| QUOTES PAGE |
Daire: "You ordered the Graduation video, is this it here?" Martin: "No Mule, thats Armageddon" "If Ollie goes, I'll go" -- Simon, Ollie promptly went, Simon didn't. "Congratulations Mister Eve!! Sorry Doctor Mister Eve!!" -- Martin. "I'm pretty sure that flies don't taste the same as biscuits" -- Linda. "Kevin Kilbane has a nice arse" -- Shtevo. "The library will close at 12:45 p.m. Local Time" -- Library Announcement, one Saturday, which had us worried about possible jet-lag after walking home. "They look a bit severe alright" -- Nigel. "Sure, I've slept with worse than you Dave" -- Martin. "I got one of Donal Dineen" -- Podge, who has asked me to point out that he meant an A. "Ah, come on" -- Wooly, after falling over yet again while playing soccer, claiming a foul. "She's not bad, is she" -- Ollie. "So, whats the story for that exam, will it be like answering questions and sh*t?" -- Martin. "I'm so knackered, I could sleep in that bed for a fortnight and maybe when I wake up, it will all have just have been a bad bad dream" -- Martin. "I was down hoovering Granny's lawn" -- Mary, I wonder what she meant!! "I can't drink anymore" -- Paul. "Look yonder, there are 30 outrageous giants, whom I intend to encounter" -- Ollie. "It is gay, but I just want to try it out" -- M. J. Calvey. "That Desmond far will go chap" -- Ollie, meaning to say "That Desmond chap will go far" "Ollie, pseudo-love is a brilliant, brilliant theory, but lets face it, in practise, its crap" -- Martin. "Hourihane, I was not jumping on your bed, I'm 22" -- Martin. "I might not do much, but at least when I do something, I have a bit of class about me" -- Ger Slats. "But I hate that, talking to people" -- Simon. "Sure we might as well be gay, the amount of action we've seen this semester" -- Ger Slats. "Lads, I'd say there was better weeks had in Auschwitz" -- Rob. "Tony Fee, is Tony Fee in the house, come up here please, Tony Fee, last call for Tony Fee, ok...........is Martin Gormally here" -- Karaoke DJ in the Stables at the Marketing class party when Donie C (Tony Fee) was hiding in the jacks. "I'd say the level of tucking in has gone down since duvets were invented" -- Martin J. "You know your man Riise, is he Scottish or Welsh?" -- Simon, Riise is actually Norwegian. "Have you been doing any soothie loving lately" -- Donie C. "So, can you have women pseudo lovers as well" -- Big Andy. "I must buy myself a decent stripper" -- Daire. "Sure, if I had a mirror, I'd never leave the house" -- Wooly. "So, what do you call the fella who takes the sidelines in rugby" -- Simon. Donie C: "There's that pub that burned down" Hailey: "Oh! How did that happen" Martin: "Someone probably started a fire" "Oh! You know what, I'm going to do something, sometime" -- Sean. "She's locked and parked for the night" -- Regina. "Thats about as funny as a bag of coal" -- John F. "I'm going for a chill-out, memory enhancing shower" -- Martin. "We've got a text in here. My friend Ronan is almost bald and he's only 21, that's from Martin in Limerick" -- Philip Cawley, Today FM DJ. "When I was growing up, my 3 best friends were poverty, rain and death, then things took a turn for the worse" -- One of the guys in that crap comedy "Madigan Men" "The first few days were hell, but once they got the balls out, I was flying" -- Denis Irwin, referring to pre-season training. Phil: "Gormally Car Sales, so are they related to you?" Martin: "Yes, they are my Uncle" Phil: "so, what do they sell?" "I was at home having a power nap" -- John Fallon. Martin: "It's Duffy's birthday today" Donie C: "Which one?" (The Duffy brothers happen to be twins). "Guess what, I got a trophy!! I robbed it out of a pub!!" -- Rob, on New Year's Eve, somewhere in West Cork, between Courtmacsherry and Timoleague but "miles away from Bantry" Martin: "Are you back at the house yet" Rob: "Ya, we are, not our house though" "What are ye drinking tea for ye light-weights" -- Paul, funny thing is, after a few more sips out of his can, he slipped into a drink related coma on the floor and we were drawing on his face. "Stop playing with them balls, they're not yours" -- Dave. "Nash, I could have you anyday" -- Martin. Ronan: "I must go and see what colour my lad is" Martin: "Well, what colour is it" Ronan: (laughing) "Actually, its pink with black spots" (the colours the jockey on his horse was wearing). "I'm a horse at home" -- Emma from Popstars describing her eating habits. Martin: "Did you see the News Of The World, they said the new Only Fools and Horses was crap and I'm not having it" Linda (My Little