Part 29

***

Toshiya locked the door behind him and took off his shoes. He yawned loudly and stretched his slender arms freely. As he walked pass the living room, Toshiya jumped and made a loud gasp. Kyo was there, sleeping with his head on Kirito's lap. The morning sunray peered through the closed curtains but it wasn't enough for the bassist to realize there were two figures there. 

"Ohayou…" Toshiya sighed and nodded to him. Kirito smiled and nodded back, greeting him nicely, "Ohayou Toshiya kun. I hope we don't scare you…" he chuckled. Toshiya rolled his eyes and threw himself on the couch next to the one occupied by the couple. He looked at the sleeping boy and smiled. Kyo was always looking so fragile without make up and piercings. Especially when he was asleep. Kyo would look like such an innocent child!

"Why is he sleeping here?" Toshiya asked, out of curiousity. The other guy laughed and brushed few strands of hair away from Kyo's face, "We were asleep, but then he woke up and woke me up" the pretty boy laughed and Kirito did the same, "Yeah, Kyo. So we talked and decided to stay up, …talking" the Pierrot vocalist looked at his lover dreamily. Toshiya blinked and looked at the couple. 

Not being able to sleep wasn't really something Kyo would do…now he even talked. Stayed up and talked…about the relationship?

Toshiya felt himself smiling unconsciously 

They looked so sweet together, protecting each other...

"You want some tea Toshiya kun? It's in the kitchen. I made some…" Kirito motioned an arm toward the kitchen. Toshiya smiled and thank him, "I think I'll go back to my room, I need sleep!" he yawned.

"Who told you to hang out so late?! And come back in the morning?!" 

Kirito laughed and Toshiya rolled his eyes. Kyo blinked and got up, rubbing his eyes. 

"Where did you go?! Don't tell me Shinya's place and composing?!" Kyo retorted, "You two suit each other so much these days, always having the girl talk!"

Toshiya stuck his tongue out, "None of your business!" then he got up and walked toward the kitchen, "Where is my tea?" he sang. Kyo stood up and rushed to the taller man, "Its MINE! Don't finish all!" he exclaimed. Toshiya was heard to be giggling and yelled back, "I already finish it! Nya nyanya nya nya!!!" 

Kirito laughed and followed the other two to the kitchen. When he entered, Toshiya was pouring tea to Kyo's mug and Kyo was staring at the flow with tongue sticking out. 

"Kyo, I'll go take a shower…" Kirito told him softly and Kyo flashed a grin. Toshiya sipped is tea, muttering, "Hentai!" 

"Shut up"

"Ecchi"

Kyo glared. But then as he suddenly remembered something, the singer raised an eyebrow and smiled innocently to the pretty taller man

Toshiya joined his eyebrows in suspicion

"Toshiya kun….aren't you supposed to hand in some homework to Kaoru san today?" Kyo smiled sweetly

Toshiya froze 

"SHIT!!!!!"

Kyo laughed like a maniac as Toshiya rushed to his room, swearing as he ran pass Kirito. The Pierrot singer joined his eyebrows and turned back to look at his koi, who slurped his tea soundly. Kirito shook his head and muttered "Little Devil…"

Kyo stuck his tongue out, placed the mug on the table and ran to his boyfriend. Kirito yelped as Kyo jumped to his back and climbed up to his shoulder

"Kyo!!!! You're heavy!" 

"Bleh…I wanna take shower too…"

>.<

*

Toshiya poured everything out from his backpack and scratched his head as his big brown eyes ran through the stuff scattered all over the bed. Keys, toys, toy gun, water bottle, more keys…rings, necklace….everything, but….where was the diskette?!!! The pretty boy gritted his teeth and started to run his slender fingers (-_-) around. But why was he so scared anyway? 

It's not the first time Toshiya panicked about his 'homework' and it's not the first time he's gonna get yelled by Kaoru.

Wait

Toshiya's scared…of Kaoru. Yes, he's scared Kaoru's gonna yell at him. He's scared Kaoru's gonna gave him -that- look. Despite being so calm mannered and 'cool' Kaoru was actually pretty scary when things were handed in late. 

But he's Toshiya! 

He's Totchi! 

Kaoru's Totchi!

