Part 33

“Good night shinchan! Be a good boy, don’t do whatever I won’t do!” Toshiya exclaimed from the car, laughing at Shinya, who stuck his tongue out, “Then that’s almost nothing I can’t do!” the drummer exclaimed and waved his hand. Toshiya waved back and poked Kyo’s nose. The vocalist grunted, opened his eyes and waved his hand slightly, “Oyasumi…” he muttered and went back to sleep.

Toshiya laughed and waited until Shinya went into the building

“Kyo, shinya is real kawaii eh?” Toshiya asked, making a U turn.

“…sleep”

Toshiya rolled his eyes and turned on the radio

“Hey, I’m hungry!” Kyo opened his eyes and sat up straight. Toshiya widened his eyes, “Hungry? What time is it now?” he looked at his watch, “Hm….too late for supper, too early for breakfast” he stated unsurely, “But we can grab something and go home and eat it. Is it okay?” he asked the smaller guy, who nodded. “I want Chinese food. Die bought some stuff from the restaurant near his place, can we go there?” Kyo asked

“Ma, it’s definitely close!”

“Iie! Just try!” Kyo insisted, so Toshiya sighed made another U turn

Kyo grinned and went back to sleep

Toshiya blinked and tried to concentrate but there was something in his mind

Die

Sex

First time

Shinya

Kaoru

Kaoru

Kaoru

Kaoru

Kaoru

Toshiya cursed inward and bit his lip

*

Shinya dried himself up with a huge towel and walked to the back of the door for his pajamas. Then he put them on and walked toward the sink to brush his teeth. After that, Shinya cleansed his face and brushed his hair. Same old routine he always did before getting to sleep. But tonight, he felt different.

Shinya stared at his own reflection in the mirror

Shinya, he was looking at Shinya

But this Shinya seemed different from the Shinya he knew. This Shinya was excited, this Shinya was thrilled, this Shinya…was unusual

This Shinya…felt sexy

*

“Hmmm, this is really nice!” Kyo licked his chopsticks and his lips, while Toshiya sipped his tea, “Yeah. And thanks for making me feel fat!” he looked down to his tummy, who was as flat as a washboard but of course, like any girl would say, ‘I knew nothing was perfect but I wanna very flat tummy instead of my already just-flat tummy’

Kyo glanced at him and rolled his eyes, “Quit it, Totchi. You’re skinny”

“I feel like I’ve put on weight. Am I fat now?!” he asked

“Yes, so fat. I think you put on at least five kg” Kyo replied absent-mindedly

Toshiya threw his chopstick to Kyo, who ducked away sleepily

“As long as you’re NOT as fat as Shinya Luna Sea (gomen) or as skinny as Shinya Dir en grey, it’s already enough” Kyo’s tone was flat, as flat as Toshiya’s tummy. The bassist chuckled. Kyo continued, “And you’re tall, so tall that you look thinner than your actually size. Me, I don’t put on weight, but I’m still as chubby as ever, cuz apparently, my baby fat is permanent!” he hissed and Toshiya laughed. “Die also loses a lot of weight, since that scary diet …he’s starting to look like Shinya” he added.

“Kyo….” He shook his head

“Kaoru lost weight”

Toshiya stopped and blinked

“He’s losing some weight, I notice. Maybe he works too hard, maybe he stays up so late every night” Kyo shook his head, “We’re so lucky to have Kaoru, don’t you think?” he looked at Toshiya, who was so quiet all the sudden. “I mean, I know everybody works so hard. But Kaoru, he brings us together. If we didn’t have him we’d only be slack ass, bumming everywhere. Don’t you think?” Kyo laughed, imagining his band mates slacking their ass in the studio, complete bummers.

Toshiya looked at Kyo, quietly

“Eh, Kyo”

“Hm?”

“How’s Kirito?”

Kyo raised an eyebrow, and smiled. “He’s fine. Thanks to you, telltale for my amazing sex life” Kyo threw him a cushion. Toshiya chuckled, and something slipped into his mind. Something he had been thinking of.

“Kyo…”

“Nani?” Kyo replied lazily

“Hm…what do you think of sex?” Toshiya asked.

Kyo widened his eyes, smiled weirdly and turned to look at the younger one

“Why do you ask?”

Toshiya shrugged, “Just curious. We have never talked about it before” he reasoned

Kyo nodded in realization, “Yeah. It’s true” he chuckled and sat up.

“So…?”