Sister): "Well why don't you ring up Joe Duffy again and complain?" "ROCKY!! ROCKY!!, Where's your baseball cards, you ugly fool!" -- Arsenal fan on Sky Sports fanzone, commentating on the Liverpool - Arsenal match. This was the comment he aimed at John Arne Riise after the Liverpool player had hit the ball well over the bar. "Here comes the Horse!" -- Arsenal fan, same guy, on seeing Oleg Luzhny coming on as a substitute. "I'm afraid I can't give you one Jeff" -- Alan Mullery, on Sky's Soccer Saturday when asked by Jeff Stelling if there were any goals in the Sunderland - Everton match. "Check out the latest range of Dunnes Stores aftershave, Zen for men!" -- Rob, via text message. "Thats a bit of a ponger isn't it Podge" -- Martin. Gary: "Who are you" Fiona: "I'm Fiona" Gary: "I'm Gary, are you Simon's sister?" Fiona: "No, I'm his girlfriend!!" Shtevo: "Yes, definitely some kind of lesbian activity next door". Martin: "They're hardly playing spin the bottle are they?" "Any chance of a cup of tea while you're out there?" -- Martin, after Aisling Hourihane kindly consented to do all the washing up in our house. "Xtra Vision failed because of poor accounting records and because they didn't have "sex appeal" -- Donie C. Podge: "I used to live with this guy, he worked with heroin addicts" Martin: "Who the f*ck are Hair O Matics" Podge: "No, Heroin addicts" Sean: "Well, why didn't he bring it down to the washateria" Martin: "You mean the launderette Sean" Daire: "He must know The Lame Duck so" Martin: "Who the hell is Elaine Duck?" Daire: "No, The Lame Duck, it's a pub!" "Here's a bit of advice, never run after a bus or a woman --- there's always another one coming" -- Old man on the bus beside Ronan, after the bus was late. "Ah God, I don't want to be getting text messages, I want to be on telly" -- Martin. "...and I woke up in the morning and he was gone and I had to go around the whole house looking for him and I couldn't find him" -- Phil, after lapping his mansion several times looking for the missing Wooly. Sean: "Who was that?" Martin: "Who do you think?" Sean: "Rob?" Martin: "No, Hourihane" Sean: "What's wrong with him?" Martin: "He's hungry". "I don't want to play soccer coz I might fall over" -- John Fallon. "Alright Calvey, you can come down so, but any of that nifty sh*t and you're in goal son" -- Martin. "It's for the sheep, honest" -- John Fallon. "Alright lads, I know the problem, we can't pass, we can't score, we can't shoot and we can't defend" -- Ronan. "Fallon looks dangerous" -- Paul. "It would have been better if we had been more locked" -- Eimear. "Is it in" -- Regina, possibly referring to Eimear's leg being in the car, not sure. "You have to wipe your hand before you stick it in" -- Martin, explaining to Regina how to have better luck in bowling. "Well, did you have a good night, apart from that?" -- Oonagh. "Well he had it in, and I never felt it going in at all" -- Martin, after getting the meningitis jab. "I'm socially left handed" -- Martin. Martin: "Will I put in the Beatles tape so" Sean: "OK" Time Passes, "Let It Be" comes on Sean: "Oh who sings, that" Martin, Rob and Ronan: "The Beatles!" Sean: "Oh right" Martin: Sure it's a Beatles tape Sean" Time Passes, we go into Superquinn, we come out of Superquinn, "Yesterday" comes on. Sean: "Who sings that?" Martin: "Jaysus Sean, the BEATLES!" "Where's the butter?" -- Sean, running around Superquinn, having left all his stuff on the checkout and realising he forgot to get butter, and a load of people are waiting for him. "Pavlov" -- Rob, as he gets some completely ridiculous question correct on The Weakest Link. "Costelloe is a Pseudo Laccy bitch" -- Martin. "Well you'd be shaking your arms and legs if someone was pressing your knob" -- Simon, getting to know our newest housemate, Giggsy. "Take it off Martin, Take it off" -- Helen, requesting that I remove an item of clothing so I could show off my lovely T-shirt. Sean: "You could play that lad, Francie Connors" Martin: "Who's Francie Connors" Sean: "You know, that boxer fella" Martin & Ollie: "It's Francie BARRETT". "Will one of ye please come down to the library and bring Gummy home, he's locked and making an ass of himself" -- Paul, via text message to Ronan. Conor: "Do you remember, I was wearing false breasts" John: "They were false?" "I gave it to your one last night" -- Martin, on realising that the missing fiver had been spent in Zac's the previous night. "You're as much use as a lighthouse in a bog" -- Spectator in front of me at the Munster - LLanelli match, commenting on the referee. "Ye're like a