WASHINGTON -- A new text-messaging poll conducted by Zogby International for The Forged Report and UC Berkeley from February 12-19, 2004 of 3,137,209 likely voters with a margin of error of +/- .08 percentage points found that if the election for president were held today, American Idol reject turned American Idol cult/pop sensation William Hung would edge George W. Bush and John F. Kerry by 146%.

Hung's banging up to stardom and Internet notoriety has been one of the strangest side effects of the new season of the FOX reality smash. Another side effect is that Ricky Martin, who's song "She Bangs" that Hung shredded during the San Francisco auditions, will never ever be able to sing that song again. Ever.

Martin has cried "Uncle" and surrendered the intellectual property of the hit single and handed over performing rights to the University of California, Berkeley student. And this may be the best thing to ever happen to mankind -- even better than Jesus of Nazareth.

Hung has spanned the globe performing his act to opposing world leaders and brought them to tears of joy and happiness. His message, coupled with his unique presentation, is bringing peace and stability to the most troubled regions as enemies drop their weapons and come together in hugs of unity.

Jews and Palestinians have become the new melting pot in Israel. Al Qaeda and western troops have been seen cultivating poppy fields together. Democrats and Republicans pass all legislation brought up for consideration. Catholics and Protestants have agreed to let bye-gones by bye-gones. Christians and atheists come to an agreement on whether God exists or not. And lastly, dogs and cats now lick each other.

It's the world we've always wanted thanks to the former American Idol reject and next President of the United States. William Hung -- you bang. You bang, indeed.