The Official LURCH
2000 Kerry-Bot Watch
By Matt Forge
Most people are unaware that the Democrats
have launched a new tactic in the war against conservatism -
the LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot. LURCH stands for "Liberals United
Repelling Conservative Hacks." It is a masterpiece of technology
and human engineering. Liberals hail it as the last great hope
for socialism. It's sole purpose is to win the 2004 presidential
election and crush Republicans.
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot has not been without
its flaws, though. Here we cover its travels in an undated timeline
format. Use this page to keep tabs on its actions and whereabouts.
Be on the lookout for this monster for it may be invading your
small town next. Be afraid - be very afraid.
Just click on a description to view it,
if you dare...
Newest Pics
Kerry-Bot
Placed Into Speech Position Before Power-Up...
Kerry-Bot Goes Into "Lightning-Rod" Mode...
LURCH 2000 Fascinated With Female Anatomy...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Shows Cat-Like Coordination...
Kerry-Bot Dislocates Elbow Joint...
Kerry-Bot Goes Into Sleep Mode During Bat Swing...
Flashback: Inside Top Secret Test Facility...
Kerry-Bot Mistakes Boy For Pig In Scramble...
In The Beginning...
The
New LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Is Launched...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Gives Thumbs-Up Indicating
That All Systems Are Functioning Properly...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Before Being Powered Up
To Give Speech...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Dictates Pre-Programmed
Speech...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Makes Attempt At Looking
Natural...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Waves During Parade...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Shuffles Down Aisle...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Speaks To Audience...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Stalls During Point...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Confused By Colorful T-shirt...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Topples Onto Disabled
Man...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Loses Power Again On Woman...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Again Shuts Down, Carried
Off Stage...
Nader Inspects The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot, Not Worried...
Nader Shakes Hands With The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot,
Is Amused...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Analyzes Situation
Before Taking Step Down...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Sings,
Yellow Tint Raises Alarm Among Engineers...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Stalls At "Under
God" During Pledge,
Engineers Confirm It's Part Of Programming...
Sudent Touches LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Hand On Dare,
Says It Felt "Creepy"...
Kerry-Bot Tries To Butterfly-Kiss Clinton,
Targeting System Malfunctions With Miss To Forehead
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot's Arm Appears To Be Damaged...
"Push Away" Test For LURCH 2000 Kerry
Bot Arm A Success...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Learns To Whistle, Is
Proud...
Kerry-Bot Unsuccessfully Attempts To Shoot Laser
From Finger...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Tracking System Malfunctions,
Fails To Pinpoint Audience...
Kerry-Bot Attacks Teleprompter During Speech...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Breaks Down Again In Jersey...
Kerry-Bot Artificial Knee Joint Malfunctions...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot's Speed Control System
Short-Circuits, Plane Damaged...
Kerry-Bot Dictates Another Rousing Speech...
Kerry-Bot Still Can't Get Laser To Shoot Out Of
Finger...
Another Kerry-Bot Finger-Tip Laser Failure...
Bluff: Kerry-Bot Threatens With Finger Laser...
Kerry-Bot Targeting System Malfunctions Again,
Still Can't Locate Audience...
Kerry-Bot Still Can't get Finger Laser To Shoot...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Navigates Corner...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Calls It A Day...
Kerry-Bot Pretends To Shoot Edwards With Faulty
Laser Finger...
Kerry-Bot Goes Into "Sleep" Mode After
Hour Of Inactivity...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Doesn't Give Up On Finger
Laser...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Tries Thumb Laser, Negative...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Practices Holding Baby...
Close-Up...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Doing Better At Shaking
Hands...
Kerry-Bot Receives Solar Energy Boost...
The LURCH 2000 Laser Finger Almost Operational...
Max Headroom, Move Over...
Kerry-Bot Attempts New laser Finger Technique,
Failure Again...
Kerry-Bot Threatens Terrorists With Laser Finger,
Laughter Ensues...
Kerry-Bot Fails To Notice Babs...
Have You Hugged Your Kerry-Bot Today?...
TV Producer Amazed At Kerry-Bot Technology...
Surprise: Kerry-Bot Bursts Out Of Packaging Box...
Kerry-Bot's Power Cells Go Dead During Speech...
Close: Due To Internal Gyroscope Glitch,
Kerry-Bot Almost Topples Down Stairs...
Kerry-Bot Confused By See-Thru Glass...
Flashback: The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot First Leaves
Assembly Plant In Michigan...
Kerry-Bot Sparks Growling Scowl Reaction From Defensive
Reverend Jesse Jackson...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Learns New, Different
Hand Shake...
Kerry-Bot Demonstrates Hand Dexterity...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Fails To Comprehend Religion...
Kerry-Bot Freezes Again During Speech...
And Again...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Calms Audience, Nation...
Kerry-Bot Receives Visit From Mother Ship...
Virus Causes Kerry-Bot Facial Tick, Erratic Hitler-Like
Hand Gestures...
Kerry-Bot Threatens Photographer With Laser Finger...
Kerry-Bot Irrationally Leaps Into Crowd, Three
Taken To Hospital...
Kerry-Bot Loaded Aboard Plane For Next Rally...
Kerry-Bot Fails To Locate Source Of Popping Sounds...
Flashback: First Time Kerry-Bot Revealed To Public,
"Dawn Of A New Age"...
Kerry-Bot Freezes Again During Speech, Batteries
Blamed...
Kerry-Bot Receives Fresh Battery Pack...
The LURCH 2000 Kerry-Bot Uneasy Near Water...
The LURCH 2000 Stabilizes Self During Bumpy Flight...
©Copyright2004 -- The Forged
Report
|
