The Vicious Fishes Head East December, 1996

by Kim Sproul

Date: Saturday, December 14, 1996.
Destination: Jacksonville, FL to the Reptilian Pavilion for a game against the Lizard Kings.

Stay up too late Friday night to listen to the Birmingham game.

Oversleep! Thank the "alarm cat" for waking me up.

Lock myself out of the house with the car keys inside.

Pray I left the car unlocked. I did.

Get the spare house key out of the car.

Discover that the spare house key isn't a key to my house.

Pray some more. Eventuall)' find the right key.

Stop for a caffeine fix and discover it's cheaper to buy a 2 liter coke than a pint coke.

Master the intricacies of driving while drinking out of a 2 liter bottle.

Arrive in Jax way too early. You mean I could have slept in some more?

Search for a pay phone with the phone book still intact. Find other Fin-Atics instead.

Try to find lunch. Wonder if they import their water from Biloxi or are they both really that bad.

Decide to go to the mall. Decide we're not that crazy. Finally succeed.

Take a scenic tour of Jacksonville.

Find a billboard that reads "Who's the father? Call 1-800-DNA-TEST." Call me old fashioned, but that's one question I would like to be able to answer with all certainty without any medical assistance.

Find another billboard featuring a giant jock strap. Jacksonville is such a classy place!

Arrive at the Sports Complex and ponder the necessity of someone to direct traffic in the parking lot. There were more employees than cars.

Wonder where the crowd is.

Steal Kelley's shoe laces to hang the sign. Ian obviously didn't warn you.

Watch the team come out.

Appreciate what sick and tired really means.

Suffer flashbacks of sleeping on a bus.

Discuss the logistics of driving the healthy players home ourselves and leaving the sick ones to the bus.

Just for fun try to count the number of people in the "crowd." Give up.

Look for the Booster table.

Find Nagy instead.

Suffer flashbacks of sleeping on a bus in a truck stop.

Look for Booster table again. Get sidetracked by a LK fan. Eventually find out she is a member of the Booster club.

Get a personal escort to the Booster table. You might not find it without one.

Get back to our seats just in time to see Jason score a goal and not even realize it.

Lose the game. Take some verbal abuse. Remember why I hate going to Jacksonville.