All In The Band

by Kurara

***

Part 18

Shinya pulled out of Toshiya and collapsed on the bed next to him,
feeling the bassist's arms wrap around his waist. "Mmmm..." he
responded, turning and kissing the older man. "Feel better?"

Toshiya shrugged, but smiled. "A bit, I suppose... thanks."

Shinya nodded, but frowned as Toshiya nuzzled into him. "Ne,
Toshiya... I can't spend the night..."

"Awww..." Toshiya tightened his arms in protest. "Please?"

Shinya shook his head. "No... I've got things to do tonight." He
kissed Toshiya again and got off of him, going into the bathroom to
clean himself off. When he came out, Toshiya was already asleep.
Smiling slightly, Shinya put his clothes on quietly and kissed
Toshiya's forehead before leaving the apartment.

***

//I wonder why he was so distant today...// Shinya frowned, hugging
himself as he walked to Die's apartment. //Maybe... maybe he really
doesn't love me... after all, _I_ said it first... he might've just
agreed to have me...// He sighed and crossed the street.

He looked up into the sky, pausing in his travels for a bit. //If...
If I asked him about it though, and he DIDN'T love me.... would he
tell me the truth?// He bit his lip and leaned against a sign post,
looking down to the ground. //What if he doesn't..... what if last
night....// Shinya choked back sobs and began to run to Die's
apartment. //If he doesn't I'll just kill myself... but I HAVE to
know!//

***

Kyo woke up in Kaoru's arms and sighed, feeling more empty than
before. //Why'd I have him say that?// He reached up and brushed
the back of his hand over Kaoru's cheekbone, careful not to wake
him. //Those words will haunt me, because now I know what they sound
like...// He closed his eyes, slowly pulling away from
Kaoru. //And... and I'm actually gonna help him get with Toshiya...
Tooru, you're such a fool...// Kyo got his cigarettes out of his
pants and walked out onto Kaoru's balcony, not caring if anyone were
to happen to see his nakedness from their window.

He lit a cigarette and leaned over the railing, blowing smoke out
slowly and watching the ashes fall down out of his sight. //Is that
what will happen? Will they fall out of my sight together?// Kyo
chewed on the inside of his lip, tasting a faint hint of blood. //If
I tried to fall to them, I'd get hurt.... I'd break....//

He took another deep drag, watching the smoke as it rode on the wind
as he blew it out. //Have I already fallen, trying to catch them?
Am I already broken? Will I be... discarded... in the end?//

Kyo got to the end of his cigarette and held the end out over the
world below, but instead brought it back to the balcony, dropping it
and stamping on it. //Or will I be crushed and blow away?//

***

"Die?" Shinya knocked again. "Die! Wake up! Die!" Shinya called
out over and over before sighing and slidding down to sit down,
looking over and noticing a bulge in the floor mat. "Nani?" He
lifted it up and saw a key. With a smile, Shinya picked it up and
unlocked the door, stepping inside the dark apartment. "Die? Are
you here?" He walked to the bedroom to see if he was asleep and
stopped in the doorway.

He smiled sadly, seeing Die sleeping on the balcony. //Baka.. he's
gonna catch a cold....// He walked out and frowned at the numerous
cigarette butts and the four empty beer cans, a fifth spilled near
the guitarist. //So messy ne...//

Shinya bent down and shook Die. "Die.... Die... wake up..." Die
gave no response and Shinya continued shaking him. "Die? Die!"
Shinya bit his lip and shook harder, yelling. "Die!! Die! Wake up!"

Shinya's heart quicked and he put a hand under Die's nose, feeling
breath coming out. //He's still alive... oh god.. why won't he wake
up?? Even drunk people wake up!// "Die...." Shinya whined, tears
stinging at his eyes. "Die... wake up... please..." He held Die to
his chest and stroked his hair, eyes widening as he felt a bump on
the back of the older man's head. //NANI??// He felt around and
looked at the railing of the balcony. "Oh no...." he breathed out,
breath shuddering as he got up and rushed to the phone, calling up
the ambulance.

***

Shinya paced back and forth in the waiting room, not able to sit
down. Kaoru had given him some drink, but Shinya's hands weren't
even steady enough to hold the cup. "What if he doesn't come out?"
Shinya whimpered to Kaoru, biting back tears. "What if I never see
him smile at me again? What if he never holds me again? What if---"
Kaoru wrapped his arms around the drummer and pressed his head to his
shoulder.

"Shinya... he'll come out of it...."

Shinya wrapped his arms around Kaoru as well, gripping onto the back
of his shirt and nodding, shuddering his breaths out as tears clogged
his vision. "I'm so scared..." he whispered, closing his eyes to
stop the tears and sniffling. Kaoru began to stoke his back and
Shinya grew weak, using Kaoru for support as he sobbed on his
shoulder. "I love him..." Shinya whimpered, hugging Kaoru tighter.

"Shinya..." Kaoru held onto Shinya, not knowing what words would be
of comfort and begging for Die to come out.

***

Laa..... poor Shinya....
C/c?
~Kurara

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