MainFrame

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MainFrame: Hello you metal-like folks how are you today?
James Hetfield: Hold on, oiling my joints
James Hetfield: ...cuz im made of metal
James Hetfield: HAW
MainFrame: that was very clever...
James Hetfield: indeed
James Hetfield: Cleverness has gotten Metallica to where it is today
MainFrame: Really?
James Hetfield: Indeed.
MainFrame: I heard you stepped on the wrong spot on your Toronto tour and burnt half your face off.
James Hetfield: Yes, that was quite horrible
James Hetfield: but one of our 400 lb roadies knew the guitar parts
James Hetfield: the crowd never knew the difference
James Hetfield: ...due to the mephanphetimines that we sprayed onto them the day before
MainFrame: Yeah, his name is Jim Swansen, right?
MainFrame: Is he here? Can I have his autograph?
James Hetfield: no, im sorry
James Hetfield: Jim stepped on that same spot
James Hetfield: and he just blew up
MainFrame: Oh how horrible
James Hetfield: it was horrible...but I got my job back! That bastard was good
James Hetfield: ...too good
MainFrame: Nice work, you are right, very clever you are.
James Hetfield: im glad I planted that dyna...wait
James Hetfield: he fell and broke his neck
James Hetfield: next question
MainFrame: Right. Okay so I heard a rumor that you, well, are sueing napster?
James Hetfield: yah, tis true
James Hetfield: Lars thought it up
James Hetfield: he wants Germany to take the world back
MainFrame: That guy is so cute
James Hetfield: ...and Napster was his plan, to create an online mp3 trading enviroment
James Hetfield: yah see
MainFrame: But the napster kids beat him to it, I understand his rage now.
James Hetfield: indeed
James Hetfield: for a rock star
James Hetfield: I say indeed too much
MainFrame: Indeed.
James Hetfield: brb, going to go on a 4 second alcoholic bender
MainFrame: Okay i'll sit idle here while you absorb the alchoholic goodness
James Hetfield: ok
James Hetfield: i leef hcum retteb
MainFrame: Really?
James Hetfield: yup
MainFrame: I heard another rumor... Have you ever eaten a burrito in Texas?
James Hetfield: I did not have sexual affairs with that woman
MainFrame: Care to explain?
James Hetfield: ...but I did with her sister and 4 cats
MainFrame: That sums it up.
James Hetfield: gawd what a night
MainFrame: Wait, which women, the blonde or Sally?
James Hetfield: the blonde IS sally
MainFrame: Oh she is?
James Hetfield: yes
MainFrame: Damn, tell her she owes me 3 dollars.
James Hetfield: the brunnete is named Tim Knoll
James Hetfield: god she was hot
James Hetfield: Lars took her
MainFrame: Nice catch, Lars
MainFrame: We have a picture here somewhere...
James Hetfield: he has several
James Hetfield: ...but they're all quite lewd
MainFrame: Lewd, what's that mean?
James Hetfield: extreme in sexual nature
James Hetfield: I think
MainFrame: Wow.
James Hetfield: I learned that while getting my PHD at harvard
James Hetfield: but then someone hit me with a Poly Sci book
James Hetfield: right in the temple
James Hetfield: I was knocked retarded
James Hetfield: ...and now here I am
MainFrame: Indeed.
MainFrame: Here I found that picture of tim.
MainFrame: http://www.spaminc.net/images/timknoll.jpg
James Hetfield: That's her!
James Hetfield: well som bitch
James Hetfield: Lars will be so happy
James Hetfield: thank you mr mainframe
James Hetfield: thank you
James Hetfield: He's been on an alcoholic binge for 18 years now
James Hetfield: this might be the thing to snap him out of it
MainFrame: no problem.
James Hetfield: ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE
James Hetfield: another great song we've yet to rip off
MainFrame: So you're going to do Don McLean's American Pie?
James Hetfield: no no no
James Hetfield: we're going to do madonna's version
James Hetfield: Lars has the most excellent tenor voice in all the nation
MainFrame: Oh, with a little symphony?
James Hetfield: oh of course
James Hetfield: we cant get the symphony to go away
MainFrame: Say, can i have your autograph?
James Hetfield: well...you could
James Hetfield: but I just stepped on another pyrotechnics display
MainFrame: Oh dear lord, no
James Hetfield: i fear my arms are...
MainFrame: Gone...
James Hetfield: *sob*
MainFrame: I just noticed.
MainFrame: I didn't want to stare.
James Hetfield: say,
James Hetfield: can you play guitar?
MainFrame: No, only the banjo.
* MainFrame strums the air.
James Hetfield: ...we've done a symphony
James Hetfield: why not a banjo!
James Hetfield: You're in buddy
James Hetfield: welcome to Metallica
MainFrame: Okay! I would shake your hand but... well
MainFrame: How about we grunt in agreement
James Hetfield: will do
MainFrame: ruh ruh ruh
James Hetfield: ruh ruh RUH
MainFrame: RUH RUH RUH?
