While flipping around the tube, I came across an event that alights fancy, delight, and jubilation in hundreds of middle schooler's blotchy little faces. The 73rd annual Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee aired on ESPN2 (go fig) on May 31 and June 1. Feeling a little bad for that ugly red-haired schoolgirl inside of me that loved spelling bees, I let her watch it and vicariously revel in the spelling of obsolete words that don't even sound like real words. Glancing at the contestants, one attribute struck me about all of them: they were repugnant, uncomely, ghastly ... they were ugly. Ill-fitting shorts that hung like lampshades on skinny leg posts. Boys with fuzzy upper lips whose voices would randomly raise an octave mid-syllable. Wild and woolly eyebrows. Sickly wan eyes. All were in vogue at the spelling bee. Now my "bashing" is partly jealousy. I'm a word hound myself who wishes she knew what an escritoire is. And while I'm not too pleasing on the eye, I regret that I'm not ugly enough/smart enough to make it to the spelling bee. After watching onward, I learned that most of the participants in the final rounds were home schooled. I set up a little mental scenario in an attempt to explain their grotesque little visages. At an early age, they were removed from social situations, their parents giving them books instead of Barbies, so the young ladies never learned how to brush their hair or coordinate outfits. Pressured by Mom and Dad's insatiable need for their son/daughter to be perfect, their lives became a series of home school lessons, tests, and studying, with no time for a carefree youth. They soon became friends with Melville, Sartre, and Dickenson, omnivorously engulfing novels and rushing to their other friend Webster when they reached a word they didn't know. For most kids at this age, junior high was a training ground/battle field (pick your metaphor) for life. These future spelling bee champs just skipped over it. And in the process, they lost the ability to function in social situations and groom themselves. More ... Pop On Home

What the hell is an escritoire? Some of the words that were featured with definitions. quomodo (Latin), 1. in what manner? 2. in the manner that mulct (verb), 1. to punish by a fine or by depriving of something 2. to extract (money, etc.) from someone, as by fraud or deceit annelid (noun), 1. any of a phylum of worms with a body made of joined segments or rings, as the earthworm, leech, etc. gourami (noun), 1. a food fish of SE Asia that builds a nest cognomen (noun), 1. the third or family name of an ancient Roman 2. any family name; surname; last name 3. any name, esp. a nickname pylon (noun), 1. a gateway 2. any slender, towering structure flanking an entranceway, supporting electric lines, marking a course rebus (noun) 1. a kind of puzzle consisting of pictures of objects, signs, letters, etc. the combination of whose names suggests words or phrases escritoire (noun), 1. a writing desk or table; secretary