Title: Sand and Water

Author: Amber

Webpage: http://www.oocities.org/mulderz_girl

Archive: Absolutely! -- As long as you let me know J

Direct Feedback to: mulders_girl42@hotmail.com

Category: MSR, Scully first-person POV, songfic

Rating: G

Summary: "All alone I had to find some meaning in the center of the pain I felt inside..." About 5 years post the events of Requiem, Scully speaks to Mulder -- who never returned from his abduction.

Spoilers: Amor Fati, Requiem

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully – not mine. "Sand and Water" lyrics – also not mine. Lastly, I used a variation on a Counting Crows lyric. It isn’t mine, either. Please don’t sue.

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I wish you could see him. You would be so proud. He’s beautiful and incredibly smart… He reminds me so much of you … He has this amazing zest for life, which I believe will remain with him throughout the years to come. He bears your mischievous eyes and wears your secret smile.

Sometimes I take him to the beach. I remember you mentioning to me, not long before you departed, how much you loved the ocean. He likes to build sandcastles. He’s very particular about the process. I have a miniature perfectionist on my hands. Sometimes he works at a sand sculpture for hours, dampening and smoothing the sides with salty water. He likes to walk along the edge of where the ocean meets the land. Occasionally, he stops and gazes out to the horizon for several minutes. At times, I wonder what he is thinking. He asked me when the ocean waves are going to stop. I told him that they would remain as long as the earth was alive. He nodded. I think he understood me.

I miss you. I feel so alone without you by my side.

"Solid stone is just sand and water… / Sand and water and a million years gone by"

I am stone. Outwardly, I appear to be impenetrable. Mere images are deceiving. Keep in mind that strong substances can be composed of weak elements. Dare to break me apart? I am fragile inside. However, I manage to hold myself together.

"All alone I came into this world / All alone I will someday die"

In the simplest of dissections yet the most complicated comprehension, we are all alone on this planet. I was born onto this earth as a single being, and will depart in the same manner: born alone, die alone. I must learn never to depend so entirely on another, as there is only one person who will be with me throughout eternity – myself.

"I will see you in the light of a thousand suns / I will hear you in the sound of the waves"

You are here with me. In mourning your loss, I recognized your existence. Pieces of you are all around me. The waves embody your voice, and I hear whispers of my name. The sun glistens off the ocean water, averting my eyes from their natural path. The image of your face penetrates the blur. I now know why it is you love the ocean. Your father. Your mother. Samantha. They exist within the waves. The waves. They are your memory. A day trip to the beach is forever immortalized with the passing tide. The tide is a constant. Day in, day out, the same routine. Never changing. Never changing is my memory, my images of you. So pure, so beautiful – ever heightened with the crisp, pristine scents surrounding the ocean.

I want you to know that I am still sad. Tears soak my pillow when the night closes in. I am yet, still alone. I pray, one day, that you will return to me. However, until this precious reunion, I must find solace in my surroundings… and in the wise innocence of our beautiful son.

~The End~

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Sand & Water --- Beth Nielsen Chapman