author's notes: this fic was inspired by Nagano Mamoru's "The Five Star Stories" (Totchi's fave comic, ne? Well, it's one of mine too ^_^) This is my third DeG fic… and my baby!

-> fusion fic (sorta), yaoi, abuse of a bishonen =P if you can't handle... don't read

-> C&C are most welcome

-> AU! AU! AU! i love writing au fics ^_~ makes me feel SUGOI!

-> pairings: ?xtoshiya, diexshinya, kaoruxkyo, possible others...

PART ONE: ABSTRAIENT

Toshiya stood in front of the sink, staring at the remains of the broken glass like it was some rare artifact. Slowly, he brought a hand up and traced the spider web crack with a finger, watching in silent fascination as blood trickled down the mirror like some wayward river. He looked down to the blood pooling around his feet and poked a shard with his toe.

"I can't just leave him like that. I love him too much," he sighed and looked back up to his distorted reflection.

He backed up against the wall and let himself slide down, not caring that the shards were cutting the soles of his feet. He really didn't feel the sting at all... he thought he'd endured far worse than cuts, and he stayed there on the floor for a couple of minutes until a loud knocking interrupted his misery.

"Oi, Toshiya, are you alive in there? Dammit, open the door!"

When he didn't answer immediately, the knocking was replaced by what sounded like frantic banging, and he could hear the person on the other side trying to break the door down. Toshiya stood up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands before unlocking the door.

"You--- you look like crap, Toshiya. Migod, he hurt you again, didn't he?"

"I---," he didn't get to finish and let himself be surrounded by the other's arms.

His friend walked him to the bed and sat down beside him, gently running a soothing hand against his back. As the sobs died down, Toshiya sighed loudly and used the hem of his shirt to wipe the tears away.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"
"It was nothing... just felt like it. I'm fine, Kyo."

"Felt like it?! Shit, you're worse off than I thought, Toshiya. Let me tell the emperor, ne? I'm sure---"

Toshiya immediately wrenched away, knelt in front of him and clasped his hands to rest on Kyo's knee, eyes silently pleading.

"No! No, you can't. He'll be furious."

"I'm not afraid of that bastard!"

"Then be afraid for me. He'll hurt me more, Kyo. Please just let it go? It wasn't as bad as before, and it was my fault anyways."

Toshiya looked away for a second, thinking, before he snuck a hand under the bed and pulled out a broken frame. He carefully rearranged the broken glass to make it look unbroken and showed it to Kyo, who took it with confusion in his eyes.

"You know how precious this is to him, Kyo? I was being stupid, knocked it off the shelf and broke it."

Kyo stared at the picture and then at his friend, understanding making him want to reach out for the other.
"The way he always treasures his things and how much he honors his name... and I found myself wishing he'd be like that with me."

"Toshiya---"
"He was beautiful, wasn't he?" he whispered with no malice in his voice, just a trace of envy and hopeless longing.
"Iie."

Toshiya looked up at Kyo and was surprised when his friend caressed his cheek with a hand, wiping a lonely tear away.
"You are more beautiful than he could ever be. You and your endlessly sorrowful face."
Toshiya smiled sadly and rested his hand on top of Kyo's, still on his cheek, "A tragic beauty, aren't I?"

"Hai. Porcelain face with crystal tears."

He mentally counted backwards from ten and poked his head out of the water, hoping his luck would hold out. A tussle could be heard not far from where he was and he quietly crept out towards the source of the ruckus, when an auburn flash caught the corner of his eye and he turned... knees giving out at the horror showing in front of him.
"No. No. Please tell me this is not real."

The person opened his eyes slowly and looked down at him, "Dai--- Dai, don't come any closer."

"Why? Why'd you have to go and do that, when you knew the sacrifice you have to make?"

"I wouldn't let any of them touch you, Dai."
Die reached out and wrapped his arms around the other's shoulders, willing strength and warmth back into the ghostly pale figure. The other coughed and gasped as the stomach contractions drove the spaad deeper, and Die stuffed a fist in his mouth to try and stop himself from gagging at the unpleasant stench of blood.

"When I go, please don't be sad. We had so many good memories between us... no regrets."

"No... regrets... I will regret this day for the rest of my life. How I wish I'd locked you up in our room and guard you with everything I have. How I wish for you and I to have more time together... all the time in the world. I wish for so many things---"

With a trembling arm, his companion wearily lifted a finger to silence him, brown eyes gazing deeply into his own.

"No regrets... for I have none. I would do this over and over if it means saving your life. Kiss me? It's almost time."

Softly and sweetly, their lips met for the last time, and he savored every second of it. He held his love tightly and cried as the once comforting heartbeat stopped forever.

"Shinya..."

