Wake

by VanillaMint

~this fic was written while listening to track 3 of Macabre: riyuu/wake~

Touch the dark wet soils of the ground. I stand and I squat; my hand touching the earth. You sit there, eyes open but covered; hazy. With my eyes rolling up and my fingers bringing the earth to my lips, I look at you and smile.

Droplets of rain fall through the darkness and the cover of trees above us. The forest I live in, alive by itself, drenched by the rain. The droplets seem to gleam, little vertical dots running down, wetting the ground around where I kneel with long black hair tangled and soiled, running down my back. My hands are on the earth again, the nails dirty with black soil but still clean in all the pale whiteness.

I tilt my head, let the rain fall on my face, flow down my forehead and cheeks. Wash the earth away from my lips. My eyes open to see the droplets like clear crystals falling down. My tongue flicked out to catch them. I taste the rain, like nothing it tasted yet full.

The rain drench me too, like the way it drench you. You do not move, still, you sat under the cover of the tree that let the rain come to you. It makes your hair stick to your face and the cloth you wore stick to your skin.

I crawl to you, on my hands and knees. Let the earth soil me because it can never taint me more than I am tainted now. I cup your face in my palms for a moment then cradle your head against my chest. Cold. But we both are cold. Bits of dirt in your hair, just like those in mine.

You lift your cold hands and place them around my waist. You pull me away then held me still. Your lips, broken but wet with rain, covered mine. Your hands move to caress my cheeks. There are no reasons. The night makes the forest darker and our lives deepen with complications and commitments. Too many reasons. I let them go.

No reason and no meaning.

I pull away from you. You look at me with those eyes, your lips parted, breaths escaping you. I hear you breath. The ground around us, soak with rain and the dried and withered leaves collect pools of water. Everywhere is dark but seem to hold a bluish glow among the blackness.

"Toshiya," you say my name past your cracked lips and reach out to me with your cold hands.

I tremble at your touch; a shiver. Droplets of rain run down my arms, wet trails slithering down like little snakes, making me shiver more. I am standing while you look up at me from where you sat, your arm outstretched; your fingertips brush against mine before I knelt down in front of you. Let the rain soak me. My hair was heavy and stuck to my back and shoulders. My knees dug into the wet ground, the leaves crunching beneath me.

I tilt my head so my lips touch yours at the right angle. My arms wrap around you. "Kaoru…"

No more words spoken. Just seconds that pass by, running into minutes… Is it tears I see falling from your expressionless eyes or just droplets of rain? I lick the drops below your eye. Tears or rain? I can not differentiate but does it really matter? I look again into your eyes.

Touching your face, I soil your face with the dirt from the earth beneath us. The drizzle of rain slowly wash it away. I feel your skin against mine, the chill and the cold, ours, wet and dark, our world. Cold hands touching me, all over, everywhere, in both gentle caresses and rough passion. Lust, what creates man(?). You leave me with scars and bruises that sting when the rain touches them.

"Meaningless," I say. I could smell the rain and the earth and you.

"No purpose for meaning. With purpose, you can always make meanings that are not there," you say.

Silent. But the forest hummed with the drizzle that fell pricking the leaves-covered ground and insects and beings of the earth and trees. Thunder rumble in the sky above, a flash of light suddenly illuminating your figure and mine and then gone again into darkness.

I push you down against the ground. You do not resist. I graze my teeth across your neck and shoulders. You hiss when I bite down. My teeth make a clear mark on your flesh. I touch the bite and lick it lightly.

"Why did you do that?"

Small smile. "Make you mine," I answer.

You sit up, straightening yourself, your hair covering your eyes. You felt your shoulder with your hand. "Yours? With this?" you say, as if laughing.

I shrug but embrace him. "I do meaningless things."

You nod.

Our bodies are tangled and coated with earth and saliva diluted by rain.