Lord, with arms upraised, I lift up this bread and lift up this wine - one at a time - so You can see it better. Some take this lifting up of what obviously is a poor substitute [of either Your pre-resurrection or post-resurrection body's actual DNA-typed human flesh and actual DNA-typed human blood] as their self-atoning sacramental offering of giving back to You what is so cannabalistically and therefore repulsively presumed transubstantiated human flesh and human blood which You (and not communicants) created in the first place.

In any case, I am the Ordained Big Shot here, so I take it upon Myself to Make this Stuff Special. I got The Apostolic-Succession Power from a never-specifically-named-in-DETAIL long line of questionable characters [allegedly all the way back to Saint Peter] which imperfect characters presumed that the Spirit was genetically transferred by mere laying hands on heads of others (with or without horns of oil) by somewhat-devious characters while mouthing some humanly-concocted church liturgy from whatever adiaphoric sources inventing it. I was the Goat They laid their superstitiously-contagious hands on (regardless of whether they were feminist-accomodating celebate homoeffeminate, altar-boy-abusing pedophiles, mythical nonscientific evolutionists, nicotene-addicted chain smokers, apocraphal maryolaters, etc.) Therefore, I'm Wholly Magic, so I can Do It.

Thank You that this unleavened flour and kosher Jewish wine is not ACTUAL human flesh and human blood which I am Consecrating, because these your Communicants would not want to be guilty of ingesting human flesh and human blood like a bunch of accursed demented cannibals understandably deserving incarceration in some mental facility and promptly escorted there by State Health Dept cops. We got This Stuff from an Ecclesiastical Warehouse supplying kosher wafers and wine, and it stays wafers and wine.....nothing more, as any reputable scientific laboratory would verify and certify.

We all realize that You, The Bakery Goods (a.k.a. Bread of Life), The Garden Plant (a.k.a. The True Vine), The Cowboy (a.k.a. The Good Shepherd), The Piece of Carpentry (a.k.a. The Door), The Huge Candle (a.k.a. The Light of the World) and so on with your kinky and imaginatively-bizarre terms called bread and wine "Your body and blood," and required Your 12 disciples to eat and drink them as such at The Last Supper. Saint Paul took that almost-ridiculous seemingly-cannibalistic intention to apply to all Christians thereafter, I guess, according to I Corinthians 11 (although what is meant by not being gluttonous nor getting drunk by ingesting such small amounts of these "love-feast" tidbits sort of baffles us). It is a relief that Jesus did qualify whatever "blood" was in the Last-Supper cup as "this fruit of the vine" (Matt. 26:27-29, Mark 14:22-25, Luke 22:17-18 and John's gospel never mentions drunk blood at the Last Supper). Significantly, John records Jesus publicly proclaiming flesh-eating and blood-drinking "spirit words" (John 6:63,68) in only ONE chapter (Chapter 6) of his gospel as the only one of the four gospels so doing, and the Paul who wrote much of the New Testament only mentions body-and-blood communion in only a FEW verses of ONLY ONE chapter in ONLY ONE of his epistles. Yet [cultic] catholics, anglicans, episcopalians, and others greatly overemphasize that tiny minority text and inbibe EVERY Sunday [some fanatics do it every DAY and every HOUR upon the HOUR of the day, perhaps!]. Absurd! WHAT's the POINT? Should it be: as "oft" as you drink it...or instead as "seldom" as you drink it...or merely "whenever" you drink it?

We are clueless as to why You wanted us to eat Your flesh and drink Your blood in violation against Gen. 9:4, Lev. 3:17, 7:26, 17:11-14 Old-Testament warnings (even the warning in Acts 15:20) to NEVER drink human blood (assuming You do not and have not ever contradicted Yourself)....but one consequence of those repulsive cannabalistic thoughts is that we temporarily lose our appetites and fast so as to lose weight and not get obese.

