Q:'s interview with Wirt is both disturbing and... Well, it's just distrubing.
-Lemming
Q: Hello, you contemptable worthless example of a human being. How are you today?
Wirt: Psst, over here!
Q: turns around Oh, there you are. So, how are you today, you wretched little fiend?
Wirt: Psst, over here!
Q: turns around again Stop moving, you little brat! Hold still or I'll take off your other leg!, ok?
Wirt: Fine, but it'll cost you...
Q: You dare charge me money?!
Wirt: Psst, over here!
Q: Oh, for... turns around Here, 50 gold pieces! Alright?
Wirt: 50? Those are my old prices! I need something a little more... substantial.
Q: How about I kill you? Is that substantial enough?
Wirt: A murder charge? For little old me? Well, I guess that'll be enough.
Q: Then we have a deal, first you sit still for the Q:nterview, and then I kill you. Got it?
Wirt: And then you go to prison, yes.
Q: Now that we understand each other, who is your father?
Wirt: How the hell should I know?
Q: I ASK THE QUESTIONS!!, no?
Wirt: Well, it's either Cain, Lachdanan, Leoric, Pepin, Ogden, Wounded Townsman, Tremain, the Complete Nut, Lester, or one of the cows. But if you really wanna know, it'll cost ya.
Q: Right, so your father was Beavis. Moving along, what's your fascination with items "of Ages?"
Wirt: Again, if you wanna know, it'll cost ya...
Q: I guess you just have an "elderly" fetish, eh?
Wirt: W-what!? That's crazy! You sound like the drunk!
Q: You DO have an elderly fetish! HA! So, would I be correct to assume that you only want to date Gillian to get to her Grandam?
Wirt: LIAR! LIAR!
Q: Next question, are your prices high because Gillian's prices are high?
Wirt: I, uh, don't know what you, erm, mean...
Q: There've been some mysterious "accidents" happening to your business associates. At least one of them was seen walking near the fountain with the barmaid. Do these "accidents" have anything to do with them dating Gillian?
Wirt: What?! One of my employees was consorting with a customer?! If he weren't dead I'd fire him!
Q: Speaking of firing, I've borrowed a little technique from Lemming. Would you like to see it?
Wirt: Eh?
Q: *FIREBALL*
Wirt: AGHHAHGHAH!!!
Q: Say good-bye, Wirt?
Wirt: *collapses in a pile of ash*
Q: How're you today, kind sir?
Constable: I've heard of a murder 'round these parts. 'Ave ye seen anythin'?
Q: I ASK THE QUESTIONS!, don't you know? Although I did kill Wirt earlier. Is that ok?
Constable: Ye killed the little runt? Aye, that's a wonderful thing, indeed! Thank ye for the service, kind alphabet-punctuation. G'day to ye.
Special thanks to Layil for the excellent: "Boy whose tracks do not match." I heard him say it in a game a long time ago, and it was so funny I made sure to remember it. :)
-Lemming