No matter what he did, he's always forgiven! Toshiya always got away with things, because Kaoru would always let it go. Kaoru would say somethings but then he would knock Toshiya's head gently and pulled him close, …and then…

Toshiya took a deep breath, and sat on the bed

Then…then Kaoru would smile, …so gently he would embraced Toshiya and hugged him close. Toshiya would feel his warmth, and he would smile secretly, burying his face in Kaoru's hold, listening to the ever so calm heartbeat. Kaoru then would pulled away, and stared into his brown eyes…then he would smile, and said…Totchi…

Kaoru…

Toshiya lay on the bed, closed his eyes and touched his own lips gently

Kaoru's kisses…Kaoru's lips, Kaoru's touch…

Heaven…

Toshiya took a deep breath, then exhaled loudly. His long arms fell on the bed carelessly and Toshiya smiled. He didn't know what made him did it. How could all the memory came back…why did he think of Kaoru so differently...what made him do so? What made him so sentimental? Kaoru…Kaoru…all he thought of now…Kaoru. 

What a name…Kaoru…

Toshiya remembered how they first met, and how they first talked and how Toshiya had bowed to him in full respect. Kaoru had asked him to join the band, and Toshiya would never forget they way Kaoru had convinced everyone that the young boy would be their bassist. He remembered Shinya's doubtful face, remembered Die's curious looks and Kyo's indifferent expressions. 

But Kaoru had made them believe, that Toshiya would be the one…and the one, he is. 

Respect…yeah. Toshiya chuckled weakly, how could he forget that one? He respect Kaoru, …it's a feeling forgotten…Toshiya remembered how he had cried because the others remained the same. Shinya remained doubtful, showing his cold face; Die remained curious, asking different difficult questions, and Kyo said nothing. 

Kaoru, …though Kaoru smiled and talked to him Toshiya felt the distance. But when Toshiya cried in front of that man for the first time…Kaoru didn't laugh. Kaoru didn't say, 'Stop it. Men don't cry' Instead, Kaoru touched his cheeks so gently that Toshiya felt so shocked. The older man looked deeply into his eyes and chanted what Toshiya called Kaoru's mantra. Kaoru told him to cry….kaoru told him to pour all his emotions out, on his chest. 

Toshiya held his breath, recalling how it felt that time… when kaoru hugged him so tightly, telling him everything would be fine, chanting his name again and again…and again…

Totchi…

Everything will be better

We will be with you…we are one…

What you feel...is what we feel

Toshiya opened his eyes

Kaoru…

Kaoru …Kaoru…Kaoru…Kaoru…Kaoru…

*----*

Toshiya jumped and quickly got up the bed. The phone must had rung for quite sometime! He picked it up and answered hastily, "Moshi moshi…" he cleared his throat. There was a moment of silence from the other side and Toshiya was about to say something when a reply could be heard from the other side

"Totchi…?"

Toshiya felt his heart thumped and flush rushed up his cheeks

Shit…

"H…hai…?"

What is happening to me?!

"Are you okay?"

What a voice…

"H-hai! Daijyobu!" he faked a laugh and sat on his bed, trying to calm himself down.

Stop it Toshiya!

"Mm…" Kaoru muttered

Ne…please don't make that sound…

"Totchi…have you finished your home work?"

MOU!!!!! >.<

"A…ano…" Toshiya looked around, for the diskette, "Yeah! I have finished it! I saved everything in a diskette"

But I can't find it!

"Oh…" Kaoru chuckled, "But you sound like you have lost the diskette"

?! nani?!

Toshiya laughed nervously, "It's here with me!" Toshiya exclaimed, lying through his teeth, the way Kyo did in interviews. 

"You sure bout that?"

"Hai!"

There was another moment of silence, and it was so quiet that the only thing Toshiya could hear was Kaoru's breathing. 

Which reminded him…of the morning after he had with Kaoru. It was-

"Totchi…"

"Yeah?"

"You know the song that you wrote? The bass line?" Kaoru asked quietly. Toshiya smiled and answered "Yeah…why?"

"It's good" kaoru sounded as if he was smiling, "It's turning out better. Die had wrote his part, and I think it'll be a kakkoi song. All we need to do is putting everything together and ask Kyo to write his part. Then we can sit down and listen to it. Whatever is missing, you fill in the blanks okay?" 

Toshiya blinked, biting his lips, and replied, "Eh…but I wrote the bass line, so all of you can finish it off"

Kaoru sighed, "Totchi! It's your melody!" 

