All content below is satire or parody. It is meant for entertainment only and is NOT true.

 

Poll: Spain Bomb Victims More Worried Over Economy

 

By Matt Forge

MADRID, Spain (FP) ­ Ten terrorist bombs that rocked three Madrid train stations at the height of the morning rush hour Thursday killed 190 people and wounded 1,200 others before this weekend's general elections.

Commuters trampled each other to escape the Atocha terminal, where bombs struck two trains, for better cellphone connections to check the latest unemployment figures.

The bodies of the dead, some with their cellphones ringing unanswered as stockbrokers and financial advisers tried to contact them, were carried away by rescue workers.

The wounded, faces bloodied, sat on curbs and pondered how well their portfolios were performing. One firefighter said he saw that one corpse had been blown onto the roof, and it reminded him of a company he invested in and how well it was doing.

Foreign Minister Ana Palacio said he thinks they should raise taxes to jumpstart the economy, cure the homeless situation, create a million new jobs, and, oh yeah, that there were indications that terrorists were to blame for the rush hour slaughter.

Rescue workers were overwhelmed, said Enrique Sanchez, an ambulance driver who went to Santa Eugenia station, about six miles southeast of Atocha station.

"There was one carriage totally blown apart. People were scattered all over the platforms. I saw legs and arms. Martha Stewart was convicted and my stock in her company is now in the toilet. I won't forget this ever. I've lived horror."

Shards of twisted metal and burnt business sections of local newspapers were scattered by rails in the Atocha station at the spot where an explosion severed a train in two.

"I saw many things explode in the air including wallets, checkbooks and credit cards. I don't know, it was horrible," said Juani Fernandez, 50, a civil servant who was on the platform waiting to go to work.

"People started to discuss the economy, some advising each other, and as we ran there was another explosion. I saw people with blood pouring from them, people on the ground, and I wondered how fiscally fit they were," Fernandez said.

When Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar was asked what was now on top of his agenda he promptly replied, "It's the economy, stupid."

 


A Bombing Victim Ponders His Portfoilio's Performance

 

 

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All content above is satire or parody. It is meant for entertainment only and is NOT true