comments: pls someone write more DieXShin fics plsssssss i promise i'll write more as soon as i finish this fic and other i'm working on, but right now i really miss that pair *sigh* anyway this part goes to Aeris, just cuz i want to.

Maharet~

 

The younger man was lost in the pleasure already and happy because he hadn’t find any resistance in the older man’s body, he was clueless about what was really going on and for once that was an advantage.

"Beautiful Kaokun it feels so right like this, just to feel your thin body pressed against mine" Toshiya said breaking the kiss to look into his beloved’s eyes, deep brown eyes full of love for him, but it wasn’t really for him that they were shinning like that and he was aware of that fact, he didn’t need to lie to himself, he wasn’t that fool.

He raised his cold hand to caress kaoru’s face tenderly, the softness of the skin, the warmness around it, the prominent cheek bones and perfect jaw to finally rest on the full pale lips that kissed the slender fingers eagerly.

I can’t believe how beautiful you are my Kaokao how come did i resist the urge to just jump on you before? I guess it was the same feeling you inspired in me the one that gave me the strength to stay away.

But now things are different, everything changed the moment that i realized of your true feelings for me, i was such a fool………

He felt warm tears forming on the corners of his almond eyes, so he just took a deep breath and shut them tight begging for them to stop, he wanted it to be special, there was no other chance of do things, and for once he needed everything to be perfect.

"Totchi? Are you alright? You are supposed to be in bed" the pink haired’s soft voice crossed through his thoughts as a painful stab that caused the beautiful eyes to open wide again.

At least he could feel them clear now, it wasn’t a good thing anyway the complete control the other man had on him.

Stop you fool, what are you afraid of?

You know what is the worst that could happen, you know cuz you saw it happen, and then how come are you here still feeling the fear squeezing your soul?

"It is ok Kaokao i was feeling better and i was bored and also feeling lonely over there so, well, i just felt like waking you up a little, it is ok, right?" and saying that he pouted slightly knowing the guitarist wasn’t going to be able to resist.

"How did you call me Totchi? You had never called me that way before" kaoru said staring at the bassist oddly trying to seat again, but Toshiya’s weight on him made it impossible.

That is just great, now i almost screwed it all, why don’t you start with the french now too Tish ne.

He thought bitterly, ashamed of his stupidity and lack of confidence.

"Well that is true, but i hadn’t jumped on you like this before neither" he smiled sensually forcing the body under him to lay flat on the dark couch.

That was close i need to be more careful from now on, i know it is not him but he is obviously him at the same time, it is so strange to feel his body like this knowing that it is the same body i embraced once, but at the same time he is not at all the same person, the same but so completly different and far away at the same time.

Kaoru blushed sweetly by the bassist words and also becuz of the look on toshiya’s face, he felt like a piece of meat ready to be devoured.

"i guess so……why the sudden change?" he managed to say as firmly as he could feeling the bassist hands running up his slim legs to rest on the firm thighs.

"I don’t know, i just couldn’t take it anymore, you can’t imagine for how long i have wanted to do this, you are everything, you always were, but now things are so different and i know if i don’t do this then i will die before see if all this sacrifice was worth of it, why can’t we be more simple, human beings i mean, all this confusion and mixed feelings, this opposite emotions and this misunderstandings all the time, it is so stupid and useless and at the end all becuz of that, just pure pain and despair" Toshiya felt warm tears rolling down his cheeks and he knew kaoru could feel and see them too, but it didn’t matter anymore, as he kissed the soft lips of his beloved eagerly to taste him for last time.

I can’t think straight anymore, why is this happening kaokao? Tell me please why am i lost already if i never did anything to deserve this fate………

Kaoru’s hand went to caress the beautiful pale neck of the bassist as he sucked on his ear deliciously rubbing his hips desperately against his growing cock.

All i ever did was love you, simply and beautifully love you, nothing more nor less, i just existed to feel your wonderful soul embracing mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toshiya opened his eyes slowly, he felt really cold and his body ached all over.

"Tish?" he said as loudly as he could looking around.

He was in a strange apartment and all the lights were off, aparently he was alone in there, he knew he was burning in fever and that he was too weak to do anything but he couldn’t just let the things the way they were at the moment.

Kaoru’s gonna get worried if he notices that i am not in bed anymore, damn i am not even in the apartment.

He let go a deep sigh doing a huge effort to stand up, his knees were really weak and everything, the whole world surrounding him was moving in circles.

"I am coming Kaokun don’t worry" he said just in the moment he lost his balance and began to fall without been able to do anything at all, to cling on to anything or at least control his own body to mitigate the blow, but just in the moment he was going to hit the carpet he felt strong arms holding him.

"Don’t be stupid Totchi" a soft voice said softly against his ear.

"Who are you? Do i know you? Where am i?" the dark haired man felt the questions painfully being expelled through his dry mouth, hurting his throat in their way out.

The other man just took him in his arms firmly and placed his aching body back on the couch where he seated with the bassist head resting on his lap.

"I am Mast and you know me, i am Kyo’s bfriend and I am Tish’s friend" he said brushing a strand of hair off the bassist beautiful face.