"But I can't do it! How if I make it sound ugly?!"

"Nothing is ugly!"

"But I can't do it!"

"You CAN!"

"I CAN'T do it alone! How if I screw up a tune?!"

"I'll be there!"

Toshiya held his breath

I'll be there

I'll be there

…

Toshiya smiled…yeah. Kaoru would be there…always…

"Totchi…?"

"Fine, okay then" he replied with smile

How could Toshiya forget this? Kaoru would definitely be there for him, as always. 

"Totchi…?"

"Hm?" Toshiya relaxed a little

There's a bit of sounds from the other side, and it sounded as if Kaoru was moving about. "What do you think of this melody?" 

Toshiya waited and listened carefully as Kaoru played a tune. He knew it was from the older man's acoustic guitar. He could imagine Kaoru's serene expression, his closed eyes, …

"How's it?"

Toshiya smiled to himself, "Kirei na…"

Kaoru paused for a long, long time. Toshiya felt that the older man wanted to say something, but Kaoru said nothing. 

"Kaoru…?" he asked uncertainly

There was no reply

"Kaoru? Are you still there?"

"Hai"

Toshiya sighed in relief, "So…" he tried to build a conversation, "What's that song about?" he asked cheerfully

Kaoru laughed

"Tell me ne…"

"…"

"Kaoru?"

"It's about something special" 

"Hounto ni? What is it?" Toshiya's eyes blinked curiously.

-----

Kaoru lay on the couch, his left hand played with his hair while the right one held the phone closer. 

The song…

"It's special" 

Toshiya fell silent, but then he asked again, "What kind of 'special' is special? Is it about yourself? Or maybe…someone special?"

Kaoru shook his head and smiled, "Totchi, you're asking too much question"

"Mou…"

"Ne, I'll pass this to Die, we have worked on the guitar part, and Totchi?"

……

"Yeah…?" he whispered. 

-----

"For this song, … listen to it carefully…onegai"

Kaoru's begging me?!

"For this song…make it beautiful, the way you said kirei na just now…" Kaoru whispered, softer and softer

Kaoru?

"I love…" kaoru muttered

…

Toshiya opened his eyes, his heartbeat fastened

…

"…I love this song…very much" Kaoru continued

Toshiya nodded

"This is a very special song…write a beautiful bass line…please"

The bassist smiled and replied, 

"Hai"

"You will?"

"Hai. I will. I will, Kaoru kun"

…

"Thank you"

…

"Totchi?"

"Hai?!" Toshiya replied quickly

"I'll pass the score sheets later, and…you can give me your diskette …at ten? Rehearsal room?" Kaoru sounded as normal as usual now. 

Toshiya winced

The diskette

"Ano, hai…I guess I see you later" he scratched his head, pouting.

"Ja"

"Bye"

*click*

Toshiya placed the phone on the table and threw himself on the bed

What made him so emotional right now? He wanted to cry just by listening to Kaoru's voice…it was as if he could feel how special that song to Kaoru. 

What was the song about? Special….how special?!

Toshiya wanted to know, he's dying to know! He wanted to know Kaoru's thoughts, he wanted to know Kaoru's feelings….whatever Kaoru felt…

…

Toshiya stared at the ceiling, 

with the stars…stars up the 'sky'…

The stars were so beautiful, so beautiful…silver, with a tinge of blue, …so many of them spread unevenly in the sky. And Toshiya felt as if he was willing to spend the rest of his life just merely staring at them. 

The stars were like him, …pretty, silver…bluish, sparkling in the cold, dark sky. 

But something was not there

….

Toshiya pouted, staring at the ceiling hatefully. He, again, realized. Though the stars sparkled, they didn't glitter the way he wanted them to be. 

So the stars were him, and the sparkles were his life…it did not glitter, his life did not glitter the way he wanted it to be. 

Something was not right…

Not everything glittered

Toshiya bit his lip, hatefully he stared at the disappearing stars

"Why…why don't you glitter…why don't you…shine?" he whimpered and Toshiya started to sob

It was so painful, it's painful…it hurt so much

"Tell me…"

Toshiya wrapped his own body with his arms and curved into a ball. He began to cry shamelessly, feeling cold and lonely at the same time. 

"Why can't you glitter…

…why can't you …shine…?"

…

***

to be continued...