Room 304, Diety Hall

Author: Yukimi2 yukimi2@yahoo.com

Episode 50: Sayounara, Totchi?

Toshiya packed his items in his large luggages thoroughly. He dragged them all to the walk-in closet and shut the door. Then, he threw himself on his bed from sheer exhaustion.

Ring. Ring.

The phone.

Hoping it wasn’t Morita, the blue head answered it. “Moshi, moshi?”

“Toshiya-chan?”

“EH? Oka-san?”

“What is this I hear about you going to France? Your brother just called me a while ago saying you were staying with him. Toshiya-chan, what is going on? I thought you liked it there despite your father’s protest. Oh, don’t mind your father. He’s a bit dense and quite a stubborn man, but…. Blah, blah, blah, blah………..”

“^^; Oka-san…” Toshiya continued to listen, knowing that his mother would keep talking until there wasn’t anything to say.

“NE, Toshiya-chan. Are you sure about going to France? I mean, it’s so far away….”

“Daijoubou, Oka-san.” Toshiya reassured.

There was a slight pause. “IS this something you really want to do?”

Toshiya stared out the window and watched the falling leaves. “…h-hai. “

“Toshiya-chan…” his mother hesitated. “…if there is something going on over ther, you know you’re always welcome to come home.”

~And be sneered at by my own father?~ Toshiya felt tears well up. “Oka-san, arigatou…”

“IF…if something IS going on, is it so bad that you’re willing to give up college?”

“I…i…I just need to leave for a while.”

“I hope you’re not running away from anything.”

Toshiya gave a fake laugh. “OH, Oka-san! You’re worrying too much. It shouldn’t be a problem, Oni-chan will still watch over me in France. Don’t worry.”

“Oh, alright.” Mrs. Hara sighed. “But you’ll have to call me everyday, understand?!”

“Hai. Hai.”

“Sayounara.”

“Sayounara.” Toshiya slowly hung up. He sadly looked out the window again. It was a beautiful fall scene in full bloom. The same season that he and Kaoru met. He remembered Kaoru’s first dorm party at Die’s. he also remembered Kaoru’s annoyed expression every time he would pester him. Nevertheless, Kaoru always accompanied him everywhere.

~’I hope you’re not running away from anything…’~

~’A lot of things happen in the road of life.’~

~’You got rejected by Harvard?!?!?!’~

~’Listen to your heart.’~

~’….just make the best out of it….’~

Toshiya felt tears flow silently down.

~’….Kaoru, Aishiteru….’~

“Kaoru…” he sobbed. “…doshite?”

The door suddenly opened. Toshiya immediately wiped the tears clean and turned around. All the blood rushed to his cheeks once he saw Kaoru standing there.

“K-kao….”

Kaoru closed the door and faced Toshiya. “T-totchi, did I…. Did I….?”

Toshiya turned back around to stare at the leaves. He hoped Kaoru didn’t notice his crimson cheeks. “What are you talking about, Kaoru?”

“Did I leave with you last night?”

Toshiya clenched his hands into fists. “I…I…”

“What happened last night, Totchi?”

Toshiya felt another wave of tears coming; he quickly tampered down the urge to cry. “Nothing.”

Kaoru blinked. “Nothing?!”

Toshiya gave a fake laugh, but didn’t turn away from the window. “You weren’t feeling well at the ball, so I took you here.”

“…and….?”

Toshiya gave a fake smile and turned around. “You were dreaming such strange things, Kao-kao. Strange, strange things.”

Kaoru’s eyes widened. “….Yume….?”

Toshiya nodded.

Kaoru stared at Toshiya’s eyes, thinking that it must be a joke, but he saw no humor in the roommat’s eyes. He saw…..sincerity? No, sadness. But why?

Toshiya turned back to the window. “after I settled you on your bed, I went to bed. There was no reason to go back to the dance. I was tired myself.”

“….oh…..” ~But the scratch marks?~

“You must’ve fallen a lot during your dream.” Toshiya said quietly, as if reading his mind. “Sounded like you were having fun.”

Before Kaoru could explain anything, the door opened.

“Kaoru-san! Toshiya-san!” Levin burst in.

“Levin! I told you not to barge into other people’s dorms!” Hyde protested.

“Demo! I wanna try my Polaroid and nobody’s in the dorm right now.” Levin whined. He held a brand new Polaroid camera.

