|Regardless of what they Say|
By InSilence

Part 1

Comment: So... my first fic, so please be gentle with me ^^. I want to dedicate this to Vanilla Mint, as she is such a lovely person and has encouraged and supported me so much. Arigatou! Furthermore I want to hug my boyfriend for being the light of my life and reading through all this shonen-ai for me. I love you.
Listen to: Roads - Portishead

You in the dark
You in the pain
You on the run
Living a hell
Living your ghost
Living your end
Never seem to get in the place that I belong
Don't wanna lose the time
Lose the time to come.

First Stage:
Mea Culpa

It rained. In full sad drops exploding noisily on the grey ground. The sky cried and poured its heavy tears violently on the land as if it tried to wash of the sins it had seen. Water gurgeled down the sewer ports in which desperate rats were cheeping and a man walked past them indifferently,  dragging his boots through the dirty puddles.
The streets were deserted and only the man and his weak shadow crossed the huge intersections and walked the stinking backstreets along graffiti-smeared walls. The man walked slowly, his dark coat drenched and his long hair sticking in shapeless wet strands to his pale skin. He had walked all day, eversince the rain had started. His breath going quickly with every step. He did not feel no wetness and no cold. He was crying, or was it only rain running down his chin? A shot belowed somewhere through the rainy night and the man winced as the old beggar who breathed his last and shut his eyes forever in a puddle of some backyard.
The young man walked slowly and soon came to halt in front of a huge dark building, towering as a giant black monster into the grey crying clouds. Tiredly its bells rang 12 times and the young man sunk to his knees looking up to the metallic cross reflecting distant lightning. Trembling he folded his hands towards the iron virgin smiling her eternal smile of mercy and wept noisily into the silent emptiness.
'Help me oh, Lord. Help me.' he cried and the virgin smiled.

Dawn was braking as the young man slowly turned the keys of his appartment. Thick smoke enveloped him as he slipped into the room where candy-paper, empty beer cans, butts, condoms, leftovers and scattered clothes mingled to a colorful mess on the flowered, grey furniture.
'Finally you back you dumb bastard' a woman's voice echoed through the wall and a small red-head emerged stemming her hands in her sides. 'Already wondered if I should call the police' she laughed and slumped herself on a couch. 'Sorry, but you look like a piece of shit, Kaoru.' she giggled and the man felt his pulse hammering painfully through his skull.
'You got work now?' he asked hoarsly. 'Good you remember, if not you wouldn't sit in a warm room with a roof over you head. Would you mind helping me?' Slowly and with trembling fingers he closed the metallic eyes of her red corset feeling her warm skin beneath his cold fingers. 'Now don't make such a face.' she grinned holding his chin with her bright red long fingernails. 'You want me to cheer you up, maybe?' she giggled silently rubbing her legs with the fake silk-stockings up and down his wet trousers, while she sent her trained fingers up his groin. "No, no really Luce. I'm just tired. And not in the mood.' his voice cracked dryly. 'Know what Kaoru? That's just your problem. That you never are.' she said cheerfully, stepped into her high leather boots and out through the door shutting with a dead klick.

The boy smoked. Slowly he inhaled the blue fume of his cigarette, watching himself in the cracked mirror vis-a-vis. He tried a cool smile and rated himself between his half-shut eyes. He imagined how the smoke slowly made its way down his gorge into his vital young lunges where they would start their brutal silent destruction. He grinned the amused arrogant grin of the young in age and clapped his violette fingernails on the sticky desk of the bar. The club was almost empty, it was too early in the morning and he tried not to concentrate on the faint muffeled moaning from the upper floor. Tiredly he started counting the few,crumpled, green bills which he hid in the pockets of his tight black trousers. The boy yawned and rested his head between his palms.
It had been a good night.

Lucy quickly applied her blood-red lipstick before entering the club. Her eyes only adjusted slowly to the dimmed purplish light in the lobby as she casually walked over to the bar where she spottet the thin young man.
"Totchi, dear, how was the night?" she asked and pattet his dark smooth hair. Toshiya turned his head slowly smelling her cheap, sweet perfume and faked a tired smile. 'Can't complain, Luce...' he grinned and handed her a cigarette.
'Neat piece of a fuck.' He giggled, squeezing the green bills and she gave him a friendly ellbow in return for the vulgarities.
'So young and so spoiled.' She whispered amused and let her eyes wander extensively over the youth's exquisite frame. She sighed sadly and pinched his arm.
They sat silent for a long time and Toshiya watched the woman out of the corner of his eyes. Her pale skin's weird blueish shade, the tired lines under her eyes and the hard worried ones in the corners of her mouth. He saw her red hair, fade and brittle from coloration and the small bony hands with the lines of exhaustion and shuddered secretly when he took in the yellow discolor of her teeth.
She was 25.