What is all this? i just don’t get it.

Now how come he is Tish’s friend and Kyo’s bfriend at the same time, it is that everything is really connected? then at the end all would be just the same and anny effort just useless, what does all this has to do with me?

"Where is Tish?" the dark haired man asked feeling the endless pulse of the blood that was flooding him, blood coming from everywhere and going without any direction at all, rivers of red life budding from his broken heart, he already knew the answer to that question once again, and he still decided to waste it, was it really that important at all, maybe that is a waste of course, but wouldn’t be even a worse kind of waste to not say the words that are hurting for release, desperate to run free riding on the caring wind?

The blonde took a cup of tea from the little table in front of the couch and started trying to make the bassist drink the warm dark liquid, carefully he pressed the white cup against the full velvet lips, Toshiya who was too tired as to push the other man away just did everything he could do to help, opening his mouth and welcoming the deliciously comforting tea on the dark cavern of his mouth.

Thanks Mast, i don’t know who you are nor why are you in here with me helping me, but thanks.

After totchi finally drank the whole infusion Mast took it away and placed it back on the table before taking the other man’s hands and finally he fixed his eyes on the ones that were staring at him so intently since minutes ago.

"You should drink more of this tea you know, it always help me a lot when i am feeling sick or even depressed, it is heavenly the way its warmness embrace me everytime i taste it"

"Thanks Mast" Toshiya said simply tightening his hold on the guitarist’s hand softly.

"I am sorry Totchi, i know you are gonna say it is not my fault but that doesn’t change what i feel, and i am gonna try to explain the way things are right now to you, there is still million of things i can’t reveal but i promise you will find out each single detail at the end no matter what, Tish is with your kaokun right now" he said letting go a deep sigh while he leaned his head on the back of the couch staring at the ceiling.

Toshiya felt as if his broken heart would have exploded in infinite small pieces and he knew he was never going to be able to find all the pieces and placed them together again.

Itis ok as long as it is inside of me, it really doesn’t matter if it is all on my chest as a whole, my heart’s little fragments floating on the red wild river of my blood, if i still can feel this kind of pain i am still alive and as long as that is a certainty i will be fine no matter what, i never needed you kaokun holding me tight, all i needed was just the comforting pressence of your beautiful soul, as long as i could be under your shadow then everything would be alright for me, i never really dreamt of nothing else………

Things are still the same.

A lonely tear fell rolling down his pink cheek.

"I really appreciate what you are doing for me Mast, you didn’t have to, but you still are here trying to soothe this pain, that shows me that i can trust you and that you are a good man, i am glad Kyo has such a nice koi" the bassist laughed softly at the image of kyo and Mast together.

"Thanks, but it is not at all the way you think, i am here with you cuz i really love you, it was just becuz of you that i sacrifice everything, don’t get me wrong i love Kyo and Kengo more than anything in the world, but what i feel for you is different, it isn’t that kind of love, but more like the kind of love an artist would feel for his master piece, for the most perfect of his creations"

"Mast……" the guitarist placed a finger on the dark haired man’s lips softly.

"let me finish first or i won’t have time later and things need to be done this way.

I am not from here, neither from where Tish is but i came here with him thou i had to arrive some time before him to prepare everything that was when i found Kyo who was already together with Kengo in here and i know i should have stayed away but i just couldn’t, i am afterall as weak as everybody else……

Tish thinks he is from a different temporary line that is a couple of yrs in the future, i am not that sure of it, i think i made a miscalculation and maybe things are more difficult than as we thought in first place, maybe even a lot more difficult than what we think right now, i am still not sure and he still hasn’t noticed nothing out of place so………

But things are too different and well i am not sure so i will just drop the subject.

He was with Kaoru on his homeworld, well kinda.

To make things easy the whole story it is something like this.

I saw an horrible thing happening and i thought i should stop it, it wasn’t as if there was a designated plan nor anything, it was something that wasn’t supposed to happen, something just went wrong and it changed a whole world breaking its balance.

So i went through a really complicated equation to find a way to alter what was going to happen before it could absually happen, i needed to find the exact point where the variants had gone wrong, the righ place of the mistake, a simple small little moment that had changed everything.

And in middle of that chaos i found you, of course you were just one of the factors on the problem but as soon as i met you i knew you could help me, that you could be the answer the subject surprise on the structure, and i traveled through oceans of infinite time to reach an enough mature you cuz you wouldn’t have been able to take what i needed to show you. and when i finally did it i realized that you absually believed that i was the one helping you, it wasn’t really important let me tell you, it was something that had to do with you more than anybody else but for me it was a whole world of darkness too.

So i needed to show you what was going to happen, what you needed to alter, and i did the most horrible thing, but i swear it was the only way to really tattoo on your soul the real implications of the facts, i took you to the exact moment where it had happened, and in that moment i sealed my destiny and yours, well not yours absually but the destiny of that another you.

I know it is confusing but i am trying to put it as simple as possible leaving all the beauty of lyrics out of it.

