. Then he looked down at her, his eyes speaking the volumes that his lips could not. He took her face in his hands, kissing her tenderly, passionately, then hugging her tightly to him. “You did this, Nat…” he whispered in her ear. “You did this…”

For a long time they clung to each other, still incredulous as the sky brightened his world for the first time in four hundred years. When he finally separated from her, his wonder had been replaced by the excitement of all the possibilities that had suddenly opened up…

“We can be together now,” he whispered, with a hope that made her heart break. And the part of her that wanted that too willed the sadness and regret from her eyes…

But her weary effort was in vain. At once he could see that something was wrong, and his face paled to what it had been the night they’d met. “Don’t tell me, Natalie. Please, don’t tell me you still want to go back.”

“Nick,” she began, her eyes filling with tears.

“I won’t let you,” he vowed, gripping her arms in a possessive yet sensuous caress. “Not now. You can’t. This is our chance to be together—“

“Nick, part of me wants to stay…but I know now that I’ve done what I was brought here to do—“

“No,” he said adamantly.

“You’re human now,” she told him. “This is what you’ve wanted—“

“I want you,” he countered. “Don’t try to tell me that I can find someone else to love, because I’ve never felt this way in four hundred years. I love you, Nat, and you can’t deny that you love me too—“
“You’re right, I can’t,” she said shakily. “But no more than I can deny what I still feel for Nick—“

Nick’s face filled with angry frustration at the mention of his counterpart’s—no, his rival’s--name. “For God’s sake, Natalie, the man has never even said that he loves you! Are you willing to give up on something real and beautiful for a… a fantasy?!” he cried.

It took all her resolve not to shrink at his words. For they played upon the doubts and insecurities that had nagged at her from the start. Yet she knew in her heart that her visions had been real, and that the love Nick had professed had been as genuine as the emotion she had felt from him that last night. But how could she ever explain that to Nick, while her face betrayed the conflict that still raged within her? She took a deep breath. “Nick, there’s just something inside that keeps telling me that I don’t belong here. That there’s too much unresolved that I left behind—“

“And if you go back,” he proposed, trying to argue with logic where his emotions had failed, “only to find that you were wrong about him…When you realize that it’s me you were meant to be with…what will you do then?”

Again he had voiced one of the doubts that had thrown her into turmoil. Was she risking too much on a fleeting hope that had come to her in dreams? “I—I don’t know,” she stammered.

“Then don’t do it,” he pressed, seeing the misgivings he had stirred.

His hand came up to her cheek, his warm caress burning like fire on her skin.

“Nick…I don’t think it’s even up to me…” she said in a hushed whisper as he tried to silence her with his kiss.

“Yes it is,” he said softly in her ear, nuzzling at her neck.

“It’s going to just happen…” she whispered, too spent both physically and emotionally to argue with him.

He looked into her eyes. “Not if you don’t want it to,” he said softly as his lips found hers again.

And as she felt herself about to surrender to his will, she could hear the plea weakly touch upon the depths of her subconscious, see the blond hair in the sunlight, the blue eyes filled with sadness…

“Nat, please…come back to me…”

And as she pulled herself from Dark Nick’s embrace, she could see the same sadness fill his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “But if I don’t go back…I’ll never be free of him. And I’ll never be free to love you…”

The grief in his eyes slowly grew to a bitterness she had never seen in him. “Then go,” he spat at her. “Go back to your fantasy.”

“Nick…” she began. But he turned away from her, as her own heart chastised her for the pain she was causing him…and herself. Alone in the elevator, she broke down finally as she hadn’t since she’d been here. And as she lay on the bed, feeling more alone physically and emotionally than ever, she cried bitterly, wishing this anguish would come to an end…

She hadn’t even realized that he’d come back to the apartment until she felt him sit down on the bed. She opened her eyes to see him looking down at her pensively, his eyes tinged now with more anguish than anger.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, but he shook his head.

“No. I’m sorry. You’ve done so much for me…I don’t really have a right to ask for anything more.”

