AVERAGE JOE - TITANIC POTENTIAL

AT THE TOP OF THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS, A LONG LIST OF FAMOUS GUESTS WAS RECITED TO THE CROWD.

THE LIST INCLUDED THE NAME LEONARDO DICAPRIO, EVEN THOUGH THE ACTOR DID NOT MAKE A LIVE APPEARANCE AT THE CEREMONY.

INSTEAD, HE SENT A VIDEOTAPE EXPRESSING HIS HEARTFELT APPRECIATION FOR WHATEVER DODGY AWARD MTV HAVE DREAMED UP FOR HIM.

DICAPRIO'S NONAPPEARANCE AT THE MTV OSCARS FOR TEENS MADE FOR A BIT OF INSPIRED COMEDY, "THE MAKING OF THE LEONARDO DICAPRIO ACCEPTANCE SPEECH."

THAT WAS ONE OF A FEW MOMENTS OF LEVITY ON AN OTHERWISE BLASE PROGRAM.

DICAPRIO'S FAILURE TO ATTEND THE CEREMONY ILLUSTRATES A PROBLEM IN ENTERTAINMENT: WHEN PEOPLE BECOME SUFFICIENTLY FAMOUS THEY DON'T DO TV ANYMORE.

UNLESS THEY'RE IN A MOVIE LIKE "LAST ACTION HERO" AND REALLY NEED TO SELL SOME TICKETS.

FRANK SINATRA DIDN'T LIKE TO DO TALK SHOWS.

BARBARA STRAISAND RARELY SHOWS UP ON THE TUBE.

NEITHER DOES CLINT EASTWOOD.

NOW THAT "TITANIC" IS THE BIGGEST GROSSING FILM OF ALL TIME, THERE'S VERY LITTLE CHANCE THAT WE'LL SEE DICAPRIO ON TV ANYTIME SOON.

I CERTAINLY DO NOT BLAME DICAPRIO FOR HIS RELATIVE INACCESSIBILITY.

HE IS AFTER ALL, AT WORK ON A NUMBER OF IMPORTANT PROJECTS.

BUT JUST FOR THE SAKE OF HIS FANS, THE ONE'S THAT HAVE BEEN IN HIS CORNER SINCE HE DEBUTED IN GROWING PAINS IN 1991, I WONDER IF SOME COMPROMISE COULD BE WORKED OUT.

COULDN'T SOME ENTERPRISING DIRECTOR USE THE TECHNOLOGY POPULARIZED IN "FORREST GUMP" AND INSERT DICAPRIO INTO VERIOUS TELEVISION SHOWS ?

FOR STARTERS, FOOTAGE COULD BE TAKEN FROM "MARVIN'S ROOM" AND INCORPORATED INTO AN OPRAH SPECIAL ABOUT TEENAGE PYROMANIACS.

IN THIS INSTANCE, REAL LIVE FAMILY MEMBERS TALK WITH WINFERY IN THE STUDIO, BUT VIEWERS WILL SEE A COMPUTER GENERATED DICAPRIO ON THE SET PARTICIPATING IN CONVERSATIONS.

WHILE I DON'T EXPECT THE FOPPISH DICAPRIO OF "MAN IN THE IRON MASK" TO TURN UP ON HOME IMPROVEMENT OR HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREETS, IN THE NEAR FUTURE THAT LOOK SURLY WOULD WORK ON XENA: WARROR PRINCESS AND HIS HIPSTER ROMEO WOULD MAKE A WELCOME ADDISION TO BEVERY HILLS 90210.

THE ONE THING THAT WORRIES ME IS DICAPRIO'S AMAZING POPULARITY MIGHT BE EXPLOITED BY UNSCRUPULOUS PRODUCERS TO BUILD RATINGS.

NONE OF US WANT TO SEE A COMPUTER-GENERATED DICAPRIO DISCUSSING NAUTICAL DISASTERS ON HARDBALL, WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS, OR INSERTED INTO GROWING PAINS AS HIS OWN OLDER BROTHER CHIP.

LAST, BUT NOT LEAST - NONE OF US WANT TO SEE DICAPRIO GETTING BEATEN UP BY HULK HOGAN ON MONDAY NIGHT NITRO, WELL MAYBE THE FOLKS AT M.T.V.