When you are taken away of your home world and you enter another dimentional line you know everything that has happened in that world with your you from there as if it those were absually memories of things that happened to you even if it isn’t that way at all, it doesn’t matter where you are as long as you are in the same world, then the truth of it hits you no matter what, so when i took you to the moment of the facts you knew, felt, saw, and lived everything that had really happened, you almost died of pain but i knew you were strong and that you were going to get over it and to absually do something to change it, so after that, i came to this world to prepare everything for Tish’s arrive and now that he is finally here we can truly do something, you are sick cuz 2 different manifestations of your existence can’t be in a same world, so the weaker of those 2 would eventually just fade away dissapearing into nothingness.

Don’t worry cuz that is not gonna happen, we absually need You and that is the reason why we are in here after all, Tish soon is not gonna be able to stand up for anything at all.

Being in here has made me realized thou that i was wrong abt lots of stuffs, it was incredibly foolish of me to think that i had the only true there is, cuz there isn’t just one at all.

Tish wants to be with your kaokun becuz he thinks it is his last chance and i think he might be right but he is aware that this kaoru of here it is nothing at all like the kaoru he knew and that he still loves, even thou he is completly conscious of it, he just can’t help to feel this way, and i think i can understand him.

You are in here for that, he wanted to make things easier for the 3 of you" mast ended seriously resting his gaze on the bassist shaking form.

Toshiya was in complete silence, mentally and physically.

"would you like to take a hot bath Totchi? I think that can be quite good for you now"

"Yeah that would be great thanks M" the bassist said getting up slowly and staring absently into the darkness.

"ok, i will get it ready for you" said Mast leaving the room blowing a kiss to toshiya.

"I am sorry M"

Thanks for everything you’ve done for me, i really don’t deserve nothing of this, i don’t know what is really going on, but if it is really half of how bad it seems then i have to do something.

We will meet again i know it.

And quickly he left the apartment feeling the pain tearing his body and his mind, but nothing was going to stop him right now, it didn’t matter anything else, he was going to help…………

But he just couldn’t forgot the words of Mast sinking onto his heart that phrase that made of uncertainty the only hope and the most brilliant future they could create.

he never believed in uncertainty, absually his goal in life was quite the opposite the needing of certainty, he wanted to be certain abt something anything at all, and now it seemed as if that shadow was absually their hope, it that was the way thing really were then it was more horrible than anything he could have imagined ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaoru was losing his mind under the other man’s soft caresses, it had been this way for an eternity he was completly at Toshiya’s mercy and for what he was seeing the dark haired beauty didn’t have that much on his kind heart.

Both men were naked on the living’s carpet, their bodies pressed together, moans feeling the room.

"ready Kaokao?" toshiya said positioning himself between the pink haired man’s legs feeling his swollen cock pressed against his thight.

"please Totchi!!" Kaoru grunt desperate trying to find some release finally.

Toshiya impaled himseld on kao’s hardness feeling his skin tearing under the pressure of the guitarist huge cock inside of him.

He went to kao’s lips and kissed him sweetly to give him encouragment he broke the kiss quickly and pulled back ‘til he was just inches away from kaoru’s beautiful face staring deeply into his dark eyes as he raised his hips a bit to impale himself for second time on the other’s body seconds later.

Kaoru stared into Toshiya’s deep eyes and suddenly something shocked him, there was something different.

how didn’t i notice before? What is this?

"Wait!! No, please!! What is going on Totchi? Are you alright?" he tried to control himself but it wa useless his body had own life and there was nothing he could do abt it, he thrusted roughly inside the other man’s warm tightness while his eyes filled with tears

"What is the wrong Kaokao?" Tish asked worried for the other man’s tears, kissing them away sweetly.

"Who are you?" kaoru screamed as their bodies kept moving in the beautiful dance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toshiya finally had reached the apartment after walking for what had seemed hours through dark alleys and dirty streets, now he was safe and he was going to be able to warn kaoru abt the danger he was exposed, finally he could say everything that had been weighing on his heart for the last days.

The door was open so he carefully walked in feeling his body as if it was his worst enemy ever, trying to stop him to reach his beloved, he cling on to the door frame to take a deep breath his lungs were hurting as if they were on fire and the air wasn't filling them at all, it was as if all got stucked on his throat without keep moving on his way to his chest.

He heard a noise, his heart was abt to explode with the mad race of the blood inside of him, he raised his head painfully trying to focus his view and he saw kaoru with another man making love in the floor, and it wasn’t just another man, it was himself.

he felt the blood burning and turned around to run away but never went far, he fell in the corridor painfully while is blood finally flowed freely out of his system through his now cold mouth, he opened his mouth trying to stop the metallic taste that was filling him.

"Kaoru………" and saying that his eyes closed, his body laying lifeless on the cold floor of the dark corridor the only light that illuminated the place made the blood shine beautifully at the contrast of the pale skin of the gorgeous man, so much blood tainting his soul but still that couldn't take the aesthetic and overwhelming beauty of the moment away, that was at the end the only thing real always beyond all the differences, everlasting.