Part 32

***

He couldn’t believe the alarm clock beeped annoyingly, breaking the silence of that peaceful morning. So he growled and reached out for the damned thing and shut it up. Toshiya then glanced at the clock and widened his eyes because, shit! He’s late! Therefore he rushed out the bed, ran to bathroom, brushed his teeth while taking shower and dried himself. He went out and opened his closet, and grabbed some shirt and jeans and put them on hastily.

Toshiya zipped his jeans and rushed back to the bathroom, staring at the mirror, Toshiya stopped.

Toshiya blinked and looked at his own reflection. He had that dream again, about his father. They met and his father had asked him questions about life and happiness.

Toshiya took a deep breath

Then he woke up.

Toshiya sighed and pouted. What kind of dream was it?

Toshiya put on make up and stained lip-gloss on his pouty lips. Then he brushed his hair and sprayed his favorite perfume. And off he goes to the door, to the studio, to do recording…

To see Kaoru

*

Kaoru looked at his watch and fumed, two hours late

“Kaoru san, should we start now? Everything is ready, we have set up the-”

“Hai. But he hasn’t arrived yet” Kaoru looked up and a woman appeared, “Should I keep these files then? We have appointments with the guys from FRAKE. They have finished designing for the CD cover, and we have to confirm” Emiko stated firmly. Kaoru sighed and nodded, “Hai, I know. Thank you for reminding me, Kakechi san. But we can’t do anything without Totchi here”

The woman smiled

Kaoru joined his eyebrows, “Oh, get out of here!” he hushed and Emiko laughed. Kaoru smiled as she walked out the room.

All the sudden, the door slammed open but there was no body in sight. Few technicians joined their eyebrows and looked at Kaoru confusedly when a woman shrieked followed by few noises and they could see papers flying in the air. Kaoru hid his smile and pretended to not to know anything. But he did. That was probably a late, therefore careless and blind Totchi bumping Emiko causing all the files she carried scattered everywhere.

Few seconds later, after all the commotion outside, Toshiya walked in quietly with blushing cheeks. The guys groaned and went back to work while Kaoru raised an eyebrow and looked at Totchi.

“O-ohayou…” Toshiya mumbled and threw himself on the couch.

Kaoru eyed him funnily, “Konnichiwa”

Toshiya gave a pout

“Come on” Kaoru got up, pulling Toshiya with him, “We have to be quick”

Toshiya bit his lip

“Gomen”

Kaoru smiled

*

Die opened the fridge and took out a bottle of milk. He stretched his arms and yawned loudly. He hadn’t slept so well for so long! And now he felt so good, so fresh. The red head smiled and opened the bottle and poured out half of its content in a glass. Then he placed the toast on a small plate and carried them toward his bedroom. Die opened the door and walked in with a smile on his face.

“OHAYOU!!!!!” he shouted

…

Die gasped as he barely ducked away from a flying pillow.

“Get Out!!! DON’T Yell at ME!!!!”

“Come on! Wake up! It’s not even ohayou anymore!!!” Die cooed, walking slowly toward the bed and placed the glass and plate on the small table beside it. The person on the bed peered underneath the blanket. Then the pretty eyes blinked confusedly. The red head smiled and sat on the bed, waiting.

“Is…is that for me?”

“No, it’s for me, of course! It’s for you! I made you breakfast, no, lunch!” Die pulled the blanket down slowly.

Shinya sat up and looked at Die, “Hounto? With Nutella?” he asked

Die laughed and reached out for the glass, “Hai. Drink milk”

Shinya wrinkled his nose, “Iie”

“Yes!!! Drink!!!” Die pushed and grabbed Shinya’s arm, “Gyah!!! What are you doing?!!” the drummer yelped.

“Shinchan!!! I made this for you, but you didn’t appreciate it at all!” Die sounded hurt and pretended to look hurt. Shinya blinked and looked at Die, feeling guilty. The guitarist actually looked shoo hurt! But he couldn’t push Shinya to do whatever he didn’t want to right?

It was Die who told Kaoru that there was no way Shinya would be able to rest with Kyo shouting his heart out in the other room. So Kaoru thought it was a good idea to bring Shinya home to Die’s place and last night they had slept so well! Shinya had to admit he hadn’t had such a good night sleep for weeks! And now, there Die was, holding a glass of milk and looking so hurt…

“Fine…fine…give me the milk” Shinya pouted and took the glass from the older man. Die smiled and watched as Shinya took few sips and handed him the plate, “After you eat, take a shower. Just take any towel and any clothes from the closet, but not my favorite stuff okay?” the red head stated while drawing the curtains open. Shinya shut his eyes as the rays pained his eyes.

