 |
They say I need help, You say I'm doing just fine They tell me not to listen to your lies, you scream at me to listen to your truth They tell me you're the enemy, you tell me you're my friend, my only friend They tell me they understand, you tell me they'll never understand, You are the only one who understands They say, "Look at yourself, you're beautiful." You say, "Look at yourself, listen to me and one day you will be beautiful." "I've lost a pound, am I beautiful yet?" One more pound and you will be "I've lost a pound, am I beautiful yet?" One more pound and you will be "I've lost a pound, two pounds, three, four, six, seven, ten, eleven, fourteen. Am I beautiful yet?" One more pound and you will be "I've lost four pounds now, surely I'm beautiful?" You're getting there, one more pound and you will be "I can see my ribs, my hips, my bones. Surely I'm beautiful?" You're getting there, one more pound and you will be "People say I'm skinny now, Sarah, I must be beautiful?" You're almost there, one more pound and you will be "I don't even eat now Sarah, I must be beautiful?" You're almost there, one more pound and you will be I don't eat, I don't dare to eat. And I exercise, I exercise strenuosly at every given chance, I must be beautiful? You're almost there, one more pound and you will be "When I walk down the street people gasp and stare at me, am I beautiful?" You can be, one more pound and you will be "My friends and family are telling me I'm too thin, am I beautiful yet?" You can be, one more pound and you will be "Sarah, they are shouting at me to eat, but I don't, does that mean I'm beautiful?" No, but one more pound and you will be "Sarah, they are arguing with me to eat, but I refuse, does that mean I'm beautiful?" No, but one more pound and you will be "Sarah they are crying to me, begging and pleading with me to eat, but I dont, does that mean I'm beautiful?" No, but one more pound and you will be "Sarah, I'm exhausted, please tell me I'm beautiful?" Soon, one more pound and you will be "Sarah, I'm hungry, please tell me I'm beautiful?" Soon, one more pound and you will be "Sarah, I have no energy, please tell me I'm beautiful?" Soon, one more pound and you will be "Sarah, the scales are flashing their lowest number ever, please tell me I'm beautiful?" Soon, one more pound and you will be "Sarah, I cry myself to sleep at night, please tell me I'm beautiful?" Soon, one more pound and you will be "Sarah, I can't take this anymore, I need to be beautiful" You can be, one day you will be, one day you will be beautiful, one day you will be perfect, just one more pound "Sarah, I argue with them all the time now, I need to be beautiful" You can be, one day you will be, one day you will be beautiful, one day you will be perfect, just one more pound "Sarah, I lie to them all the time now, I need to be beautiful" You can be, one day you will be, one day you will be beautiful, one day you will be perfect, just one more pound "Sarah, I cry all the time now, I need to be beautiful" You can be, one day you will be one day you will be beautiful, one day you will be perfect, just one more pound "Sarah, I can't stand myself anymore, I'll never be beautiful" I promise one more pound and you will be "Sarah, my face is white, my skin is sickly, I'll never be beautiful" I promise one more pound and you will be "Sarah, my eyes are dark, and tired, I'll never be beautiful" I promise one more pound and you will be "Sarah, no one understands; I need this, I need to be beautiful" One more pound darling, one more pound "Sarah, they say I have a disease, the only disease i see is fat. I need this, I need to be beautiful" One more pound my darling, one more pound "Sarah, I looked in the mirror and I was hideous, I was huge. I need this I need to be beautiful" One more pound my darling, one more pound "Sarah, I can't do this anymore, I can't do it, I need to be beautiful" One more pound "Sarah, I cry, I scream, I shout, I sob, I can't do this anymore I need to beautiful" One more pound "Sarah, I collapsed today" "Sarah, I got taken to the hospital today" "Sarah, I was told I was dying today" "Sarah, I was fed through an IV today" "Sarah, I told them. I told them, I told them I need you" "Sarah, I want you, I love you" They told me you were evil, I told them you were my friend They told me I was ill, I told them I was trying to be beautiful They told me to eat I didn't They forced me to eat Through a tube Sarah, they've "cured" me I eat now They say I'm more beautiful for it Sarah, why did you leave me? I can't hear you anymore Did I upset you, disappoint you? Sarah, why did you leave me? I can't hear you anymore Sarah, you tried to kill me When I was dying you told me you were proud You told me I was beautiful. Well one more pound and I would be Sarah, you ruined me You made me lose my spark, my energy, my buzz, my life But then you told me you were proud, You told me I was beautiful. Well, one more pound and I would be Sarah, why are you never satisified? Why can I never please you? Why did you leave me? You lie, you tell me one more pound and I'll be beautiful And so I listened But I wasn't beautiful I am not beautiful Sarah, am I beautiful?
This is what it's like living with anorexia, it's a constant battle every day. Sarah is the name of my anorexic personality, and is not to be confused with Sarah Rapking, who is a very good friend of mine.
I'm so alone now, Sarah. .Whispers to Screams.
Secretly my tears are falling
Hold me closely to your ear
Please don't dare to worry
Falsely I am smiling
Hold me closely to your ear
Please don't dare to worry
And I scream because you left me in misery
Hold me closely
Please don't dare to worry
Please don't dare to worry
From a whisper to a scream They all mourned for you. In their best black clothes they cried at your death. I dropped a single red rose on your grave, and said a silent goodbye. Then I kissed the air around your coffin, regretted not being able to touch you ever again, And thanked you for being a part of my life. I didn't cry. I didn't cry then, although I needed you, I thought I'd be better on my own. prove to myself and the world that I'm strong. That I can stand alone. But now that you're gone, my mind is black, and my eyed are blind. I want to see color and light, I want to love again. But without you I am helpless. Without you, I am nothing. Incomplete, my soul ripped to shreds with your passing. Nothing but tears, hurt and pain. Never to see the sun again, nor feel the soft caress of a warm breeze. But I'll survive. I'll survive like I always do, and I won't cry. I won't cry because I know that I'll see you again. Without you, I'll see you sooner. |