* Over at "the place of great noise", Augrabies Falls National Park, we decided to get off our rear ends and embarked on a 3 day hike. Umbrellas were esential gear in the desert with the chance of rain at zero percent. Early morning starts allowed us to reach the hiking huts by mid-day so that we could sweat in the shade in the 34C heat. We are now fully thawed out from the Canadian winter. The terrain was varied and rugged (boulders, sharp rocks and soft sand), especially for these two who are gettting used to sitting in a bakkie instead of pushing pedals on a bike.

* From here, we head north along 4WD tracks and gravel roads in southern Namibia.

QUOTABLE QUOTES

* A South African camper on drinking beer at 8:00 a.m.: "you have to brush your teeth with something".

* Inna, a Molopo warden's wife on the 35C temperatures; "you are lucky it is cool now".

* Gerald, a Molopo warden, responding to a question about whether puff adders can bite through jeans: "the puff adder is the only African snake that bites to the bone".

FOR THE RECORD

2002 tent nights; 24

kilomtres driven: 3,200

swimming pools enjoyed: 9

South Africa banana index; 25

number of wild mammal species seen and identified: 38

* Further north near Aus, a male ostrich put on his courtship riual for the benefit of Glenn whose red shirt apparently triggered the exotic dance.

* We climbed, with umbrellas, in the Tirasberg mountains, wile stying on an ostrich farm (koiimasis). the owner instructed Glenn to remove his red shirt, otherwise the free range male ostriches (in breeding season) might plose a health hazard.

* We ventured to World's End (Wereldend) for 2 nights and wandered the red dunes. It was beetle mania out on the dunes; cool beatles and plenty of foxes live at the end of the world.

* Up at Sesriem and Sossusvlei, home f the spectaculor world's largest dunes, it was impressive even the second time around. Yes, those umbrellas wandered the dunes under a blazzing sun. In the 3 years since our last visit there, they have paved the dune access route and added a swimming pool to the campground. But adventure remains a part of the big dunes; procuring a campsite when the campground is "full". The Europeans have discovered Namibia. A week later, we are still pouring sand out of our shoes.

* Over at Naukluft Mountains we were amazed by the greenery and flowers and found the kloof (canyon) walking on the Olive Trail to be as good as anywhere in the world. Over at the small campground, we awaited the afternoon arrival of the naughty baboons but were rewarded by a night time visit of a pair of genets (tree climbing cats) instead.

* We entered the tropics. The Namib desert is considered to be "gravel desert" so at the Ganab waterhole campsite which is described as "dusty and exposed...on the gravel plains", we found tall luxuriant grass. The summer rains have transformed the area into savannah dotted with camel thorn acacia trees. Oryx, zebra and springbok herd and even warthogs grazed nearby; in a sea of golden grass; Africa at its best.

* For the second time on this trip, we have been on the back roads for a 2 week stretch. We managed to eat fresh vegetables everyday. The purchasing department goofed by underestimating the client (sheila)demand for canned fruit for desserts, so we made our way back to civilization.

* Windhoek is at a higher elevation so we are finding the 25C days a little chilly. We are wearing our fleece jackets. brrrrr....

* We are heading for the Central Kalahari, Botswana and then onto big game country.

QUOTABLE QUOTE

* "You are lucky to be here in the rain"; farm woman along Orange river whose daughter first saw rain when she was seven years old.

TRAVEL NOTES

* Things they don't tell you in the tourist brochures about Naukluft mountains: A South African hiker who was doing the 8 day trail, died of bee stings just 4 days before we arrived. Also, seemingly harmless grass seed attaches itself to your socks and workthemselves in ntil it feels like someone has put a handfull of small acupuncture needles into your socks. The solution: don't wear socks and keep away from bees.

* Cool Critters in the Namib: large Namaqua chameleons, dune beetles that go 1 metre a second, bugs that play dead and go on their backs when frightened and geckos camouflaged like bark or stone.

FOR THE RECORD

* 2002 tent nights: 38

* Kilometres driven: 4950

* Swimming pools encountered: 11

* Namibia banana index: unknown ( we have not been in any towns)

* Number of wild mammal species seen and identified: 44

* Our night along the Boteti river was noisy from the sounds of zebra and wildebeest and regular lion roars throughout the night.