…

“Die?”

“Hm?”

Shinya placed the stuff on the table and rubbed his eyes

Die looked at him

Shinya, on his bed, wearing his pajama, white in color…

So pure, so …fresh…so innocent

“Why did you want a kiss last night?”

Die widened his eyes

*

“Kaoru look I finish!”

Kaoru turned his head around and gasped in disbelief, “Kyo! What are you doing here?” he asked. Kyo glared at Kaoru’s stupid face and looked at Toshiya, who was making faces to him. Kyo joined his eyebrows and shut his eyes. Then he opened them again, “I finished this song. It’s perfect!!!” Kyo exclaimed so happily. Kaoru raised his eyebrows and took a look. Toshiya got up from the other side of the room.

“No, Totchi! Stay! You’re still in the process!”

MOU!!! >.<

“Let me see…oh! This song!!! …” Kaoru smiled, “KR Cube?”

“Yeah! It’s the weird noises, you know…krrrkrrrkrrrkrrrkrrrrrrr….” Kyo grinned stupidly.

Kaoru grinned back, “Cool! We have to start this one then!” Kaoru placed the file on the desk and smiled. Kyo looked at Toshiya, “So what are you doing?”

“Ah, the song…” Kaoru muttered

Kyo looked at him, “Oh”

Kaoru nodded

“I haven’t finished”

“It’s okay”

“Will it be our next single? Your song?”

Kaoru looked at kyo, and sighed, “Hm. Due to deadlines, maybe this song…” Kaoru pointed at the file, “…will go first. But if we have time….it’d be lovely”

Kyo nodded and looked up at Toshiya, who was playing his bass alone. Then he looked at Kaoru, who was staring at Toshiya.

Kyo then glanced at the file

…

*

Die touched his own chin and looked out the window

“Last night…”

Shinya nodded and looked at him, waiting patiently.

“Why…” Die shrugged, “It’s just one of those kisses…” he chuckled and looked at the younger man.

“Die kun…it’s not” Shinya muttered and his eyes followed as the older man walked toward the bed, then Die sat in front of him and bit his own lip, “Shinya, I don’t see what you mean. Like, we kiss, sometimes”

Shinya looked at Die, “We rarely do these days” he spoke quietly

The red head looked at him for a long time, then he replied, “Yeah…I know”

…

“Last night …what happened Die kun?” Shinya asked carefully, after a long pause.

…

Die looked away and gave a tiny smile, “There’s nothing”

Shinya joined his eyebrows and pouted a little, “The kiss, I feel it’s so different from one of those we had!” he looked at Die. “It’s just so different, there is something else, like a feeling…do you have any problems?”

The red head shook his head strongly, “Iie. Nothing, Shinya”

“Demo-”

“Nothing!! Shinya, it’s just a kiss! I kiss you, so what! That’s it!” Die raised his voice a little, but then he covered his mouth and looked down, “You know…it’s…like one of those ones we had”

Shinya raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms, “Hounto? You mean like the ones when I kissed you?”

Die looked at Shinya, “Huh?”

The drummer pouted, “Yeah! You never kiss me!”

“I do! I DID!!!”

“NO! It’s always me kissing you! That’s how I know something is going on, Die! Or else…” the drummer looked at him, “Nah, come on. You never kiss me” Shinya smiled

Die bit his lip, “Well…”

“You always threaten to kiss me but you never do!” Shinya poked

“Ah! W-Why do I have to do whatever I say?! I mean…I can speak without action!” Die defended himself with crimson cheeks, “Right?”

Shinya looked at Die for a long, long time.

“Die kun…you’re not a man”

Die widened his eyes

“If you have any problem…then just tell me! Maybe I can help!”

Die stared into space

“I mean, I’m your band mate Die kun…we share few kisses sometimes. We’re friends!”

Die turned to look at Shinya and blinked confusedly. The younger man bit his lip and touched Die’s cheek. The red head blinked and looked into Shinya’s eyes, and all the sudden…everything hit him.

“…?”

…

Die looked away in disbelief

“What-what have I done?!” he exclaimed

Shinya blinked in surprise

“What...what…” Die shook his head and covered his face, “Kami sama…” the red head got up and started to walk around the room, “What have I done?!” he whispered frantically. Shinya’s eyes followed wherever he moved and the younger one kept asking about what the hell was going on but there was no reply.