shower of potato women" -- Same guy, this time talking about the Munster team. "Where's Dave's flute?" -- Martin. "If Dave's lost his flute, how can he have spluge" -- Regina. "Ronan, do you want to give me one?" -- Eimear, after he was carrying a load of shopping bags and she kindly offered to help him. "For future reference Mule, do not open the car when the door is in motion" -- Martin, when I meant to say don't open the door when the car's in motion. "Well, I don't really have a place, Oh shit!! My zip's down the whole time, I felt a bit of a draught alright" -- Rob. "I've had an erection in many peoples houses" -- Calvey. "Lads, dance on the floor, not on the furniture" -- Ber, in the Stables, bringing back memories of Christmas Daze past. "I had a volatile piece of toast" -- Rob. Martin: "I didn't realise he was that bad" Sean: "Why, whats wrong with him?" Martin: "He's dead" Discussing George Harrison's passing. "Look, there's a huge stain on Hourihane's pants, oh no, it's a shadow" -- Martin. "How do you break Stretch Armstrong" -- Ronan, wondering how one of his nieces managed to do the impossible and break Stretch Armstrong. "And then all this goo started to come out of it" -- Ronan, describing the demise of Stretch Armstrong. Podge: "One time, there was a gay pride parade" Martin: "Where? In Limerick?" "Ah, would you ever f*ck off with your arse pube" -- Ollie. "Look, he's eating it now" -- Ollie. Ronan: "You want to follow my example" Martin: "Whats that?" Ronan: "Hard work". "Ireland haven't lost to England in ages in am.................hurling, f*ck it,.......soccer" - Martin. Martin: "Where is McGuire?" Paul: "She's gone therapeutic shopping" Martin "Therapeutic shopping?....for what, like candles and shit?" "He's breaking him in next year" - Rob, about his Father's new foal. "I just forced one into the Mule" - Martin, having just force fed Mule a Harry Potter sweet, against his will. "Which one of these f*ckers is Conor, Oh, how's it going Conor" - Martin. "Can I have a packet of Chewits please" - Simon. "Maybe we are TIT" - Simon, when I pointed out to him that Tralee IT were ITT, after he thought it was Thurles TRBDI's new name. "I did Yeats and Donne" - Simon "I'm a fan of the mesa............the mesafit?.......the metaphysicals myself" - Martin. "Your Father is a sex goddess?" - Sonia, clearly getting confused when reading Sean's phonebook. "Your behaviour madam, by riding in the Lord Mayor's coach and your attire may constitute a breach of the peace" - Police Constable in "The Man From Uncle" "You'd hardly know you're wearing them" - Rob, singing the praises of the cut price silk jocks that he picked up in America. Ollie: "Simon, you need a shave" Simon: "I need a pants" Martin: "You fancy Veron, don't you" Ollie: "Not as much as I fancy Hourihane" -- after Ollie had suggested that Fergie only bought Veron because a Veron and Keane midfield would be more handsome than a Scholes and Keane midfield. "Is Roy Keane ready, is he?" -- Daire. "Those f*ckin' mini mars bars, I just can't resist them" -- Shtevo. "I never heard it called spluge until I came upon you" -- Martin. "Ollie, come here, I'm coming out Tuesday night" -- Daire. "Do you think we could make a feature out of the television box, we could make it our Christmas tree or something" -- Rob. "I though it was Jobshite" -- Rob, after I explained that my middle initial J. stood for Joseph. "What are you like a f*ckin' synographer or what" -- Rob, subsuquent research found that the word synographer does not exist. "I've to go for a piss but I couldn't be arsed" -- Rob. "He's acting all subterfuge" -- Rob, Roger Moore was obviously concealing something on TV. "I'd rather be up on a murder charge" -- Calvey. "I love a bit of irony, me" -- Martin. "Picasso was a bo**ocks" -- Martin. "We have to fudge pack down here" -- John Boy. "From now on, I want to be known as warrior" -- Ollie. "You're a saucy little trollop" -- Billy. "Did you lick it?, did you bite it?, did you suck it?" -- Martin, after Ollie gave him back an intact Chewit having realised it was cherry flavour. "I like kissing ye" -- Eimear. "Cross it Fallon" -- Various. Martin: "Rob, I'll throw the ball and you catch it" Ball: Hits Rob in the face. Rob: "Ah!...." Martin: "Sure I told you to catch it Rob" Rob: "Well I didn't hear you, did I?" "Ha, Ha, Mulan you'll have to marry a bloke" -- Simon, after Mule landed on the get married square in the "Game of Life" and there were no girl pieces left! "Well done me" -- Ronan, after his lookalike, Middlesbrough goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer, made