NONG KHAI, THAILAND December 6, 2545

* After little physical activity in Africa, we did our first South-East Asian hike atop the 800 metre Penang hill. Ok, so we took the furnicular up, but our sweat glands still got a heck of a work-out.

* It is hard to account for 2 1/2 weeks at the beach, so we will concede that is was not billable time. Glenn cracked open a couple of coconuts on Koh Chang and that set off a burst of coconut cracking amongst the farang (foreigners). Over at even more mellow Koh Wei and its coral reef, a transvestite waiter and cook transvestite-in-training spiced up the food.

* We then headed into the Thai interior on a series of 2nd class and air-con buses that blew little more than hot air. At Lopburi, a sizeable monkey population lives in the old town. 9 monkeys greeted us at our hotel window on arrival. Our room was big enough that we could have swung a monkey by its tail. The hotel was completely encased in fencing, nontheless, the little ones could sneak in and thoroughly enjoyed playing with our laundry on the rooftop patio. Through much of the day, the monkeys are found on rooftops (living gargoyles) and playing on streetlights. Many people put metal cones on their TV antennae to prevent the monkeys from spoiling their TV reception.

* The Sukothai and Srisatchanalai ruins provided insight into the Sukothai Kingdom of the 13th and 14th centuries (Christian calendar). Thailand is currently in year 2545 (Buddhist calendar) so Y2K happened over 500 years ago.We toured the ruins on "crocodile sport" bicycles, our first time on bikes in over a year!

* Nam Nao National Park is 800 metres above sea level. "NamNao" means cold water and we are convinced that it refers to the cold showers. It has a number of hiking trails through beautiful rain forest and it was here that Alan had his incredible elephant encounter. We saw plenty of birds, mosquitoes, wooly hats for sale and a transvestite but no elephants, though we did see a very large grey bunny (really). Perhaps with the right combination of beer, anti-malarial drugs and darkness, the bunny could have passed for an elephant.

* National Holidays are when young Thais descend on national parks in droves and play thier guitars into the wee hours of the night. Reinforcements were arriving at Nam Nao as we left on the morning of the King's Birthday. Banners are set up in every Thai town to celebrate the King's Birthday. We can only imagine the size of his birthday cake.

* Today it is another "crocodile sport" day and tomorrow we cross the Mekhong river and head up-country into Laos.

TRAVEL NOTES

* We eat a lot of rice in Thailand. Of course, when you want a little variety from regular rice, there is always sticky rice, rice porridge or even rice noodles. It is amazing that they have any leftover but Thailand is the world's biggest exporter of, you guessed it, rice.

* Glenn has had a bit of a go at the Thai language. Written Thai seems completely undecipherable; ÃÒÇèÕáÊË ÒÓÃÊËÇË ÒÒèÊÇÊÒè Âþ×Ë¿Ó×Êã After about two weeks he started to attain some success with the five tones. The difficulty is that people respond in Thai. That is when Glenn looks up at the person, feeling like a dog, with no idea what the person is saying. Soon, when Glenn hears the Thai word for a walk, he will go running for his leash.

THAI TRAVEL BARGAINS

3.5 Baht (0.08 USD) Bangkok bus, non air-con

12 B ((0.30 USD) Bangkok bus air con

60B (1.50 USD) 150 km bus ride Nam Nao to Khon Khaen

400B (10 USD) 12 hour overnight train sleeper Nong Khai to Bangkok

20B (0.50 USD) stir fried squid and vegies on rice (Petburi night market)

8-10B (0.25 USD) fresh fruit shakes (everywhere)

20B (0.50 USD) daily bicycle rental (Sukhotai)

150B (3.5USD) Guest House room in old Thai teak house ovelooking river (Sukhotai). 5:00 a.m. Rooster calls were free.

300B (7USD) air con room with attached bath and luxury toilet paper (Bangkok)

10B (0.25USD) variety pack of freshly fried bugs (Lopburi)

FOR THE RECORD

2002 tent nights: 188

Most people seen riding on a single motorbike: 6

Malaysia Banana Index: 14

Thai Banana Index: 30 (there are many banana varieties here, we use the Ord standard size)

Pineapple Index: 4 for 1 USD (Trat)

* Further north, Luang Phabang exhudes ambiance (World Heritage Site). The Mekhong river, French Indo-China colonial architecture, over 30 wats (temples), relaxed atmosphere and Laos day-to-day life makes the town a special place. Each day, the 4:00a.m. monastic drums signal the beginning of the rooster chorus. Hundreds of barefoot monks file out of the wats early morning collecting food in their bowls. Locals close the day with games of badminton and kataw (no-hands volleyball with a wicker ball) along the Nam Kham riverside. We met up with newly-weds Richard (Mexico 2001) and Konkanok (Laos 2002). Richard is one of the few people who has taken our advice on anything; we suggested he visit Thailand. He did and he married a lovely Thai woman.