* At the CKGR (Central Kalahari Game Reserve) it was all about semi-desert creatures; cheetah, caracal, bat ear foxes, aardwolf, giraffe, springbok, oryx, jackal and gecko. Lions heard often but not seen. However the surprise of the CKGR was a group of touring South Africans who generously filled our cooler with chicken, fresh cilantro, oranges and even a bottle of red wine. Yummy and thank-you!

* We passed through Lehlakane where the highlight was finding iceberg lettuce before heading onto Sua Pan. The pans are vast former lakes which now amount to sticky mud covered by a layer of salt. We spent a couple of days on Kukoro Island beneath a baobab tree which could be described as on the large side of enormous. Driving on the pans is considered exciting and it is, as your tires sink into the mud while you try to keep the speed up. Slowing or stopping can mean sinking into a quagmire. We had a few exhilitrating moments but kept close to shore for the most part.

* At the Nata Lodge campsite, the poolside bar and palm trees were a backdrop to the evening entertainment; bushbabies patrol the camp looking for food. They are prodigous jumpers and these particular ones were curious enough to enter our open bakkie but shared a distinct aversion to camera flashes.

* Our next adventure was the obscure, rarely travelled "hunter's road". It is a road in name only. It starts out as an elephant trail (single file) and finishes 200km further north following a grown over cut line between Botswana and Zimbabwe.We cannot recall seeing the "No Unauthrozed Entry" sign. As we bashed along in first gear our wheel-wells became coated in elephant dung. Elephant trails abounded, we heard elephants breathing at night but in 4 days we did not see a single one of Botswana's 120,000 jumbos. This is akin to wandering the streeets of London for 4 days and not seeing a single doubledecker bus (transit strike?).

* At the Kazuma Pan area (Botswana side) we camped aong an elephant highway (on-going strike, no elephants as yet) while 6 giraffe reversed our voyeuristic roles and watched us take our daily bucket bath. Finally in the Leshomo valley, approaching Chobe river, elephants appeared in large numbers. In Kasane, we camped a little ways back from the river as a woman was attacked by a crocodile while she slept in her tent a month earlier.

* We had heard repeated warnings about visiting Zimbabwe, all from people who had not visited that country. Rumours abounded about security,high food prices, lack of fuel and high costs of entry. Although Zimbabwe is economically and politically bankrupt, we have found it peacefull, with food and fuel widely available. We've had many Zimbabwe people tell us how happy they are to see us (tourists) as we are few and far between.

* Our 2 weeks in Hwange National Park were like staying in a 1,000 USD exclusive reserve; we saw our first other tourists on our 4th day in the park. Whilst we saw plenty of game including hunting lions, Hwange was all about elephants. On some days we over 500 of them. We watched elephants feed, drink, bathe, swim, spar and wrestle; they are animated. We slept with them, bathed with them and dined with them. We slept 3 night in the Masuma hide where hundreds drink each night some 15 metres away. Our evening meals were accompanied by the sounds of elephants drinking and elephant flatulence. Our wine had a bouquet of elephant dung.

* The town of Victoria Falls is a great place to meet people; touts, moneychangers and trinket sellers hound the few tourists. We've been in the Vic Falls area for 4 nights and have not seen the falls yet; we set out with good intentions one afternoon but got a good deal on a all-you-can-drink booze cruise (no one fell off). Day 5: we visit the falls: wet and magnificent!

* We've been staying at an exclusive campsite 10km upstream alongside the Zambezi in the national park; Kandahar Campsite. No terrorists but we have been under attack severl times; vervet monkeys in search of food. They comment on our lack of generosity by bombing us with pee and poo. Their aim is poor. The Zambezi river levls are very high so fishing is poor. Nontheless it is exciting: watching for crocs by water and elephants behind you by land. With the greenery, grunting hippos and plethoraof birds, you don't have to catch anything to have a good fishing day on the Zambezi.

