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On Spiritual Abuse


by Pastor Tom Friedheim



Spiritual abuse is a provocative term, I realize this. I have however found the usage of the term "spiritual abuse" to be both accurate and honest. The church is the body of Messiah—a corporate body of believers in the Son of God, unified under a single Head. It is a living mosaic of disciples who love one another—disciples who demonstrate the authenticity of their faith in both word and deed.

The church is likened to one flock of sheep, with one Shepherd -- a Great Shepherd, who will himself gather the scat¬tered, heal up the broken, and feed the hungry. He will Himself search out the lost sheep, deliver them from the beasts of the field, and bring them back to Himself. The church is a living temple -- made of living stones, all carefully fitted together by the Master Architect.

The church is a corporate assembly—gathered together, united in purpose, gifted and empowered by His Spirit, and knitted together in love. As such, the saints encourage one another, build up one another, care for one another, and help one another—they laugh and cry with one another. In Messiah, the church is a place of refuge, safety, recovery, restoration, encouragement, development, security and rest. It is a place of plenty. All of this and more, is true of the true church.

Sadly, this is often not true of the local church or fellowship. Something is missing—often His love.
Too many among God’s sheep are silently hurting, broken and hungry.
Too often, living stones are left in spiritual ruins.
Too often, souls are knitted together -- but by fear or intimidation rather than by His love.
Too often the promise of spiritual security is dashed against the rocks of reality--manipulation, control, secrecy, deceit, and authoritarian rule.

Doctrines that promise liberty, instead minister bondage -- often to one man. The authority of Messiah is too often obscured by the distorted doctrines of shepherding with its emphasis on delegated authority, submission, obedience, covering, and unquestioning loyalty—again, to a man. A human authority is elevated to the "first place" -- unavoidably usurping the authority of the true Head. Such an elevated leader too easily becomes the measure of all things in his own eyes -- and perhaps more sadly, in the eyes of others.

Any open, probing, or sincere questioning of such a teacher, even among fellow leaders, is squelched. Too often such a person becomes inflated with pride—isolated, untouchable, often uncorrectable, critical, and judgmental—behind closed doors. Of this I have been a witness. Such men govern with severity, carefully and quietly consolidating their authority -- always calculating, always dividing. They deny the Word of God, and impose worldly authoritarian systems of government upon the church of the Living God. In the end, accountability becomes a pretense as authority rests with one man, in direct contradiction to the Word of God.

The result is spiritual abuse—emotionally devastating, and often spiritually crippling, spiritual abuse. This should not be so in the church. For those who have experienced its ravages, there are often few witnesses, and even fewer good options. A system that produces such sheep, doesn’t hesitate to re-victimize those same sheep all over again should they point out the problem, question authority, or worse—should they dare to leave. Slander is common in such cases. Shunning is typical. Spiritual threats accompany the hypocrisy. The flock is left to grope in the dark, confused by the sudden loss of dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

Questions abound, but answers are scarce, evasive, or misleading. Any open discussion is forbidden--discouraged even among elders—the result-- festering wounds. Truth is distorted. It must be. The truth would be too painful to face. The truth would mean changeEnd a loss of credibility, respect, power, and control.

Too often, leaving the local flock becomes tantamount to leaving the body of Christ. Friendships, now tested by fire, reveal their true fiber, or lack thereof. Love is often terminated -- demonstrating that it was conditional. Truth no longer matters either. The end result is a sort of religious insanity -- a blind, inflated, and abusive power-posturing. The church now becomes the instrument of suffering rather than the ministry of His healing love. The church now devours her own members—while outwardly projecting love, joy, and peace.

The Messiah renounced such hypocrisy. He opposed abusive authoritarian shepherds. He holds leaders accountable. He set the captives free and opened the prison to those who are bound. Some defied the threats of the leadership and chose His freedom -- such sheep experienced both the power and joy of the King¬dom, and the fiery testing that accompanies the faith. Others elected to blindly follow the leadership of the day—crucifying the Lord of Glory.

In one of the most sobering verses of scripture, Jesus told those listening to weep for themselves. As they watched Him carry that cross to His death that ter¬rible day, I don’t believe they understood, or realized what they had done.

I have personally witnessed and experienced the ravages of spiritual abuse. It is an experience I will never be able to put into words. I will never be the same. Today, I thank God for teaching me as He has. I would never have chosen such a road myself, but I am better off today for the experience.

I have asked the Lord to forgive those who have caused me (and my family) such pain. I believe many of them don’t know what they’ve done. Over time, and through many tears, I have experienced His healing hand on my spirit. He has re¬stored my soul. In rejection, I found His unconditional love. When my name was shamed with false accusations, I found fellowship in His cross. When the truth was covered up and then distorted, I clung to Him who is Truth—and the Judge of men’s hearts. He allowed my strength to be broken and crushed.

Now I serve His sheep with understanding and a renewed hope -- strengthened by His Spirit. Others I know and fellowship with are experiencing the same heal¬ing ministry of His Spirit. God is doing a new thing -- a work overflowing with His grace. It has changed everything. We are witnesses of this -- and are filled with thanksgiving and awe.

We pray that His Spirit will minister this same hope, strength, and peace to you. Be encouraged if you are suffering for His name sake; you are not suffering in vain. Together, we pray that you enter into His rest, even in the midst of the fiery trials. We pray that you find His rich green pastures, and His living waters. You will, if you follow the Great Shepherd`s voice. I pray that you would have both the courage and the strength to endure the trials that come with standing in His liberty; the cost is often very high.

You see, truth matters. The Great Shepherd knows and understands your heart, your fears, and your hopes. He is mighty to deliver. The Word of God says so. I believe it and have experienced it. Perhaps it`s your turn. You can trust Him. He loves you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

He will never leave you or forsake you




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New Gloucester, Maine 04260
207 926-3757



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