* We teamed up with Chris and Denise (Smithers British Colombia) and travelled up the Nam Ou river. Mung Ngoi was a sleepy fishing village in 1998 but has transformed itself into a sleepy but up and coming destination now boasting 15 simple guesthouses (all rooms 1 USD). Electricity is available between 6 and 9 p.m.. It is a friendly and beautiful place (more limestone formations). Our guesthouse owner told us of the years when they lived in caves to evade American bombing. Laos is the most bombed country per capita in the history of warfare. The leftover unexploded ordnances (UXOs) routinely claim victims. One of the guesthouse owner's sons lost an arm in this way. Cluster bomb casings now serve as flower pots and other imaginative decorations in Mung Ngoi.

* Our Nam Ou river journey continued through thick rainforest, spectaculor cliff faces and intermittent fishing villages while water buffaloes wallowed in the mud pools. On our 3rd river day, we opted for a speed boat further upstream. Our narrow 5 metre long flat bottomed boat was powered by a Toyota car engine and pushed 8 cramped passengers up class I and II rapids. We all wore crash helmets and sat in the crash position (arms around our knees) in the tiny space, but did not crash. A cheap thrill.

* Phongsali sits high up in the rugged mountains near the Chinese border and the Chinese influence is felt particularily in the medieval quarter which feels more like Yunnan than Laos. We stayed at the best hotel that money can buy in Phongsali (4 USD a night including attached hot shower) in the old Chinese consulate. Heavy blankets kept us warm at night and the location (over 100 metres from the nearest rooster) allowed us to sleep well at the Phoufa Hotel.

* Northern Laos is very scenic; mountains, forested and lightly populated. If you don't mind twisting, constantly turning 10 hour bus journies overlaid with screechy Lao music, the jouney from Phongsali is remarkable. Some of the hill tribe people wore their colourful dress. Laos is the world's third biggest grower of opium, most of which is for own consumption. Various organizations are busy building roads into remote areas and encouraging farmers to grow alternative crops. Healthcare for senior citizens in remote northern areas is provided by opium pipes.

* We lazed our way back south, stopping in on Luang Phapang bistros and went inner-tubing on Christmas day. In the capital, Vientiane, we found Wat Simsuang is the place to have your car or motorcycle blessed by a monk. Of course, we had a mandatory dinner at a French restaurant before returning to Thailand.

TRAVEL NOTES

*Spoken Word: Lao language is related to Thai so naturally we were conversing with locals quickly. Our vocabulary balooned. Sabawdee is hello, Sabawdeebaw is "how are you" and Sabawdee is "i"m fine". Of course there is "thank-you" as well so we "hopjai"'ed our way around the country.

* The Beaten Path: Laos only recently opened its doors to tourists (late 1980's). In short order, a well worn tourist trail has replaced the Ho Chi Minh trail and once tranquil places have been rapidly transformed into tourist traps.

* Bags of Money: We travelled with a bag of money in Laos, as the kip trades at 10,800 to the USD. 100USD makes you an instant millionaire. A pepsi costs 2,000 kip and a hotel room 40,000 kip. Easy come, easy go.

* Active Eating: We followed our noses into a busy Vientiane restaurant; trays of lettuce, beans sprouts, sliced cucumber and starfruit with noodles and roasted pork balls were set out in front of us and we jumped into the fun of making our own fresh spring rolls. So much for not eating the lettuce or drinking the ice.

FOR THE RECORD;

Laos Banana Index: a staggering 50-80 delicious bananas for 1USD

Laos Pineapple Index: an astronomical 21 for 1USD in Hat Sa.