“Ano…” Kaoru and Toshiya blinked.

Hyde sighed. “Levin won 3^rd place in the costume contest last night. The prize was that camera.”

“Ne. Ne. I wanna take a picture of you two ^.^!” Levin insisted.

Kaoru and Toshiya stared at each other a moment. “Er…OK…”

“Wai!!!!!!!!!” he held the camera up. “Ichi. Ni. San!”

Click.

Levin pulled out the pic and waved it around. “Kakkoi! Lookie, lookie! The picture turned out good.”

They all stared at it. Kaoru pursed his lip while toshiya paled. The picture did turn out nice. Despite both their stresses, they were both smiling at the spur of the moment….like a happy couple.

“you guys can keep it.” Levin said. “Maa~. Kyo-san should be back by now. Let’s go, Hyde-san.”

Hyde: -_-**; How did I get stuck babysitting?

They both left as quickly as they came.

Toshiya placed the picture on the table.

Kaoru watched the blue head place it there. He felt so many emotions that he couldn’t describe. One thing he knew for sure was a definite feeling of confusion. ~It couldn’t be a dream!~ but then he looked at toshiya’s unaffected state. ~but……..~

“Kao-kao.”

“Hai?” He blinked.

“I….I’m going to be leaving tomorrow.”

“WHAT?”

Toshiya stared at him with sad eyes. “I’m going to France to see my brother.” He half-lied.

“………………..”

“I don’t know how long I’ll be away….”

“WHY!?” Kaoru exclaimed. “Why so sudden?! I don’t’ understand.”

Toshiya smiled. “I need to see my brother, that’s all. I’d rather not talk about it. It’s a personal matter.”

“……….oh………….i see……… can I at least help you with your luggage?”

“Ii desu. I can handle it. I have to leave early morning.”

“To….tochi…” Kaoru whispered. He didn’t know what to say.

Toshiya hugged Kaoru tightly. Kaoru blinked in surprise.

“Kao-kao. You told me to make the best out of everything.”

Kaoru couldn’t understand what Toshiya meant. “To…….”

Toshiya held him tighter, then released him. “Heh. Don’t worry.” He took the Polaroid and handed it to Kaoru. “You keep this with you.”

“But-but you can’t just……I……… There’s no way for you to stay here?”

Toshiya closed his eyes and shook his head. “Remember when Shinya left? He had to do what he had to do. If we were meant to…. I mean, if we’re destined to meet again, we will.”

“Can’t I walk you to the station?”

“You have a morning class, remember? Ii desu, kao-chan.”

“But---“

Toshiya shook his head.

Kaoru pursed his lip. “Don’t you want to go somewhere for dinner? As a farewell present?”

Toshiya shook his head again.

Kaoru suddenly reached out to him, then pulled the younger man into his arms. “Totchi.”

Toshiya was shocked at first, then slowly relaxed. “You were always so sweet….” He whispered.

“Please let me do something for you.”

Toshiya gently pushed him away. “Alright. You can escort me to the station, agreed?”

Kaoru stared at the beautiful blue head. ~Totchi, do you realize how beautiful you are?~ He cupped the pale cheek and ran his thumb over it.

Toshiya felt his cheeks burn, but kaoru didn’t see it. “Kao---?”

Kaoru nodded. “OK. I’ll go to the station with you.”

Toshiya looked at his feet to avoid kaoru’s gaze. He hoped he didn’t just make the worst mistake of his life.

******

Kaoru woke up as early as he could then jumped out of bed. He was ready to change when he noticed Toshiya’s empty bed and the disappearance of his luggages.

~He…he left…~

Kaoru felt an indescribable wave of pain he’d never felt before. It felt as if a dagger struck him in his chest mercilessly, and he bled until no more blood was left. He never thought such pain existed.

He shifted to get out of bed, but stopped once he felt something stabbing his thigh. He stood up and noticed a metal chain on the bed sheets. Kaoru picked it up and examined it. It was Toshiya’s dreamcatcher bracelet that he gave him.

~How did it get here?~ Kaoru wondered. ~As messy as he is, he always put his jewelry in a case. And he wears this everyday, rain or shine…~

Kaoru sighed, then placed the bracelet on the table by the Polaroid.  ~Did he reject my gift too?~ He slowly picked up the picture and stared at it. Toshiya looked so beautiful and enchanting. He wanted to feel the smooth skin and touch that silky blue hair. He wanted the feeling of warmth and comfort only the blue head can give.

