Author's Note: More payment fic. This time, angst-filled end-of-MaLoRa AU fic! Almost intentionally over-dramatic. I actually wrote this before finding out the real ending, but had never believed it would end up this way. Like I've said before, I don't think Kinoshita-sensei meant the ending to be a sad one, thus the title of this fic.

how it didn't end

It's been about a month now, and Mayura still doesn't know anything about the man who stays with her and her father.

She does know his name, but names are very little to go on, especially if they're not Japanese. Loki-san doesn't exist according to the Japanese government, doesn't have anything to his name, doesn't have anything at all except the clothes she met him in and his two pets. Possibly he also owns the ruins of a mansion that Mayura can never quite recall seeing in one piece; that is both debateable and inconsequential now.

She knows that he cares for his pets very well, that he likes koucha instead of sencha, that he smiles a lot but always looks sad. She's seen his struggles with arubaito, a necessity since a proper job is hard to land without identification. Yet though she watches she still doesn't understand anything about him, like why he's saddest on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and refuses to speak when it rains.

Her father's impression of Loki-san hasn't changed much since she brought him home one day -- he sees the strange gaijin as a harmless crazy, no real risk but not the most welcome of guests. Lately he's been talking to Mayura about getting him to move out and find a place of his own. Mayura can't help but feel that he wouldn't survive alone. She's not even sure how well he's doing now, when she thinks about the nervous way he swallows his laughter, or how he never knows what to do with his hands.

***

Loki used to wonder what happened to the rest of them, especially Thor -- if he survived, if he now ruled Asgard in his father's stead. By now he has become resigned to the fact that he will never know. If Thor is alive, he has forgotten Loki; if he is dead, then Loki has already mourned for him. He thinks of Thor all the time - how can he do otherwise, when every part-time job recalls his memory? - but doesn't hope to see his friend again.

Still, he can't help scanning the faces of everyone he sees on the streets, just in case.

Midgard is colder now that he faces it, for the first real time, as a mortal. The days tick away like a countdown, even if there is no longer anything to fear about his end, and the touch of mortality lies heavy in his limbs. Still, Loki tries. He keeps himself busy, which isn't hard, and tries not to think about Asgard, which is a little harder. Everything seems to be a reminder.

He had wished, even as he was falling, that he could have had just one chance to speak to Odin properly, one chance to recognise his blood-brother's gaze. Now he only hopes he will see his daughter again, when it is all over. He thinks he will, but as the time passes he becomes less sure.

He has stopped counting the days that he has been here, but doesn't think that he would forget them anyway.

Every night, he talks to Fenrir and Yamino, and wishes they could respond.