* We joined with Leo (Honduras 1997)and headed to the Surin Islands National Park, 60km offshore in the Andaman Sea. Glenn's first impression of the islands was "I think I could get to like this place". The islands are exquisite; indigo blue waters give way to turquoise colours in the sandy shalows, provided us with 25 metre underwater visibility. On our daily snorkelling trips we saw a bewildering array of multi-colored fish and the best developed coral reefs in Thailand. We swam with turtles and sharks. Rain forest hangs over coral beaches and provides cover for the noisy cicadas and the camp Malayan flying lemur. 10 days on Surin flew by much too quickly. We are not sure why we left other than we had other islands to explore.

* We stayed in Ranong on both ends of Surin at the Tantawan Palace. We are often seduced by exotic sounding hotels and places and discovered that even palaces have healthy cockroach populations. Ranong features a bewildering transport system; like many Thai towns, songthaews (pick-up trucks with 2 benches in back) travel fixed routes. We never did figure the routes out. On one journey, we travelled around in circles, passing the same two dogs sleeping in the middle of the road three times.

* A Norwegian couple recommended Koy Payam to us as a fantastic less visited beach island. There are no cars on Koh Payam but there is a network of 2 metre wide concrete paths used by motorbikes. The beaches are long and flat so it is common to see motorbikes racing along the beach, a sort of Thai version of Daytona Beach, Florida. Koy Payam has a nice 3km long beach, cheap comfortable well-spaced apart bungalows and good Thai seafood. We had a hammock on our balcony overlooking the sea, we watched occaisional dolphin pods cruising the bay and we slept soundly without any roosters. If it were not for the gentle waves, it would have been too quiet. Sounds perfect. But the Norwegians didn't tell us about the sandflies!!! On our third day, we were scratching like dogs; it was time to move on.

* Our next stop was the Similian Islands National Park, 70 kms offshore. Similan Islands are reputed to be one of the world's top 10 diving locations. As the access pier is less than 2 hours from Phuket, it attracts a steady stream of daytrippers and divers who stay on live-aboard boats. Fortunatly, the two island camps are fairly quiet. We had another 9 days of wonderful beaches and great snorkelling (30 metres visibility) amongst more exotic marine life. One of our highlights was the two reef sharks that circled around us and one of them came within a few metres for a better look at us. Leaving the islands was not easy. We stood on a white sand beach and Glenn was heard to say "I think that was our boat that just left 15 minutes early". We had park officials radio the boat to return and pick us up.

* Over at Krabi, we immersed ourselves in more seafood at the night market. At Wat Tham Seu (tiger Cave temple) we tested our tropical endurance, subsituting deep snorkelling breathing with plain heavy breathing and climbed 1272 steps for a panoramic view of the region. Some of those steps are bigger than the Ord standard step. Those monks are fit!

* The recent "Survivor" (American reality TV) series was filmed on Tarutao Island. We stayed 4 days on the island, exploring mangroves, a cave, walking beaches and hiking to inland waterfalls, amidst tropical rainforest. We camped a couple of nights on another 3km long beach and experienced the very same sandflies that the "Survivor" participants must have encountered. We would have voted ourselves off the show.

* We headed to the 80km offshore Adang-Rawi Islands in the same National Park. We arranged a long-tailed boat to bring us to Rawi Island. We were the only visitors on the island. Unlike other Thai National Park camps, Rawi has no restaurant so we brought our own food. We hiked and swam but mostly lounged in the shade on hammocks. We even had our won spirit house. It was near perfect until it came to leave. Rawi became our own "Survivor" experience. The boat failed to pick us up. Our stay was extended a couple of days until Sheila was able to attract a passing boat by signalling with a pocket mirror and flapping a white t-shirt.

* Over at Adang Island, we took in more snorkelling and our last few days of beach life before returning to the mainland and our last Thai stop, Thaleban National Park, along the Malaysian border. The Thaleban campsite is particularily noisy with cicadas blaring by night and gibbons hooping it up in the mornings. This part of Thailand does not see many foreigners so when we visited a nearby waterfall on an Islamic holiday, our novelty worth was high. We'll be appearing in a few photo albums.

TRAVEL NOTES

* Despite the abundance of coastline, Thai people do not have a culture of swimming. That does not impede their appetite for snorkelling. They simply wear life jackets and bob about like corks over coral reefs.

* The remora fish has a sucking disk so that it can attach itself to sharks, large rays and whales. We had a persistent remora try to attach itself to us on one of our snorkel swims.

* In another incident, Sheila was watching a highly poisonous sea snake, when it shot straight up at her. Sheila back pedalled like her life depended on it only to discover the snake was coming up for a gulp of air.

