"You know…"

Toshiya looked at Shinya in disbelief, then he wondered how old he was already, not being able to take surprises as he used to…but then, he was not that bad. Not sagging or anything. He was sleeping with older men, three to four years older than him, and it was like a proof that he was the bomb. Old men fantasized about him, old men like Kaoru and Die…but then, he was only one year older than this walking talking thinking mannequin.

"Oh…"

Shinya blushed

"My first time…?"

The drummer nodded

"…"

Shinya put his pencil down and stared at Toshiya, waiting. The older man sighed and looked back at him, then smirk

"I’m not telling you…"

"Ma! Tell me ne…but I wanna know, ne, ne…" Shinya whined, which did not convince Toshiya at all coz it sounded so fake. Shinya could never whine, coz he’s not Toshiya. The basisst rolled his eyes and turned away. "I’m just not telling you!"

"But you have to! I want to know!"

"Why do you want to know anyway? Do you plan to sleep with somebody?!" Toshiya got up and asked him irritatedly, "If you’re not going to, there is no point of telling you eh?" he added. He could see Shinya’s expression changed and the drummer looked back at him irritatedly. "Just becoz I don’t wanna HAVE sex doesn’t mean I can’t ASK about it!" he replied the same way.

Toshiya pouted….he got a point, actually. There was a point in that.

"Hm…what do you want to know then? But I’m not telling you just as much as what you want to know!" Toshiya spoke slowly but added the end quickly, "Toshiya sama no experiences are very expensive and he needs more than just an over night stay…"

Shinya rolled his eyes

"When is your first time?"

…

Shinya waited

"Long time ago, actually" Toshiya chuckled embarrassed. He sighed and studied his fingers for a while, searching for words to express himself. "I was around sixteen, and I think…" he looked up and looked thoughtful (Totchi you horny little…can’t even remember his first time?!)

"What happened?"

"I was *giggles* in high school. My first time was with a girl…" he whispered. Shinya widened his eyes, "Eh?" he let out.

Toshiya blushed, "Yeah. And I remembered NOT liking it! I was so freaked out! I thought I was abnormal!" he hissed, fear appeared in his eyes. But it was the past. The fear was fake in those eyes now. He faked it to show Shinya what he meant. The drummer joined his eyebrows, "What do you mean? You’re okay with it now, but what’s with before?" he asked innocently.

The older guy blinked and smiled, "All my friends were talking about their experiences and they got everybody excited, but not me! I was scared, not being able to fit into the circle…" he trailed off, eyes shone sadness. He faked that one too. He wasn’t sad anymore, he thought it was silly to try to fit into a circle that he didn’t belong to in the first place. The drummer blinked back and nodded, "I know how that feels!" he exclaimed.

Toshiya gave him a look, "Yeah? Do you?"

Shinya fumed, "Yeah! It’s like, everybody talks about sex but I don’t! That’s why I ask you! I need to know, so I understand whatever Kyo and Die are saying!" he replied angrily. Toshiya looked at him in disbelief then laughed, "You’re so kawaii!" Shinya hit his arm playfully.

"So what happened? When did you realize you didn’t belong to that group?" the younger one tried to bring the subject back, and it worked. Toshiya sighed louder and looked up the ceiling, his back leaned on the couch.

"The second time I did it was with a boy"

"Hm…" Shinya made a noise

Toshiya smiled at the memory, "This time I remembered. I was on top, and was inside him ….you know" he turned to Shinya, "You know what I mean right? It’s when you have-"

"Hai! Hai!" Shinya replied hastily, "I know!" he blushed, "Just go on and if I don’t understand something I’ll stop you and ask!"

Toshiya giggled, ‘Yeah, so it felt so different, and I liked …I liked it when I looked down to the other …" he whispered, "Then I knew I was different. I knew straight away I didn’t belong to the circle, so I left"

Shinya smiled to him, "It’s so good you realized it soon"

Toshiya nodded, "So I joined the other one’s circle…"

"Hounto ni? So it’s cool ne!" Shinya gasped, excited. He liked it when thing went fine in the end. He had belief in those things. But Toshiya’s expression fell. His head hung down, his eyes darkened.

