All In The Band

by Kurara

***

Part 22

"Kaoru?" Die spoke, turning to the other man.

"Hai?"

Die sighed. "If I asked you to... would you let me.. die?"

Kaoru frowned. "No." Kaoru sat on the bed and looked into Die's
shallow and empty eyes. "Die... what's wrong?"

Die turned to his side and curled up a bit. "I lost." Kaoru stayed
silent, not knowing if he should ask what Die was talking about. "I
lost the game... my goal... I thought I'd reached it but... but it
slipped away and I didn't notice." Die closed his eyes. "And I was
made to believe that I HAD gotten it."

"Die... what's this about?" Kaoru put his hand onto Die's shoulder.

"I... I think what I wanted to believe was true was the furthest
thing possible from the truth." He buried his face into the
pillow. "How could I ever think Shinya would love me back?"

//So that's what this is about...// "Die... Shinya _does_ love you."

"How can you say that? Didn't you see him? He kissed Toshiya and
later slept with him! He did that after he lied to me..."

"Die, is that why you don't think he loves you anymore? Because he
continues with our agreement?" Kaoru forced Die to face him. "Die,
kiss me."

"What?" Die's eyes went wide.

Kaoru held Die in place and smashed thier lips together, forcing his
tongue into Die's mouth. Die tried weakily to push Kaour off, but
Kaoru's insistent tongue made him moan and finally give in, kissing
Kaoru back and whimpering and Kaoru slowly pulled back. "See, now...
you still love Shinya, right?"

Die nodded.

"But, you kissed back."

Die frowned. "But I don't want to do that. If.... if Shinya loves
me back, I want us to be true to each other! I want him to only want
me!" Die let out a troubled breath. "I want him to love me as much
as I love him."

"Have you told him this?" Die shook his head. "No? Then how do you
expect him to know?" Kaoru gave a reassuring smile. "Die.. you need
to talk to him about this or you're going to only have more trouble."

"Kaoru..." Die sat up slowly before hugging Kaoru. "I just don't
know anymore... what if he thinks I'm trying to control him?"

"He won't. If he truly loves you back, he'll understand."

"...what if... he doesn't love me..."

Kaoru hugged Die closer to his body. "Then it's best you found out
now."

***

"It only makes sense..." Toshiya mumbled to himself. He's with
Hakuei now..." he parked the car at the apartment and trudged
out. //How could you ever think he'd want you? You're a slut and he
deserves better than you.// Toshiya bit his lip and pressed the
button for the elevator. He walked in slowly and unconsciously
walked out at his floor. Mindlessly, he unlocked his door and came
in, dropping the keys and walking into his room to flop on the bed.
He blankly stared at the wall, his chest tightening, but his tears
dry.

***

Shinya stood up after his tears were wiped and he felt it was long
enough for the red and puffy eyes to return to normal. He walked
numbly back into the hospital and made his way up to the waiting
room. //Even though it hurts, I can't be away from him...// Shinya
didn't even notice Kyo running up to him until the smaller man caught
up and panted for breath. "Kyo?"

"Shin..." Kyo put a hand up as he caught his breath. "Shinya! Where
were you?"

Shinya smiled slightly. "I was just on a walk is all." Shinya
replied. //At least someone cares.//

The two of them made thier way back to Die's room, seeing Kaoru in a
chair next to it. "Are we not allowed in there?" Kyo asked,
pointing to Die's closed door.

Kaoru shook his head. "We're allowed, but..." Kaoru looked up to
Shinya. "He wants to talk to you."

"Me?"

Kaoru nodded and got up, grabbing Kyo's wrist. "Come on, Kyo. Let's
go out for lunch."

Kyo's eyes widened. "Lunch!" He got his wrist back and turned on
his cell phone, dailing Hakuei's number. Hakuei picked up after a
few rings. "Hakuei! Are you still at the hospital?"

"Yeap. You?"

"Yeah... anou, Kaoru wants to go to lunch, so, I'll just come over
tonight, okay?"

