Behind Closed Doors
The fans were clustered together in groups, talking and laughing, excited and nervous at the same time. They had won the backstage passes at contests on TV or radio or they simply got them by pure luck. Whatever it was, they were here backstage and meeting us exclusively in person. Three security personnel hired by management stood nearby, making sure there’d be no trouble.
The moment they saw us, they let out excited squeals and shrieks, jumping up and down. It had become second nature to us that we barely blinked anymore. In fact, it was a feeling I never tire of. They gathered around, looking for autographs and pictures, chattering excitedly. I scrawled my name on the cover of our CD for a freckled faced girl. I saw Nick with his arm around what looked like a twelve-year-old girl who was in tears. He gave her a hug and a warm smile. Out of all of us, Nick was the one who loved this the most.
My girl said her thanks and skipped over to Brian who was busying himself doing a Donald Duck impression. It was getting old but the kids loved it. I looked around to see if anymore fans were heading my way and that was when I saw her.
She was standing to one side, red hair falling over her left shoulder, in a form fitting cardigan, top and skirt with a slit up the side. She looked older than the fans, one of the sister’s maybe. Whoever she was, I was making my way towards her. I stopped in front of her, taking off my shades coolly. Her blue eyes rested on me just as coolly. Other than Brian’s, I’ve never seen eyes that were blue like the summer skies. Hers were that.
“AJ,” I said.
“Amelia.” She was assessing me, looking me up and down, from my hair to my boots. “Waiting for a friend?” I asked.
“Sister.” She nodded towards the freckled faced girl. I noticed the resemblance. Same red hair. Upon closer inspection, I saw she had faded smattering of freckles across her face. Brian had freckles, too, though not that obvious unless you really peer into his face. Like hers.
“I see. Enjoyed our show?” I said.
“It’s okay. I’m not too impressed.” The icy blues challenged me to say something but I kept my mouth shut. She was intriguing, and I was not going to let her off so easily.
“Five minutes,” one of the security guy called. We have a time limit on this stuff since we don’t want a too late night.
The girls scrambled to get last minute pictures and autographs, running from one guy to the next. “You want an autograph?” I didn’t wait for her answer but signed my name on a leftover napkin from lunch at McDonald’s. I discreetly added a few words.
“Thanks for coming,” I said, handing it to her.
She took it and stuffed it in her pocket. I never had girls turning down my offer. Most often did the asking but I never take up on those who asked. I simply knew which girls to pick and how to tell they were veterans. Amelia was one of those. She barely blinked and was unaffected. The five minutes were up and she left with the sister.
I was alone in thought until Nick came up, holding a fuzzy teddy bear and flowers. I often wondered why they gave flowers. It wasn’t like those things could live for weeks. They were bound to dry up and die somewhere along the road to another location. But Nick enjoyed them, often saving one for his mom if she was on tour.
“You look happy,” I observed.
“Aren’t you?” he countered, adjusting his hold on the bear. “His name id Mr. Gedsundit,” he said of the bear.
I Laughed. “What kind of name is that?”
“The girl said it’s his name.” Nick smiled a little. “Met someone new?” he asked quietly.
Nick knew of my nights with girls. Almost everyone on tour knew, even my mom. But I was death to her yells and lectures already. I was past that age to listen to her and could do well as I pleased. That included my nights with the girls. We were still close. She didn’t push, I didn’t retreat. She was still my mom and my best friend.
“What do you think?”
“You know, one of these days, it’s going to get you into trouble,” he said.
“Who’d believe it? We’re always portrayed as squeaky clean. Fans are gonna say it’s a load of shit and look at what happened to Marissa.”
Nick mulled it over. My ex – Lord knows why I dated her – wrote a tell all book about our relationship together last time. It should have worked and be a bestseller, right? Wrong. Fans hated it and called it crap. Only a handful dug it. Most labeled her the next Samantha. Who’s Samantha? Brian’s ex who did it first. She got plenty of hate from the fans. Brian said she deserved it.
“That’s different, Jay. What she wrote wasn’t that racy or head rolling.”
“Look, Nick, it’s just for fun and for my own satisfaction.” I was beginning to get annoyed. Nick would usually laugh nervously at the mention of my one night stands and egged me on like Howie always did. Tonight he was acting very much like Kevin and Brian, giving me a two minute sermon. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing.” I saw a flicker of something in his eyes then it was gone. “I’m just concern.”
“Since when?” I couldn’t help but be defensive.
“Satisfaction comes from love, J, not one night stands which give you cheap thrills. You’ll brag about it now but you’ll regret it years later,” he said softly.
“At least I have a sex life unlike you who’s still chained to Mandy, a crazy, control freak,” I spat out.
He looked shocked, hurt and angry but said nothing as he stepped away from me like I had just stuck him.
“Nicky…” I began but he had moved back to Brian’s side. Brian happily showed a plush football to him, stretching it and talking. He turned concerned however at Nick’s expression. I turned away not needing this tonight. I admit that was I way out of the line when I said that. I regretted it. But Mandy or Mandah or Willa – why the hell she need so many monikers? – deserved every name I called her and more.
I will apologize. Later. Not now.
I set the bouquet of roses on the bed. One night stands it may be, I always made it a night to remember for them. I got the works. Champagne, music, candles, flowers. It always made them weak kneed. I wasn’t all bad boy but a romantic when the need arises. Like now. I just need a tough guy image for the fans. It gave them more selections to choose from. Country boy Brian, Latin lover Howie, innocent blond Nick, Greek god Kevin. Me? Rebel, wild child AJ McLean.
There was a knock on the door and I hurried to open it. She wore a halter dress. Easier to slip off. I got the thought out of my head. I invited her in. She crossed the room and sat on the bed, picking up the roses. The skit rode high on her thigh. I felt my temperature rose.
“For you,” I said, handing the flowers to her. She sniffed them. I had Mandys, Amys, Sarahs but never an Amelia. It wasn’t a common name. I did had an Isabel once in Quebec. She gave me her number to call whenever we dropped by.
“Thank you.” She paused then kissed me. My senses flew out of my head as I kissed her back. In the instant, I was fumbling with her zip, we ended up on the bed, clothes flying.
“Satisfaction comes from love, not one night stands.”
Nick’s voice echoed through my head. I wanted to badly but I couldn’t. I don’t know why. Maybe it was guilt, common sense, or something but I couldn’t. I sat to one side, leaving her bewildered. She had been expecting it all night but not this.
“I can’t. Sorry.” I exhaled. “You’d better go before your parents look for you.”
I didn’t look back as she got dressed quietly, took the roses and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. “It was nice to know you, AJ,” she said before walking out.
Damnnit! I got dressed. The thought of picking a girl up from a club was appealing but I didn’t want to. Why did Nick had to say that tonight? I wanted to blame him for the ruined night but I couldn’t. He had no idea of the impact of his words.
I passed by his room which he shared with Brian on tour sometimes unless Leighanne comes along. I heard the beeps of video game and laughter. No matter what, Nick always had Brian to run to or Kevin. I spotted Kevin with Kristin and Howie with one of his sisters. Couldn’t remember the name.
I felt a pang. Brian will always have Leigh. Kevin was going to marry Kristin. Howie had family and what women he had relationship with. Nick had Mandy for better or worse. I was the one night stand guy. I sighed and walked back to my room.
For the first time, I wasn’t screwing someone. And it was a feeling I had never felt for a long time.