QUOTABLE QUOTES ON ELEPHANTS

"When an elphant pushes your vehicle over, don't get out of your vehicle"

" If you don't have any salt, you can add a pinch of elephant dung to your stew"

* Sheila on Glenn stripping down to take a bucket bath in view of 100 elephants " The elephants will laugh at you"

FOR THE RECORD

Namibia Banana Index: 18

Botswana Banana Index: 12

Zimbabwe Banana Index: 25 (before loss to sneaky monkeys)

Zimbabwe Banana Index: (at offical exchange rate): 3

2002 Tentnights: 70

Kilomtres driven in the Persian God: 8,600

Wild mammal species seen and identified: 60

* We slept with elephants and hippos through our 2 weeks along the Caprivi Strip (mamili, Mudumu, Susuwe, Mahongo). Highlights included working up the courage for successful water crossings and seeing a herd of over 120 elephants arrive at a beach for a drink. In Divindu, we patiently awaited the delivery truck (delayed because it ran out of diesel) and we have never been so excited about cabbage and apples before.

* In Khaudom National Park, we ploughed through sand as our bakkie, the Persian God, became the Persian Guzzler. Elephants seem to trash the plumbing system every 2nd night at Khaudom Camp in search of better quality water.

* We shopped with vigour in Grootfontein buying up a month's worth of groceries for our upcoming Kaokoland expedition. At the nearby Hobas meteorite, the world's largest surviving meteorite, we got over our initial disappointment of its smallness (1 X 3 X 3 metres) to star gaze from atop it (camping nearby). No little green men arrived, however it is possible that we were abducted by aliens and our memories were wiped clean.

*Opuwo is the main and only town in Kaokoland. It is a dusty frontier town with small shops and maize beer a big seller at 10 cents US a jug. Over dressed Herero and bare breasted Himba collide with the advancing world in Opuwo. It only lacks three headed creatures to be a movie set for a Star Wars outpost.

* Kaokoland (NW Namibia) itself is one of the last African wilderness areas. It is an arid mountainous region lightly populated by subsistence living Himba people. It is endowed with an extensive network of rough 4X4 tracks and some sensational landscapes. We set off into the hinterland with 275 litres of petrol and 10 litres of boxed wine.

* Epupa Falls features an excellent campsite beneath the makalani palms alongside the Kunene river. The falls area is incredibly atmospheric but the real action is the village bar where Himba congregate nightly.

* Van Zyl's Pass is a well known 4X4 destination for South Africans. It is a testosterone experience: a very rough track, bare breasted Himba women, accompanied by cold beer and meat from the cooler. We are obviously short on testosterone as we found the going tedious at times. We did one 33km section in 7 hours including our road building efforts. However, the rewards jsutified the effort.

* We stomped about the Marienfluss and Hartmann's valleys. Rocky mountians and outcrops emerge from seas of yellow grass. Sand dunes and sea mist are curiositites. Mosture seeking bee invasions of campsites are unnerving. At times the flies can drive a mad person sane.

* We wandered off and on the map through lonely spectaculor country. Desert giraffe awaited us, desert elephants pulled down our laundry line at Purros and accorded us a 2 trumpet salute along the Hoanib river. We sat through the daily sand storm at Armspoort.

*Kathy and Addy pressed onto the German bakeries of Swakopmund while we lingered in southern Kaokoland. On our exit route along the Ombonde river bed (more giraffe and elephant), cold weather froze our water bottles proving the tropics are not always hot.

FOR THE RECORD

* 2002 tent nights: 138

* Kilometres driven in the Persian God: 15,500

* Wild Mammal species seen and identified: 69

* August is a busy month at Etosha National Park. The first reaction of every tourist, ourselves included, is to reach for the camera when confronted with about 1,000 animals crowding the Okaukeujo waterhole at mid-day. The Halali waterhole features a nightly theatre production like no other. Actors emerge from the darkness onto the lighted stage (waterhole).Rhinos spar, elephant herds chase rhinos off, lions chase hyaena, hyaenas chase lions and the leopard looks disdainfully up at the audience. During the lighter moments, the sharp flatulence of the rhino contrasts with that of the elephant, a deep, bubbly rumble. We were tempted to stand up and provide a standing ovation many a time.