Kaoru couldn’t help but stare at those lips. So luscious…. Then his eyes trailed down the jawline, drinking him in.

Kaoru stopped and blinked.

He stared at the slender neck. ~Maybe it’s just dirt on the pic….~ He rubbed the picture, but the spot was still there. ~NO, it’s not dir…it’s a……….!!~

A hickey.

Toshiya’s collar was slightly pushed down in the picture, revealing the deliciously bruised flesh.

Kaoru stared at the picture, then stared at the bracelet, then back at the picture. Toshiya didn’t have his bracelet in the Polaroid…..

Kaoru’s brain started churning, and he began to put the pieces together.

“………holy shit………”

**********

Toshiya stood by the ashtray and smoked his last cigar. It had been a difficult night, and one hell of a morning. He had a hard time sleeping because he continually woke up to steal glances at kaoru. And that morning, he felt terrible for leaving him.

~Kaoru, gomen. But you’re going to make things harder for me.~

Suddenly, a train whizzed by and slowly halted to a stop.

Toshiya stubbed his cigar and picked up his luggage. He took a very deep breath. “Ikimasu…….”

“TOSHIYAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~!!”

Toshiya froze. He slowly turned around to see the purple head standing a few feet away.

“Totchi. I know.”

Toshiya felt the color drain from his face. “S-sou ka?”

“Why? Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t want you to know. You called me Miyabi” Toshiya’s vision blurred as he clutched the luggage handles tighter.

“But I---.”

“—You made love to me with so much passion and care that I didn’t want to destroy it for you. I know you love Miyabi, but you had sex with the wrong person. I was wrong. I should have stopped you from making a mistake, but I let my feelings get in the way. I took from you what should have been given to someone who deserved it.” He looked down at his feet. He couldn’t bear to look at Kaoru.”

Kaoru bit his lip. “Toshiya……”

Toshiya closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling. No, he didn’t want Kaoru to see him this way. Not now….

Suddenly, he felt a warm hand clasp his wrist. He stared at his arm. He saw kaoru’s hands gently clasping the dreamcatcher bracelet on his slender wrist.

“Gomendasai, Totchi. I don’t know what caused me to act so stupid that night. It might’ve been the punch, or I might’ve been sick with a fever; but I know for sure that…. That you’re the one I want.”

Toshiya stared at him.

Kaoru finished hooking the piece of jewelry and looked keeply into Toshiya’s eyes.

Toshiya blushed. ~’Listen to your heart…’~

Before he knew it, he felt soft lips gently pressin on his. He wanted to respond; his body yearned for more of the electrifying hot touches, but something held him back.

~’You’re the one I want.’~

Toshiya’s body stiffened. Kaoru felt it and pulled back. “Totchi?”

Toshiya stared at him as tears flowed down his cheeks. ~You say you want me, but you never said you loved me~

Kaoru searched Toshiya’s face, worried by the sudden stiffness.

The station’s loud speaker: “Last boarding call for Gate B-241!!”

Toshiya gave a sad, sweet smile. “Kaoru….Sayounara.” Without another word, he pushed Kaoru roughly away, picked up his luggage, and ran into the train.

“TOSHIYA!!!!!!!!!!” Kaoru screamed. He couldn’t let him go like this. He couldn’t let him go at all.

Kaoru got up and ran after him as quick as he could; but his movements felt as if he was in slow motion. Every part of his body was heavy, and not quick enough. People turned their heads to stare at him; as well as bump into him. The train whistle blew and the engines began to chug in low, hollow sound. Kaoru lunged forward to reach the door, but a train attendant closed it shut. Kaoru banged the doors as hard as he could; hoping, in his state of insanity, it would break open for him. But it did not. Instead, the train began to move forward. Kaoru tried to run after it, but he was tackled by the station’s security. He struggled and fought. He thought he clawed someone’s eye and broke someone’s nose. It just couldn’t end. Not like that. Not ever.

Yet, he knew in his heart he was gone. Once he saw that the trin is nowhere to be seen, he stopped fighting. No point now. He couldn’t go on anymore. He sank into his knees.

And he cried.

OWARI???

Next~ Episode 51: Totchi, Aishiteru ~ the Epilogue

to be continued~