"Toshi kun…?" the drummer noticed and called his name worriedly.

Toshiya bit his lower lip lightly and played with his fingers, "Yeah, it’s cool. I joined his band…" the bassist uttered. With eyes widened, Shinya suppressed a gasp.

"We had fun, and I felt like…we were so good together. Then we did it, many times, again and again, and being with him didn’t make me feel…abnormal" he sighed and looked at Shinya. There was sadness, there was fear, and they were real, Shinya knew that. "Being with him, I felt different. I felt special…" he shook his head and ducked his head to a side, "He looked up to me, like I was the only one. I was so honored, he wouldn’t let anyone else touch him…." His voice shook a little in the end.

Shinya touched Toshiya’s shoulder

"But then he…went away…like….left me forever…" Toshiya felt his nose stung, his eyes hot. "I thought it was the end of the world…"

"Toshi kun…" Shinya mumbled

Toshiya suddenly snapped his head up, eyes all bright, "So what else you wanna ask?" he smiled seeing Shinya’s surprised face.

"Shinya, I’m so out of that already" he held Shinya’s hand and patted it few times, "It’s a memory to keep, but not to live with. I had put everything aside, and I’m sure he doesn’t want me to get stuck in there, for the rest of my life…" he gave an assuring smile.

The drummer blinked, and smiled back

"So when was the first time…." He blushed, "When you’re …the girl?" Shinya asked.

…

Toshiya looked at him

Shinya blinked, confused

Toshiya looked at his face, longer and longer

"…?"

"I’m not telling you" Toshiya stuck his tongue out.

Shinya gasped and unconsciously stomped his foot on the ground, "Demo…tell me!" he gave his best bratty pout. Toshiya giggled and made faces, "No, I’m not telling this one! Well, unless you tell me what you’re gonna do with all these information’s I’m telling you!" the basisst teased and pretended to shrug helplessly.

There’s gotta be something going on here! Nobody can asks around about sex then do NOTHING!

Ara, what to do?

"I just want to know…this is something I have never openly discussed before!" Shinya reasoned, sensibly. But to Toshiya, no. "Nani! Openly discussed?! Shinchan! What you’re doing right now is asking questions, NOT open discussion!" he snapped comically. The drummer pouted and snapped back, "Becoz you’re such an expert why can’t I just ask you?! I have no plan to have sex or anything! I just wanna know!"

Toshiya blinked and looked at Shinya, who flushed angrily and pursed his lips tight.

He was getting angry

He would whine to Die the next day…and Die would whine to him…Then Kyo would join in and Kaoru would wanna know what was going on….and things would dragged longer and longer…and Toshiya knew when it came to sex, the innocent one would win. Everybody would start asking what happened to Toshiya’s first time, and it wasn’t fun!!!! It’s too personal! Especially Die…

Toshiya sighed irritatedly and gave up

"Fine!"

Shinya smiled

Now who’s the brat?! Who’s bullying who?!

"When was it?" Shinya didn’t waste any time.

"Few years ago…" Toshiya replied half-heartedly

"…and?"

"*glares* anyway, it was an afternoon, and we talked and played around, until the evening we kissed…and-" he looked at Shinya, "Nani?!"

The drummer looked at him with eyes sending daggers, "Totchi kun, if I AM to have sex, I wanna be the girl"

Toshiya’s eyes widened

"I am just asking for some…tips" Shinya blushed a little

"Oh…" Toshiya muttered

"But you’re not helping either…can’t you treat this, just like the past, when I asked you about driving license?" Shinya asked him pleadingly. Toshiya fumed. With those innocent eyes, he couldn’t help feeling so mature, and so proud, …just like the time when Shinya asked about driving.

