MASK

by nezu

Part 6 ~ hone - ase - namida - ketsueki - kokyuu - shinkei - shunou mo

- "zutazuta" ~

Dedicated to all people who've been SOOOO kind to email me and to VM!!

*hugesya*

He tried. Really, he had. But.....he failed, again.

How was he supposed to get him out of his thoughts, his mind, his soul

if he met him every day, talking with him, being close to him?

He groaned slightly as again his thoughts swirled around one certain

man and let his head hit the table.

One.

Breathe.

Two.

Breathe.

His chest heaved with every breath he took, pushing air into his lungs

nonchalantly.

It felt awkward to him, after his world had just shattered to the

ground.

But, he was alive.

Still breathing in and out, talking, moving, eating, drinking....the

latter more than usual lately.

Ironic, because he didn't even like alcohol but was still drinking it

to keep his mind of him.

It didn't work.

Laughing to himself, more or less sarcastically as he heaved his head from the

table and rested against the chair, crimson-red hair falling like a

waterfall over his back. He rubbed his palms tiredly and gazed at the

Asahi cans spilled over the table.

- If he knows what he can do to me....with just one single

word.... -

But he didn't. God be blessed! Die's lips curved into a sad smile as

he stroked his hair back in place ( or should I say tried to? ^_~; ). He

still thought it was some childish trick, joke or something like that.

- YAMETEYA! You're supposed to be DRUNK now, so STOP thinking already!!

-

Giggling foolishly he somehow managed to stand up and grab his coat

before walking VERY unsteady out of the bar he'd been in and out at the

streets, heading unconsciously in one direction.

Toshiya bit his fingernails.

- 'Did you have FUN tonight?' 'Oh.....sure....' -

What was that supposed to mean? Fun....with whom? When?

Had he been in that club because he'd been waiting for some girl? Could

that be it? Was that why he'd left so suddenly? Because the girl had

arrived and they had left to have.....FUN?

- SHIMATTA! Why am I thinking about him AGAIN? -

Because he loved him, he answered himself mentally. And it nagged on

him that he knew it was unrequited.

Toshiya stretched himself and rubbed his face, yawning. God, he was

tired. After all it had been a harsh day for him. It wasn’t very easy to

hide your emotions if you are with the CAUSE of your feelings for the

whole day! And, to tell the truth, he was sick of it! Sick, sick, sick,

sick, sick!! But he couldn't do anything against it.

Not if he wanted at least to be friends with him.

Which he did.

Sighing, he felt the urge to sigh more and more lately, he moved around

on his bed, curling deeper in the shades of deep blackness.

- Just....shut up....be quiet....for once.... - he thought, as out of

the blue a knock was heard on his door, the visitor not wasting time and

opened the door instantly, not even bothering to wait for an okay from him.

Frightened Toshiya jumped up, watching the visitor with big, chocolate

brown eyes. His mind growing numb.

- Breathe..... just breathe.... -

Left.

Right.

Left.

Stop.

Gazing into the sky.

Absorbing the beautiful stars for the hundredth time.

A little sigh.

Right.

Left.

Left.

Stumble.

Right.

Laughing madly, Die tried to follow the pavement but as drunken as he

was, it wasn't easy. And then he felt something soft.

And warm.

Flesh.

Someone was embracing him.

Steadying him.

A voice, soft and angry at the same time.

He knew this voice.

- Shin-chan? -

Strong arms surrounding him, never letting go of their hold.

No.

It wasn't Shinya.

Shinya was frail, and nearly as big as he.

This person wasn't 'frail' nor big, but strong and short.

Could it be...?

"Kyo-kun?", he asked slurring, his eyes trying to focus.

"Of course it's me! Die, what in hell did you THINK you're doing?

NEE?", the person shot back, slapping him hard across the face to hold him

conscious. "Don't you DARE to let me carry you all the way to your

apartment!"

- Soft voice? Aaaahhh Daisuke.....you're imagining things! -

Die smirked but nodded. "Kaaaaaay..."

He let himself being guided through the night, a silly expression on

his usually handsome face as he followed Kyo like a little dog his

master.

- Dog leads to puppy.....puppy to Shin-chan.... -

"Ya know...."

"Hm?"

"I love him...."

"Ugh...." ( INSIDE HUMAN VOICE!! ^___^; <~~ listening to Unknown

Despair a Lost *sorry, got carried away there....hehe* ;)=

"...."

"NANDESU KA?", his nerves were cracking. Why, oh WHY did it have to be

him who had to deal with a drunken Die? Kyo groaned mentally, rolling

his eyes to heaven.

"....he hates me!"

"Ummm...." *sweatdrop* - Ah, Kami-sama! -

"Shin-chan....why?"

- Exact what I'M thinking! WHY? - Kyo sighed, but turned around to hug

the other man tightly. "He doesn't hate you, you know...."

"He does...", Die answered pouting, but hugging his friend back,

feeling graceful to have a friend like him.

"....."

Silence.

Just the sound of running water could be heard.

Beautiful silence.

Shinya smiled astonished, feeling light, and tilted his head upwards.

Letting streams of cold water pour over his face and wash away all the

bad memory's, thoughts and fears.

He loved the water. Definitely. Why he didn't know.

Maybe because it seemed the liquid could wipe off all bad.

Or maybe it was just because he could relax for once.

Knowing no one would disturb him here. Not even Die.

Die...

- 'I love you' -

Oh sure. From all people.

Shinya reached for the shampoo, poured some of it into his hands and

massaged it into his long hairs.

Girlish.

Frail.

.....

FUCK!

The shampoo bottle dropped to the ground.

Hazelnut eyes glowing angry and lips a thin line, the drummer pushed

his fists against the wall.

- I won't be like him....NEVER....just bear with it you idiot! -

But he wouldn't. Couldn't.

It was impossible.

How he envied him.

Shinya's eyes turned soft.

Strong and masculine build. Seeming cold but utterly kind and emotional

if you'd know him better. Always a joke on his lips.

Jyoodan.

Still...it was one joke too much.

Sighing he bend down, taking the bottle back to it's usual place and

after washing his hairs one more time, stepping out of the shower cubicle.

- One joke.... -

*geeeeez* I was in a STRANGE mood today, nee? ^^; umm....well, I'm a

bit ill, always sneezing....sooo....it's no surprise. ( for me at least,

cause I get all strange if I'm ill ) PLUS I'm actually studying for my

driving exam! Aren't you proud? ^^;; After I failed it last time I'll

make sure to pass it this time! ( hopefully )

quote:

~ bones - sweat - tears - blood - breath - nerves - even brains -

"torn" ~