It was such a big mistake!

Shinya got up the bed and walked toward Die, “Die kun?” he asked and held Die’s arms. He peeled Die’s hands that covered his face and looked into his eyes.

“Die kun…” he mouthed and wrapped his arms around Die. The red head hugged back and placed his forehead on Shinya’s shoulder. He was shaking so much.

Shinya sighed and patted Die’s back

“It’s alright Die kun…”

Shinya shut his eyes

*

“Yes, I like this one better” Toshiya pointed at a design on the table and Kyo peered. The FRAKE guys were showing them the cover designs of their up coming album and Kaoru was telling them roughly what he wanted it to be like. Kyo picked the paper up and nodded, “Ne, this one has the dark feeling. This is a good one!” he commented and showed Kaoru, who studied it for a long time.

“We can put that on the cover, and for the first press release, why don’t we do something very unique? Ethnic?” Yoda from FRAKE guys suggested. Toshiya gasped and took the design from him, “Hey! Tell us what this is about!” he asked excitedly.

“We can craft the CD case, something similar to the design. Then maybe…” the man touched his chin and Kaoru widened his eyes, “Something ethnic, that goes with the opening song. Deity, Kyo. Come on, give us an idea” he looked at the vocalist.

“Something ethnic…” Kyo murmured, “Like black CD case…”

“But then we can’t see the cover” Die interrupted

Toshiya nodded, and Shinya took the papers from Kaoru. It was such a sudden moves that everyone turned to him. The drummer, not noticing, studied the design. Then he spoke, “The drawings are so curvy, the lines are so dilating. Maybe we should put…hm…something round” he stopped and giggled, “Nah, such a weird idea!” Shinya blushed at his own suggestion.

Kaoru smiled at the baby and Die poked his baby’s head

“No, actually. We can put…beadings?” Toshiya asked aloud. The red head guitarist sat up, “Oh, like the ones I wore last time?”

“No, like Yoshiki san” Shinya replied.

Kaoru looked at Shinya weirdly, “Shinya, those are pearls. We want something ethnic and dark, that goes along with ‘macabre’”

Shinya pouted

Sakurai from FRAKE clapped his hands, “We can use beads, dark beads….” He smiled.

“Wooden ones. Not one of those pearly, fake shiny pearls” Kyo trailed. Die nodded and smile, “Quite a good idea”

“Size? How about the size? It has to be small or else-” Toshiya looked at Kaoru, who bit his lip and suddenly smiled, “I have a good one. Why not make five beads? We’re five, five members of Dir en grey” he smiled to everyone. Sakurai laughed and scribbled down some stuff, “Yeah. Okay. So thick CD case, crafts on both sides. Take a good look so if there’re any changes you want to make, we can contact Matsuyama san as soon as possible”

The boys nodded

*

“Everyone going home?” Kaoru looked at his band mates. Toshiya yawned and nodded to him, packing his bass. Die smiled and woke Kyo up. Shinya took off his gloves and nodded to Kaoru, starting to pack. The purple head himself was ready to go home. Kyo stood up and pouted, “Totchi, wanna go home together? You drive?” he asked sleepily. Die laughed, “You trust Totchi eh?”

Toshiya pouted, “Of course! Kyo doesn’t trust himself”

“Kyo ko might fall asleep while driving” Shinya spoke firmly walking pass Kyo, Die and Toshiya. The vocalist glared, “Don’t call me that!!!” he hissed. The drummer stuck his tongue out and walked toward the door. He stood beside Kaoru and looked back at them. Kaoru laughed and shook his head, “No wonder he so wanted you to stay here the other night. You can’t blame him from taking revenge”

Shinya pouted at Kaoru, while the older man stared at him. The drummer then smiled and Kaoru smiled back.

Kyo blinked

Die didn’t say anything

Toshiya yawned, “Ohhh, can we go already?” he spoke in between yawns. Kyo rolled his eyes and pulled his long arm, “Let’s go then. Bye bye people, see ya tomorrow” Toshiya looked at Shinya, “Wanna come along? Can drive you home…” he offered and Shinya nodded, “Good night Kaoru kun, Die kun…” Shinya looked at Kaoru and then fixed his eyes on Die. The red head took a deep breath and smiled.

Shinya smiled back

“Oyasumi…” Die murmured.

The three younger ones walked out the room and Kaoru sighed, “It’s a tiring day, Die. Go home”

The red head looked at the carpeted floor

“…?”

