Hokay, here I go. “Sometimes When We Touch” is kind of an old song.
Well, I don’t know how old exactly, but I’ve been hearing it since I was a kid.
I mean, I’m only a teenager, okay?! But maybe, it’s been around even before I was born.
Anyway, I really love this song. It’s one of my favorites actually.
And I think that the lyrics would make a really good story.
So, here it is! My very first Hiei and Kurama songfic!
I wanna thank, Tama-chan for constantly nagging me when I get lazy;
I wanna thank Hannah-chan, for patiently sitting through my
barrage of complaints and questions;
and finally to Karen-chan for enduring all that torture (you know what I mean)
and always making sense out of my nonsensical ideas!
Domo arigatou tomodachis! ^_^
Oh, and by the way, if it’s really, absolutely, necessary...
Hiei and Kurama aren’t mine. (Tough luck, huh?)
And all the other YuYu Hakusho characters aren’t either.
I don’t own them, I didn’t own them and I don’t think I ever will own them.
(I’m working on that though.) So don’t sue me coz I really don’t have any money.
And last, but not least, your comments are always welcome.
Just be nice about them, please! ^_^
SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH
You asked me if I loved you
And I choked on my reply
I’d rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
Hiei
Silence.
Darkness.
Faint whispers.
A dim brightness.
I feel a dampness on my forehead. My eyes flutter, opening slightly.
I close them again as I am blinded by the sudden brightness.
Was it dawn already? I open my eyes again.
They focus on a familiar ceiling. No, it wasn’t morning yet.
The brightness came from a cylindrical tube of light above me.
I was lying on a soft mattress. Kurama’s bed.
A damp towel was on my forehead. I thrust it aside and try to rise.
A sharp pain at my side forces me back down. K’so.
That youkai is going to pay. I rise again, eager to hunt down the cursed being
who had challenged my strength and ridiculed my ability.
I have barely stood up when the door opens.
“Hiei!”
It was Kurama.
His appearance seemed ragged and a look of worry was on his features.
On his hands were a basin and several bandages,
which he quickly set aside on a small table near the bed.
“Don’t get up yet!”, he cried, rushing to my side.
His hands swiftly laid me back on his mattress.
I blinked at the bright ceiling. What was all the fuss about?
I propped myself up to a sitting position and watched
the kitsune speculatively.
He was soaking some bandages in the basin and wringing them.
“Your wounds are very serious Hiei,” he said as he gently bandaged my left arm.
“Hn.” I smirked. “So I noticed.”
Kurama chose to ignore my sarcasm.
He probably knows what kind of mood I’m in after losing a battle.
And in a pathetic way at that.
He finished bandaging my arm and turned to soak another bandage.
“Perhaps you should stay here for a while,” he said, with his back to me.
“Just until you’ve sufficiently recovered.”
“What are you, my doctor?”, I murmured to noone in particular.
I knew I was acting like a jerk but I simply could not control my reactions.
My wounded ego had the sudden urge to lash out at someone.
Anyone.
And since there was only one being present, other than myself,
the kitsune was going to have to take the lashing.
“Hiei,” he whispered, sounding exhausted.
Then he stood up and turned to face me.
He walked around the side of the bed until he was directly in front of me.
Kneeling down, he placed his hand gently, almost tentatively on my thigh.
“You have to take a rest,” he said firmly, looking me in the eye.
“You lost a lot of your energy.
Going out there in your present state would be suicide. Do you understand?”
He sounded genuinely concerned.
His face looked worn and his eyes seemed tired.
He must have been tending my wounds the whole night.
That is, if I was only unconscious for one night.
Which reminds me, how long had I been sleeping?
Kurama probably took my silence as a yes for he got up and went to the door.
“I’m going to bring you some food, okay?”, he said as he closed the door behind him.
A cold gust of wind blew through the open window
and the thought of leaving crossed my mind.
I stood up and slowly strode to the window but somehow,
something kept me from going. I reached up and closed it instead.
I walked back to the bed and sat down.
The thought of betraying Kurama’s trust that I would stay bothered me.
But why? Why do I care?
The opening of the door stopped my train of thought.
Kurama smiled as his eyes fell upon me.
Perhaps he was relieved that I had decided to stay.
He pulled a chair towards the bed and sitting on it,
he placed the tray of food he brought with him on his lap.
“Okay, now. Say AH!”, he said as he scooped up some food and brought it to my mouth.
I looked at him as if he had gone mad.
To take care of me was one thing, but feeding me was ridiculous.
“I can eat on my own, kitsune,” I retorted.
He chuckled. What was so funny?
“I know that Hiei,” he grinned.
“But I’m your nurse for the time being and I’m just trying to do my job.”
Perhaps he was trying to amuse me to uplift my mood.
I shrugged and opened my mouth to receive the food he was offering.
I chewed slowly, scrutinizing him.
He was grinning like a fool as if feeding me was the most amusing thing in the world.
We were silent throughout the entire meal.
When I finished my food, he got up and placed the tray on his desk.
Then he went to the window and opened it, allowing the cold night air to enter.
The wind blew his scarlet tresses gently, almost magically around his face.
He remained silent, staring out at the night sky.
I waited for him to speak, to move.
Yet he remained quiet, motionless.
Perhaps he was waiting for me to leave.
