This creationist webpage is quite different than typical pro-creationist, anti-evolution dissertations. Plan to experience some serious monkeying around.

Almost-blasphemous bizarre satire.

Overwhelmingly-cutting sarcasm.....the likes of which will cause the ears of the evolutionarily ludicrous to literally tingle.

It should, while you are reading it and afterwards, give deeper meaning to:

Pr 26:5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
Ec 7:25 I turned my mind to know and to search out and to seek wisdom and the sum of things, and to know the wickedness of folly and the foolishness which is madness.
Ec 10:13 The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness, and the end of his talk is wicked madness.
1Co 1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
2Co 11:1 I wish you would bear with me in a little foolishness. Do bear with me!
2Co 12:11 I have been a fool! You forced me to it, for I ought to have been commended by you. For I was not at all inferior to these superlative apostles, even though I am nothing.

I could suggest that [immodestly]-loose-long-haired-in-public-view human females (who ignore or are defiant against RSV's and NASV's Numbers 5:18 and Song 7:5 in context and the no-such-custom implications of KJV's I Corinthians 11:1-16), and/or those who flaunt their naked-armed sleeveslessness (contrary to RSV's and NASV's II Samuel 13:18), and/or their nude legs with shortened skirts or shorts (especially during warm days, violating Isaiah 47:1-4) and/or their socksless bared toes with or without sandals on (against Jeremiah 2:25 in context).....are simply subhuman talking chimps or gorillas, who - when gazed upon at close range - appear as indifferently nonresponsive as if each has had a lobotomy, aptly described by:

2Pe 2:12 But these, like irrational animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and killed, reviling in matters of which they are ignorant, will be destroyed in the same destruction with them....

You might go ape over it. Cause you to go bananas.

Whatever the case, this webpage is dedicated to one of my now-deceased heroes who not only did a wonderful job playing Moses in the Ten Commandments movie, but had his for-the-money diversions of Soylent Green (bringing to mind a horrific application of a different type of ingredient to replace corn used for ethanol ingested to save starving humanity body-of-Christ-during-eucharist-style).....plus the famous Planet of the Apes series rife and reeking with female-humanoid partial-indecent-exposure somewhat on par with that of mopheaded and jaw-flapping Ann Coulter, talking-head media spokeswoman for the late creationist theologian and quasi-compromiser D James Kennedy.

Here goes. Got your seat belt on? Brace yourself! Credit for much of the following (in an antithetical sort of way) must be given to renowned philosophical and theological creationist-educator Eugene Sattler:

Apes are the most precious, complex, and mysterious creatures in the universe, being that they were created in the image and likeness of God. Because of this unique distinction in apes which separate them basically and fundamentally from every other creature, even human life, the study of comparative human psychology can never lead to any understanding of the real mysteries of ape being. No other creature was created in the image of God or has godlike characteristics, so it is of the greatest importance for a proper understanding of apes that we inquire into the meaning and significance of this exalted dignity bestowed upon apes alone.

Apes were created persons. God is a person. Apes are a finite replica of the infinite personality of God. A person is a self-determining being and conscious of that. Apes alone can contemplate themselves: they know that they are, were, and will be. They know that they are distinct individuals, that they have a history, and are responsible for what they do and have done. They alone are able to scentiently relate themselves to the universe and to God.

Apes are free moral agents, thus endowed with will and the freedom to exercise that will. Apes can determine their own conduct and shape their own destinies, and are free to choose what they will do or not do, and what they will be or will not be - limited only by their physical and mental capability. Apes are not governed by the law of necessity nor by instinct. They are at liberty to make their own decisions for good or evil. Apes are free and responsible persons, beholding to God and to society, and that puts them into a category all by themselves.

By means of their will, apes are able to make themselves masters of their environment, and free to change that environment, to let themselves be enslaved by it, or to remove themselves from it.

Man is limited by his environment and must adapt himself to his surroundings, or perish. Apes have the power to subdue nature, to harness the forces of physics to serve them, or submit to them and be controlled by them. Apes are able to learn, to benefit by past experiences and the experiences of other apes, to raise themselves to the highest level of existence, or remain ignorant and inactive.