* Whilst we watched Etosha lions for hours and waited patiently at zebra crossings, the real Etosha action was the August influx of European visitors. The Italians sported the latest in safari fashion and we marvelled at the dazzling array of photographic equipent all competing with the best animal show in Africa.

*Colgate brand battery operated tooth brushes emit a frequency that can attract bats in Etosha. They like to land on the brush end which can be dangerous when that end is in your mouth.

BOTSWANA

* We grinded through a sandy track to visit the Tsodilo Hills, Botswana's highest mountains, measuring a whopping 420 metres of elevation. The Tsodilo Hills are to the bushman what Ayers Rock is to the Australian Aboriginals; the sight of the first Creation. Amongst the dust, heat and flies we admired the appealing minimilistic rock paintings, primarily of animals but also includig human representations such as "the dancing penises".

* We restocked in Maun (Mau-oon) for a trip into the Moremi Game Reserve which juts into the Okavango Delta. We camped wild before entering the reserve and in the process we spooked a herd of 25 giraffe. Lions prowled and roared very neraby so we put the fly on our tent (lions generally don't attack what they cannot see). Our prudence paid off; we stayed dry on the first thunderstorm of the season that drenched the region. These were auspicious signs: Moremi always surprises and seldom disappoints.

* Moremi highlights included:

- watching a hyaena clan giggle with delight and finish off an impala skeleton faster and noisier than you could eat a bag of potato chips.

- a very testy pair of elephant bulls with attitude charged us for 300 metres forcing us into a hasty retreat in reverse along a winding, sandy track. We were not sure if that close-call fell into the category of good stress or bad stress.

- We unknowingly followed a closed road into a testestoerone world of tricky water crossings and we threaded our way through a herd of 60 elephants only to find the way impassable. We doubled the excitement by retreating throught the same crossings and elphant herd.

- We had been pre-assigned campsite #4 at Third Bridge. We did not know that "everyone knows that you don't take #4 or #5 because that is where the baboons sleep". Our tent (fly on) and bakkie were bombarded early in the morning. Elephant dung in the wheel wells is one thing but baboon poop on the tent roof is quite another thing.

- We watched 2 cheetah gorge themselves on warthog. They eat quickly. You could imagine a chetah mother telling its cub "don't chew your food or the hyaena will eat your dinner".

- We were fortunate enough to find a leopard early one morning. We followed him and watched him mark his territory by scratching and spraying before he climbed into a tree for his sleep. Despite his beautiful appearance, we concluded the leopard is not much different than a tom cat.

* We stopped in at the Boteti River and prowled with a pride of lions by night. Sheila complained that we saw more lions than porcupines on our night drive. Further down the road at the Khama Rhino Reserve, we watched a cheetah mark his terrtory also like an alley cat. So, save your money and stay at home and watch your neighbour's cat hunt birds and spray your car tires!

SOUTH AFRICA

* As we left the bundu and returned to civilization, our driving speed increased, farms and fences appeared, as did towns and traffic. We left the tropics. We immediatly missed the night time sounds of lions roaring,hyaenas whooping and jackals yelping. So, we headed for Botsalano game Reserve, our last taste of the Kalahari.

* Botsalano Game Reserve is a small but beautiful breeding reserve for many animals including plenty of rhino and heaps of black wildebeest with their long flowing white tails. We braced ourselves for the week-end rush only to discover that we were it. Sometimes the rhinos grazed around the campsite. David Attenborough may have walked with dinos, but we walked with rhinos.

* Keeping with the dinosaur theme, at Rustenburg Nature Reserve, we called it Jurrafic Park as we entertained a couple of giraffe at the campsite. We were once again the ony visitors to the reserve. Where is everyone? At work?

FOR THE RECORD

2002 tent nights: 161 (270 nights in the Marmot Equinox tent, zippers going but it is still hanging in there).