"What do you want to know..?" he softened a little, and he sounded a little bit more serious.

Shinya beamed at him

"What did you do?" he asked, leaning closer.

Toshiya bit his fingernail and shut his eyes, pondering…then he suddenly got up and walked towards the balcony. Shinya protested and followed behind the leggy beauty. As they reached there, Toshiya sighed and looked up the sky.

…

"…I was in his apartment, and we were doing somethings…" Toshiya began, his voice came like a whisper, and Shinya felt something…something different was going on…he had the feeling that this wouldn’t be one of those ‘sex talks’

"There was chemistry between us, I knew there was…"

Toshiya smiled and opened his eyes, then he turned to Shinya, "Do you know what chemistry is?" he asked. As he got no reply, Toshiya decided to explain briefly, "It’s the special feeling you have everytime you’re with a person…the closeness, sometimes it feels so warm…"

Shinya stared at Toshiya, amazed. He looked so calm, …

"Then we stared at each other for so long…" Toshiya smiled, "I turned away, of course. I was shy…" he chuckled, "But then he touched me, and it felt like heaven…but not really heaven…" he tried to explain but Toshiya couldn’t find the words.

"It felt as if you wanted more? It felt like heaven because it felt so good?" Shinya suddenly suggested.

Toshiya smiled and nodded

"But at the same time….it’s…forbidden? It’s…addictive?" the drummer added, unsure, "Like you want more? And how it was wrong…."

"Made it wrong! Yeah! I felt that it wasn’t right, so I turned away quickly…" Toshiya gasped excitedly and looked at Shinya, who was kind of learning fast.

Shinya smiled back

"But of course!" Toshiya rolled his eyes, "We did it anyway…we touched each other and kissed…"

The drummer chuckled, Toshiya blushed, "I remembered my heart, beating so fast against my chest! It was the first time after so long I was touched that way…" he pouted in shyness.

…

"When he touched more…and kissed more…" Toshiya stared up dreamingly and smiled, "I knew, Shinya. I knew he was the man…"

Shinya blinked

"Was the feeling really that strong?" he asked, innocently

Toshiya nodded, then he started to count the stars

"Did it hurt?" Shinya asked

Toshiya laughed

"H-hey! I mean, it’s your first time!!!" he defended himself and pouted cutely, "Tell me ne"

Toshiya gave a slow smile and looked at the drummer, "Yeah, it hurt" and laughed as Shinya’s eyes widened, "But you see….as I told you…" he stopped

"Pleasure doesn’t exist if there’s no pain…" the younger one muttered. Toshiya smiled and nodded strongly, "Yeah. Eventually, I felt….the sensation…" he whispered the last word. Shinya blinked and leaned closer

"Sensation?"

"Yeah!" Toshiya exclaimed, "You know…like spasms…it’s so painful that it became pleasure in the end!" Toshiya beamed to show Shinya the ‘sensation’

The drummer furrowed his eyebrows

"Hmph!"

Toshiya giggled uncontrollably at that and covered his mouth as Shinya glared hard

"Do you want me to teach you…Shinchan?" he asked boldly, eyebrow raised suggestively.

Shinya looked at him weirdly, "Teach what…?"

Toshiya’s expression fell and he bit his lip, "Baka!!! Teach you about the sensation!"

"……"

"Oh…" came a reply

"Ma…it’s easy ne….come here! Come here!" Toshiya giggled as he pulled Shinya’s hand and led him into the living room. The drummer protested but he wasn’t really mind, was he?

"Toshi kun…how are you going to teach me?!" Shinya moaned as they reached the sofa.

Toshiya looked at him, then looked around….thoughtfully

"Toshiya…"

Toshiya smiled then dragged Shinya to his bedroom. Shinya yelped at the sudden action and my! How surprised was the pretty innocent Shinchan to see Toshiya pulling him into the bathroom and started undoing his own pants!

"Toshiya !!!!!!!" Shinya yelped