James Hetfield: RUH RUH RUUUUUUUUUUUH HUR HUR!
MainFrame: ROOooohh... Ruh.. Tim Ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh ruuuuuhhhhh. bark bark bark ruh bark bark sally bark bark ruh ruh.
James Hetfield: Ruh Roh reorge
MainFrame: no scooby, i won't go in the haunted mansion!
James Hetfield: rall right
MainFrame: So tell me about diet coke
MainFrame: I heard you -love- it
James Hetfield: only 1 calorie!
James Hetfield: and it has yellow 5
James Hetfield: so I can get cancer too!
MainFrame: Actually it has 0 calories
James Hetfield: ...lies
James Hetfield: all lies
MainFrame: You are such an idiot james
MainFrame: Seriously
James Hetfield: NO
James Hetfield: SENOR HETFIELD IS NOT AN IDIOT
James Hetfield: YOU ARE THE IDIOT MR MAIN OF THE PERVERBIAL FRAME
MainFrame: Oh your last name is hetfield?
MainFrame: Damnit I'm in the wrong place
James Hetfield: np
MainFrame: i'm looking for James Bond.
James Hetfield: he owns the local strip joint
James Hetfield: Bond
James Hetfield: James Bond
James Hetfield: Jr!
MainFrame: Bond Jr, that was a good show
MainFrame: Always sneaking out of that place to do good
MainFrame: But the dean never knew it
MainFrame: Poor guy
James Hetfield: that bastard
James Hetfield: let's bra bomb the dean
MainFrame: I can't believe they did that
MainFrame: Oh well, let's move on.
MainFrame: So lars backwards is sral
MainFrame: Did you know that?
James Hetfield: i was not aware
James Hetfield: ill tell him
MainFrame: ok i'll wait
MainFrame: ask him about my 3 dollars
James Hetfield: he said "mainframe backwards is *you're never getting your 3 dollars back, hooker!*"
James Hetfield: lars lost his pet monkey today
James Hetfield: ask about his 3 dollars tomorrow
MainFrame: You got all that from his answering machine?
MainFrame: Sorry i was listening in
James Hetfield: it's alright
James Hetfield: you are "the" mainframe after all
MainFrame: yeah i hate all those clone mainframes
MainFrame: who come to destroy the world
James Hetfield: well
James Hetfield: lars is here to destroy the world
James Hetfield: in the name of germany of course
James Hetfield: but he's actually a nice guy
James Hetfield: dont judge the clone mainframes just because they dont like our planet we call earth
MainFrame: Oh, okay
MainFrame: Well uhh, I have to go now...to pick up my clothes from the cleaners
James Hetfield: id like to pick up my clothes
James Hetfield: ...but
James Hetfield: *sob*
MainFrame: oh shit sorry
MainFrame: i meant uhh
MainFrame: I have to go play baseball.
MainFrame: yes, i have to go play baseball
James Hetfield: id..
James Hetfield: *SOB*
MainFrame: oh crap!
MainFrame: I meant, uhh, bowling
James Hetfield: im going to go play soccer
MainFrame: Right, soccer.
James Hetfield: you legless bastard!
MainFrame: DON'T TALK ABOUT MY LEGS
MainFrame: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
MainFrame: TO NOT HAVE LEGS
MainFrame: OKAY
James Hetfield: i used to be able to walk across an olympic sized swimming pool on my arms
MainFrame: woo, big man, walking on his arms
* MainFrame mocks.
James Hetfield: YOU MUTHER MOCKER
MainFrame: YOU MOCKED ME ONCE, NEVER DO IT AGAIN
* MainFrame pushes James down the hill.
James Hetfield: I *ow* have *ow* no *ow* arms
James Hetfield: to *ow*
James Hetfield: catch *ow*
James Hetfield: myself *ow*
James Hetfield: SAVE ME LARS
James Hetfield: KILL THAT SOM BITCH
MainFrame: Oh my wesley! what have I done!
* MainFrame jumps down after James.
MainFrame: oof, ow.. eek... ooh... hey that one felt good, ow.. oof
James Hetfield: muahahahhahaha
James Hetfield: no legged man will now perish
James Hetfield: for it is I
James Hetfield: James Hetfield
James Hetfield: and I HAVE ARMS!
James Hetfield: go ahead you dumb bastard
James Hetfield: chase my armless...pet monkey down the hill
MainFrame: mooonnkkeeyyyy! We'll escape into the fire swamp!
* James Hetfield kills MainFrame
James Hetfield: k gg
MainFrame: gg
MainFrame: wait we said gg last time
James Hetfield: shit
MainFrame: hmm
James Hetfield: edit this
James Hetfield: how about....
James Hetfield: BAD GAME YOU SPAMMING FOOKER
MainFrame: EAT MY MIRVS, BITCH
MainFrame: -
James Hetfield: yes
James Hetfield: well played
MainFrame: gg
James Hetfield:gg