“Well” Kyo laughed, “Sex is important once you know how it feels. I mean, if you have never had sex before, will you know how it feels?” he asked and Toshiya shook his head. “Exactly, after you experienced it you knew how good it felt, you wanted more and more right?”

Toshiya nodded

“I’m not saying I’m addicted to sex. It’s just that…once you have it, you can never get away” Kyo spoke firmly, gazing into space.

…

Toshiya coughed

“So…care to share your first time?” the bassist put up a curious look

Kyo bit his lip

“Nani…?”

toshiya giggled, “Come on, Kyo!!!”

Kyo rolled his eyes, “I’ve told you! A girl in high school, she thought I was so kakkoi skipping school!” Kyo was so embarrassed that he blushed. Toshiya smiled and looked at Kyo’s crimson face, “How bout guys? When was it again?” he asked, trying to remember.

“Indies, with my first boyfriend” Kyo muttered with a pout, “It’s nothing serious. We were fooling around, I was curious…so there”

Toshiya nodded

“You…your first time…” Kyo trailed off, smiling, “It’s amazing, your first time, it came to me like a tidal wave!” Kyo pouted while Toshiya gave a tiny smile.

“Kyo…do you think first time is very special?”

“What do you mean?”

Toshiya thought hard, trying to find words, “As in, like some people. They don’t really care about their first time. It’s just one of those things that happen in life. It’s not worth thinking, while some others think it’s so special that the first person they had sex with would always be placed on a pedestal” Toshiya looked at Kyo, “Which one are you?” he asked.

Kyo nodded, “Hm. I think it’s part of life. There’s first time to everything. So having sex for the first time is…no big deal!” Kyo replied, “But at the same time, some people were taught that sex was very sacred, very important. You only do it when you feel it’s really right”

“Which one are you then? The first one?”

Kyo made no reply

“Do you treasured your first time? Do you…do you treat him as the precious one?” Toshiya asked, staring at Kyo’s face, trying to get the answer. The smaller guy blinked, thought for a while then looked at him, “Do I put him on a pedestal? The answer is…no” Kyo stated firmly.

Toshiya blinked and looked away, “So you won’t fall in…love….just becuz he’s your first one?” he asked hesitantly.

Kyo joined his eyebrows

“Totchi…what are you thinking of?”

Toshiya blinked and shrugged, “Nothing!” he answered in fake cheerfulness. “I was only wondering. I have a friend who falls in love with his cousin becuz he’s his first time” he lied through his teeth. Kyo looked at him weirdly, but then he nodded, “Yeah. That’s some people…” he replied. Kyo looked at Toshiya for a long time, and was thinking. First time was always special…it’s like giving himself to a person, letting a person be in him.

The why did he lie?

Becuz he knew Toshiya listened to him sometimes, and just be cuz HE thought his first boyfriend was precious that didn’t mean Toshiya should put the first guy he had sex with on a pedestal. He didn’t want Toshiya to fall…in love. Yes, Totchi actually said that word. Love.

Toshiya did say LOVE

He didn’t want Toshiya to fall in love just becuz that person was Toshiya’s first time.

It felt like as if Toshiya was forcing himself to love that person.

“I think it’s …foolish to be so biased” Kyo continued

Toshiya looked up

“Just becuz he took your virginity away, that doesn’t mean you should stop there and fall in love. Life must go on! Love comes slowly, not as soon as you had sex”

…

Kyo saw his band mate, so quiet and so deep into his thought. And then he felt guilty. Why lied to Toshiya? He’s a young man now, he could make his own decision. The last thing Toshiya needed was somebody who tried to act mature and protected him. Kyo was only a good friend, a flat mate, a band mate. He had no right to determine Toshiya’s decision. So he touched Toshiya’s shoulders, and looked deeply into his eyes.

“Totchi…”

Toshiya blinked in confusion

“Follow your heart”

*

Love…

*

Toshiya stared at the ceiling above, what he did when he was confused and couldn’t sleep at night

Follow his heart, how was he supposed to do that if he didn’t even know what his heart wanted?

One thing Toshiya knew, Kyo was right. About the bias, about the first time. Toshiya shouldn’t put Kaoru on a pedestal just because he was Toshiya’s first time. He didn’t have to fall in love with Kaoru just because Kaoru showed him the world.

But

How if, it’s real? How if the feeling he’s having right now, toward kaoru, could be real love? How if it’s not just biased love? How if the ‘love’ was real? How if the feelings were pure?

Toshiya smiled to himself and pulled his blanket higher.

Tomorrow he had to wake up early

***

to be continued...