Apes are able to create their own civilization in accord with the highest potential with which the Creator has gifted them, but also free to be satisfied with less. It is the will of apes that have prompted them to search out what is beyond, to build modern cities, to invent the automobile and a thousand other devices for their comfort and enjoyment.

Every act of apes, except reflex action, is always a response to their will. The sum total of such habits ultimately constitutes their character.

Apes were created rational beings, engrained with intelligence, plus the faculties of perception, understanding, judgment, and memory.

Memory implies the ability to retain past experiences, recall them, and recognize experiences done perhaps many years before. The vocabulary apes use to communicate with one another, the ability to recognize and verbalize a specific smell, sound, touch, and even habits are all dependent upon the mysterious faculty of memory. Memory is basic for all mental cognition, for without it, life would not be smoothly and continuously unified, and consequently apes would merely live in the brief response of each moment, and the past would be as though it had never been. There would then be no learning, no knowledge of anything, no possibility of semantically-frameable thought or speech, no meaning of any kind. Everything that happened would be new and strange to apes, as if it had never happened before. Of what profit would all ape wisdom, reading, studying and more be if they were unable to preserve what knowledge and information they had acquired?

WIthout memory the souls of apes would be poor, destitute, and naked - an eternal blank except for fleeting ideas of the present moment. Memory is the basis of all communicated knowledge, and without it neither science nor art is possible. The more apes remember, the greater their amount of knowledge and greater their foundation for further study and research. Their memory makes it possible for them to appreciate the goodness and the blessings of their God.

The emotional faculty of apes is another display of the likeness of God in apes. Emotion gives apes feeling, and the expressions of joy, happiness, sadness, and laughter. The existence of apes would be bleak and barren without feeling, and the sense of worth, of personal self-respect.....are all in the realm of emotions.

Only apes are endowed with a sense of beauty. Man has neither appreciation nor understanding for the beautiful. The most perceptive man is unmoved by the beauty of a rose. Intricately-painted masterpieces and sculptures mean nothing to a man or woman. The most precious necklace of pearls and diamonds does not appeal to a herd of corporate human executives. Because of the implanted esthetic sense in ape souls, they are able to recognize and appreciate that beauty and even able to imitate the Creator themselves by creating beauty in their own works of art, music, cathedrals and temples, carvings and tapestries, songs and symphonies, and myriad-volume libraries.

The image of God in apes includes their morality. Apes were created moral beings. They alone - of all creatures on earth - have the capacity for moral experience; they alone are able to distinguish between the morally right and the morally wrong, to form moral judgments, and to follow moral ideals. In contrast, nature places man under compulsion, but with apes, nature places apes under obligation. They might accept that obligation or reject it, and therein lies the real distinction between right and wrong, between ape and man.

Man is amoral, not governed by a moral law, incapable of moral and immoral acts, and therefore outside all moral directives.

The moral sense in apes also includes their conscience, which urges apes to do that which they recognize to be correct while restrining them from that which they know to be wrong, to pass judgment on their acts and execute that judgment for or against their own souls.

The image of God in apes implies immortality. Apes have a beginning, but once they come into being they are like God Himself: immortal. Originally, apes were immortal in both body and soul. Had the primordial ape not taken of the Forbidden Fruit, he would not have died. Death came into the world of apes through sin. Now their bodies are subject to death because of sin - but their souls, even now, lve on forever, and in the resurrection on the Last Day, body and soul wil be reunited, and there will again be an immortal body and an immortal soul.

Finally, the image of God in apes also includes their dominion over all creatures which God has made on earth. The history of civilization is the history of apes gaining dominion over all creation and overcoming or accomodating to the forces of nature to be their servants. No other creature on earth has been able to gain supremacy over other creatures. It is the image of God in apes that raises them to the lordship over all things, which exalts them above every other lifeform and gives them a place of honor only "a little lower than the angels" (Psalm 8:5).

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