Like we all know...YuYu Hakusho and all these characters aren’t mine.
So don’t sue. It’s just a waste of time, trust me.
So, on with the fic. ^_^ Please send me your comments!
SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you ‘til I die
‘Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you ‘til the fear in me subsides
Hiei
He loves me?
Kurama loves me?
Kurama...
Loves...
Me.
The words didn’t seem to make sense.
Did Kurama really say those words?
I gazed down at the still figure of the lake,
a slight distance from the tree where I currently was,
as if it could give me some answers.
I love you.
No one had ever spoken those words to me before.
I had never expected anyone to do so as well.
Even Kurama. Especially Kurama.
Perhaps I was just imagining things.
Perhaps Kurama said something absolutely different from what I heard.
I was after all, in a weak, disoriented and exhausted state.
My condition could have most possibly affected my sense of hearing.
Or even my sense of comprehension.
Yes, that would probably be it.
I simply misinterpreted everything.
Completely reassured, I lie down on a tree branch and close my eyes.
All the exhaustion from my previous battle
was once again imposing its effects on my body.
I invited sleep for I was weary but an insistent voice
within my consciousness refused to fade away.
“Baka.”
Baka?
Have you the audacity to call me an imbecile?
“Baka.”
Shut up!
“Baka.”
Silence!!!
It stopped. But it had succeeded.
I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the shimmering waters.
Yes, I was a fool. All of it was real.
I had not misheard nor misinterpreted anything.
The scenes had been imprinted clearly in my mind.
And they refuse to go away.
Kurama had indeed uttered those words.
He had exposed his entire being to me,
with the confidence that I would not betray his emotions.
That I would return them.
But I didn’t, did I? No, I had rejected him.
A cold, cruel rejection.
I averted my gaze to the heavens.
I was confused and I did not wish to admit it.
Even to my own self.
Confusion was for weak, sentimental ningens.
A koorime such as myself was not supposed to experience
such disorientation of thought.
Damn that kitsune.
He always manages to disrupt my thinking.
Yet, I was certain that I would go mad if I persisted in blocking out my speculations.
Ultimately, I yield in desperation.
Why did I do it? I finally contemplate on my actions.
Why did I reject him?
I remember saying, “I do not feel the same.”
It was the truth, wasn’t it?
I admit that I had always shared a special bond with the kitsune.
We were comrades in battle, both willingly placing each one’s life
on the line for the other in several, almost countless instances.
And each one had as well entrusted his existence
on the other’s hands in numerous occasions.
We both had great confidence in each other’s strength and ability.
And each of us also held a deep respect and gratitude for the other.
I will not deny that I consider Kurama as my best friend.
Yes, in fact, he is my ally, my confidant.
I believe that he is the only being who has succeeded
to win my complete trust.
He is the only one who has been able to overcome
and tear down some of the barriers that I have built around my being.
Yet, some of the walls are still standing.
I have not yet considered the possibility of becoming
more than allies, more than friends.
In fact, I am not even certain that it is a possibility.
Kurama as my...my...lover?
Kurama...
Kareshi...
Koibito...
Itooshi...
I shake my head, as if to clear my thoughts.
No, it didn’t seem right.
Kurama was my friend.
Nothing more.
I had spoken the truth when I told him that I didn’t feel the same.
It was the right decision.
I had been truthful in rejecting him.
It would have been wrong to let him hope for something more.
I have done the right thing.
Did I?
**********
Kurama
Don’t worry yourself.
Hiei’s going to come back.
I’m sure of it.
He’s going to come back.
He has to come back.
Or I’ll...
I’ll die if he doesn’t.
Ugh! I cannot believe that I could actually be this pathetic.
Me, Shuuichi Minamino, the star student of Meiou High School,
the subject of a hundred school girls’ fantasies,
adored by many, envied by others and possessing
the alternate personality of Youko Kurama,
a beautiful silver kitsune and Legendary Thief of the Makai
could NOT possibly be this pathetic.
But I am aren’t I?
And what’s worse, the reason behind all of it is a
certain insensitive fire demon.
Who also happens to be the most irresistible
and sexiest youkai I’ve ever met.
I couldn’t help smiling a little.
After all he’s put me through,
I still can’t manage to ignore his best features.
Kurama, you ARE a lost cause.
When I told him I loved him, somehow...
I knew that I would regret saying those words.
I admit that I was afraid.
I was afraid that he would reject me.
That he would leave me with nothing.
Not even friendship.
I let out a bitter chuckle.
That’s exactly what he did.
So if I knew what was going to happen, why did I go ahead with it?
Was I really that stupid?
I rested my chin on my palm and sighed. No, I wasn’t stupid.
It was much worse than that.
I was in love.
My emotion gave me the false vision of hope that...
that somehow, Hiei would return my feelings...
that he would tell me he felt the same way...that he loved me.
I was such a fool.
I even had the audacity to think that I could get past the barriers
he had built around himself.
I thought that I had finally succeeded in breaking them down...
that I had melted his stone cold heart...that I was someone special to him...
that I was more than an ally...more than a friend.
I felt warm tears springing to my eyes once more.
I brushed them away angrily. I have GOT to learn to stop crying and NOW.
I knitted my brows in determination. If I don’t... I’ll never stop crying.
I turned away from the window and headed for my bed.
I plopped down on it wearily and stared at the ceiling.
I just had to tell him.
I just had to take the chance when he was standing there right in front of me.
Somehow I couldn’t keep it inside anymore.
All my feelings, all my emotions were building up inside of me, overwhelming me.
I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of my own affection for him.
Wave after wave of emotion came crashing down on me, one after another.
Fear. Anxiety. Sadness. Longing.
That last emotion hit me harder than all the others.
It threatened to submerge me in an abyss that I feared I would never get out of.
It gripped me so intensely that it was even difficult to breathe.
I just had to surface. And so...I blurt it out.
“I love you.” And then my world came crashing down.
I turned sideways and brought the sheets up to my chin,
pulling them tighter around me. I felt cold once again.
Cold and empty. But I am not giving up.
You can hurt me all you want Hiei, but my feelings won’t change.
You can go to whatever world you want to.
You can hide for as long as you like. But I’ll be waiting.
Yes.
I’ll be waiting.
And when you come home...
You’ll find me.
Even if you don’t...
I’ll still be here...
To be continued...
(
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