We also realize, of course, that eating this pretend human body and drinking this pretend human blood in NO way atones for our sins (in view of the verse of Hebrews chapter 10) and thus in NO way is a blasphemous self-sacrifice either You want nor require of us for redemption nor our own pompous self-sanctifying way of acquiring works-righteousness Brownie Points to get into heaven eventually and clean our sinful slates for the upcoming week until our next eucharistic self-redemption. Before we eat these morsels, we do want to Say Grace - with or without singing the doxology. Be that as it is, I curtsey after raising each tray of bread and cup of wine up to You in gratitude for providing these meager but better-than-nothing goodies before we REALLY snack out in the church basement afterwards.

In all seriousness with all due respect, we appreciate this fancifully-worded "sacrament" as a unique way to come into Your Holy Presence with all reverence in a humble spirit of avowed loyalty and submission to You......but not to Me, the Head Honcho, as some self-appointed bozo presuming to be some kind of "priest" offering some sacrifice absolving anyone of any sins and thus gloat playing the religiously-robed Prima Donna everyone bows down to at the altar, nor show off to others how self-righteous communicants can exhibit themselves to be by prostrating themselves at the altar in front of some self-proclaimed non-perfect Big Cheese humanly appointed by a bunch of people mouthing religious-sounding "ordination" liturgy.

A few of us shamefully fail to ascend to Your altar using a Sacred Inclined Plane and not steps.....thus exposing the nakedness of nude legs in disregard against Exodus 20:26.....especially loose-long-haired mopheaded females with or without bare-armed sleeveslessness with or without socks underneath their open-toed sandals who [mis]wear shortened skirts or shorts, who pornographically and lewdly defeat the purpose of that Divine Imperative of Exodus 20:26...irrationalizing their perverted immodest indecency with such doctrine-of-demon heresies as "We're not under Law but under Grace," "Do not be judgmentally condemnatory," "it's just the style," etc. ad nauseum.

Approximately 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ was actually born a human of a human mother, and according to historical record lived 33 years on the planet until crucified dead. He began his ministry of teaching and healing at age 30. What he did from age 5 to 30 (with the exception of a brief episode at age 12) is not recorded in The Bible. It is assumed that he was a human toddler, then of grade school, junior high, high school, then teen age followed by being a young adult in his 20s.

During that time, being the first-born, it is further assumed that [when she was sufficiently naked] his mother [erotically] copulated with a man to produce family siblings with Jesus, apparently both brothers and sisters.

Questions arise.

Did Jesus - at any time during those years before age 30, EVER:

There is no record in the book of Acts nor elsewhere within the New Testament of The HOLY BIBLE of any of the original twelve disciples, Christ Himself, nor Paul or any other disciple ever originating nor participating in what has come to be known as "The Mass" (comprised of the Kyrie, Gloria, Credo, Sanctus, and Agnus Dei).

Rumors abound that it had its roots in pre-Christian jewish tradition, or evolving before Augustine.

Whatever the case, noble monks of the Middle Ages and great classical composers of the 18th and 19th century A.D. put the words of The Mass to beautiful sacred music, structured in the five parts previously mentioned and in the ordering indicated.

However, in view of the entirety of The HOLY BIBLE, there is a more logical ordering more congruent with the structure of the 66-books placement of Scripture from Genesis in the beginning to Revelation at the end:

First = The CREDO [I believe in one God, the Father almighty, Maker of heaven and earth...]

The Credo is a public statement to the world and those of the church setting up the introduction and overall structure of the next four parts of The Mass to follow.

Second = The SANCTUS [Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God.....Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord]

Here, attention is turned away from the public crowd and concentrates with awe on the Holy God Himself.

Third = The KYRIE [Lord/Christ, have mercy upon us]

Like Isaiah who contrasted his own sinfulness after viewing the Holy God, now is the penitential plea for mercy because of sinfulness by both individuals and the like-minded group.

Fourth = The AGNUS DEI [Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy and grant us peace]

Closely related to the previous part, the atoning Savior is beckoned as Redeemer against sins of and for confessing sinners, with believing faith involved with expectation of the promise of mercy resulting in peace.

Fifth = The GLORIA [Glory be to God on High....You who sit at the right hand of the Father, have mercy upon us....You alone are the Most High Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, in the glory of the Father]

This last part fits in well with that final book of the New Testament, comprised of outbursts of praise and joy based on forgiven and abolished sins from and by the Holy Trinity.