***

Kaoru yawned, "Hm...I'm so tired"

"Getting old?" Kaoru turned and Shinya smiled. Kaoru smiled back and shook his head, "Hm!"

"Have you, talked to Totchi?" Shinya asked carefully. Kaoru rolled his eyes, turned away and shook his head again, "No...And I'm not gonna talk to him about anything"

"Demo..."

"No...say Shinya, why don't we go out for a drink?" Kaoru offered, trying to change subject.

"Okay..."

*

"Hey Die, what are you doing here?" Toshiya walked out his room and went to kitchen and came back with a glass of apple juice. Die looked away, "Eh...n..." he replied. Toshiya looked at him weirdly and sat next to him.

"Are you okay? Why all speechless? Fight with her?" Toshiya asked, concernedly.

"He broke up with her weeks ago, why so outdated Toshiya?" Kyo spoke aloud, walked to kitchen and came back with a glass of something. The basisst glared at him, "How do I know? I'm not really interested in Die's personal life coz it's soooo boring!"

"What do you mean?" Die pouted

"yeah! So how many Jrockers have you bedded?" Toshiya asked.

Die blushed and Kyo laughed

"That's why Anji's personal life is sooooo interesting! She has whole lots of stories to tell, and it's just so funny!" Toshiya grinned and took few sips of his juice. Die shrugged and drank his tea.

"Die wants to sleep with you..." Kyo suddenly spoke.

Toshiya burst his juice out (H-H) while Die chocked.

"NANI?!!!" Toshiya's jaw dropped, staring at Die, who turned very red.

"You...you- oh! You 're gay now?!" Toshiya asked in disbelief, "Oh Diekun!!!" Toshiya rushed to his side, while Kyo held back laughter. "I'm sooo happy for you! welcome to the club!" the pretty one grinned and kissed Die's cheek. The red head yelped and moved away, "No!!! no!!"

...

Toshiya looked at him, "Is it true?"

Die looked back.

Kyo fell silent.

*

"Say...how about another glass?" Kaoru hissed, pointing a finger (no, not THE finger) up to a waiter. Shinya sighed and cluctched the empty glass in his hand, "Hai..." he slurred.

"Good boy...here you go!" Kaoru spoke as the waiter placed a full glass in front of the younger man. Shinya nodded and took few sips. The guitarist sighed and looked around. "So peaceful today, nobody around..." The drummer looked around, "Becoz it's tuesday and everyone is working"

...

"Shinya, ..."

"Hm??"

...

"I feel very depress" Kaoru whispered, very softly that Shinya didn't hear. But he didn't expect Shinys to hear that anyway.

Shinya placed his head on the bar then rolled it to Kaoru's side.

"leader-sama..."

"Hai...?"

"What is sex?"

Kaoru blinked, put his glass down then stared at Shinya.

"Are you okay Shin-kun? Few glasses and you're already drunk??" Kaoru sighed, laughing. Shinya pouted and scratched his head, "No....just tipsy..." he whined. The older man laughed and patted his head, "Come on Shinya, ..."

...

Kaoru looked up, staring at the bottles in display behind the bar. He had a smile on his face, his eyes wandered away from his body and his expression was calm (like the old pic with him in a bar-L7) Then he blinked for a quick second and parted his lips.

"Sex is something you do when you need to let go of yourself..."

Shinya opened his eyes

"Sex is about want, but it's more about need"

Kaoru stopped, his eyes were still staring at the sparkling display background. Shinya looked up at him and blinked.

"Let go of ...myself?" he asked, innocently.

Kaoru took a deep breath, "Yeah..." he replied.

"You mean, everybody wants sex?"

"Hai....everybody, Shinkun" Kaoru smiled, "And once they get it, they want more...and at one point, they don't want but NEED it..."

Shinya sighed, "What's the difference between that?!" he asked himself, confused. Kaoru patted his head,

"Very different!" he chuckled, "You'll be trapped if you -need- sex"

"So it's a bad thing?"

"No...not always..."

...