She could see the calm resignation in his eyes, and knew that his words were sincere. But they still tore at her heart. “Yes, you do,” she told him. “You’ve given me so much, Nick. More than you could ever know. But my heart is still in Toronto. And I can’t deny that any more no matter how much I feel for you…”

“I know,” he said, as if not wanting to make her go through it again. “Look, I just have one last favor to ask you—if it’s okay…”

“Anything,” she said softly, feeling at this moment prepared to give him just that.

“Would you let me just hold you for a little while?” he asked in a small voice.

Natalie put her arms around him, drowning in his warmth as they fell down on the bed together. Nick held her tightly, as the emotion they had both spent began to take its toll. Then, as if reading her own thoughts, Nick said in a hushed whisper, “I just have this sick feeling that when I wake up…you’ll be gone…”

She moved her head slightly to look up at him. “If we’re meant to be together, we will be,” she told him. His eyes tried to smile at her through his pain, and he kissed her lightly. Natalie buried herself in his chest, closing her eyes, knowing only one thing for certain--that now, it was in God’s hands.

He was in her dreams once more, but this time, the angst had fallen from his face, replaced by a hope and calm certainty that things somehow were about to change. His hand reached out to take hers, and the warmth of his flesh sent a flush through her body that was too real to be just a dream. “I’m waiting for you, Nat,” echoed in her mind, and she fought the sensation of impending awakening, in fear that he would dissolve with her dream.

“I’m waiting for you…”

So loud that it drew her from her sleep. But as she consciously grasped for his hand, it was gone, and in despair she clutched instead at the satin sheets…

Her eyes fluttered open as the sensations registered. Satin. The soft scent on Nick on the pillows…

She sat up in his bed, gasping as she realized that she was in the loft! “Nick?” she said hoarsely, trying to find her voice, then more urgently, jumping to her feet, “Nick?!”

“Nat!” she heard him cry even as he ran up the stairs. Then he was there, at the doorway, the shocked relief on his face a mirror of her own.

As one, they fell into each other’s arms, mutual tears of joy and relief intermingling. She clung to him tightly, incredulous, needing to reaffirm that this was truly him in the flesh and not just another desperate vision…

He hugged her to him, drinking in the glorious sensations that had been lost to him for longer than he could bear. The scent of her skin, the warmth of her flesh, triggered memories that had begun to fade and desires that were only just beginning to emerge. “Thank God, Nat. Thank God you came back to me,” he whispered in her ear as he held her tightly, afraid to let go. He felt weak from the sudden flood of emotions that culminated the most difficult time of his long life. But he knew that there was something he must do before he let another moment pass…

Taking her face into his hands, he looked into her eyes, allowing himself finally to see the love that had always been there. “I love you, Natalie,” he said simply, the speeches and eloquent words he had practiced seeming unnecessary now. The smile that slowly spread across her lips assured him that the opportunity had not been lost forever. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to tell you that,” he said with a tender smile.

“About as long as I’ve waited to hear it,” she told him, the new possibilities glowing in her eyes. “Oh Nick, I love you, too…”

He kissed her hungrily, with the joy of knowing that now, finally, he could. And in the back of his mind, he remembered Jack’s advice and smiled to himself.

He had told her he loved her in less than two minutes. Now, they had all the time in the world.

She hadn’t been dreaming. His soul had called out to hers, through a bond that transcended all time and space. She knew that now with as much certainty as she knew that this was where she belonged. Here, with Nick. Forever. Hearing him profess his love, tasting the passion of his kiss, losing herself in his warmth…

His warmth? In sudden realization the doctor in her pieced together all the clues that led to one conclusion alone. The warmth of his flesh, the fearlessness of his kiss, the color in his face, the salt tears on his cheeks. She separated from him in utter astonishment, realizing only then that sunlight was shining through opened shades…

“Nick…Are you--? She couldn’t even whisper the word for fear that it wouldn’t be so.

He smiled brightly at her as he slowly nodded. “I’m human,” he told her, his voice choked with emotion. “I finally did it. I did it for you, Nat. For us. So we can be together…”

Now her tears were unbidden as she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“I love you,” he whispered over and over in her ear.

It wasn’t a dream. Yet it was all her dreams and fantasies fulfilled.

Yes, this was definitely where she belonged.