Kilometres travelled in the Persian God: 18,000

African mammal species seen: 74

For the next segment of Africa, we parked the Persian God away and rented a mini van. We picked up jet-lagged friends Andy and Laura at the airport and headed for Pilanesberg National Park where we pitched our tents in a busy week-end campground. Our virgins-to-Africa friends saw their first lions and rhinos the same day. Andy managed to get some good giraffe nostril photos with his "thing" sticking out of the window. We mean Andy's photographic "thing" and not the giraffe's "thing". Pilanesburg was "stinking" with rhinos; at one point the road was obstructed by two thinos going for a leisurely stroll and we could not get around them; "get out of my way!". Elephants, rhinos and lions on the road all make a safari a challenging undertaking. We also ointroduced them to "chasing lions"; that is when you are watching two rhinos mating but someone tells you that there are lions 10 kms away, "under a big tree", so you drop everything, drive at top speed and see many big trees but no lions.

The gourmet meals continued through relaxing Lapalala Wilderness where we all shoved our hands into the mouth of a black rhino; the teeth are in the back so it does not hurt. Further down the road and lacking 4X4 excitement, we drove over a high bridge that had been closed for structural reasons. The huge cracks did not put Andy & Laura off who seemed to accept travelling with us as reckless abandon.

We arrived in Kruger National Park in the middle of a school holiday so people watching was as rewarding as animal viewing. They experienced their first lion "scrum". That is when the viewing vehicles outnumber the lions by more than a ratio of 2:1. South Africans act civilized during a scrum and there is an etiquette. On a few instances, "you are supposed to be watching the lions, not the other people" was heard. Yeah, we saw all kinds of animals, but the icing on the cake was a leopard "scrum". That is something worth seeing. The leopard was invisible to us.

Andy and Laura continued their trip "chasing leopards" in Botswana (they were succussful) while we jumped in the Persian God and headed toward the coast (Kwazulu-Natal). Ithala Game Reserve had a great, quiet campsite with sleeping bushbabies, impala, warthogs and even passing giraffe. Giraffes look really tall when you are lying in your tent and one walks right by you at night. On on driving occasion, we had a 2,000 kg male white rhino disappear from view. We could not see him over the hood of the Persian God. Sheila was convinced he was going to put his horn through the radiator. Glenn thought Sheila was over-reacting and that the rhino was only going to horn the tire (we had two spares). As it happened, he simply peed on the tire and continued on his way.

Mkuzi Game Reserve had a waterhole that was a photographer's wet dream. The hide which extends over the water, is constructed to allow people to sit and watch hundreds of animals come for a drink just a few metres away. We blew the film budget. Warthogs wallowed, a herd of 5 rhino appeared and the camera ran out of batteries. Getting close to a boomslang (Africa's most poisonous snake) was cool too!

We have been to some places with great sounding names like Mpandamatenga, Nxai Pan (the x is a "click"), Otjiwarango and Chimanimani. Mtubatuba topped the scale for us; we were invited to visit and stay on a sugar cane farm. That was a delight. We were thoroughly spoiled by our hosts Murray & nicky (Central Kalahari 2002).

Over at Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Game Reserve, it was more snorting rhinos, but we headed for the coast. Verdant Cape Vidal features a magnificent coastline and spectacular beach. Buck wandered the forest and we even encountered a cobra on the forest floor. Both the rare Samango and the more common Vervet monkeys played in the trees. The monkeys were artistic masters: they created diversions and opportunities to feed themselves, compliments of the campers. Our banana and grapefruit indicies took a beating but it was entertaining.

We returned to Johannesburg to staty at Bonzo's (john and Ilse work and ensure that he gets his "walkees"). after all those months in the bush, we got prety excited about watching a movie on the big silver screen and eating our dinners inside. We put the Persian God up for sale and carefully screened prospective buyers. Now that the PG has been sold, it is off to Malaysia and Thailand....

TRAVEL NOTES

Cheeziest Kruger Joke: "what's gnu with you?"

Is is safe in South Africa? Glenn's most dangerous moment, other than charging elephants was in a bottle store. On one quiet week-day, he sauntered into a walk-in beer cooler. The door closed behine and he was trapped inside until another customer came by.

Making the most of things: Sheila squeezed 3 cakes from her birhtday this year.

Beef fillet (tenderloin) index: 4 USD per kilo in Mtubatuba.

FOR THE RECORD (Africa 2002)

2002 tent nights: 184

Kilometres driven: 25,000

Mammal species spotted: 80

African Nights: 233