Shinya looked at his glass, thinking.

"Let go of myself...when I'm depress. I want it, have it, want more, then need it" Shinya murmured to himself, but then his eyes brightened and Shinya straightened his back, "That's like alcohol ne?!" he asked Kaoru. The older man raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah...slightly"

"Hm...so it's actually one simple thing!" Shinya concluded.

"No...not at all" Kaoru suddenly whispered. This time the drummer noticed, so he asked.

"What do you mean?"

Kaoru took a deep breath, "Alcohol is about you and the drink" he pointed at the glass, "Sex is about you, your want, your need and the person you have sex with" Kaoru touched Shinya's cheek.

"It's about the world, -your- world, and everything that exists in it" he stroke Shinya's cheek lightly. The drummed shut his eyes, took a deep breath then nodded, "Okay..." he said. Kaoru smiled, poked Shinya's tip of nose then took his glass and finished its content in a shot.

"Come, Shinkun, I drive you home"

Shinya yawned

*

Die looked around nervously and once in few seconds he would covered his face in embarrassement. He couldn't believe it! He couldn't believe it's happening!!! What's he doing when he told Kyo that he didn't mind trying?!

And what's Kyo doing telling Toshiya about it?!!

And what the heck was he doing right now, in Toshiya's room, sitting on his bed, waiting for Totchi?!!!!

"Diekun..."

Came a voice and Die jumped.

(VM would love this...)

Toshiya smiled at him and sat on the bed, in front of him.

"Why are you blushing?" he asked, funnily. Die growled and turned away. Toshiya laughed, "Come on! You said you wanna try! what happened to that?!" he asked, pulling on Die's sleeve. The red head squirmed away, "I'm not even prepared! I was only fooling around about the trying thing..." he mumbled.

Toshiya chuckled and held Die's chin

"What's wrong with trying? Come on..."

Die blinked

Toshiya smiled

"Kiss me..." Toshiya whispered, staring into his eyes. Die parted his lips, in shocked.

"Nani?! Totchi! are you mad?!" Die yelped. Toshiya sighed and rolled his eyes, "Hey! I'm trying to help you see the real world here! Come on!" he pushed.

Die bit his lip, unsure.

Toshiya pouted, "I won't bite..."

Die looked at him in disbelief as Totchi continued, "...Hard" he winked flirtatiously. Die blushed madly and turned away.

"No...no...I'm going in-mmmhh!"

Die's eyes widened as Toshiya's lips met his. He could see the younger one's eyes looking at his. There was something in it...like...encouragement.

The red head gulped, then closed his eyes.

It's okay...

it's Totchi...

...the more reason to worry!!!!

Die gulped

But it's nice...hn...it's just...normal.

Normal kiss, normal feelings? No. Not normal feelings.

This was thrilling.

It's Totchi.

He's kissing Totchi.

The very own Dir en grey no Toshiya...

He's kissing Totchi...

Die suddenly pulled back, woken up.

Toshiya looked at him weirdly.

Die froze

"Are you...okay Die?" Toshiya asked, concernedly.

Die gasped, touching his lips.

"Gomen...Toshiya, I-I can't!" he shut his eyes and opened them again.

"Die?"

"Sorry...but, it's so...weird!" Die tried to explain, "Like...I'm not doing the right thing!" he brushed his hair and covered his now pale face. Toshiya sighed, then touched Die's hand.

"It's okay...Hey, Die" he held the red head's chin up, "It's really okay" he gave an assuring smile. Die smiled back shyly and nodded.

Toshiya sighed again, "Are you okay now?"

Die nodded

*

"I feel very depress..."

There was no reply

Kaoru took a puff of his cigarette. After dropping Shinya, Kaoru decided to stay out. Now he's staring at the sky, with stars and moon. It looked beautiful. But not to him. He was very upset, very old and very depress.

No more Totchi sweet thing...

No more sex machine, no slave, nor purr and kisses.

Kaoru stared at the brightest star

...

Totchi...

Sweet thing

to be continued...