Die bolted straight up in bed and ran a clammy hand through sweat-drenched red locks, unaware of the tears that collected in the rim of his eyes.
"Sire? Sire, are you alright?"

Jumping slightly at the voice, he turned to the figure beside him and flinched when the other sat up and wrapped long arms around his waist.

"It was only a nightmare. Would you like to hear a song? Father always sang one to me when I get nightmares and it always made me feel better."
Not waiting for his reply, the boy hummed a tune while running a comforting hand on his back. Die closed his eyes as the last of the haunting memory faded back into the night.

"A nightmare, you say? How if the nightmare was reality? Will your song make me feel any better?" he asked bitterly.

The boy stopped and drew his arms away.

"You--- you dreamt of him? I am so sorry, sire, I didn't realize."

"Of course you didn't," Die replied sarcastically, wild eyes glaring at the other. He turned around on hands and knees and crawled towards him, grinning ferally as fear was once again induced and the trembling figure scuttled backwards until the headboard stopped his path.

"Si-sire?"

"Would you like me to reenact so that you'd have a better understanding?"

He reached out a hand to the bedside table and retrieved the spaad that rested there, running the tip against the frightened boy's cheek. He smirked and released the button, laughing in sadistic delight as the other screamed.

"No, no please, sire. I am so sorry."

Die leaned forward and licked at the thin trail of blood that trickled down, as he used the spaad to tear the other's clothing away.

"Shhh. Now be a good boy and be quiet. You'll send guards over with all your screaming, and you know how angry I will be if that is such the case."

Whimpering, the other nodded frantically, clapping a hand against his mouth in an attempt to muffle any sounds that might escape. He just zoned out and let himself be violated over and over again, silently praying for the torture to be done with.

"Slut."

Die snorted and withdrew from his body, tossing the spaad into one corner and climbed off the bed. He sneered at the unconscious figure lying on the bed before he put his robe on and stalked out the door.

Growling in irritation, Kaoru slapped the paper against the desk and glared at the pacing man. Kyo stopped short, glared back, and resumed.

"You are distracting me. Still yourself so I can read in peace."

"How could you just sit there so calmly? You heard what I heard. Do something!"

Breathing deeply to refrain from smacking him, Kaoru stood up and looked out the window, watching where his red-haired friend was inspecting his MH.

"What do you want me to do? Tell him to stop? Stop what? By law, a fatima master has every right to do what he wants with his fatima."

"Fucking hypocrite... he's no better than those Boowrays."

"My, my, you get so worked up over something like this. Tell me Kyo, if he was in here right now, what would you say to him?"

Kyo turned to him and leered, "I'll tell him to fuck off and go to hell."

Kaoru frowned and pursed his lips in a thin line, staring reproachingly at his companion. Kyo met his stare, but didn't back down.

"If I weren't stubborn and more like Toshiya, would you do to me what he does to him?" Kyo asked in challenge.

The other didn't answer him, just sighed and picked his paper up, leaving the room quickly to avoid further arguments.

As he walked down the hallway, he spotted a tuft of blue and a slender shoulder poking out from behind a pillar, and he approached quietly.

"Toshiya?"
The other jumped around, hands clasped in front of his chest and eyes wide. Kaoru immediately felt like a fool.
"Ah, gomen. Didn't mean to scare you. I was just going down for breakfast and found you. Would you care to join me? That is, if you haven't eaten yet."

Toshiya slowly regained his composure and bowed hastily, making Kaoru feel even more uncomfortable. His gaze drifted from the floor to the boy's face and was taken aback by the mottled bruise decorating Toshiya's left cheek. Trying not to stare rudely, he averted his eyes quickly and cleared his throat.
"How--- how are you feeling today, Toshiya?"

Bowing his head in shame, Toshiya let strands of his hair fall to cover evidence of abuse.
"I--- I'm feeling fine, Kaoru-sama. I already had breakfast and just remembered something I must do. Please excuse me."

Kaoru watched as the other beat a hasty retreat, disappearing around a corner. He stood rooted to the ground for a while, silently contemplating what he'd just seen and what he'd heard from Kyo. The bruise on Toshiya's face looked serious and those eyes--- those eyes were full of sadness--- they bothered him so much. Kaoru sighed again and proceeded to the dining hall, surprised to find his friend there.

"Oi, Kaoru, I think Kyo's a bad influence on you."

"Eh? Why's that? And for crying out loud, Daisuke, it's early in the morning and you're already drowning yourself in alcohol!"

Kaoru stalked towards him and grabbed the drink away before Die could take another swig, earning him a muffled curse. Ignoring this, he sat across from Die and looked at him thoughtfully, noticing the dark cloud that passed the distraught face.

"He was there--- in my dreams--- last night. God, Kaoru, it felt so real. It WAS real. I was helpless and it hurt so much to lose him all over again," Die slumped forward, hiding behind the cover of his arms.

