Iraqi Official Attacked For Second Day In A Row, Big Media Finally Notices

By Matt Forge

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- A deputy interior minister was targeted in a heinous attack just one day after a car bomb exploded, maybe accidentally, outside his home yesterday wounding him and killing at least five people, including four police and a three-horned goat. The explosion hurled two fuel-efficient environmentally-friendly cars onto the front lawn of the official's house, but that pales in comparison to today's attack.

Early this morning Abdul-Jabbar Youssef al-Sheikhli (known as "Skippy" in the region), the deputy minister in charge of security (how ironic), was kidnapped and taken to an undisclosed location. There he was forced to strip naked and coerced into provocative poses with women present and dogs staring with cocked heads.

Pictures were taken and sent to Al-Jazeera who immediately began broadcasting them a few hours ago. America's non-biased media machine has picked up the images and now showing them as well. In fact, the three big networks are running continuous loops of the pictures on TV while providing audio feed of regularly scheduled programs including 60 Minutes, CSI Miami and America's Funniest Home Videos.

Fortunately the freedom fighters, er... terrorists, let him go and he was found wandering naked down Interdesert Hwy 40 just outside the holey city of Baghdad (called holey because of all the bomb craters). An Australian unit stumbled across the bare-skinned Iraqi. "That mate was bloomin' naked," said one of the soldiers. "His shrimp on the barbie was showing outback, if you catch my drift," said another Aussy. But it's no laughing matter to Abdul who nervously spoke to reporters who themselves were fighting back tears of sadness and rage at what inhumane treatment the deputy interior minister had been forced to endure.

"I... I would have rather had my head sawed off with a dull blade instead of what really happened. That would have been much easier to take, that is unless they had taken my clothes off first." He continued, "I would have rather been burned alive and my charred remains hung from a bridge. Of course I would want them to put clothes on my burnt carcass before hoisting it up in public. If they didn't do that, well... I don't think I could live with it."

Mr. al-Sheikhli has since started psychiatric counseling to deal with the emotional trauma. On an up note, it has been reported that Madonna has purchased the photos for ten thousand dollars and is planning on incorporating them into her new shock tour. According to the FOX News website, the production is her most outrageous yet, complete with an electric chair, nearly nude pregnant women and plenty of lesbian love. The show reportedly opens with a frisky Madonna simulating sex with a female tango dancer - which is quaint compared with other segments in the show.

The Iraqi deputy interior minister has been invited to attend the premier complete with backstage pass and invitation to the aftershow party where it really gets wild, reportedly. Skippy is said to be excited to get to witness classic American entertainment up close and personal, as well as hopefully meeting Janet Jackson and getting the infamous pop idol to autograph a certain picture of her that he printed off the internet.