"Sure. Heh, I was going to call you to tell you I couldn't make it
anyway."

"Ah, so good for both of us! Well, I'm going to go now. Ja!"

"Ja."

Kyo put away his phone with a smile to Kaoru. "Okay, we can go now."

Kaoru nodded. "Okay Shinya, we'll see you later, okay?"

Shinya nodded, watching them leave before turning to Die's door. His
heart quickened as his hand hovered over the door handle. //He wants
to end it... I-I can't--// He turned to go, but the door opened and
Die stood wearily at the door.

"Don't go." He said.

Shinya froze.

Die's hand reached out and took Shinya's, pulling him slowly into the
room and closing the door before walking back to his bed and sitting
on it, still weak from his meds. Shinay stood stationary in the
doorway, afraid to move or speak. "Shinya, come sit near me." Die
requested and Shinya shakily walked along the wall toward Die,
sitting next to him nervously. Die looked at Shinya's troubled
face. //Does he feel guilty? Is he dreading something? What? Why
does he have to be so uneasy?// "Shinya?"

"Die, do you love me?" Shinya whispered, not willing to look at the
guitarist.

//He's asking ME?// Die stayed silent.

"I see..." Shinya said quietly, hanging his head more, causing his
hair to block his face from Die.

"Shinya--"

"I kind of figured out that you didn't love me... why else would you
have left?" Shinya's voice shook.

"Shinya, I didn't stay because I didn't want to be forced to share
you."

"So, you just want to possess me..." Shinya stood up, his head still
hanging down and Die saw a tear fall off of Shinya's face. "Die, I
can't be with you if... if you don't love me too."

"Shinya...."

"No! Die!" Shinya looked into Die's face, tears falling from his
eyes. "I-I have to go--Die! Let go!" Die had grabbed onto Shinya's
wrist and the drummer struggled to get away. "Let me go Die!"

"No." Die responded, pulling Shinya down into his lap, wrapping his
arms around the other man and holding him tightly. "Shinya..."

"Die, let me go." Shinya whimpered, crying too much to make himself
sound convincing.

"Shinya... why do you think that I don't love you?" Die began to
kiss at Shinya's neck. //Unless I love you too? Does that mean you
really love me, Shinya? Is Kaoru right?//

Shinya reflexively tilted his head to the side as Die's lips made
progress up his neck. "Because.... because you didn't want to stay
and... and..."

Die put up a hand and stroked Shinya's cheek, wiping away tears and
continuing his lip's slow caresses on the drummer's neck. "Shinya..."

"And.. and then when you woke up, you ignored me... like.. like I
wasn't even there.... and...." Shinya wrapped his arms around Die,
hugging the other tightly and choking back more tears as he buried
his face in the guitarist's neck. "And... you didn't say you did
when I just asked... Die...."

Die stroked Shinya's hair lightly. "Shin-chan... I love you... I
just wish you loved me as much as I love you."

Shinya pulled back slightly. "Die! What are you talking about? I
love you with all my heart!"

Die smiled slightly. "Demo... you know.. I want us to be like a real
couple, you know? Faithful and together always."

"...faithful? Die?" Shinya gave a watery smile. "You want
commitment?" Die nodded and Shinya hugged him tighter. "Die! I had
no idea!"

"Of course I do.. that's why with Toshiya... it hurt... it hurt so
bad..."

"Die.. is that why you were drunk?"

Die nodded.

Shinya pulled back a bit again, tears pricking at his eyes once
more. "So, it's my fault...."

Die shook his head. "No... I was stupid for thinking you'd know
already..."

"But Die--"

Die put a finger to Shinya's lips. "That's in the past... Shinya...
be with me? Only me?"

Shinya kissed Die's finger and nodded. "Of course."

"Ai shiteru..." Die smiled and shifted so they would both lay on the
bed in each other's arms.

Shinya snuggled into Die, sighing contently. "Ai shiteru... zutto
zutto zutto..."

***

Sap ::sticks finger down mouth and sticks out tongue:: it's icky~
C/c?
~Kurara

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