"You had a nightmare... is that why you hurt Toshiya? Jesus, Die, what the hell did that boy do to you?"

His question was met by silence, and Kaoru resisted the urge to throw an empty glass at the other man, settling instead on a heavy sigh. For all their years of being friends and comrades, never had Kaoru seen such a side to his friend, and it scared him. The Die he knew was the complete opposite of the Die behind THAT closed door with his poor fatima. Knowing the how's and why's of things helped him understand a bit, but that didn't help him help Die.

"I hate him. He thinks he can take his place. No one can ever take his place... no one," Die whispered, face still buried in his arms.

Kaoru, who was ready to feel sympathetic, twitched and his expression hardened into that of disapproval.

"So you think you can hurt him just like that? I saw the pretty bruise on his face, and I must say that you're getting creative. If I reckon well, that cut was made by a spaad. Since when did you become a sadist, Die? You know, Kyo was right about you... damned hypocrite."

Die's head shot up at that accusation, "That slut really got to you... I say you go back to that pretty little whore of yours and mind your own fucking business, Kaoru."
Kaoru narrowed his eyes and in one fluid moment, he had Die pinned against the floor, his slender fingers wrapped tightly around his friend's throat.
Talking didn't do miracles. Maybe banging his head real hard against the ground could knock some sense into his brain?, he thought.

He dismissed it quickly when he felt a fist connect against his face and he was knocked off of Die.

"What's gotten into you, Kaoru? Why the hell are you taking his side, now?"

"And I should take your twisted side? If anything, you should be ashamed of yourself!"

Seething over his blood lip, Kaoru hit Die back, his fist connecting with the other's cheekbone. Still tipsy with the drink he had earlier, Die immediately fell back and looked up to him with a dazed look. Kaoru felt bad for hitting him, but he knew that it had to be tough love. Schooling his face in a mask of indifference, he snorted and turned away. He walked out the door without glancing back, and prayed for the best when he leaned against the closed door.

Over and over the song played and he quietly hummed along the tune. Toshiya knelt beside the bed, his chin resting along one arm while the other stretched out to encircle the playing music box. He knew he musn't... Die would be livid if he found out... but the melody called out to him. He'd been looking for a box inside the closet when the overhead light reflected against something, and curiousity got the best of him, finding a gilded cage shoved at the back of the shelf. Toshiya fiddled with it a bit and was pleasantly surprised to find that it served as a music box, and the crystal figure inside was a fatima. Everything about the treasure reminded him of himself--- a bird longing for freedom but unwilling to leave what he now thought of as comfort. Of course, getting beaten black and blue wasn't what he originally had in mind at the debut and it was far from being comfortable, but he would rather be close to his master than be without him.
"Will you hold my heart? Please catch my tears---," Toshiya was unable to continue as moisture clouded up his vision and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

He wiped his eyes with a sleeve and was startled by a loud crash. Die stood in the doorway, matching Toshiya's bruise with one of his own.

"Sire?"

Toshiya scrambled towards him, urging him to sit on the bed while he rummaged for a first aid kit in the bathroom. Gently, he applied cream on the swollen cheek, he himself wincing as Die cringed from the cold sting.
"I think we'll need to put ice on that, sire. The right side of your face will be stiff for a while."

When he moved in front of Die's vision, the older man couldn't help but notice the bruise Kaoru had been talking about. It was huge... covering nearly the whole left side of Toshiya's beautiful face. He wondered if the boy had taken care of it like he was taking care of Die's. Once finished, Toshiya gave him a cheeky grin, but winced when his face was painfully stretched a bit and his wound protested in response.
"There, all set. Just refrain yourself from touching it, ne?"

Die sat there for a while, silently contemplating the man before him. He didn't know why, but his heart clenched tightly at the sight of that ugly bruise, and clenched even tighter with the knowledge that he was the cause. Kaoru's words rang in his mind and he himself wondered when he started becoming a person who enjoyed inflicting pain on others. He merely registered that Toshiya was still speaking to him about ice. Die tuned his voice out and was about to lay down on the bed when his eyes caught sight of a birthday present he'd given to someone so very long ago. He got up and walked towards it, missing the nervous intake of breath from Toshiya when he realized the mistake he'd done. As Die turned to him with a questioning look, Toshiya gulped and slowly knelt on the floor, expecting the other to rush to him with his punishment.

"I--- I know how you don't want anyone touching his things, but it's very beautiful and, and--- I'm so sorry, sire," he tried to explain, tears once again threatening to spill from his eyes.

He closed his eyes, waiting for a blow or a kick... something. Die frowned at this and was about to reach for him when a knock interrupted them.