FOR THE RECORD

* Some of the marine animals we watched: blue spotted ray, eagle ray, the 2 1/2 metre long white spotted shovel nosed ray (guitar fish), leopard shark, black tipped reef shark, white tipped reef shark, giant moray eel, garden eel, hawksbill turtle, banded sea snake, squid, cuttlefish, southern stingray, lionfish, scorpion fish, octopus, lobster, giant clam and dolpin.

Consecutive blue sky days at the beach: 41

2003 tent nights: 33

* Getting to our next destination, the rainforest of Taman Negara, was an adventure in itself. We started with a pre-dawn bus from Seremban. After a series of 3 missed connections and one wrong bus terminal, we made it as far as Jerantut. Glenn showed his haggling technique at a hotel. He thought the asking rate of 25RM per person was steep so he haggled for 15RM (4USD). When it came to pay, he realized the price was for the room and not per person. Good deal! We arose in the darkness for a 6:00 a.m. bus only to find it had already left. We finally arrived at Taman Negara and stopped in at the Park Information office. It would be more aptly called the Park Disinformation or Uninterested in Providing Information office. We persevered.

* Taman Negara preserves the world's oldest surviving rainforest (130 million years old). We opted to begin our adventure with 5 nights worth of food and boated up the Sungai Trenggan to the defunct Keniam Lodge with its brilliant view over the river. It was spooky and abandoned like something out of a Stephen King novel or Jurrasic Park; we were half expecting to find a skeleton in one of the bungalows or a raptor behind the bushes. Sheila fancies herself as a lodge girl, so we pitched our tent on the main deck and enjoyed the night sounds of the rainforest.

* The ensuing 4.2km trail to Perkai is described in a hiking book as "relatively easy, although a little undulating". It turned out to be the walk from Hell and we discovered that bio-diversity means there are plenty of different creatures trying to get at your blood. We came across numerous fresh tiger and elephant tracks under the beautiful thick forest canopy. Trees reached 45 metres above us, leaving us in deep shadows. 400 ASA film still requires a flash in the middle of the day. It was tricky to find the rarely travelled path that was overgrown and difficult to find in places. We were quicly drenched in sweat by heat and humidity. The density of leeches gradually increased. We eventually discovered that walking a short distance then standing on tree roots provided a temporary respite from the forest floor of leeches. It also provided the opportunity to peel off 4 or 5 leeches crawling up our legs every couple of minutes. In many sections we imagined the leeches we all doing the Mexican Wave and we could almost hear them: step near me! step near me! All aboard for the leech express! The leeches won and they drew plenty of blood (it's only a flesh wound). Then Sheila was attacked by a hive of bees that stung her arm and face with intensity. Sheila struggled in pain and a very disfigured face. Did we mention the ticks or the rattan crawlers that tore Glenn's clothes apart? The relatively easy 4km hike took us 3 hours. Taman Negara is not for wimps and clearly not for us.

* The remainder of our outing was less eventful. We had to double back over the leech trap, but then we hiked drier trails with fewer leeches. Jungle rivers cooled us down at each campsite. We revelled in the dusk and dawn symphonic racket of the rain forest. We played in the natural jungle jacuzzi of the cascades at Lata Berkoh. We traversed the world's longest rain forest canopy walk for a bird's eye view of the forest. In all, we enjoyed 12 days without rain in the rain forest.

* We then went from a green jungle to the concrete jungle of Kuala Lumpur. Highways without pedestrian overpasses were as exciting as jungle river crossings. Taxi drivers swarmed around us at bus terminals like bees. Instead of the oxygen rich air of the rainforest, we sucked in carbon monoxide fumes. The drone of traffic makes a poor subsitute for the insect buzz of the Malaysian rainforest.

* And so ends another year on the road....though we look forward to gaining a day crossing the international date line.

INTERESTING CREATURES WE OBSERVED IN TAMAN NEGARA: flying lizard, Malayasian blue coral sanke, water monitor lizard eating a frog, plethora of hornbills, brightly coloured stork billed kingfisher catching fish, family of wild pigs, mousedeer, barking deer, tapir, myriad of butterflies, amusing spectacled leaf monkey, not so amusing macaques that managed to rob our tent at the main camp, otter gorging on a large fish, slow loris and leopard cat.

FOR THE RECORD