So I got up and strode to the window where he was still standing.
“Hiei...”
He turned to me suddenly.
I stopped in my tracks and looked at him.
His eyes were fixed on me.
Glistening emeralds, filled with...
Sadness?
Longing?
I was confused.
A few moments ago, this kitsune was smiling happily, grinning foolishly at me.
And now, the youko seemed as if he was about to cry.
“Hiei, do you ever wonder why—why I always take care of you?”, he asked.
“Don’t you want to know why I’m always worried about you?”
Huh? He always does take care of me.
But I never knew that he was always worried.
“We’ve known each other for so long, haven’t we?
And—and I’ve always wanted to be right by your side in everything that you do.
When you use the Kokuryuhaa, I always fear that you might...”
I knitted my brows. Now, I really am confused.
The kitsune was babbling nonsense.
He must have felt my confusion because he stopped and looked down at the floor.
Then he looked at me again and took a deep breath.
“Hiei...what I’m trying to say is...that...”
“I...”
“I—I...”
“I love you...”
I love you?
He loves me?
“D—do you love me too, Hiei?”
I could feel the fear in his voice.
I knew that he immediately regretted asking me the question.
He had good reason to regret it.
I took another step.
He looked up at me hopefully.
I tore my eyes from his gaze and moved towards the window,
turning my back on him.
“Baka no kitsune.”
“I don’t feel the same.”
“Domo arigato. Sayonara.”
Then I leapt gracefully out the window, embracing the cold night air.
Engulfed by the shadows, I disappear into the darkness.
**********
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do
I’m only just beginning
To see the real you
Kurama
Baka no kitsune.
I don’t feel the same.
Sayonara.
Sayonara...
Sayonara...
The words kept echoing in my mind.
It had been quite some time after he left and I was still standing
in front of my window, staring out at the darkness.
My body had refused to move from where it is.
It seemed as though I had been drained of all my strength.
Or perhaps I had lost the will to act.
Whatever the reason was, my mind couldn’t seem to process it at the time being.
My thoughts seemed hazy, clouded by a sharp, insistent throbbing in my chest.
What was it?
Was it...pain?
Pain.
The acknowledgement of the emotion felt like a sudden blow to my being.
The scenes of the previous moments once again flashed through my mind.
A sudden rush of emotions washed over me like a fierce wave
bringing me to my knees.
I clutched my chest.
I never knew that it could hurt this bad.
“I don’t feel the same.”
He didn’t feel the same.
Hiei didn’t...
Hiei didn’t love me.
Hiei doesn’t love me.
The realization felt like a dagger—no, it felt like a thousand daggers stabbing my heart.
Warm tears began to flow down my cheeks.
I began to sob.
It hurts so much.
I wanted to let it all out.
I wanted to cry until my tears ran out.
I want this pain to go away!
But it didn’t. I couldn’t make it stop.
It kept tearing at my heart, over and over and over...
I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs.
Sobs racked my body and I kept on crying.
I am so pathetic. I thought bitterly.
“Baka no kitsune.” He was right. I am stupid.
I had been around for a thousand years and I hadn’t learned anything.
There I was, pouring out all my emotions, exposing my innermost
thoughts and feelings to a cold, heartless, forbidden child.
I had just humiliated myself in front of a cruel, insensitive koorime.
Imagine, me, an infamous Makai thief, a beautiful silver youko,
rejected by an unwanted little fire demon?
The idea would have seemed preposterous to someone else.
It was an insult, a mockery.
But I simply could not feel anger or hatred for the koorime.
Pathetic or not, that cold, heartless, cruel, insensitive fire demon...
had stolen my heart.
And had broken it as well...
It still hurts.
But I still feel the same.
I wiped my tear-stained cheek.
I was still sniffling but there were no more tears coming out.
So it was possible to run out of tears.
I headed for my bed.
I didn’t know rejection could make a person so weary.
It was as if I had fought a battle with an S-class youkai.
And lost.
Reaching my bed, I lie down and pull the covers up to my chin.
His scent was still on my blanket. And he is still in my heart as well.
I couldn’t blame him.
He couldn’t help but be himself.
He was unwanted, thrown away by people who should have accepted him...
loved him.
Like I do.
He had to build those walls around himself as a fortress
against the cruelty of the world.
He had to become cold to protect himself from the cold, harsh realities of life.
He had to become numb to keep from getting hurt.
He had already been hurt.
Badly.
Yes, he was cold, he was cruel, he was heartless.
And arrogant as well. But...he was...Hiei.
Hiei.
He had still left a dull ache in my heart.
Warm tears begin to flow once more, trickling down my cheeks.
I turn to my side, wrapping the covers tighter around myself.
I feel so empty.
It’s as if all my strength, all my will, all my hope, have all faded away
into nothingness. It feels so cold.
I feel so cold inside. My lids begin to feel heavy
and I allow myself to give in to my weariness.
“Sayonara.” His voice suddenly echoes and my eyes flutter open.
I am gripped with a dread feeling of fear.
I rise and stride towards my window.
He had said goodbye.
I fear that I have lost not only my lover, but my best friend as well.
I gaze at the night sky as if searching for something.
For his shadow, his figure. Anything.
Although, I know that I will not find him.
Hiei.
Please...
Come back.
Come back to me...
To be continued...
(
geocities.com/reikaitantei)