New Reality Low: Who Wants To Marry Our Favorite Dictator?

By Matt Forge

New York (FP) -- TV executives have shot a new series based on the life of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein focussing on his love life (or lack thereof due to the illegal American invasion and occupation). Sadly, President Hussein not only lost his country, but also the soft feminine touch of a good woman.

In an unprecedented media collaboration, the three big networks allowed their head news anchors Jennings, Brokaw, and Rather to team up as Hussein's interim family in search for a wife who will compliment the former "alleged" despot. No Fox News personalities wanted to participate even though the series will air on the Fox network throughout October with the big two-hour finale showing the night before the election.

Michael Moore is head-writer/director of the non-documentary.

A thinner, more wrinkled former Baathist leader who had not been seen publicly since his December arrest showed during his arraignment that he is a sad lonely man. "Not only was Saddam in chains and an off-the-rack suit jacket, he was also chained to permanent bachelorhood and an off-the-rack life if something wasn't done about it," said CBS mouthpiece Dan Rather upon witnessing the solemn court appearance. "He sure wasn't the same man I remember since the last time this gentleman and I met face to face."

The three anchors will interview and select a winner from a group of eligible bachelorettes. Initial footage of Hussein demanding that he get to pick girls off the street and have the anchors kidnap them for his sole pleasure has been edited due to "time constraints," according to an unidentified network official. Other scenes finding their way on the cutting room floor include some of Brokaw and Jennings in a cat-fight over which one of them would get to "hook up" with Saddam and vow to love, honor, cherish, and obey the "supposed" genocidal maniac due to the fact that no suitable femate could be found.

Producers had to convince the two that they had to pick a future wife from the female assortment, and that neither of them was eligible due to contest rules declaring employees ineligible. Though disappointed, they agreed to buckle down and just do what was best for the American prisoner and focus on his needs.

If successful, the show will spin off another reality series in which producers let Hussein loose in America and follow his every move as he tries to locate George W. Bush and assassinate him.* It reportedly would have a ten million dollar budget pooled from all major media sources excluding Fox News and talk radio.**

* Executives say they would stop the killing before actually being committed, but claim that they can't be held responsible or accountable if the slippery dictator pulled a fast one on them.
** Air America is the only talk radio network to have signed on with and donated to the project at the time of this story publishing.

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