Die walked closer to Kaoru, and stood in front of him

Kaoru smiled in confusion, “Yeah?”

Die looked up and stared at Kaoru

(Oh no…Die you can’t!)

“Die, are you okay? Are you-”

“Kaoru I need to talk to you” Die stated firmly, but he didn’t look firm. Kaoru joined his eyebrows and nodded. Then he placed his bag on the floor and sat down, pulling Die’s arm with him. “Okay. We talk”

The red head bit his lower lip, with his eyes shut he took a deep breath.

…

“Kaoru…that night over your place…” Die started. Kaoru parted his lips in realization and nodded knowingly.

“Why?”

Die turned to look at him,

“It was not my first time with a guy”

First, Kaoru had no expression on his face. But then he chuckled, to Die’s surprise.

“I could tell Die”

“How come?”

“You’re aggressive, not timid. You’re too eager, it couldn’t be your very first time with a guy” Kaoru smiled

Die would have blushed with that comment but instead he felt so nervous, his fingers were shaking.

“I mean, it’s my first time to be…you know, but…it’s not my first time to be with a guy. Kaoru… I- I feel that I should have told you.”

Kaoru shook his head, “Not at all” he looked at Die and touched his arm, “It’s your personal life, I don’t want to touch that subject. Too personal. You don’t have to tell me anything, not at all! I don’t expect you to tell me that…it wasn’t your first time” Kaoru stated calmly, followed by a good-natured laugh.

The red head widened his eyes

“I just want us to have that memory…and still become good friends” Kaoru smiled

Die blinked and bit his lip

What had he done?

The red head covered his face with his big palms.

What had he done?

“Die…are you alright?”

…

Betraying a friend, wasn’t his fault, he knew but it felt like his fault.

“Kaoru…”

“Yeah?” kaoru titled his head so he could have a look at Die

“I…I…” Die squeezed his eyes, and he could almost feel tears…like wet. His eyes were wet

His heart was wrenched

Dare not to look at the older man, he continued, “Don’t you want to know…who…?” it came almost like a whisper. There was nothing coming from kaoru, so he lifted his eyes up and fearfully stole a glance.

There was no expression on Kaoru’s face

Nothing at all

Then he realized that Kaoru was actually staring at him intensely, deeply into his eyes, studying his expression, his behavior…

“No”

Kaoru finally replied

Die gasped, “But…why?” he asked helplessly.

Kaoru turned away, and stood up. He put his right hand in his pocket, and walked few steps away from the couch. Die’s eyes followed.

“Because I knew”

Die widened his eyes and stood up quickly, “All along?!!” he asked aloud

Kaoru turned back, and smiled.

“No”

The red head stared at him, “Then…since when?”

Kaoru took a deep breath, “Two minutes ago, with all the nervousness and awkward silence it’s a little too obvious, Die” he replied with a smile. A chill smile, as usual.

The red head shook his head, “Kaoru, I’m sorry! I didn’t know what I was doing…I-”

Kaoru shook his head and chuckled, “There’s nothing to be sorry about! Die, what are you talking about?!” the purple head approached him and held his shoulders, “Not your fault! You’re probably curious, wanting to know. It’s human nature. Don’t say sorry to me!” he tightened his hold, “Okay?” he looked at the younger one’s eyes.

Die looked up, and nodded

Kaoru smiled

“Nah, go home Die. Don’t think about this anymore. This is fine, nothing is wrong….” Kaoru gave him a gentle push, and picked up his own bag from the floor, “Okay?”

The red head smiled and blushed a little, “Yeah”

Kaoru slapped his butt and shoved him out the door. Die protested but laughed as he heard Kaoru laughing. Then he said his goodnights and disappeared into the darkness of the night. Few minutes later, the sound of motorbike (kay, dunno if Die even knows how to ride one but hey, this is fic! L7) could be heard. He smiled to himself and walked toward the car park. The wind was chill and he tightened the thick jacket he was wearing.

Kaoru stopped, lit a cigarette, and took a long, very long drag.

The purple haired man looked around the surroundings, so quiet, peaceful, so intense.

Then he looked up the sky

Kaoru blinked

So dark, there was no moon, no stars…only clouds, dark clouds all over the sky, everywhere

Kaoru could see no moon, nor stars

So he took another long drag of his stick, and slowly walked toward the car park.

***

Prepare Kleenex, Sakura.

Lady7

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***

to be continued...