Remember, the bun is the lowest form of humor.

You're Nobunny 'Til Somebunny Loves You

a (shudder) Sentinel Easter story

When Blair Sandburg woke one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a giant bunny rabbit.

'Hey, man,' he thought. 'This is *so* not me!' He hopped out of bed and bounded up the stairs. "Jim!" He called out to the Sentinel. "Wake up!"

Ellison sat up in bed, all his senses alert. The rapid heartbeat, the patter of feet on the stairs, the voice calling out to him, all were familiar. But the smell.... "Chief? Are you wearing angora or something? You don't smell li-- Oh. My. God. Sandburg, what the hell did you do to yourself?"

The being at his doorway was a walking, talking Blair-sized rabbit. His brown fur looked thick and springy, and reddish highlights shone in the morning light. Smokey blue eyes stared at Jim from above a velvety pink nose and long, white whiskers. The small mouth opened, revealing two impressive front teeth.

"It's me, man. I have no idea what happened." Blair hopped forward, letting Jim glimpse a fluffy, white cottontail as he moved. "This is such a bummer. How am I ever going to manage field work like this?"

"The natives'd take one look at you and start planning Sandburg stew for dinner, all right." Jim saw Blair's downcast look and hurried to reassure him. "Don't worry, Chief. You still have your Sentinel research and I'm sure you can continue your police observation. Hey, just think of that case Simon was talking about."

"Yeah! I'd be perfect for it now. Let's go down to the station and see what he says."

Captain Banks was understandably disconcerted by the course of events but the combined persuasive abilities of Sentinel and Guide overcame any reluctance he might have had. He agreed that Blair was the best choice to go undercover but insisted that he certify for marksmanship before going out in the field.

"No problem, man," Blair promised.

It was no idle boast. Thirty minutes later, an empty egg carton lay at his side. Fifty feet down the range was the evidence of his skill. A dozen eggs oozed down from the bull's-eye. Blair was promptly issued a regulation police basket and an assortment of egg cartons filled with raw and hard-boiled eggs.

The case was wrapped up quickly. Cascade police had suspected the Santa's Helpers at a nearby mall of operating a shop- lifting ring at Christmas but the elves had seemed to recognize when Santa was replaced by an undercover cop and stopped their efforts. Now the same group was serving as the Easter Bunny's assistants and Blair was perfect as Peter Cottontail. He went in with a wire under his blue coat and white bowtie and recorded enough incriminating conversations to keep the crooks on Santa's naughty list for the rest of their lives.

Life was good for Jim and Blair. They were working together professionally better than ever. Blair's new keen sense of smell gave him valuable insight into Jim's Sentinel senses. And as for their personal relationship....Jim found out that the Bunny Hop was more than just a dance step when Blair discovered some truly sinful things to do with that cottontail of his.

But just when everything is going well, Fate always likes to roll you a rotten egg. A tall, sophisticated rabbit named Harvey came to town. Jim didn't worry at first. It was nice that Blair had another rabbit to talk to, to discuss personal grooming habits and dietary requirements with. But then the gifts started coming.

A bouquet of baby carrots.

Fresh carrot juice -- a superb vintage, Blair said.

A special toothbrush designed for extra-long incisors.

Enough clover to sleep in.

And sleep in it, Blair did. With Harvey. The older rabbit had swept Blair off his paws. They spent every free minute together, boffing like... well, bunnies.

How could Blair do this to him, Jim wondered despondently. What did he see in Harvey anyway? Jim could see right through the big phony but it seemed like all his faults were invisible to Blair.

In the depths of his despair, Jim devised a cunning plan. It went against everything he believed in, but Blair was too important to lose. Jim knew just the man for the job, a man even hardened covert forces spoke of only in whispers.

The voice on the other end of the phone assured Ellison that all would soon be back to normal. "Just be vewy, vewy, qwiet," the hunter told him. "I'm hunting wabbit."

It *was* over soon, just as promised. Blair mourned Harvey, who had apparently forgotten just when rabbit season ended in Washington state and had ventured out of the city limits a day too soon. But life goes on and Blair eventually returned to his one true love, Jim Ellison, who had waited faithfully for him until his foolish infatuation was over.

In later years, Blair often spoke of how lucky he and Jim were to have found each other and weathered so many trials. Jim always smiled down at his snugglebunny indulgently and agreed, absently stroking the charm hanging from his key ring. You know, you don't often see rabbit's feet that large.