The bills rustled treacherously in the narrow space between his tight corset and his damp skin. He tried hard to balance on the thin heels of his black pumps. Somewhere his dress was wiping the dirty pavement and a cold unpleasant wetness ran down his inner thies. Concentrated he planned every step; his head erect his trembling young body proud and his nervous gait forced to control.
They were close behind. He felt their shadows close between the veils of his silky orange hair. He could hear them increase their pace. Run over to get him. They were shouting sacred sermons about filth and rage and blasphemy and he already felt the chill of their hot angry breath on his skin.
'Dirty whore!'
'Scum!'
'Fag!'
'Prick sucking bitch!' another one and then another. Somewhere. Dirt. Cold. Pain.
And then somehow the world went dark.

Kaoru awoke sweating into the darkness of his bedroom.
He could feel Lucy close to him. Could sense her stirr silently in her sleep. Could hear her dream noisily of candy and chocolat bars. Could smell her juices faintly in the hot darkness. His chest heaving heavily with the violent beating of his heart. When the tears came he could feel her hand lightly as a feather on him. He tensed under her touch. Shivered as her mouth slowly worked over his chest while her hand was stil there and pictures filled his mind; flashing and taking him far away from the heat of the small untiedy room, Lucy and the smell of cheap perfume.
The hair tousled in a peculiar network over his chest was not red but black as raven feathers. Thick and silky as the young firm flesh pressing against his. The hands were gentle and supple with short fingernails and he could feel the muscles in the arm stroking him. When Lucy's mouth was covering his it was different silky sweet tissue. The lovely nectar of a strange unknown mouth with a naughty smile. He plunged into that mouth hungrily. Consumed the warmth. Fed on that dreamt lover he had never touched and smelled a smell that wasn't Lucy's. Strong hands ran along his body, teasing, pleasuring him. Raven Feathers. A tongue down his body licking and sucking his hungry body. He himself claiming that wonderful youthful frame, ravishing on the unknown never tasted juices. Unfolding into neverknown extacy. Into an illusion reality to him in every dream. Every hated dream. Every torture and bliss.
When she took him, impaling herself feverishly he came quickly far away from her with a dry cry and closed eyes. Far away in his world he kissed those lips again and the lips parted and smiled with crooked teeth.
Somewhen the tears came again.

The boy tasted blood in his mouth. His clothes were torn his corset ripped. His money stolen. His bones broken. Perhaps. Throbbing pain in his head. Carefully he stood. A car squeeling through the night. Bright light blinding his hurting eyes. Brakes screaming, echoing and only then he felt the rain.
Window turned down. Dark hair, firy eyes. Girlish beauty. Teenage boy in expensive car. Crossdresser. Call Boy. Mascara and cigarette between fingers with painted nails. A smile. Crooked teeth.

A ringing somewhere in the back of his mind. His naked chest in the sticky light of an early morning. The everlasting rain drumming endlessly against the window. Goddamn rain. It could never purify him. Could never take away his sinfull thoughts. His amulet; a heavy polished silver cross, plastered against his chest. Burnt into his flesh. Voices. Sinner! Pervert! He had turned away from Him.
He still awoke with that taste in his mouth, that smell. He had had that dream again.
And the bell rang.
'Luce. Fuck. Answer the door.' He heard himself shout drily.
Somewhere the clapping of her heals through his hurting head. Drumming with the steady rythm of the rain.
Door opened. A light squel. Voices. Hysteric.
'Kaoru!' Some weird scream. Frightening.
He rushed into the mess of the livingroom. Took in Lucy's wasted, tired face.
'Kaoru. They got Shin-chan! My poor baby...' Lucy over Shinya's small bruised body. Colorful shredded clothes mixing with the muliti-colored waste on the floor. Blood on his white face. Blue shadow around his eyes...
Only then he recognized the third figure. Lasciviously casual against the doorframe. Blue and black.
Kaoru felt the blood roaring through his veins. Every nerve tensed. His heartbeat refusing a long beat of time and then pounding hectically as the rain beating down merciless against the forsaken ground of the steaming city.
A split second in the eternity of his smile.
Toshiya.

Part two in production - comments, please?
insilence@tokyo.com
http://www.oocities.org/cytomi/
Love,
and take care,
yours truly;
Insilence

to be continued

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