a good save against Sunderland the other night. "Alright, alright I'll go, I'll go" -- Simon, after having to be dressed in the bed and forced to go playing soccer. Fiona: "Ah, there's a mouse in the kitchen" Simon: runs away, quite fast. "Look, I don't want to listen to the bloody Monkees, turn on Westlife will ya" -- Ronan. "Ah, will you just put it in your mouth and suck it" -- Martin, referring to a gobstopper. "Ya, I thought she was better looking than she actually was" -- Shtevo. "Ah, Pick "n" Mix, brilliant!!" -- Rob Daire: "I've an awful habit of leaving stuff on" Rob: "What, like clothes and stuff" Daire: "Have you ever played "Take 3"? Rob: "I've played "Connect 4" a few times alright" "Take it out, you can take it out Lad" -- Rob "Ah, she was a f*cking minger" -- Ronan. "I wish I got Herpes in there" -- Ollie, after the word "Herpes" wouldn't fit on the scrabble board because it would have been worth a fair bit!! "Once upon a time............................................................happily ever after" -- Daire Ronan: "Look, there's Fearghal Quinn" Martin: "Where, oh ya, it is him too" Rob: "Will we ask him has he any free stuff" Ronan: "Go on, go over and say hello to him" Martin: "No, you do it" Ronan: "I'm not doing it" Rob: "Where the hell is the jacks roll in this place?" "Lads, who's sitting on the remote control" -- Martin, after the TV turned off by itself on Monday night and hasn't been on since" "Put me down" -- Paul C. "Lads, keep it Pseudo" -- Shtevo, referring to Mule and Ollie's Pseudo-love. "Is this my phone" -- Sean. "Yes, 3 - 0.... ah Jaysus Connolly" -- Martin J, after seeing a beautiful cross being put on David Connolly's head and then seeing him put it a mile wide against Cyprus. "Ya, sure we'll go for one so" -- Martin, 5 pints and a chaser later and we're looking for volunteer drivers!! Simon obliges. "Would it be fair to say Eamon, that Fallon was denied the hat trick by a dubios offside decision" -- "Billo" Herlihy Martin: "Who's your man Rob?" Rob: "Oh, am, he's married to my Uncle's wife" Martin "So, he's your Uncle then" Rob "No" Martin "So, does your Uncle know that his wife is married to another fella" Rob: "Oh right, haha, I mean, he's my Uncle's wife's brother" "Mammy, I'm a one man woman" -- Ronan "Ollie, was there not supposed to be a head on this golf club" -- Martin "Is that today's paper Lads" -- Paul K. "Lads, has anyone seen my fish fingers" -- Sean, unaware that due to the complete lack of food in the house, one friday, myself and Ollie were eating them right in front of him. "Pat, I Love you Pat" -- Frank Butcher Daire: "Well I was having a chat with Oscar Hernandez, you know, the Nortel guy" Martin: "Oh ya Mule, know him well" "Hang on a minute, if you bring me to Slane, how the hell am I going to get home?" -- Sean "Ah for F*cks sake, take McAteer off, he's f*cking shite" -- Ronan, approx. 2 mins before he pops up with the winner against Holland. "I thought you couldn't breathe" -- Sinno "I don't want to buy a telly, I want to spend my money on like gadgets and stuff" -- John F. H "Hourihane f*cked off on me and I'm all dirt" -- Simon "Would You Ever" -- Ronan "You've got 2 hopes, Bob Hope and No Hope" -- Ronan "Well, he had about 20 of his mates with him" -- Stevo "Well, I couldn't get a clean shot at him" -- Stevo "Jaysus Lads, if you could invent some sort of razor for womens legs, you could be a millionaire" -- John Boy (oubviously a lot of hairy women hanging around in Foxford, Co. Mayo). "There's the mule" -- Sean "Ahh Jaysus lads, I had to down a pint in front of Andy Ward" -- Rob "Can I have one eighth of your bed Lad?" -- Gary "Jaysus Ivo, you're Dutch, well I have admired your brand of football for many years" -- Martin J. "You wouldn't be too far wrong there" -- Simon "Feck Off" -- Paul "What happened the grill" -- Eugene "Lads, bring in the furniture" -- Eugene "Why is there grass in the shower?, well don't look at me, I didn't do it!" -- Eugene "Ah, I'm trying to eat my dinner" -- Sean "She knows" -- Ollie "Lads, we're watching Nationwide and that it" -- Daire "I don't want to watch f*cking Nationwide" -- Stevo "Hows it going, Johnson is it?" -- Ger, Rob's mate in Cork, who lent us his house in Brookfield, Thanks! "I'm not bringing the bike" -- Paul "King Prawns in black bean sauce and fried rice" -- Ronan "There's only one Teresa Everard" -- Various "I spent the whole day in the bog and my back is f*cked" -- Simon (possibly discussing his constipation problems, I don't know, I just let him talk). "Rob, can I borrow your jacket" -- Various |