Kyo's head peeked in when Die called for him to enter, and his eyes flittered from one man to the other. He tried to keep his control in check when he saw his friend on the floor like that.

"I apologize for interrupting, but Amaterasu no Mikado would like to have a word with his Mirage Knights."

As soon as Die closed the door behind him, Kyo's barely retained self-control broke and he rushed to Toshiya's side. He was nowhere near sorry for interrupting as he said earlier.

"Hey, you okay? Thank the gods I got here on time. What did he do to you?"

Toshiya looked up at him, relief shining in his eyes, and he went to hug his friend tightly.

"Nothing. He didn't do anything, thanks to you. But it's my fault once again."
"Again? Don't you ever learn, Toshiya?," Kyo joked lightly.

The other shook his head and stood up shakily.

"Ne, tell me, did Kaoru-sama do that to him?"

Toshiya stared at him accusingly, lips pursed and hands on hips. Kyo grinned widely, "Yeah! Wasn't that awesome? You got revenge through Kaoru-sama."

Kyo laughed maniacally but didn't get to finish when his friend grabbed a pillow, smacking him with it.

"No one touches my Die-sama!"

He turned around on his heel and stalked out the door, leaving a confused Kyo standing in the middle of the room.

"Two on the left, five in front. There's one hiding behind. We are down to the laser cutter, sire," Toshiya reported as he checked battle conditions.

Die swore and snorted in disbelief as four more appeared to their right.

"Shit. We're surrounded. Switch to defense mode and release all auxiliary generators. We're going to make a break for it and we need to get lighter."
"Aye, sire."

"Come on, Pandora... you're best of the best. One more time, baby, and the god of light will make you shine like new again," Die muttered to his MH, twisting the controls savagely as one of the enemy Maglows lunged forward with a cutter of it's own. He swiveled to his right and narrowly missed the sharp end of the laser when it broke through Pandora's layers and into his cockpit. Die barely heard Toshiya's surprised shout as electricity crackled around him, tiny currents shocking him slightly.

"Sire!! Assuming full control of MH. Switching to emergency mode: barrier at 85 percent. Booster countdown in progress..."

Toshiya's voice floated to him, but Die didn't hear. He slumped forward, hitting his head hard against the control panel.
"95 percent... remaining power: 1.5 trillion calories. Releasing veil and skirt."

Praying silently, Toshiya gripped the joystick in front of him and counted the remaining seconds nervously. "100 percent! Rerouting generator fluids. Switch to reverse, and... GO!"

He twisted Pandora around and fired the booster, heading straight for the Maglow hiding behind the trees. His eyes flicked a couple of times to the heat sensor, making sure that there was only one in front of him. The enemy jumped out from the tree cover but he dodged it swiftly and continued on ahead... his destination the other side of the mountain. Alarms went off as one of the Maglows fired and hit Pandora's shoulder, but Toshiya kept on going. Warning signals flashed all over the tiny cockpit, reminding him that the generator was badly hit and that their energy supply was rapidly losing power.
"Don't give up, Pandora. Don't disappoint the sire. We've got to make it behind that mountain somehow, and we need you in one piece for that."

The engine sputtered a couple of times more before fuel ran out and the MH landed with a thud, safely making it with major damage to the whole. Toshiya quickly jumped out and climbed down to fish the unconscious Die out of his own cockpit, shivering at the sight of spattered blood.

"We'll come back for you, Pandora, I promise. But the sire needs immediate attention and the enemies might be looking for us," he took one last look at the battered MH, heaved Die over his shoulder and made his way deeper into the forest.

Toshiya upturned his carisack and sifted through its contents. He had managed to contact AKD through Die's comm unit and was now tending to his injured headdliner.

He froze. The other mumbled something again and he bent down, placing his ear near the other's lips.

"Koi... koibito," Die opened his eyes slightly, staring at him with unseeing eyes.

"Die-sama? Can you hear me?"

Toshiya laid a palm against his cheek, caressing gently. He was surprised when Die laid a hand over it, but smiled nonetheless. The smile disappeared when he heard Die's next words.

"Shinya? You saved me."

Toshiya withdrew his hand but Die held on tightly. In his feverish state, Die mistook him for his former fatima, unknowingly hurting the young man who now serves him in Shinya's place.

"Don't go... don't leave," Die insisted, but Toshiya yanked his hand away and crawled off to another corner, hurt and sadness mingled in his eyes.
"How could you mistake me for him? He's in the past... I'm in your present. I WILL be your future, just you wait and see."

He crawled back to Die's side when the other fell into a light fevered sleep. Toshiya looked down at him, hesitating, before he let his head rest on the other's shoulder. He laid a hand against the other's chest, feeling the steady rhythm and thankful for it's beating.

"Love me... need me, like I do to you. Daisuke, I'll give my life for you."