"A Polish mother writing to her son"
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I'm still alive. I am writing this slowly because I know you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home--we've moved. I can't send you the new address as the last polish family who lived here took the numbers with them so they would not have to change their address. About your father, he has a lovely job. He has 500 men under him. He's cutting grass at the cementary. There was a washing machine in the new house where we moved. It isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I can't tell you if you are an aunt or an uncle. And your Aunt Christine gave up the birth control pills when your Uncle John bought a condominium. Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a pot of whiskey at the
brewery. Some of his fellow workers dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We had the body cremated and it took 3 days to put the fire out. Your father did not have much to drink on Christmas. I put a bottle of caster oil in his beer and it kept him going til New Year's Day. I went to the doctors on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and said not to open it for 10 minutes. Your father offered to buy it. It rained only twice last week. First for 3 days, then for 4 days. Monday the wind was so bad; one of the chickens laid the same egg 4 times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother in 7 days, up she comes. Remember your friend Tom? Well, he's no longer in this world. His father died, and he wanted to be buried at sea, Tom drowned digging his grave.
Your loving mother P.S. I was going to send you money, but I already sealed the envelope.